In Our Darkest Hour, A Wild Suzuki Swift Appears

"Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available" (whoistheleader2) 11/07/2020 at 21:20 • Filed to: Dots

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This should be my first post on Drive Tribe besides the experimental one. I will still stick to Kinja till the bitter end.

Even as the Kinjaverse descends into chaos, a suspiciously well preserved Suzuki Swift is fighting for us from the shadows. I spotted this enigmatic relic on campus last night.

This obscure rebadge of the Geo Metro seems to be in far better condition than it has any right to be. Just a little fading of the clearcoat on the roof and hood with a little clouding of the plastic headlight lenses and some sun worn plastics are the only signs of age besides the lone missing hubcap. Most of these didn’t look this good after even 10 years so how this less valuable Suzuki badged one escaped is a mystery.

I desperately wanted to rub some Armorall on that bumper. It deserves better. Though as you can see, there is no visible rust to speak of and the body itself appears to be suspiciously free of parking dings.

Sorry for the crappy exposure on this picture. Sure, it’s a cheap and pretty crappy FWD econobox from 25 years ago but it at least does it while being visually distinct. I liked the way the rear pinches in above the rear wheel though I always though these were begging for a partially skirted rear wheel like many French front drivers from around this time.

As you can see, this is no Geo. It’s the much less common Suzuki Swift. One of the more obscure econoboxes of the 90s. I always laugh at just how cheaply these were built. They didn’t even include a rear wiper!

It seems to belong to a professor here judging by the ‘ educator’ license plate despite being parked in the frat district. This car is so uncool it is cool again but only to people who lived through when they were common sights on the road. There is a bright teal Geo Metro still doing delivery duty in my hometown so they sure are durable and frugal machines.

It’s always funny to see just how small these are by modern standards. Look at how that black Ford Escape towers over it in the background!

Anyways, I wanted to get in a few more high quality DOTS posts here before heading over to Drive Tribe. I should also do a roundup of the best DOTS I ever posted here before Kinja dies because this is the only place many of those pictures exist right now. That should keep me busy for the next few days.

Did any of you kooks ever own one of these? I’m sure there are quite a few Swift alumni here.

SiennaMan > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/07/2020 at 21:31

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Back in those days I drove a Dodge Omni, and that looked like a Pontiac it was so much wider than the Metro/Swift. Seem to remember the Omni being a bit taller too.

It’s amazing to see one that clean this many years later.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/07/2020 at 21:35

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I had the sedan version of that as a Geo Metro. It was a good little car.

Three years ago I saw an almost new looking Hyundai Excel and I still think about it sometimes. It’s one of those cars that you assume are just all gone by now, and there was one just parked on the street looking like it was barely five years old

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > SiennaMan 11/07/2020 at 21:43

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The hatches are absolutely tiny but when you really start to see how narrow they are are the sedans. There’s a white Metro sedan running around my town that I’ve never been able to get a good photo of. Even compared to cars of their time they are very small. Never actually seen an Omni on the road. Or anywhere else for that matter. So I don’t know how they stack up.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/07/2020 at 21:45

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There is a white sedan version of the Metro running around my town I’ve never managed to get a good photo of. It’s in about as good condition as this Swift and its presence always confuses me. It’s shocking just how narrow these cars are.

Wow, that Hyundai Excel exists! How on earth. . . . . . 

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/07/2020 at 21:45

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I mean, * technically* the Geo Metro is a rebadged Suzuki Swift... But it’s a cheap hypermile dream in need of serious cosmetic rehab either way.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 11/07/2020 at 21:49

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Serious cosmetic rehab? A good clean, a few gallons of Armorall, and a replacement hubcap would do wonders.

Yes, it’s a cheap hypermiler’s dream which is why it is confusing how well this one was preserved. You won’t find many cars its age without similar clearcoat issues or more commonly much worse.

SiennaMan > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/07/2020 at 21:58

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Similar shape to an early VW Golf, but I think a bit taller and longer maybe. The Metro always stood out when I saw them back in the mid 90s as the only cars on the road that were quite noticeably smaller.

I'm not surprised to see a few Metro/Swift survivors,  those mid 90s ones are good for 50 mpg if you're brave enough to take it on the highway..

