Why I hate cyclists

"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove) 03/13/2018 at 18:38 • Filed to: rant

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Hey Oppo, here that? It’s the sound of birds singing. The bulbs are coming up, days are longer, and it’s getting warmer. That means Spring is here. It’s prime cycling season here, and that means it’s time to repost my flaming rant against cyclists. I have to vent my anger somewhere, and you’re gonna help me. I usually don’t come off this angry, but some things set me off. You’ve been warned:

I am a cyclist, and I am here to confess...I hate cyclists.

Well, not all cyclists, really. There was this one guy...that’s right, ONE GUY...in the last two years that I can remember who stopped at a traffic sign and used hand signals. That guy I’d like to buy a drink. At least I stopped to thank him. He’s my new favorite person.

And, he should be yours, too, if you’re a cyclist or a motorist. You know what he said to me when I thanked him for stopping at that stop sign and signaling? He said, “Hey, it’s in my best interests, right?”

Yes! Why is this man the only person in Dallas that gets this? Scratch that drink. I want to fund his campaign for President (write in with me: Responsible Cyclist Dude). See, there are two huge reasons to obey traffic laws when you’re bicycling:

One: everyone else is bigger than you. That’s right, idiot. Everyone, even that Miata in the lane next to you, is bigger, faster, and more visible than you are. That means that if you run that stop sign, and that soccer mom in the SUV trying to tame her brood hyped up on pop rocks in the back while texting her husband to bring home milk hits you, GUESS WHO WINS? Not you, that’s for sure. I know from experience because now I do all my cycling with a hand cycle since some kid in a Pontiac broke my spine.

So, I hear some of you through the ether saying, “Well, natural selection, right? If they take risks like that, they deserve what they get!” And I would agree with that sentiment (somewhat), except for the second reason:

Two: pulling dumb shit hurts the rest of us. Do you have any idea how much motorists hate cyclists? I do. I’ve been hit before. My mom was run off the road by a motorist who shouted some obscenity at her just for being on a public road. Every time you blow a stop light, turn to cut off a car, or pull some other asshattery, you contribute to the motorist groupthink that says, “Cyclists are assholes! They need to get off the road!” That endangers all of us.

Yet day after day, on my bike or in my car, I see cyclists who wouldn’t dare run a stop light when in their car plow through a regulated 4-lane intersection as it suits them, dodging cars like orange cones, or cruising through a suburban stop sign because, ya know, no one is coming.

Well, let me tell ya, sometimes you can obey all the rules and still not see ‘em coming. So why be so eager to abandon your safety margin in favor of the judgement of that unknown driver at the intersection?

Yeah, fuck cyclists. Except you, Responsible Cyclist Dude. I should have put you on my Christmas card list.

Nibby > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 18:51

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or when they have a bike lane but insist on biking in the middle of the FUCKING ROAD

slowing everyone else down to a crawl

those who do that may get fucked with a piping hot ball and chain

Aaron M - MasoFiST > Nibby 03/13/2018 at 18:52

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Biking in the middle of the lane is not only legal, but required in some municipalities.

CB > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 18:53

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Don’t forget cyclists who ride on the sidewalk. Those are a special kind of asshole.

I’m a big fan of bike lanes. It’s one thing I miss after moving from Ottawa.

Nibby > Aaron M - MasoFiST 03/13/2018 at 18:53

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read the part where i wrote “when they have a bike lane”

Aaron M - MasoFiST > Nibby 03/13/2018 at 18:54

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Irrelevant. Bike lanes are places cars can’t go, not places bikes are required to be.

Nibby > Aaron M - MasoFiST 03/13/2018 at 19:00

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Nibby > CB 03/13/2018 at 19:00

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erik karlsson misses you

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 19:00

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One time a Harley pulled up beside me at a stop light when I was on my bicycle in the bicycle lane. I wanted to push him over.

lone_liberal > CB 03/13/2018 at 19:02

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Except for the bicyclists who feel that the bike lane is beneath them and insist on riding in traffic lanes.

AestheticsInMotion > Aaron M - MasoFiST 03/13/2018 at 19:06

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Doesn’t matter. They’re still blocking traffic. Just because it’s technically legal doesn’t excuse the fact that they’re being assholes and causing trouble for a huge number of people. If there’s a bike lane, use it

Spanfeller is a twat > Nibby 03/13/2018 at 19:07

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I think of it this way:

1 lane street= I’m biking on the left side but leaving space for cars to overtake me

2+ lane street= I’m using the entire right lane.

