Six years ago- a story and a PSA

"Tristan" (casselts) 01/09/2019 at 12:22 • Filed to: None

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Facespace shows me this photo on this day every year. It’s one of my favorite places on Earth- a remote point North of Navarre, FL only accessible by a capable 4x4 or boat. It’s miles from anything and completely serene. It also features my faithful old Jeep.

Every time I see this picture my heart sinks. I went there that day to be alone and try to sort out my mind.

I had a coworker and friend who was separating from the active duty Air Force. He had left to go back to Montana about a week before. He was the type of person who could make the shittiest day better- a young man in his early 20s who knew how to work hard, loved Jeeps, camping and cabins, and had drive to succeed. I had been on a couple of TDYs with him, I had roomed with him in Afghanistan, I drank beers with him, and I worked on his Cherokee with him in my driveway. Prior to leaving active duty he had saved up $25,000 and he was going to use the money to go camping and traveling prior to going to college with his Post-9/11 G.I. Bill to pursue an engineering degree.

I saw him on his last day of work, right before I left to spend Christmas in Minnesota. I jokingly said “so I guess I’ll never see you again!” and he told me to take good care of my XJ, since he was an XJ fanatic.

Six years and one day ago, I learned that my friend had taken his own life at the end of a rope tied to a branch by a remote trail in Montana.

I’ve been through countless suicide prevention and bystander intervention classes that teach you to watch for warning signs. There were none aside from his tendency to withdraw from crowds, but I figured he just hated crowds. I do the same.

A couple of years later information would trickle down that he had gotten a DUI the night before, and perhaps that was what made him feel depressed and hopeless, but maybe he was trying to drink away his demons when he got caught drunk driving. We’ll never know.

You’re a damn good bunch of people, Oppo. Take care of yourselves, know there is no situation that’s hopeless, and know there are people who care about you deeply. Take care of others and know that you can never fully understand what’s going on deep in the hollows of another’s mind, regardless of how put-together they may seem.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Tristan 01/09/2019 at 13:19

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I am sorry for your lose. I can’t imagine how I’d deal with losing a close friend like that.

Derpwagon > Tristan 01/09/2019 at 13:49

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Fellow vet here. If any of you are struggling with depression, go see someone. It’s ok to get help.

There’s a stigma surrounding mental health, especially in the military. Fuck the stigma. Everyone has their own measure of strength and courage, use it to let yourself get help. Everyone has someone who cares about them, and who would be devastated with loss.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/veterans/

Tristan, sorry for your loss.

Tristan > Derpwagon 01/09/2019 at 14:01

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Sadly, this was far from the only guy I served with who took his own life. The suicide epidemic among vets and service members is real. Every time the news filters through, it hurts like hell and leaves you feeling helpless and wondering if you could have done any little thing to help them along the way or if you somehow failed them.

Look around, folks. There are a lot of people around you who would be completely devastated if you weren’t in their lives.    

Just Jeepin' > Tristan 01/09/2019 at 15:01

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If I may ask, where is that spot? Is that off Escribano Point?

I struggle with depression pretty much every day. I’ve been exceedingly fortunate in life, but knowing how much of that good fortune I’ve squandered is intensely frustrating.

The good news is that suicide doesn’t make sense to me. The bad news is that I’ve basically been coasting through life waiting for the end. I’ve started making changes, but depression is a stubborn enemy.

Chariotoflove > Tristan 01/09/2019 at 15:06

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I didn’t share this earlier because I was on the fence about posting personal tragedy, but this is a good place.

My brother in law’s daughter from his first marriage shot herself on Thanksgiving. She was 25. No one saw it coming, not even her sister. There were no signs, but she had it all planned out . She has a 5 year old. The child doesn’t understand what happened. She just knows they told her Mommy went to heaven. She knows she gets to see Daddy by Skype. So, she asked if heaven has wifi so she can Skype Mommy.

My BIL’s Christmas and Thanksgiving will be forever ruined. My heart cries for him, because you just don’t get over the loss of a child.

So, hug your loved ones, Oppo. Hug them every chance you get like it’s the last time. We can’t protect them from the world, or even from themselves. But maybe, just maybe, we can remind them that they are loved, and maybe that can lift them up when they need it.    

Tristan > Just Jeepin' 01/09/2019 at 15:10

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!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

I’ve never seen an official name, but I believe it’s known as Scovan’s Point. Not sure on the spelling. It’s at the tip of the red arrow in the second pic.

Regret feeds depression. I’ve got a lot of that, and a lot of what-ifs. I love my life, but I cantantly wonder what would have been different if I would have settled down in my home town, or what if would be like if I stayed in Florida, or if I’m failing because I’m not giving my kids the benefit I had of growing up in the country- one of the key things that makes me who I am, but you can only do your best. Sometimes I feel like I’m just going through the motions of life. It helps me to constantly switch things up. Nothing dra gs me down and makes the days blend together like being in a routine.

But, like I said, my life is amazing and I have been so fortunate to have everything I have, and my wife and my daughters make everything worthwhile.

Just Jeepin' > Tristan 01/09/2019 at 15:13

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That’s Escribano. Thanks, not sure how I kept overlooking the red arrow.

https://myfwc.com/recreation/lead/escribano-point/

Tristan > Chariotoflove 01/09/2019 at 15:16

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I can’t even imagine... I love my wife, but I don’t think I even knew what love was until I had a child and the love I have for my daughters makes the love I have for my wife even stronger . That would be the one thing I don’t think I could ever come back from, and that little girl is likely at some point in her life going to blame herself and need counseling. The effect suicide has on others is so profound. Prayers for your brother in law and your whole family .

Chariotoflove > Tristan 01/09/2019 at 16:49

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Thanks. Once I had my daughter, I finally understood what my father felt that day 30 years ago when the officer came to the door and told him to come to the hospital, that I’d been in an accident.  I’m quite sure he still hasn’t really gotten over it, and I didn’t die.

Chariotoflove > Tristan 01/09/2019 at 16:55

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I also hope what I wrote isn’t taken by anybody to mean that we shou ld feel guilty for not doing enough when someone we love commits suicide.  The pain comes from within, and it’s not the fault of the survivors for not loving them enough.

Tristan > Chariotoflove 01/09/2019 at 20:20

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That was sort of the gist of my post. Only you know what’s going on in your mind, and only you can truly know if and when you need help. In my experience, it’s the ones who want help who show the warning signs. The ones who have resolved to follow through with their plan and don't want help  keep it to themselves.

Chariotoflove > Tristan 01/09/2019 at 20:58

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That’s exactly what I’ve seen as well.