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/07/2020 at 22:02

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I consider a wash and wax hard work (yes, I’m One Of Them), what you described sounds like a serious cosmetic rehab to me ;P

(I am 95% sure most of Oppo would gasp in horror if they saw the condition of our 2018 F150, even taking into account that it is a real, actual, working farm truck... On the other hand it has the best brakes, tires, filters and oil I can afford to put on/in it )

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 11/07/2020 at 22:02

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Technically the Geo Metro is a rebadged SUZUKI CULTUS, they just called it the Swift over here because Cultus was too good for North America :P

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/07/2020 at 22:03

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There’s somebody around here that has a near mint late-’ 80s Hyundai Pony....I have NO idea how that is even physically possible, but I desperately want to meet them and buy it...

fhrblig > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/07/2020 at 22:06

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I had a couple of its granddaddy, the Chevy Sprint. Those little squirts have all but disappeared, unfortunately.

shop-teacher > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 11/07/2020 at 22:11

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Right there with you.

shop-teacher > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/07/2020 at 22:12

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I want it! Gib to  me!

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars 11/07/2020 at 22:15

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That’s extremely impressive but also confusing. And in the land of rust even! 

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars 11/07/2020 at 22:16

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I mean who doesn’t want to be in a cult of their car? I mean, besides Versa drivers.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 11/07/2020 at 22:18

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Farm trucks go by a different set of rules. A real hardworking vehicle this is not. It is an old econobox that drives to and from places on paved streets and would not be noticeably dirtier than prior most days.

Then you must consider this one to be in fine shape then. There isn’t much it really needs on the exterior.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > SiennaMan 11/07/2020 at 22:23

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There are very few cars you could immediately point out as being smaller than a Metro, even the sedan version which arguable is visually smaller than the two door hatches. Those things are tiny.

Yes, they have a niche following based on their extreme efficiency. It’s rare to see one so well though. 

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > fhrblig 11/07/2020 at 22:23

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Indeed. Somehow the Metro retains a niche following but very few 20-30 year old crap cans can claim the same. 

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > shop-teacher 11/07/2020 at 22:24

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Come by and collect your one (1) fabulous prize anytime during our normal office hours.

Forrest > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/07/2020 at 22:26

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Yeah, before the advent of cheap prii and good electric cars, I used to be interested in these for fuel-saving purposes.

I believe the Metro was available in 3cyl and 4cyl versions. But, I think this generation of Swift only came in the 4cyl .

I think the “hypermiler’s special” version is the Metro XFI, which has the 3cyl with an extra-not-aggressive cam.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/07/2020 at 22:28

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O h yeah, I’d drive it just like that. maybe hit the bumpers with some Back to Black or something, just ‘cuz grey and red don’t go well together in my op inion. I would call an Econobox a working car though. I mean it’s not like anyone is going to pamper a cheap POS like that, unless they are a hardcore hypermiler... but then they’re going to put a cam-tail/boat- tail and spats on it anyway.

or maybe go really crazy...

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 11/07/2020 at 22:32

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Though this one clearly led an easier life than most. Gray and red doesn’t work well but red and black does. It needs little else.

Though I actually haven’t seen a hypermiler modded one.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars 11/07/2020 at 22:32

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I thought they called it the Swift in other markets back then as well... I stand corrected.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Forrest 11/07/2020 at 22:34

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So this Swift is much more swift than the hypermiler’s dream Metro. Badumchi. 

shop-teacher > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/07/2020 at 22:49

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I'm on the way!

Nom De Plume > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 11/07/2020 at 22:50

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I wanted to say Farm truck was explanatory enough but I don’t think too many here quite grasp the realities of hard brutish life on a farm.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Nom De Plume 11/07/2020 at 22:58

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We literally cart sheep around in the rear seating area (with the seats folded). It handily contains one adult ram with enough room to be comfortable, but not enough to get out of control. Last week, as winter is coming, we hosed off the floor (no carpet, just rubber) and vacuumed the sheep turds out of the rear door pockets and cup holders. I’ve personally only hit it with the tractor twice... wife’s hit it with the tractor twice too, guy at the feed store dinged it with the forklift once. The computer keeps track of towing miles and we’ve put a bit over a 1/4, not quite 1/ 3 rd of the 50K miles on it towing a trailer of between 2.5 to 4 tons. Don’t get me started on driving through fence rows and hauling a literal ton of manure in the bed. I have to say I LOVE the aluminum body panels because I don’t have to worry about all the little scratches and dings starting to rust. Good job Ford.