2+ lane street w/t parking meters= I would bike on the parking spots and change over to the entire right lane.

1-10km/h: I’m using the sidewalk
11-20km/h: I’m using the protected bike path if there is one, if not the entire lane.

UNLESS I have to make a left turn, in that case I would change over to the left lane and use the entire lane for the entire block leading to the turn

If I have to overtake another cyclist, I would also cut into the car lane, use the entire lane, and go back in.

If I’m exercising and biking near or above the speed limit (30-40km/h) I will use car lanes because bike lanes are badly maintained or are used up by the local Tamales salesperson*:



*:this problem is unique to Mexico

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 19:07

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Do you stop at stop signs when you ride?

Spanfeller is a twat > CB 03/13/2018 at 19:08

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I use the sidewalk when I need to check my phone or I’m below 10km/h.... I understand the nuisance, but it’s safer for all cyclists if my distracted ass is slowly cruising in the sidewalk. I also dismount the bike if I’m using a pedestrian crossing.

Spanfeller is a twat > AestheticsInMotion 03/13/2018 at 19:14

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I don’t want to make a generalization, but if it’s more convenient for a cyclist to use the car lanes rather than the cylce lanes there probably isn’t enough traffic to actually inconvenience someone.... unless that cyclist is fucking stupid... which I promise it’s a minority of us....


I would like it though if bycicles had license plates and cops could ticket us for being stupid idiots.

shop-teacher > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 19:17

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*clapping*

I will consider writing in Responsible Cyclist Dude for president, but I will likely write in my old shop teacher’s name like I always do.

AestheticsInMotion > Spanfeller is a twat 03/13/2018 at 19:20

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The problem is, it doesn’t matter how much traffic there is. If the speed limit is 35mph and the cyclist is in the middle of the road, they are slowing down people behind them. Whether it’s one person behind, or thirty.

Aaron M - MasoFiST > AestheticsInMotion 03/13/2018 at 19:21

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In most situations where drivers perceive cyclists to be “causing trouble”, the cyclists are moving faster than drivers. In most situations where drivers are moving faster than cyclists, there is no issue.

victor > Nibby 03/13/2018 at 19:25

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There are many situations where bike lanes are not even up to code and spec, let alone properly cleaned and clear of dangerous debris. In those cases, bicycles are safer out taking the entire lane for a short amount of time, which is most of these cases.

The laws vary from state to state, but this is generally accepted rules.

The problem comes from drivers who think that 10 seconds is a front to good old MURICAN FREEDUM!

Spanfeller is a twat > AestheticsInMotion 03/13/2018 at 19:29

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I mean, it depends.

If there’s only one lane and that road has a cycling lane, then yeah, we should use the cycling lane (except for overtaking other riders for which the safest thing to do for everyone would be to block the entire car lane during the short process)

If there’s two lanes and there isn’t too much traffic I can’t see why a cyclist should be scolded for using a car lane, IF and only IF cars can overtake them. cycle lanes sometimes are badly maintained or inconveniently placed, it’s like lane hogging in an empty highway; if there’s no one to bother, why not use the lane that normally is less pothole ridden?

I know you refer to idiots that believe they’re SJWs and ride a one lane road with a 45mph speed limit doing 15 and plopping the finger when you sound the horn at them.... but cases tend to be very varied, I’d scold those assholes too! but again, mileage can vary.

kanadanmajava1 > Aaron M - MasoFiST 03/13/2018 at 19:34

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In Finland it’s mandatory for bicycles to use bicycle lanes if they within reasonable distance. In wintertime this rule is slightly annoying as the bicycle lanes aren’t always in a condition where you can actually use them.

Tekamul > Aaron M - MasoFiST 03/13/2018 at 19:36

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That must be you in the header pic

Aaron M - MasoFiST > kanadanmajava1 03/13/2018 at 19:37

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In the US it isn’t. If the bike lane is impassable you must enter the next lane.

bhtooefr > lone_liberal 03/13/2018 at 19:38

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That’s been covered in another thread, but sometimes the bike lane is useless, or worse, straight-up dangerous.

At intersections, almost all American bike lanes become dangerous, because of how they require cyclists and cars to cross each other’s paths, requiring very shallow merges with poor visibility for everyone involved.

Many American bike lanes are not properly cleaned of debris, which can be quite dangerous when you’re on an inherently unstable vehicle with less than two inches of contact patch. Or, worse, they’re potholed.

