Political humour (but not the sort that's likely to cause ructions)

"Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen" (distraxi) 07/23/2020 at 18:40 • Filed to: Political shit post

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Just like the US, New Zealand is in the run-up to an election. But unlike you guys, ours is going to be totally non-controversial. The current government has handled Covid pretty well, and provided we don’t have another wave and go back into lockdown before election day, they’re going to benefit from a “wartime bump”. Meantime the opposition party is on their 3rd leader in three months. The big question isn’t going to be “will the incumbents win?”, but “how big a landslide is it going to be and which opposition politicians will lose their jobs?”

So rather than paying any attention to electioneering, instead we’re having political silly season, which is normally a summer recess game. This year, the game of choice is “which politician can’t keep it in their pants?”. Even the media are now realising this is getting ridiculous: the article I’m pointing y’all at is on a serious newspaper’s website, not a local version of The Onion.

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BaconSandwich is tasty. > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 07/23/2020 at 18:52

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New Zealand sounds like a really interesting place. I'd like to think that I'd consider living there at some point in my life. 

jminer > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 07/23/2020 at 18:56

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This seems like fun compared to the thunderdome we’re all living in over in the US.

[jminer googles how to immigrate to New Zealand]

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 07/23/2020 at 19:16

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Puts a whole new perspective on the idea of rooting for a politician, doesn't it?

ranwhenparked > jminer 07/23/2020 at 19:16

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Its fairly hard under normal circumstances, and COVID hasn’t made it easier. 

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > jminer 07/23/2020 at 19:21

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Somebody’s got to provide the rest of the world with light entertainment when the big-budget shows get too heavy. This sounds like a job for Hobbits.

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jminer and half the rest of the world - hits on Immigration NZ’s website have been through the roof for the last few months. Unfortunately, the answer is “you can’t”. We’ve only currently got quarantine capacity for about 3000 people a week, and the queue of Kiwis wanti ng to come home will keep that busy for the foresee abl e future. We’re basically closed to visitors. Unless of course you’re rich, famous, or in the movie industry.

Personally, I think we should be setting up a massive profit-making quaranti ne business, and selling “come here and remote work covid free as long as you pay taxes while you’re here ” visas. But what do I know.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 07/23/2020 at 19:24

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everything would be better if elections were only 3 months long. 

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas 07/23/2020 at 19:39

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They pretty much are here, if not less: 3 months is the maximum period during which parties are allowed to spend electoral funding so you don’t get a lot of advertising earlier , and parliament only breaks 6 weeks before the e le c tion so politicians aren’t into it full time till that point. Admittedly, it’s much simpler when you have a population of 12, but you guys take all the democratic pomp and circumstance WAAAAY too seriously. Just pick some candidates, let them make a sp eech or two, then go vote already.

jminer > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 07/23/2020 at 19:54

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I believe Bermuda announced a program for that recently, it’s definitely a tempting daydream.

All the smart countries aren’t letting us in right now, and I can’t blame them one bit.

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > jminer 07/23/2020 at 20:11

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Was it them or Barbados? One of the C aribbean Islands, certainly. Shit, I’d be there with bells on, and I live in a covid-free paradise already.

jminer > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 07/23/2020 at 20:22

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Definitely could have been Barbados, I’d rather head to the mountains with less people but it’s tempting to move for sure.

SiennaMan > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 07/23/2020 at 20:40

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 If only there were a straightforward way to switch it to what you describe.  Here we'd probably have to have electioneering police in every county with a cattle prod to enforce a 6 week limit on election season..

SiennaMan > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 07/23/2020 at 20:43

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I clicked on one of the other story links and it was about a British couple who described the prospect of being sent back to the UK as “like lambs to slaughter” because of corona. Meanwhile the UK is like a disease free paradise compared to where I am and we’re middle of the pack as US states go.. oye

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > SiennaMan 07/23/2020 at 20:53

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The driver would be electoral finance reform. The limits to political donations here are really small, the population’s small enough that the “2 degrees of separation” effect means it’s hard to hide behind-the-scenes shenanigans, and the public *really* don’t like the smell of political corruption, so it’s hard for parties to bulk it up through back channels. However there’s a sizeable pot of state-supplied electoral funding, which provides the lions share o f parties’ spend. Which gives the Electoral Commission a lot of ability to call the shots re when the game starts and what the ground rules are*.

