The Nissan Versa, the completely unbiased Oppositelock review

"E90M3" (e90m3) 05/02/2019 at 11:30 • Filed to: E90M3 Rents, Nissan Versa Trash Can

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!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , big time. This time I was not spared the horror of having a Nissan, no, after 2 years of not having the misfortune of driving a Nissan, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . I abhorred the last Nissan I had, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , so let’s find out if the 2019 Versa is any better.

When I looked that the paperwork I had been handed by the rental car agent, I was overcome with dread, I would be spending the next four days in my least favorite car. I detest this car so much that I have a Versa badge on my trashcan at work.

Despite this, I tried to approach it with an open mind. Maybe I’m making a big fuss over nothing, maybe it’ll be fine. I spent a few minutes setting up the car, and, of course, informing Oppo that the unthinkable had happened. When I first set off on the drive, I started to worry, I didn’t immediately hate it. Great, I’m about to have to put my foot in my mouth, I’ve trashed this car forever and it’s actually not terrible. However, once I got onto the highway, my feelings immediately started to change.

Steering

Once I got above 60 MPH, I found myself having to put constant input into the wheel to keep the car in a straight line. This was a bit tiring for the 15-20 minutes I was on the interstate, I can’t imagine a several hour drive in it, I would be completely and entirely exhausted. In addition to requiring constant input, the steering is also heavy and vague. While, I’m not a fan generally a fan of over-boosted electric power steering, this just felt really heavy. Now, this is normally not a bad attribute as this usually means excellent road feel and feedback; the Versa lacked both of this. Steering input seemed to be both non-linear and imprecise. Really, it’s just horrendous, it requires constant input to keep the car in your lane and forget when you get to a corner, it’s terrible when you get to those, but we’ll talk about that in a minute.

Brakes

In keeping with the theme of non-linear, let’s now addressed the brakes. Now, I don’t know what’s going on with the brakes, but they had absolutely no feel and didn’t react in a linear manner to input. They would stop the car, but it was always very jerky, smooth is not a word that I would associate with the brakes. I believe they have some electrical assist or something, whatever it is, it’s shit. I felt like I had to take my foot off the brake when I was braking because it was applying too much most of the time, and I feel like when I was just about to come to a stop, the brakes completely grabbed and jerked me to a stop.

Ride/Handling

Both the steering and the brakes lack any feel whatsoever, so it’s no surprise when it comes to handling that the Versa is terrible at it. It rolls through corners; forget about taking turns with any speed, it doesn’t want to do that. I was on a couple roads that meandered a little bit and it could barely handle those curves; I can’t imagine taking this on a mountain road, I would probably be scared for my life. It also felt like it had no grip, but we can attribute that to the cheap economy tires that were on it.

On the other hand, because it had so much body roll, it soaked up bumps pretty well. There were a couple times I had to fight the steering a little to keep the car going straight over a rough section of road, but the suspension seemed to cope with the bumps alright. See, I’m not going to completely hate on the Versa for everything.

Interior

It had a touch screen, a USB input, and a cup holder. That’s about it. I didn’t mess around with bluetooth and just plugged my phone into the USB in the center console. That worked fine, I would have liked Apple Carplay or something, but it is a Versa after all. The stereo made some noise, it wasn’t very good quality, but it at least worked fine. Aside from that, it was the usual sea of grey and black plastic. While I wouldn’t call the seat uncomfortable, I don’t think I would go as far to call it comfortable either. A longer drive might have yielded different results.

Power

What Power? When I first got in the car and took off down the road the rental place was on, I thought that it didn’t feel slow. That’s probably because I was the only one on that road and it was certainly faster than walking. My mind on that was soon changed. It did fine until about 20 MPH and then it pretty much ran out of steam. Getting to any speed over that required many seconds of relentless Versa acceleration. To make sure they gave me an engine, I popped the hood and double checked:

In fact there is an engine in there, and according to Nissan, it has 109 horsepower. That’s less than half of what my 328i has. It is slow and merging onto highways needs to be done with a lot more calculation than in my 328i, forget the M3.

Styling

Just look at it. It is an atrocious looking car.

Conclusion

Is my trashcan worthy of bestowing this badge? Yes it is, the Versa is as terrible as I thought it was going to be. I just hope I never had to suffer the abject misery of renting a Versa ever again; when can I drive my M3 to get this awful taste out of my mouth?

SHARPSPEED > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 11:41

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Curious, what sequence of clearly unfortunate events lead you to ending up in one of these?

boredalways > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 11:42

1

I just finished reading this.

It's like your soul said GFY for not asking the agent if they had another car available.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 11:42

2

Deltyn drives a meh car > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 11:42

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I have the misfortune of driving one or two of these per day. I’ve gotten to the point where I chuck them about like a 12 year old with a golf- kart. 