Many American bike lanes are sited to the immediate left of car parking, increasing the risk of “door prize” collisions, in which the driver of a parked car opens their door into the path of a cyclist.

Many American bike lanes cross driveways into businesses while being right next to the cyclist, such that “right hook” collisions are frequent, where a motorist passes a cyclist and immediately turns right across their path.

Sometimes a bike lane just doesn’t get you where you’re going - American bike lanes tend to not handle the case of left turns very well - and you need to get into the main travel lane to get there.

(Note that I’m talking about American bike lanes specifically. So many of them are poorly designed, intended to get cyclists out of the way of motorists, rather than provide a safe, effective transportation network. There are places where bike lanes are legitimately good, and only racers (who are going far faster than the bike lane design speed) and idiots avoid them. America is not such a place.)

E92M3 > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 19:38

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I don’t even like driving a car on the same roads with all the people glued to their phones.

If I’m going to die playing russian roulette, it would at least be on something cool.....like a motorcycle.

CB > Spanfeller is a twat 03/13/2018 at 19:42

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If you need to check your phone, then stop your bike. That seems like the logical choice.

Chariotoflove > Aaron M - MasoFiST 03/13/2018 at 19:43

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It requires good judgement on the part of the cyclist to decide what’s safe, and patience on the part of everyone else if it is necessary.

Chariotoflove > Aaron M - MasoFiST 03/13/2018 at 19:43

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It comes under the heading of “don’t be a dick”.

Spanfeller is a twat > CB 03/13/2018 at 19:44

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You are right that I should stop... but it would be for listening to a voice message or a call... I can’t realistically text/check GPS and ride at the same time...

Aaron M - MasoFiST > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 19:45

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It requires good judgment on the part of the motorist to decide what’s safe, and patience on the part of everyone else if it is necessary.

Wait...

lone_liberal > bhtooefr 03/13/2018 at 19:45

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I’m still bitter about a specific incident on my morning commute where one guy needlessly blocked traffic on a road with none of the issues you describe. No intersections, no turns, no nothing and in a no passing zone so cars couldn’t go around. Just a guy with a line of cars stacked up behind him either to make some kind of statement or just because he could.

Chariotoflove > Spanfeller is a twat 03/13/2018 at 19:46

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If you are checking your phone, you really need to pull over. It isn’t that inconvenient, and it’s much safer.

Chariotoflove > shop-teacher 03/13/2018 at 19:47

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Maybe they’re the same guy.

Chariotoflove > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 03/13/2018 at 19:47

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Every. Single. Time. I signal too. Even if there is no one to see it.

Chariotoflove > bhtooefr 03/13/2018 at 19:48

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You’ve touched on a major problem with bike lanes. They often don’t take you where you need to go. They may go for a distance, but stop short of a destination. Sometimes they end randomly.

shop-teacher > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 19:54

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Herbert B. Regan for president!

Chariotoflove > Aaron M - MasoFiST 03/13/2018 at 19:55

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Meaning if the cyclist can safely use a bike lane or a shoulder to allow cars to pass, he should. If he can’t safely do that, he will have to be out in the lane, which will slow traffic. In that case, motorists need to chill out, slow down, and wait to pass when they can.

Chariotoflove > shop-teacher 03/13/2018 at 19:55

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I’ll print the stickers tomorrow.

shop-teacher > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 19:59

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Egggggselent!

gettingoldercarguy > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 20:10

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Same, pet peeve of mine. I have a feeling that they’re the same cyclists who haul ass passing pedestrians and don’t call out on your left when passing. When I rode around White Rock Lake I started veering over towards cyclists who failed to call out their passes. Then they bitch on forums on how motorists fail to act with prudence around them.

smobgirl > gettingoldercarguy 03/13/2018 at 20:19

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If I’m running and a cyclist flies by without announcing themselves, I yell ON YOUR RIGHT at the top of my lungs like an asshole. (I don’t run with headphones)

gettingoldercarguy > smobgirl 03/13/2018 at 20:39

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Handful of sand and toss it to your side as they pass.

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > bhtooefr 03/13/2018 at 21:00

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Your description suits most Australian bike lanes as well. But if they are on road bike lanes then cyclists are required by law in most States to use them. Regardless...

Here’s a thing that most Australian motorists and cyclists don’t know - bicycles are, like cars and motorcycles, classified as transport vehicles. They have exactly the same rights and responsibilities in their use of the road network...and they must abide by the same rules.

