SINGLES AWARENESS WEEK: TUESDAY CONTRACEPTIVES 

"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390) 02/13/2018 at 21:05 • Filed to: wtf, valentines day, singles awareness, forever alone

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It’s the eve of “unimaginative, consumerist-oriented and entirely arbitrary, manipulative, and shallow interpretation of romance” day!! Today’s budget will be dependent on what the average male spends yearly on condoms!

According to an article and where I found it on Reddit, “the average frequency of sexual intercourse in the US is 112 times per year (age 18–29), 86 times per year (age 30–39), and 69 times per year (age 40–49)“.

Fitting this to extend the age to the 60-69 year age group and interpolating results in {112, 86, 69, 52, 39} times per year.

Multiplying that by the number of years covered (no pun intended) per frequency group yields {1344, 860, 690, 520, 390}, for a total average condom use from 18 to 69 years of age of 3804.”

Let’s suppose you’ve somehow made it to 69 with all these condoms still packed because you have no confidence, couldn’t make it with that certain someone, couldn’t convince yourself to get a prostitute, or you look like Danny Divito (and even he’s gotten lucky, YOU just suck). At a hypothetical price of $3.95 per single condom, because quality or some shit, you’ve sold them all to more attractive individuals and made about $15k. You realize the only thing that’ll give you pleasure and a false sense of love is a car. WHAT WILL YOU BUY YOU 69-YEAR OLD VIRGIN?!?

I’m gonna get myself into the cleanest and earliest 928 I can find and drive it until I die alone; preferably inside the car.

YOUR TURN. Choose wisely now, you only have $15k. And remember to use the right size tire before you hit the Tail of The Dragon, you ingrates.

CB > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 21:09

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A used BRZ or FR-S would be nice.

Interesting that they don’t factor in birth control pills or IUDs for the money spent for contraceptives.

Chuckles > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 21:12

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While I appreciate this mental exercise, I feel like you are vastly overestimating condom use if your model assumes that a condom is used every time someone is having sex.

Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 21:18

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It’s only tuesday and this is already pathetic.

pip bip - choose Corrour > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 21:19

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V8 commodore or falcon

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Chuckles 02/13/2018 at 21:21

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While I appreciate your critique and response, I feel as though you should assume that this condom use model is reality and just go with it.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch 02/13/2018 at 21:23

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That’s great! That’s what I was going for!

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Chuckles 02/13/2018 at 21:23

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Agreed. I would argue that it is skewed in the opposite direction.

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 21:23

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112 times a year? That’s a lot of boneing.

random001 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 21:27

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That’s the average for my age group?! Sad sacks....

Then again, I had my two kids and got “corrective surgery” so YMMV....

Spanfeller is a twat > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 21:28

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119 times per year for my age group?

Thats like twice a week... I mean, if I had a girlfriend maybe but still... that’s so much that the deed couldn’t possibly be completed to the best capacity...

Which sex gods did this survey include?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Spanfeller is a twat 02/13/2018 at 21:31

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Not you. :)

Spanfeller is a twat > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 21:33

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I mean... I wouldn’t want to if I could. Maybe I’m just weird.

Urambo Tauro > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 21:35

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69 times per year (age 40–49)

Nice.

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > Chuckles 02/13/2018 at 21:40

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Condom who?

Chuckles > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/13/2018 at 21:40

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Assuming that people even use birth control, there are tons of options besides condoms.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Spanfeller is a twat 02/13/2018 at 21:41

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That’s about right for me, and among my group of friends I’m abnormally, uh, unenthusiastic? in that department.

promoted by the color red > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 21:41

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I ain’t drunk enough for this shit.

Honda S2000 since I won’t be able to hear myself cry over the wind & road noise and the VTEC scream.

Spanfeller is a twat > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 02/13/2018 at 21:44

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It might have something to do with me being... odd. But I mean... none of my friends get laid weekly, let alone every three days on average. Maybe the ones with girlfriends, but still, I find that number optimistic.

Stef Schrader > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 22:04

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somehow made it to 69

whoa, nice

(the answer, BTW, is always Spec 944)

Stef Schrader > Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch 02/13/2018 at 22:05

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Man, I do not trust lovin’ advice from Reddit. Something something buncha forever-alones up in there.

facw > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 22:06

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I feel like with the right condom, you can greatly decrease the need, thus saving tons of cash:

Stef Schrader > Chuckles 02/13/2018 at 22:09

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O_O

Y’all want crossovers? Because that’s how you get crossovers. I’m not talking the ones you buy because they’re a more pleasant way to tow a race car, either. I’m talking three-row suckers with sub-5,ooo-pound towing capacities. Ones meant to be covered in ground Froot Loops and baby barf.

You’re probably onto something given all of the other crossover avoidance methods out there, however. Casing the sausage is probably just the most readily available and simple to use, I guess.

Chuckles > Stef Schrader 02/13/2018 at 22:21

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To be clear, I’m not recommending that anybody should be in the market for a crossover. There’s a reason that the larger of my two cars is a Fiat 500. I’m just highly doubtful that everyone else is being quite so careful.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > facw 02/13/2018 at 22:24

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This is the greatest thing I’ve seen today.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 02/13/2018 at 23:14

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I only end up spending like $15/year on condoms. 

ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com > Stef Schrader 02/13/2018 at 23:25

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That isn’t a wrong answer, but I’d go with a Formula Mazda for the price range. As a bonus, when I die in the car they don’t have to dig as large hole to bury me in it.

Your boy, BJR > Spanfeller is a twat 02/14/2018 at 07:27

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You obv need cooler friends then.

Spanfeller is a twat > Your boy, BJR 02/14/2018 at 07:31

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What I need is a constant supply of coffee, a better understanding of calculous, and a thicker sweater because I underestimated the weather.

I think people here just fuck less often if they’re single, and all of them are single.

Now, should I be cooler?

Maybe...

Stef Schrader > Chuckles 02/14/2018 at 11:10

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Oh, no doubt. I knew people who believed in pulling out in college, for Pete’s sake. Always a yikes reaction whenever someone mentioned that. Like........did their parents/high school/whoever teach them how safe sex works or no? Because it sounded like no, no they did not.

Chuckles > Stef Schrader 02/14/2018 at 11:42

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I guess if you’re a person that wants/assumes you’ll have kids someday, it’s not as big of a deal. But for someone like me, who has no intentions of ever having children, it would be life-altering. Thankfully my co-driver shares my opinions on the issue. She joined team IUD 5 years ago and never looked back.