"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
02/08/2018 at 10:46 • Filed to: Taketheoutsideline, Satire
12
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"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
02/08/2018 at 10:46 • Filed to: Taketheoutsideline, Satire | 12
| 6 |
Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Please welcome today’s guest writer, from SNL’s Weekend Update, up-and-coming comedian David Spade.
1
st
Wipe
: Tesla! Everyone’s favorite rock band and money-losing electric carmaker is projecting big sales numbers. We liked your story the first time…when it was called Fisker.
2 nd Wipe : Nissan’s operating profit is down again on the news that they didn’t just stop everything and make millions of Rogues instead. It’s a shame.
3 rd Wipe : Meanwhile, Volvo just announced four consecutive years of increased sales. Apparently moms around the world love keeping their kids safe while turning around to beat the crap out of them as they drive down the turnpike. That’s called irony. Too much? OK, moving on.
4 th Wipe : The so-called “sharing economy” is now reaching the ultra-wealthy with things like vineyards, paintings, and luxury cars. Look, teaching a billionaire to share is like teaching a 3-year-old to share: They kick and scream and brag about artwork that looks like somebody just had diarrhea all over a canvas. Doesn’t work, folks.
5 th Wipe : 12 car companies have partnered up with Chinese app developer Didi. Or, in news from the near future, Chinese carmaker Didi mysteriously puts 12 other carmakers out of business.
Flush : Way back in 1933, the Boeing 247 made its first flight, allowing passengers to travel across the country without changing planes — a feat that Frontier Airlines is still trying to accomplish.
That’s all for me, folks. Enjoy your crash-themed shitposts!
For Sweden
> Ash78, voting early and often
02/08/2018 at 11:17 |
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Time to fire David Spade and hire Norm Macdonald
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Ash78, voting early and often
> For Sweden
02/08/2018 at 11:17 |
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CRACK WHORE!
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For Sweden
> Ash78, voting early and often
02/08/2018 at 11:56 |
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A gray just called me a c*nt on another blog, so this seems absolutely polite in comparison
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Ash78, voting early and often
> For Sweden
02/08/2018 at 11:58 |
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Sorry...one of Norm’s catch phrases.
Sort of like calling Michael Jackson a homosexual pedophile, or saying Germans love David Hasselhoff.
interstate366, now In The Industry
> Ash78, voting early and often
02/08/2018 at 12:04 |
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Or Marion Berry loved crack.
Chariotoflove
> For Sweden
02/08/2018 at 18:11 |
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Chevy Chase only. All others are pretenders.