I have a confession to make

"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee) 11/22/2019 at 21:07 • Filed to: shitpost

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I’m not quite sure where to begin. I think I should start by apologizing ahead of time for any distress I’m about to cause. It’s with great sadness that I set about writing this. I’ve let the side down, and brought great shame upon myself in the process. You see, I...

I...

I had to make two trips to bring the groceries in.

bob and john > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 21:19

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those are diet drinks, you are forgiven for not wanting them in the household

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > bob and john 11/22/2019 at 21:21

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Actually I find the regular stuff too sweet and heavy. They need to make like a half-sugar version.

PowderHound > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 21:26

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That’s why you plan ahead at the store. “Can’t get that, too much to carry in to the house later”

VincentMalamute-Kim > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 21:29

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We are disappoint.

Tekamul > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 21:29

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F orget the hauling  skills. Talk to me about your Canadian Dry turkey brine recipe

ItalianJobR53 - now with added 'MERICA and unreliability > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 21:32

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It wouldnt be a problem if you parked inside the house

VincentMalamute-Kim > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 21:33

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Cat is also disappointed in you.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > PowderHound 11/22/2019 at 21:35

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But the sody pop was buy 2 get 1 free. And I needed a 20lb turkey.

For Sweden > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 21:38

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Are you marinating the turkey in Diet Dr. Pepper

OPPOsaurus WRX > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 21:39

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Not enough turkey

ttyymmnn > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 21:43

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That’s what children are for. “Get the bags!”

wafflesnfalafel > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 21:48

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Fresca is underrated

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 21:48

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This is why paper bags suck, you can only hold 2-3 at a time. Meanwhile with plastic bags you can hold about 15.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > wafflesnfalafel 11/22/2019 at 21:49

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There's a new cherry one out but I've yet to see it on store shelves in my area.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > ttyymmnn 11/22/2019 at 21:49

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I don't have those yet.

Urambo Tauro > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 21:57

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C’mon now, don’t let those groceries get the best, the best, the best, the best of you.

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 22:01

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Trivia Time— One of the main characters in The Irishman (which is epic, if long, BTW) doesn’t drink, so spends most of the movie sipping Canada Dry Ginger Ale nonstop.

He’s also a complete psycho SOB, but I don’t believe there is Cause-Effect in play...

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 22:02

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You missed the sign... Turkeys were BOGO too.   They always do that at Thanksgiving!  /s/

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 22:04

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I’m on a ban-the-sugar-in-my-diet kick (older brother with Type II) and at this point am unable to stomach even a couple of sips of Coke. Too heavy, too sweet, too much.

Which is weird, since I thrived on that crap for years.  Go diet, go water...

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > Tekamul 11/22/2019 at 22:05

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I want to see the baster he uses to pump the turkey full of Ginger Ale. The Pilgrims, of course, pumped their turkey with natural free-range Ginger.

As opposed to the castaways who were probably pumping Ginger. But, I digress.

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > ItalianJobR53 - now with added 'MERICA and unreliability 11/22/2019 at 22:06

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I mean to be an Oppo, aren’t you basically living in your garage anyway?

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > SBA Thanks You For All The Fish 11/22/2019 at 22:20

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You laugh but it was only $17 for 20lbs of all-natural never frozen turkey

PowderHound > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 22:23

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Your gonna need a santa style sack. Only way to go at that point. Toss it all over the shoulder and blow out your back. 

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 22:30

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Spotted

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/22/2019 at 22:32

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Wow.  That is incredible value

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 11/22/2019 at 22:53

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Kitty cat waiting for food that SHE’S NOT GONNA FUCKING  GET BECAUSE SHE’S ALREADY BEEN FED, THE FUCKING LARDASS

ttyymmnn > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/23/2019 at 00:16

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Lucky you.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > SBA Thanks You For All The Fish 11/23/2019 at 00:25

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I loved Coca Cola as a kid but now it’s rare that I can finish a can at all. It’s great after something greasy like pizza but I find that around the 1/2 can mark it becomes too much.

It’s rare that I drink sugary sodas but I’ve found carbonated water to be more than enough, whether it’s flavored or not, and I just go with the store brand since it’s cheap and does the trick. It’s the bubbly, carbonated partof soda  that I seem to miss the most rather than the overbearing sugar.

ItalianJobR53 - now with added 'MERICA and unreliability > SBA Thanks You For All The Fish 11/23/2019 at 02:53

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How dare you speak the truth in a shitpost. The nerve....