I’m 22 and I Bought a Minivan Today

"Matthew Keyser" (teisco15) 12/26/2019 at 21:28 • Filed to: None

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I certainly thought I’d make it farther in life before making the ultimate car-guy sacrifice, but here I am: in my early 20s with no kids or real responsibilities with third row seating and sliding doors, but why?

The answer is simple, albeit a bit long winded. I’m a musician and one of the bands I play guitar for is gearing up for our first tour.

While we’ve previously made it work taking multiple cars on the small weekend runs we’ve done, but now we’re ready to embark on a full two-week run spanning from Detroit to New Orleans, and we need one vehicle to haul us four, our gear, and our luggage.

Ent er this 2004 Pontiac Montana. It’s certainly nothin’ fancy, but it’s  just large and cheap enough to suit our needs. Seems to run pretty well too, I just hope that trend continues.

So I now join the very exclusive club of 20-something’s who have owned a Merkur XR4Ti, one-fourth of a 1970 Corvette, a Chevy Blazer, a VW GTI, and a Pontiac Montana minivan.

Now, if you need me I’ll be attacking the interior with disinfecting spray.

CB > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 21:32

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Good luck with the cleaning. Those vans, while not as notorious as the SV6, still have a terrible reputation.

SiennaMan > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 21:40

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Welcome to the club. (I had a short model Caravan for a few years in my 20s back in the day).

 Incidentally,  I don't think that's the ultimate sacrifice as the Van's have enough power and soft enough suspensions that you can have some at the limit fun cornering in them.  The ultimate sacrifice is something like a Versa sedan or an SUV that is so bad at everything except looking like a truck that they're soul crushing..  

jimz > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 21:42

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what do you play, and when do you pass through Detroit?

edit: and double check the tail lights. those vans can have grounding issues in the harness back there, causing fun stuff like the running lights to be dim, the reverse or turn signal lights lighting up dimly along with the (dim) brake lights, etc.

Svend > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 21:49

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I’ve not seen a U.K. one of those in absolutely ages. We got it here as the Vauxhall Sintra.

Only around for three or four years. 

i86hotdogs > jimz 12/26/2019 at 21:50

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That notoriety extends to just about anything in that vehicle. We had one when I was young, and the power rear vented windows crapped out, the rear climate controls crapped out, as did interior lighting through out. I loved that van, minus the electrical gremlins. its what I first dro ve when I was 10 (in an empty parking lot with my grandpa).

Matthew Keyser > jimz 12/26/2019 at 21:50

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Thanks for the heads up, definitely plan on going through everything before we actually hit the road.

This project is a punk band, affectionately named “Pat and the Pissers.” We’ll be in Detroit on January 3rd.

I’m also in a psychedelic rock fusion group that should  be up that way sometime in the middle of the year.

Matthew Keyser > Svend 12/26/2019 at 21:53

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If I planned on keeping this thing long-term, I’d 10,000% put a Vauxhall grille on the front, just to differentiate it  from the hundreds of these plaguing rural Indiana.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 22:06

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My mom had one for a few years. Served her well until one of the sliders literally fell off the car while being opened.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 22:07

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Looks pretty clean on the outside though

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 22:11

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Not bad! Keep a close eye on it...I’ve heard those gen of Ventures/Transports/Silhouettes/ Sintras can have reliability issues.

E90M3 > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 22:15

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Ah the U-body. My parents bought a 2001 Oldsmobile Silhouette new, and it was one of the cars that 15 year old me spent a good amount of time behind the wheel. It was both wonderful and terrible. 

daender > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 22:17

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Just remember to not get into a head-on crash when driving!  These didn’t score too well when new.  Make sure maintenance is completely done since you’re about to put a lot of miles on it and you don’t want to miss a gig!

dogisbadob > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 22:28

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I like that pink Spark :p

Chariotoflove > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 22:35

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Pretty jalop playlist you’ve driven there.

Be proud of the minivan. It says you have things to do. Great for road trips. 

jimz > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 23:04

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GM U-bodies are like the J-car.  Not all that good, but damn, they’re like cockroaches.  they’ll run crappily forever, even on one (or more!) temporary spare tires, at least one door duct taped closed, one window garbage bagged over, and at least half of the front bumper cover missing. 

jimz > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 12/26/2019 at 23:05

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yeah, but you need a good industrial shop vac to get out all of the beer farts stored up in  the seat cushions.