Nom De Plume > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 11/08/2020 at 05:13

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How are you two holding up in the new economy free of farmer’s markets and craft fairs?

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/08/2020 at 07:26

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For sure! It boggles my mind!

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Nom De Plume 11/08/2020 at 09:24

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We’re doing great (financially) . Best retail sales year we’ve ever had. Online/direct sales are way up, travel and bo oth space ex penses are down. Both meat and wool/yarn are selling very well. Mrs. BoostAddict is having a hard time keeping up with the demand for custom dyed yarn and pre-assembled knitting kits. We’ve extended our wholesale reach signif icantly on both fronts as well. I mean, this is where we should be according to our most optimistic b usiness growth plan. We have a strong local food market in our area, and the national production shortages have made it even stronger, as well as the retailers who’ve picked up our meat now realize our lamb actually *is* better than the stuff they were selling before, not really a pandemic effect, but we had trouble getting our feet in the door while regular supply chains were in tact. Yarn has been the real winner, which I suppose shouldn't be a huge surprise... Bored people quarantined at home need something to keep them occupied and knitting is not only a boredom breaker but a money saver for gifts and fancy outerwear and accessories. 

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 11/08/2020 at 10:08

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It's good to hear that the pandemic hasn't completely decimated small farms. Economic recessions usually have the opposite effect. 

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars 11/08/2020 at 10:08

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Yes but why would you want a mint Hyundai Pony?

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > shop-teacher 11/08/2020 at 10:09

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Oh, you should know our office hours are 1:00 to 1:15 in the first Sunday of every month. 

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/08/2020 at 10:17

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Being part of the right market is key. Dairy is a fucking suicide shitshow right now, even discounting the recession. Competing against the giant, subsidized midwestern corporate farms (rant on hold) on commodities is also a loosing battle... Specialty, local, and scarcity are your friends .

shop-teacher > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/08/2020 at 10:18

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I can work with that.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > shop-teacher 11/08/2020 at 10:21

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Office hours are by appointment only. Appointments can be made at

https://oppositelock.kinja.com/123232423

shop-teacher > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/08/2020 at 10:22

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Ouch.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > shop-teacher 11/08/2020 at 10:24

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The appointment process is supposed to painless. Clearly something has gone wrong. This system will self destruct in 8 days.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 11/08/2020 at 10:29

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Definitely. Knowing where it is worth your while to compete is vital. Because you can’t compete with the corporate farms on margin for the staples but you can combine quality and novelty in a way they can’t . I think the pre-assembled knitting kits are a genius idea too. Hope things continue to go well for you.

It handily contains one adult ram wit h enough room to be comfortable, but not enough to get out of control.

Maybe it can fit an ordinary Ram but what about a TR(e)X?

shop-teacher > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/08/2020 at 10:29

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Le sigh 

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > shop-teacher 11/08/2020 at 10:32

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Le Car. . .

. . . c ould be a suitable alternative

https://greenville.craigslist.org/cto/d/boiling-springs-renault-cup-race-car/7221165406.html

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/08/2020 at 10:35

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required response:

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 11/08/2020 at 10:41

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When people brag about having used their truck to yank a tree out of the ground and you show up with an entire ram in the back seat. And that ram just ate a whale that ate a bale of horses that is as big as a house.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 11/08/2020 at 11:23

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Why would I want a Fiat 126 or a Piaggio Ape TM which are arguably terrible, if not even worse than the Hyundai in terms of basicness and impracticality? :P

The Pony can fit more people, would be more comfortable, would be faster, and would be more refined than both of those two! :P

Nom De Plume > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 11/08/2020 at 12:09

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Good to hear. You’ve been noticeably absent for long stretches and now it makes perfect sense.