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 11:43

3

Trial by Fire complete.

E90M3 > Deltyn drives a meh car 05/02/2019 at 11:43

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I think comparing them to golf carts is a little unfair to the golf cart.

E90M3 > SHARPSPEED 05/02/2019 at 11:45

2

I picked the cheapest rental option, they had a lot full of compacts and I got assigned to one. I didn’t want to ask them to change it because I both didn’t wanted to deal with that and I also had this morbid curiosity to see how bad it actually was. Never again, I’m picking a different car class next time. 

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 11:45

3

I had one in HI a few years back. It was a car and got me the places I needed to be. I kind of liked it in a I give less fucks than a normal rental type of way. It probably helped that the speed limit is 45 and I was too busy looking at the scenery to really car about driving.

E90M3 > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 05/02/2019 at 11:46

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Indeed, now I know just how miserable these actually are.

E90M3 > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 05/02/2019 at 11:47

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It’s more conformable than walking and that’s about it.

Brian, The Life of > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 11:58

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You think the current Versa is bad, I rented a previous gen Kia Rio when I was in Puerto Rico once. Talk about a rolling penalty box ... I returned it after two days and got a Mazda 3 instead. It felt like a luxury car in comparison.

SHARPSPEED > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 11:58

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So this isn’t something a dealer gave you? Because if something happened to my Beemer and THIS is what I got I’d be livid. 

E90M3 > SHARPSPEED 05/02/2019 at 12:00

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No, I was in Philly for business. 

E90M3 > Brian, The Life of 05/02/2019 at 12:01

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I’ve actually rented one of those before, back in late 2015. I do remember it being truly awful. I was both away from oppo and had a lot more on my mind than the car to focus on it too much. 

lone_liberal > SPAMBot - Horse Doctor 05/02/2019 at 12:03

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That’s how I felt about the Pathfinder I got the last time I was in Hawaii. It was...fine but I never had to go over 50mph and most of the time it was just taking us between the condo and the beach.

Under_Score > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:04

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Great timing! I just did a presentation about the Nissan Versa for taxi fleets this morning. I feel like it’s bashed, but if it’s hard to keep in a straight line, that’s kind of concerning. I can barely have one hand on the wheel and go 80+ in my RAV4.

boredalways > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:08

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Ouch, an own goal

SHARPSPEED > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:09

1

Ah. Yeah, time for an upgrade next time around. My 12-year-old Focus sounds better than this.

412GTI > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:09

1

Nice review! I’ve driven way more of these than I’d like to admit working at Enterprise while in college. They’re fitting of the garbage can badge.

Positives are: rear seat space, decent ride..and it’s not a bicycle.

Negatives are all what you listed. Just be glad they come with a touchscreen now instead of the non-bluetooth or usb during the era I drove them. I much preferred the Hyundai Accent, although it never had Cruise Control which is infuriating.

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:17

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I now want one even more solely because  it’s so bad, one of these days imma buy one and drive it so hard it’ll shit its pants

E90M3 > Under_Score 05/02/2019 at 12:17

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The steering is that bad, I can take my hand on the wheel in my M3 and it'll keep going straight just fine. 

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > lone_liberal 05/02/2019 at 12:20

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I was upgraded to a jeep last time and I am purposely renting a jeep while I’m there this weekend. That was nice. But yeah, a versa would be fine. I just need to get my ass to a few hikes and snorkel spots. I won’t have any boards or anything so I only need space for a 6 pack of Kona (or local beer) I plan to drink on the beach haha

E90M3 > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute 05/02/2019 at 12:21

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I wouldn't buy one for that, just get some $1000 shit box if you want to do that to a car. 

Snailkite > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:21

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It’s almost like Nissan spent extra time and money on making the Versa (and Sentra) bad to convince you to convince buyers to finance an Altima  for 120 months at 24% interest.

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:22

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It’s faster than walking, but I don’t know about more comfortable. Walking only hurts if I’m super sore or barefoot. I could see how extended time in those cheap seats could be uncomfortable haha

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:22

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Oh no I meant in like 20 years when these would be the $1000 shitboxes, though I think I'm being a bit optimistic they'll last that long

fintail > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:23

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If you’re going to be in Philly, might as well be miserable like everyone else.

Maybe 10 years ago I had a Versa hatch (pre Note) rental. I remember it as slow and roly poly, but practical .

E90M3 > fintail 05/02/2019 at 12:26

1

It is practical, but it's still terrible. 

dogisbadob > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:30

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Nissan needs to sell the Micra down here

E90M3 > dogisbadob 05/02/2019 at 12:32

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Absolutely not. 

dogisbadob > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:38

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The Micra is awesome. It sells for under $10k in Canada, in Canadian dollars.