Bo Knows > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 21:06

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I once checked my phone on a deserted (or nearly so) tracks to trails path. I hit a bump as I transitioned from path to bridge, phone went flying (broken), lost the handle bars and veered into the side of the bridge. The front gear punctured my ankle in 2 spots kinda deep and now I have some weird skin spots down there. So yeah, pulling over is best 10/10 will do every time in the future.

ETA: I wasn’t wearing a helmet either and luckily the bridge had a tall side wall that stopped me or I would’ve taken the same 12 foot drop as my phone

Chariotoflove > gettingoldercarguy 03/13/2018 at 21:18

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Good on you. I try to make sure I give a wide berth on those trails. We have to share them.

Chariotoflove > Bo Knows 03/13/2018 at 21:20

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My helmet saved me from death or from a life with traumatic brain injury. Worth every penny.

fintail > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 21:22

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Spend a few days in the PNW, your head will asplode.

TheRealBicycleBuck > AestheticsInMotion 03/13/2018 at 21:26

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The problem is that the majority of bike lanes are poorly designed and cause confusion for motorists. I’ve been hit by cars twice and both times I was traveling legally in the bicycle lane. Planners think bike lanes are separate but equal spaces, but motorists don’t understand how they are supposed to behave when bicycle lanes interact with the primary lanes. That happens at every intersection.

M otorists sh ould think of cyclists the same way they think of tractors. Those are big, slow-moving vehicles and have every right to use the road. People may not like it, but they accept it.

I found that motorists exhibit much better behavior when I’m pulling a trailer, whether it’s a kids’ trailer or a flatbed with a cooler. So, that’s what I do when I hit the open road. I get a better workout and the cars give me more space. Win-win.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 21:41

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If i ever have to interact with traffic i point to where i’m going. I dont think 90% of drivers would know the hand signals.

bhtooefr > SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media 03/13/2018 at 21:45

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I’m not sure how laws are where you are, but there’s generally language about “safe” and “practicable” in the areas where American laws require cyclists to use lanes (which isn’t actually many areas).

Basically, if the lane’s blocked or unsafe to use, you don’t have to use it.

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > CB 03/13/2018 at 21:54

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There are occasions where the sidewalk is the best option. No designated bike lane and fast, heavy traffic, preferably with no or very few pedestrians. I only do this when there is no other route possible, or as safe. I can think of two places in my whole metro area where I’d consider it acceptable.

19JRC99 > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 22:04

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There’s a cruise in Hines Drive here in Metro Detroit ONE day of the year, on a Sunday in August. Now, Hines is closed to all motor vehicles every Saturday from spring to fall. You’d think they’d take that into consideration, right? Nope. They still come zipping through there at mach 10 and I’ve personally damn near been hit while sitting in a chair watching the cruise. The rest of the year, I don’t really mind cyclists, but on the day of the cruise, I loathe them with all of my soul.

They just seem to give off a vibe of “Fuck you” and arrogance. I don’t know why. And trust me, they aren’t down there to check out cars, because they come flying through.

Chariotoflove > fintail 03/13/2018 at 22:32

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Between you and me, I can’t do the PNW. I would get S.A.D. something fierce from all that rain and drear. The cyclists would put me over the edge into a killing rampage.

Chariotoflove > OPPOsaurus WRX 03/13/2018 at 22:33

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Well, they are kind of intuitive, but yeah, use them but don’t bet your life on them.

Chariotoflove > smobgirl 03/13/2018 at 22:36

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And I don’t ride with headphones. It’s so important to be aware of my surroundings for my safety and for other’s. I’ve been considering bone conduction headphones so I can have music and still hear everything.

Chariotoflove > 19JRC99 03/13/2018 at 22:37

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That arrogance drives me nuts. I feel they make me look bad.

19JRC99 > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 22:40

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Well, I tell my self that not all cyclists are like that, and I’ve seen plenty be cautious and courteous.

Chariotoflove > 19JRC99 03/13/2018 at 22:46

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I wish that were true here. When I was riding on the college team in Ithaca, we were adamant about obeying rules of the road. The general student population was pretty good about it too. I don’t what it is about Dallas, but almost no one on a bicycle thinks he has to follow the rules. It’s unbelievable.

Chariotoflove > E92M3 03/13/2018 at 22:50

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Hey, bicycles are cool.

