![]() 08/01/2020 at 20:39 • Filed to: None | ![]() | ![]() |
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
Of course, it becomes much more pointed later on. But it is fun.
![]() 08/01/2020 at 20:52 |
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And I thought the FP was ad infested and had poor formatting.
![]() 08/01/2020 at 20:56 |
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article text
It seems some Americans are confused about President Donald Trump’s
extremely strong and very powerful national response to the coronavirus
pandemic.
That confusion is understandable, as many Americans are not used to
having a president who, by his own expert account, has “a very, very
large brain” and also has “the best words.” It’s not President Trump’s
fault you’re confused. It’s your fault.
So allow me to catch you up on how the most successful president in
American history has single-handedly tackled COVID-19 and, in the
process, saved many, many lives.
Here we go. Try to keep up.
The coronavirus is nothing to worry about, will likely be gone by April
(anyone who says April was last month is a FAKE CALENDARIST!) and the
virus is also a Democratic hoax, and a plague.
The number of deaths from the virus are being overblown by Trump-hating
death counters, and also more than 90,000 people have died, which is a
great success. If the president had done nothing, millions would have
died from this nothing-to-worry-about virus. Also, the dead are only a
small percentage of the population and it was their fault (the dying, I
mean) because they were unhealthy, so they don’t really count and
technically the COVID-19 death toll is zero. But we salute them — the
hardly any — for being warriors in the great fight against this horribly
overblown hoax-plague that could’ve killed millions were it not for
President Trump’s great leadership.
What’s important now is that Americans come together and TRANSITION TO
GREATNESS by closely adhering to the federal guidelines established by
the coronavirus task force. Americans also need to REOPEN OUR COUNTRY
immediately and completely disregard the aforementioned federal
guidelines.
Everything’s fine, life can return to normal, and also President Trump
has launched an initiative called Operation Warp Speed that will create a
coronavirus vaccine in record time, because everything’s fine but a
vaccine is crucial, but also not crucial. As the president said while
announcing Operation Warp Speed: “We think we are going to have a
vaccine in the pretty near future, and if we do, we are going to really
be a big step ahead and if we don’t, we are going to be like so many
other cases where you had a problem come in, it’ll go away at some
point, it’ll go away.”
So the vaccine, which we’re traveling at warp speed to create, is vitally important and also no big deal because this coronavirus plague — which is nothing to worry about — will simply go away at some point.
Also important and simultaneously not important is testing. While other
countries started widespread testing almost immediately, President
Trump made the smart choice of not doing that. What’s the point of
testing when you don’t already have thousands of deaths demonstrating
the need for testing? Swift, widespread testing would have shown a large
number of coronavirus cases in America, which would have made the
president look bad, and the last thing Americans want during a pandemic
is to have their president look bad.
So he patiently waited, and now America has ramped up its testing and
the president has boasted about how amazing his administration has been
at testing, while also pointing out how testing is dumb (probably
Obama’s idea) and causes more people to get the virus: “Don’t forget, we
have more cases than anybody in the world. But why? Because we do more
testing. When you test, you have a case. When you test, you find
something is wrong with people. If we didn’t do any testing, we would
have very few cases.”
Make sense? It’s understandable if it takes you a minute. It’s not easy keeping pace with someone who has a very, very large brain.
What’s truly remarkable about President Trump’s flawless response is
how he has managed it while people tried to blame him for the
aforementioned very small number of 90,000 deaths. Only a godless
liberal would waste time casting blame in the middle of a national
not-a-big-deal crisis.
Also, the Obama administration is to blame and Democratic governors are
to blame and the people getting sick are to blame and the so-called
infectious disease experts who keep saying the nation needs a
coordinated federal response are to blame and the media are to blame and
hospitals are to blame and China is to blame, though they must have
hacked Trump’s Twitter account on Jan. 24 and posted this tweet: “China
has been working very hard to contain the Coronavirus. The United States
greatly appreciates their efforts and transparency. It will all work
out well. In particular, on behalf of the American People, I want to
thank President Xi!”
Monsters.
Lastly, as President Trump has demonstrated by not wearing a mask, you
should always wear a mask while around others. It’s just the right thing
to do. Or not do.
Now get out there! Everything makes sense. Everything’s perfect. And anything that’s not perfect you’re wrong about.
Enjoy your transition to greatness! (Unless you die, in which case it’s your fault for transitioning to greatness wrong.)
![]() 08/01/2020 at 20:56 |
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Current trends suggest social security will now be solvent well after 2050.
![]() 08/01/2020 at 23:12 |
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you are doing good and useful work, please don’t let GM offer you an unpaid internship and ruin it! (translated: thanks for the text post!)
![]() 08/02/2020 at 07:30 |
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Be careful posting this kind of stuff, apparently the reality that POTUS is a moron is triggering to our “conservative” brethren.
![]() 08/04/2020 at 17:24 |
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I like it when I complain in this space about opening schools and the Trumpier among us parrot what the CDC says when POTUS himself is vocal about CDC being incompetent.
![]() 08/05/2020 at 08:00 |
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I believe that reasonable minds can disagree on policy issues like whether or not Universal Basic Income is a good idea (I’m all for it, even though as a working stiff it’s definitely going to cost me money ) or if we should be spending eleventeen trillion dollars on the military every year.
What I will not sit still for is ignoring science and peer reviewed research , which is exactly what the GOP has been doing for the last 30-40 years.
![]() 08/05/2020 at 12:08 |
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My complaints about the current administration are only policy-based to a small fraction. Even saying that, I think that the Republicans have squandered a once in a century opportunity to actually do constructive things that go along with their supposed values. Wasted opportunity.