M.T. Blake > Svend 12/26/2019 at 23:06

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Sintra? One A away from Sinatra. Such a better name. Frank wouldn’t approve. 

M.T. Blake > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 23:07

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Musical acts, families, transients. Those are the only categories that buy minivans. 

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > jimz 12/26/2019 at 23:12

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Ionizers are cheap now

Longtime Lurker > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 23:13

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How bad is the Rocker panel rust? They all have it, some worse than others.

Derpwagon > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 23:22

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Congrats?

Matthew Keyser > Longtime Lurker 12/26/2019 at 23:22

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The rockers are pretty well rusted through , but everything surrounding and all the other panels are remarkably solid.

Partially convinced GM purposely  pre-rusted their rocker panels in the early 2000s.

Svend > M.T. Blake 12/26/2019 at 23:23

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Pretty sure it wouldn’t of even registered on his mind about it. 

Matthew Keyser > jimz 12/26/2019 at 23:26

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Pretty sure garbage bag windows were an optional  extra on these from new.

Longtime Lurker > Matthew Keyser 12/26/2019 at 23:28

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My dad had th e rockers on his ‘05 Venture repaired. But every single U- body van Ive seen had rusty rockers, so I wouldn't put it past GM.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Matthew Keyser 12/27/2019 at 02:54

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good luck

Boxer_4 > daender 12/27/2019 at 03:05

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Head-on is probably ok.  It’s offset you want to avoid...

Long_Voyager94 > Matthew Keyser 12/27/2019 at 07:06

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I’m sorry?

RacinBob > Matthew Keyser 12/27/2019 at 08:11

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You bought well. I have an ‘07 Uplander and think it to be the best built of the American Minivans. Here are some pointers.

1. I believe your’s has a 3.4 V6. A weak point in these I recall is they tend to leak coolent at the intake manifold/head mating surface . I also had this issue when starting during the winter cold with my 3.9 V6. If youstart getting a whiff of antifreeze and or notice that you coolent resivoir is dropping level, get some GM stop leak and give it a try. I did 5 years ago and it fixed it

2. In your automatic transmission there is is a pressure regulator for first gear. It’s purpose is to hold the pressure up when hot and idle so that the bands don’t slam in at take off. If tha t is what your’s are do ing you can either be gentle on acceleration or have the solenoid replaced for about $800. If it gets to be really jerky or it starts to slip like mine , you might as well fix it as it will wreck the transmission I suspect if you ignore it.

3. If the sliding door power locks stop working, look in the forward door jam for the contact pads. Brighten them up with sandpaper or a knife and all will be fine.

4. If you are putting a lot of weight in the back, air bag inserts for the rear springs really help. 

nuff for now.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Matthew Keyser 12/27/2019 at 09:03

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im disappointed you didnt go 70's or 80's era panel van with like a dragon fighting a mermaid on the side

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Matthew Keyser 12/27/2019 at 09:53

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Best of luck. Though it needs more airbrush mural on the side if it’s gonna be a tour rig.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Svend 12/27/2019 at 09:54

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My word. It got uglier.

AkursedX > jimz 12/27/2019 at 11:03

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Funny, I was just Pontiac Aztek shopping.....

jimz > M.T. Blake 12/27/2019 at 11:29

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true. we all know Sinatra would settle for nothing less than an Imperial delivered by Lido himself.

jimz > AkursedX 12/27/2019 at 11:30

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there is a house about 2-3 miles away from me where I’ve regularly seen anywhere from 3-5 Azzcraks parked in the garage/driveway at a time.

jimz > Matthew Keyser 12/27/2019 at 11:31

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This project is a punk band, affectionately named “Pat and the P issers.”

heh.... I’m guessing you’re not playing at Little Caesars Arena

jimz > Boxer_4 12/27/2019 at 11:31

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probably a good idea to avoid both

M.T. Blake > jimz 12/27/2019 at 11:51

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Guaranteed to be selling meth. 

M.T. Blake > jimz 12/27/2019 at 11:53

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History would prove he’d want the minivan associated more with him than the Imperial. 

jimz > M.T. Blake 12/27/2019 at 12:11

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no pizzas on the roof