"KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time" (kngt)
07/17/2018 at 15:54 • Filed to: The onion, satire, tesla, model 3
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"KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time" (kngt)
07/17/2018 at 15:54 • Filed to: The onion, satire, tesla, model 3 | 1
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“ PALO ALTO, CA—Boasting that drivers and critics alike would be awed by the car’s pyrotechnic performance, Elon Musk announced Tuesday that every new Tesla Model 3 sold would be capable of going from zero to engulfed in flames in just 3.5 seconds. “The Model 3 is the most efficient, fastest-burning passenger car available for under $40,000,” said Musk, noting that while previous models needed at least five seconds to reach total combustion, the updated “Ludicrous Temperatures” mode in the Model 3 sends flames shooting through the passenger cabin mere moments after the driver steps on the gas pedal. “Our engineers have designed an innovative, highly responsive, fully electric vehicle that we’re confident in calling the most volatile in its class. Once the fireworks start, Tesla’s unique combination of chemical and electrical flames are three times as persistent as archaic gasoline fires. And the Model 3’s increased range gives our customers the freedom to incinerate themselves farther from home. In these uncertain times, we’re confident in saying the Tesla Model 3 is truly the car of the future.” Tesla’s new line of semitrucks is reportedly expected to explode onto the freight-hauling scene in early 2019.”
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KevlarRx7
> KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time
07/17/2018 at 16:00 |
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I've heard horror stories of depreciation the moment you drive off the lot..... But Tesla wins that award ;D
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KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time
> KevlarRx7
07/17/2018 at 16:02 |
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But Model 3 sales are on Fire!
fintail
> KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time
07/17/2018 at 16:10 |
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I am not sure if the cult will be offended by the story , the use of “gas pedal”, or both.
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KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time
> fintail
07/17/2018 at 16:12 |
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It’s the pedal that converts money and electrons into douchey smugness
LOREM IPSUM
> KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time
07/17/2018 at 16:45 |
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I wondered why the Kinjaverse outside of Oppo seemed to have a seething hatred for Musk. Then I remembered he was buddied up with 45 early on, before taking his ball and going home.
It's all so clear now.
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KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time
> LOREM IPSUM
07/17/2018 at 17:01 |
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The 2 Cults are remarkably similar.