Never gonna happen for you guys though. Too many vested interests, too much history of “throwing money around = free speech”, and the idea of a politically neutral civil service to oversee things left the building a long time ago.

Ah well, at least the rest of us get to bring popcorn.

*Not that that’s a perfect system - by the time you scale it down to city level, budgets for municipal elections are so small the candidates can’t get their message out, so the public are basically voting blind.

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > SiennaMan 07/23/2020 at 21:01

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I t’s quite surreal living in a place where life is basically back to normal and watching the rest of the world turn to shit, while wa iting for the wave to break ove r us again. It’s like livi ng in a bad horror movie. Except that America  is not the country I expecte d to be cast as the blonde chick who wanders around alone in her underwear .

SiennaMan > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 07/23/2020 at 21:01

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Yeah, I can see where a smaller size would help a lot in addition to things like more of a professional civil service, etc.

Here, if I were insane enough to want to run for president I’d have to start campaigning now to have a shot in 2040 when I’m in my 60s.  I can't stand how much of it we have to hear..

(realistically, if I go off the deep end I’m much more likely to go harmlessly wonder rural Canada in an old minivan..)

SiennaMan > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 07/23/2020 at 21:04

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 We're certainly playing against type there.  I'd think our normal type would be the clueless muscle bound athlete who struggles to think clearly, except with the twist of having occasional violent tendencies..

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > SiennaMan 07/23/2020 at 21:05

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I honestly think NZ has one of the best functioning democracies in the world. But I also think we can’t claim a lot of credit for that: being tiny and affluent   makes most of the problems other countries face go away .

DipodomysDeserti > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 07/23/2020 at 23:14

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I’m in the hottest of hot regions (both temperature and disease wise)  and waiting for takeout right now. Just picked up some ice cream and chips and salsa from the store. Just finished up a 3k+ mile roadtrip around the western US. Things are different, but not apocalyptic.

People are hysterical, especially Europeans.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 07/23/2020 at 23:44

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Where as we are fucked

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > DipodomysDeserti 07/23/2020 at 23:51

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It’s really hard to get a good perspective from this distance, with the situation on the ground here being so different from everywhere else .

If you believed the media you’d just sho ot yourself right now, but we all know doom gets clicks, so that means nothing.

On the one hand, I talk to friends in the UK and all of them knows lots of people who’ve had it, several of them have had it themse lves and had varying levels of miserable experience, and a few have lost friends or family. I tal k to medical friends here about their medical friends in Australia, UK, US, and Europe, who are pretty much all burning out, depressed, and afraid for themselves and that they might infect loved o ne s (though its worth noting that immigrant medics tend to wind up in the biggest and already-most-overloaded hospitals, so it’s not exactly a rand om sample ) . I talk to custo me rs’ staff in our developing world markets, some of whom are in places where there literally *are* bodies in the streets. I see all the gloom and depression here and in other social forums. A nd I conclude its pretty ugly in places out there .

On the other hand, I do the math and conclude that even when NYC was at its peak less than 1 in 1000 people had it at any given time and it’s a hell of a lot less than that most places, and I know that for most of those who get it it’s no big deal and for most of those who don’t make it they weren’t long for this world anyway. I see regions opening up and regions that never closed and although infections are rising it’s not like they’re all having the full Italian experience . I see most of Opp just doing Oppo shit. A nd I think “ ferchrissakes world, chill a little” .

On the third hand, I do the * other* math and see that several coun tries’ overall YTD death counts are up 10% plus on last year. And I think that regardless of who counts what to Covid and how many of them are compromised oldies who would have died soon regardless , that’s an awful lot of extra dead folks.

On the fourth hand, I look at your “people are hysterical” comment and think about ho w when we went into lockdown here, pe ople just quietly nodded their heads, went home, stayed indoors for 5 weeks, and knocked it on the head. T hen came out, got on with their lives and did their best to make sure the local businesses they cared about survived. And I think “yes, but there’s a lot of different types of hysterical going on out there at the moment ”.

On the fifth hand, I realise that o nc e you get to five hands you’ve got bigger problems :-)

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > pip bip - choose Corrour 07/23/2020 at 23:56

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Australia’s that group of kids who do the sens ible thing, stick together, look round corners before walking round them...  then run around screaming when the zombie pops out of the floor in the middle of them, instead of just clobbering it with a chair.