People can’t afford new cars anymore. And that’s a BIG problem!

Sir Halffast > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:39

2

Man, the best thing you can say for that interior is “it exists.”

Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:41

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But how is it at  rallycross, that’s the true test of rental cars.

E90M3 > Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) 05/02/2019 at 12:43

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Wasn't able to find an event :(

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 12:49

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Any throttle position actuator failures to report?

E90M3 > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 05/02/2019 at 12:49

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Nope.

functionoverfashion > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 13:03

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Here’s something positive I can say about the Versa I rented in Montana (as I mentioned before, having a Versa on the open roads of Montana was not good except for laughs when we had 4 people in it and tried to get up to 60).

I connected my phone via bluetooth for music. Unbeknownst to me, a friend back home texted me because he was going out in his boat, wanted to know if I wanted to join or meet up in our boat. Nope, I was 2,000 miles away, but I didn’t even know he had texted me until I got back from our day trip into Yellowstone and found the following text exchange on my phone:

friend: “ heading out on the lake, want to meet up?”

my phone, auto-response sent by Versa, without my knowledge : “I’m Driving - Sent from my Nissan ”

friend: “I’m drinking - Sent from my boat”[with attached selfie including Coors Light]

So I at least got a chuckle out of that.

Jarrett - [BRZ Boi] > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 13:03

1

100% accurate review.

Had one as a Hawaii rental on the big island right after having an ND for a week on Maui. (10/10 ND will buy when I get moar monies)

It was a complete pile of shit, and I should have ponied up the extra for a Mazda 3. Brakes sucked, handling was terrifying at the speed limit. Transmission/engine were  complete dogs.

Had to turn it in half way through the week because it had roaches. And it randomly turned off when I was pulled over talking to someone. I was praying that Enterprise would give me something else, but fortune did not smile on me and I got another bloody Versa.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 13:10

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You should have taken it Centralia. 

Tripper > Brian, The Life of 05/02/2019 at 13:44

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Same experience with a Hyundai Accent in Hawaii

TheRevanchist > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 13:54

1

Since I got my 2007 Versa, it sounds like the only upgrades have been in the interior, which was just the touch screen.

Deltyn drives a meh car > fintail 05/02/2019 at 14:21

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Those versas were twice as good as the newer versas. Admittedly, that doesn't mean much. 

Deltyn drives a meh car > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute 05/02/2019 at 14:23

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Maybe if it's MT. The CVT in these things barely makes it to 30k before self destructing 

66P1800inpieces > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 18:21

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109hp from an 1.6l!  I thought the idea was to put small turbos on small displacement to equal the 1.8l/2.0l everyone knows and loves.  Did they just forget to  bolt on the tiny turbo?

DC3 LS, Fuck Hyundai, now and forever > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 19:50

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I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt for not being able to hold a straight line. Being a rental it probably got smacked into a curb and was never aligned. 

Hey Julie > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 20:43

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I have to drive at least one versa every day if not 3 or 4 , I hate them with such a passion. I do think it’s dumb to compare a versa to a bmw and expect it be within the same universe of quality. However, my 1985 300d with 274,000 miles is superior in every measurable quality to a 2019 versa

Hey Julie > Brian, The Life of 05/02/2019 at 20:46

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The family that owns the Nissan dealershipI work at also owns a Kia dealership, I think it’s secretly a masochistic thing or something 

Josh - the lost soldier > E90M3 05/02/2019 at 21:25

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I think affixing the Versa badge to the trash can is an insult to the trash can.

That being said, I personally thought the Versa to be a quite terrible car. I haven’t had the (mis)fortune of renting the Versa sedan, but the Note hatchback is absolutely atrocious and matches every word you said here, with the only exception being the “hatchback factor”.

If you were renting for work, they don't allow you to rent an intermediate (read: compact)? I've had some success with Hertz in recent trips, where I was able to choose from an Elantra, Sentra, Altima, or Malibu (I chose the Malibu).

fintail > Deltyn drives a meh car 05/02/2019 at 23:51

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Probably the same underneath.  The looks got worse with time, too.

Deltyn drives a meh car > fintail 05/03/2019 at 08:25

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They aren't even close to the same car underneath. The old car has the MR18de 1.8 liter with a good old fashioned automatic transmission. The new car has a weazy HR16de with a shitty CVT attatched to it and the foot print has been significantly narrowed. 

fintail > Deltyn drives a meh car 05/03/2019 at 09:37

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Wow, talk about decontenting. I suppose that’s modern day Nissan - either let it become a virtual antique (I think Nisfiniti products have the longest model runs of any mainstream maker) , or update it in the most penny pinching way possible.