ARE Porgs Puffalumps? Our Future Robot Overlords Investigate

"Stef Schrader" (stefschrader)
12/26/2019 at 12:57 • Filed to: Porglopnik?, Puffalopnik, Porgs, Puffalumps, Fisher-Price Puffalumps, Grover, Puffposite Lock, Puffins

A Puffalump in her natural habitat, which is to say “everywhere.”

I mean, we all know that porgs are based on !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . So, when I just put “Puffalumps” into AI article-generator !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! title field, hmm. Welp! Makes you think.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

I had Grover generate a title after the article text and couldn’t agree more: “Let them puff.” I don’t think the rest of it is quite accurate, though.

www.jalopnik.com

Let them puff. Puffalumps are on Malta

December 26, 2019 - Stef Schrader

I’ve noticed puffalumps (also called wings) on the island of Malta, the corrugated greyish-white skin is hardly visible from the air (more for comfort than anything else), but once up-close, you’ll notice it’s quite unique. It’s probably a bit more intelligent than its name implies and not as harmless as the common puffin.

Malta doesn’t have to worry about it, however — puffalumps are native to the Galapagos Islands and they used to be commonly seen on the islands there. But then the puffins came in for a bit of a setback and if you’ve been there recently, you’ve probably seen the puffalumps nest either right next to or just behind the puffins.

Malta is on the southern edge of mainland Europe and the island is connected to Europe by a waterway known as the outer straits of the Mediterranean. During a major hurricane, the puffalumps from the Galapagos islands would migrate to the Scheveningen area and then they would bump into the populations of mainland islands in the area, resulting in a collision and natural starvation.

In the late 1800s, geneticists from Europe and the United States helped sustain the Galapagos birds (the puffalumps were running the islands then, but most of the scientific community), which means today’s puffalumps can’t genetically be confused with Galapagos puffalumps.

You can find puffalumps year-round on the islands, with some blooming in the spring, but more intense during the summer, when they bloom and seem to have a distinctive shape. I once took a boat ride over the island of Lunada at sunset when the puffalumps were at their peak, and it was like looking at some prehistoric sunset with a light puffy white coat. Not as wild as Galapagos puffalumps, but not far behind.

Puffalumps aren’t the only Galapagos bird you should know about. Some Galapagos birds are landing on Maltese shores again after dropping like flies from captivity and from the looming threat of pollution and biological invasion.

Hope you learned nothing about the birds of the Galapagos! Anyway, the porgs are still cuter than Baby Yoda, probably because they do look sort of like Puffalumps.

UPDATE [12/27] : It has come to my attention that there is a porg named !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Look at this adorable lil’ guy.

Also, now I’m a little terrified of Grover. Just...a little.

DISCUSSION (32)

ItalianJobR53 - now with added 'MERICA and unreliability > Stef Schrader
12/26/2019 at 13:18

What the AI forgot to mention is that puffalumps are also ducks!

jimz > Stef Schrader
12/26/2019 at 13:20

I’ve noticed puffalumps (also cal led wings)

o_O

all those visits to BWW. all those wings eaten. I’m a monster.

Cé hé sin > Stef Schrader
12/26/2019 at 13:24

Stef, are you sure you're on the correct medication?

nerd_racing > Stef Schrader
12/26/2019 at 13:26

Sorry Stef, Baby Yoda has the edge in cuteness in my book. The Porgs lose on the horrid noises they make. Plus they can’t use the force when you are losing at arm wrestling.

For Sweden > Stef Schrader
12/26/2019 at 13:26

This is my reaction when people suggest something not made by Fisher-Price is a puffalump

Kinja'd!!!

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > ItalianJobR53 - now with added 'MERICA and unreliability
12/26/2019 at 13:53

There were actually a very wide variety of puffalumps. We had a bunch of them, but the most memorable was my sister’s pink hippo.

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > nerd_racing
12/26/2019 at 13:56

I know Chewbacca is a big softie but part of me does wish he took a big chomp out of that porg.

EL_ULY > Stef Schrader
12/26/2019 at 14:01

RallyPorgs!

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Stef Schrader
12/26/2019 at 14:07

Kinja'd!!!

boredalways > Cé hé sin
12/26/2019 at 14:26

Her??? What about me?!

boredalways > Stef Schrader
12/26/2019 at 14:45

Stef, are you a Scanner?

My nose just bl ed momentarily after reading your post. It was a very mild nose bleed.

Please, don’t use your telekinesis to push me into a wall and make me spontaneously combust...

...please? ...PLEASE?!

Stef Schrader > boredalways
12/26/2019 at 17:11

Ha, I’d never seen this movie. I wish, though. I don’t want to kill anyone, but I would like to light some pants on fire (temporarily, of course) for good measure.

Stef Schrader > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
12/26/2019 at 17:12

He just looks too much like a doll to me, and I’ve always thought stuffed animals were cuter.

Sorry, Baby Yoda. I gotta hand the cute-off to the porgs.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Stef Schrader
12/26/2019 at 17:15

The baby yoda memes are the best tho.

Kinja'd!!!

Stef Schrader > For Sweden
12/26/2019 at 17:18

I, the world’s foremost expert on Puffalumps, recognize Puffalump-like animals from other companies as “puffalumps,” wherein “puffalump” (lower-case) is used like “kleenex,” “coke,” or “xerox” as a generic term that includes all the brands that do the same thing. However, Fisher-Price Puffalumps (upper-case) are the only ones that are made by Fisher-Price, and called Puffalumps from the factory.

Hope this helps! All the puffy little friends are good.

Stef Schrader > nerd_racing
12/26/2019 at 17:20

Aww, I think the noises are kind of cute!

I think my issue is how plasticky Baby Yoda looks. He looks like a doll—harder as opposed to the softer Porgs. The Porgs are more like Puffalumps, and deserve a big hug.

Stef Schrader > Cé hé sin
12/26/2019 at 17:20

Hey, I didn’t write the article.

Stef Schrader > jimz
12/26/2019 at 17:22

Please do not eat my puffy friends. They aren’t very edible.

Cé hé sin > Stef Schrader
12/26/2019 at 17:25

Posted it though!

Remember, two red and one green pill daily, not the other way round.

Stef Schrader > ItalianJobR53 - now with added 'MERICA and unreliability
12/26/2019 at 17:38

SOME Puffalumps.

Duck:

Kinja'd!!!