Chariotoflove > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 03/13/2018 at 22:51

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I always see them parked next to the handicap spots. I want to push them over then.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > smobgirl 03/13/2018 at 23:04

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I have encountered numerous runners and cyclists with head phones in and when I catch up I have to yell at the top of my lungs to let them know I’m behind and they are slow assholes. One of these days I’m going to go postal and just shove someone off the trail.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Spanfeller is a twat 03/13/2018 at 23:06

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In many places in the U.S., it’s illegal to ride on the sidewalk no matter your speed.

TheRealBicycleBuck > AMGtech - now with more recalls! 03/13/2018 at 23:09

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Check your local laws - it may be illegal.

There are too many opportunities for crossing traffic, whether it’s cars in driveways or pedestrians coming out of stores, for most sidewalks to be safe. Pedestrians are a special kind of danger . It’s the rare pedestrian who can walk a straight line.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 23:37

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We shall speak no more of this.

Spanfeller is a twat > TheRealBicycleBuck 03/13/2018 at 23:40

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Thankfully I do not live there!

Here in Mexico it’s “discouraged” but they can’t really do anything to you

*Laughs in crime, drugs, rapists, and some assumed good people language*

fintail > Chariotoflove 03/13/2018 at 23:46

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I am used to the weather, but oh the other road users (the drivers are even more annoying than cyclists).

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > TheRealBicycleBuck 03/14/2018 at 00:09

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It’s a calculated risk. It may well be illegal but I’d rather be alive and break a law.

One of the places I’m thinking of has grass and parking lots next to the sidewalk, but the curb is the edge of the lane, there is no buffer, no line, and traffic does 40+. It’s maybe a 1000' stretch with no storefronts or driveways across the sidewalk. There is no equivalent parallel road to the north or south that I could use instead without adding a significant amount of distance, a couple railroad crossings, multiple intersections at awkward angles and a “historic” downtown area with terrible road surfaces, and even narrower streets.

The other is half a block in front of my work. The sidewalk on the opposite side of the street is the designated bike lane for both directions of travel. So I cross at the nearest intersection and ride at a walking pace on the sidewalk for that half block. If pedestrian traffic were higher I’d just walk the bike here, but most days I don’t pass anyone here.

There is no better or safer option that I know of, but I’m open to suggestions.

TheRealBicycleBuck > AMGtech - now with more recalls! 03/14/2018 at 07:14

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I hate those idiotic two-way bike lanes on one side of the street. They are a prime example of what goes wrong when planners decide to be traffic engineers.

Quadradeuce > Chariotoflove 03/14/2018 at 11:25

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I’ll say what I always say when this topic comes up.

I used to commute to work on a bike before I had kids. 8 miles each way. I am firmly in the “follow the rules of the road” camp. I fervently believe we avoid accidents when we follow the rules because we act in a predicable manner. When you approach an intersection with other vehicles, you can guess how they will act based on the rules of the road. When someone deviates, that’s usually when an accident occurs.

Bicyclists tend to ignore the rules of the road. They almost always act unpredictably. Not only does this enrage most motorists, but it greatly increases the odds of an accident.

The last time I was rear ended, it was because a skate boarder ignored the rules and ran a red light. I stopped so that I would not kill her, but the car behind me did not expect me to stop in the middle of an intersection when we had a green light, so he slammed into the back of me. No one was hurt, and I only had a minor dent in my rear fender (his Prius looked like he hit a brick wall). But I literally would have killed that girl if I hadn’t stopped, and I would not have been at fault if I did.

So in summary, screw any bicyclist who defends breaking traffic laws. They are there for a reason, and if all bicyclists followed the rules, cars would act much better around them.

Chariotoflove > Quadradeuce 03/14/2018 at 14:03

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My feelings exactly.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Chariotoflove 03/14/2018 at 15:56

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You will not love me any more, but I have ridden a fair amount and never stop at stop signs unless failing to do so would make my death imminent. I’ve often wondered in the back of my head about the legality of that, however.

HAVING SAID THAT, I was driving home from the fitness studio this morning at 6:05 am, in the dark, the only car on the street, and a cyclist had stopped at a stop light with nobody else around.

I may have to change my ways.

I tend to stick fairly close to cars when I’m in traffic, as their movements are largely constrained and thus predictable. But I’m talking about intersections and such. Beyond that, and as I drive around in my automobile, I am regularly struck by how idiotic drivers are. I need to get back on my bicycle. My commute is 4 miles and I can get to work faster on a bicycle than in a car on some mornings.

Chariotoflove > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 03/14/2018 at 16:46

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Do it. Your body will thank you later. And get a good helmet. Worth its weight in gold.

And stop at signs! The 0.3 seconds you save isn’t worth your life.