Small Victories...

"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
10/31/2018 at 09:45 • Filed to: None

This week has not been my best. I yelled at my kids this morning as they were taking an unbearable amount of time to get ready, and constantly fighting with each other. I then immediately felt bad for yelling, setting a bad example, etc. etc. and it just put me in a bad mood. I’m frustrated by the inability of anyone to fix our refrigerator which has been out of commission since September 8th. And I’m feeling way behind on yardwork as it’s getting cold and I haven’t even looked at a rake, haven’t finished stacking wood, haven’t put on any of our snow tires, nothing.

BUT! At least my car works properly again. Last week it wouldn’t idle right, but ran OK above 1,000 RPM. Codes for lean run condition pointed me to the intake side of the engine, where I found a totally broken DISA valve, something that opens and closes like a throttle plate, changing airflow in the intake manifold.

The replacement part arrived yesterday, I put it in after the kids were in bed, and... a tiny vacuum line fell apart in my hands. Miraculously, I found a little piece of hose that would work, replaced that and THEN finished putting the car back together. And i t works! Properly!

Just in time for it to go to the shop for a worsening front end clunk. (Is there any other kind?)

DISCUSSION (20)

The Dummy Gummy > functionoverfashion
10/31/2018 at 09:56

This post made me feel like a bad parent for yelling at my kid for not listening. You’re a better parent than I.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > functionoverfashion
10/31/2018 at 10:01

Kids: dad why are you yelling?

Me: because you were non responsive to a normal voice so I assumed you could not hear me.

Kids: what did you say?

Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness > functionoverfashion
10/31/2018 at 10:07

SOMETIMES TALKING NORMALLY JUST DOESN’T GET THROUGH TO KIDS!

Source:

3 Daughters.

random001 > functionoverfashion
10/31/2018 at 10:23

I also have a front end clunk. I believe it’s a loose sway bar endlink, because this truck was run mostly offroad with no swaybars. I wish you the best.

I also yelled at my kids this week. After the third “John, let your sister go.” My voice level raised way up, and he finally heard me, I guess?

TheRealBicycleBuck > functionoverfashion
10/31/2018 at 10:52

We were having some issues with my son, so we met with a counselor. The conversation went something like this:

Son: “I don’t like it when they yell at me.”

Counselor: “Then why did you train them to do that?”

Son: “What?”

Counselor: “ You realize that you trained them to yell, right?”

Son: “No.”

Counselor: “ Sure! By not responding when they spoke to you in a normal voice, they tried to communicate with you in different ways. You taught them that you would only respond when they started yelling. So, you trained them to yell at you.”

Son: Sitting there with a sheepish grin on his face, he finally responds, “oh.”

Counselor: “Now that you understand , let’s talk about how to r e train your parents....”

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > TheRealBicycleBuck
10/31/2018 at 11:11

That is a damn smart perspective!

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > functionoverfashion
10/31/2018 at 11:38

My wife and I feel the yelling at the kid thing and it SUCKS. Sorry man. Really cool perspective from TheRealBicycleBuck in here too.

functionoverfashion > TheRealBicycleBuck
10/31/2018 at 11:47

That’s interesting, thanks for sharing that. It puts ownership on them, and the power to change the thing they don’t like, on them... not that I am without fault in this situation, but yeah. I get most upset when we’re going to leave the house, I say “10 minutes, okay 5 minutes, okay almost time, okay now it’s time to get ready...” and he just drags his feet, “I just need to finish this one thing, oh I just need to grab a book for the car, I just need to....” and... I lose it. Sometimes.

Again, thanks for the perspective.

functionoverfashion > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/31/2018 at 11:49

Right. I yelled at him a few minutes earlier as he was carrying his cereal bowl toward the sink half-full of milk. He stops to antagonize his sister along the way and starts tipping the bowl of milk onto a rug. Speaking to him in a normal voice it would have been empty by the time he responded. But then I still feel like it’s literally spilled milk, you know... there are better ways to deal with that.

functionoverfashion > random001
10/31/2018 at 11:51

This morning was a whole string of things like that.

functionoverfashion > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
10/31/2018 at 11:53

Raising my voice from time to time is just going to happen, but I yelled and they both cried. Then I almost did too. Ugh. Yeah RealBicycleBuck’s comment was solid.

functionoverfashion > The Dummy Gummy
10/31/2018 at 11:55

Nah, you can’t compare yourself to random people on the internet that’s not fair. I don’t know if anyone can go through parenting without the occasional yell.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > functionoverfashion
10/31/2018 at 12:08

Yep.

random001 > functionoverfashion
10/31/2018 at 12:11

We shall share the power of fatherhood, so that all of us are made stronger....

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > functionoverfashion
10/31/2018 at 12:16

Y eah I hear you 100% on this. Sucks. I’ve been trying to have it happen less lately. At least taking notice of it when I do it.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > functionoverfashion
10/31/2018 at 12:19

One of the things I remind myself when it comes to getting out of the house and bed times etc, (and I don’t know how old your kids are so this may or may not apply but mine are 1.5 and 5.5) neither has any concept of how long a minute is let alone 10 or 5. Because our lives are completely dominated and controlled by time and clocks it’s hard to even imagine what it’s like to not have a proper concept of time.

functionoverfashion > random001
10/31/2018 at 12:19

Oh and the car is just... I drive over very bumpy roads all winter. And it’s a bmw with 173,000 miles.

functionoverfashion > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
10/31/2018 at 12:28

This is true; realistically it’s more like, “in a little bit, okay pretty soon, ok very soon, okay now”

My kids are 4 and 6. The 6 year old can look at an analog clock and kind of get it, but yeah, they definitely don’t know how long 5 minutes is.

I know they know how to get ready for school though, and I try not to remind them of every single step. But when there’s excessive stalling, I run out of ideas and just end up nagging them about what is next, which I hate doing.

I think the single thing that drives me most crazy is when they don’t do something that I KNOW they know how to do. The whiny voice, “ugh I can’t do my SOCKS” is like, triggering , I have to walk away sometimes because I know if I do, the sock problem will magically be solved by the time I come back.

One thing about their school, is they have to be able to go from zero to 100% dressed for winter weather all by themselves, and they can do it. My daughter did it at 2, because her brother was 4 and she watched him. So then when they won’t do it, I have no sympathy for the fake struggle.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > functionoverfashion
11/02/2018 at 09:56

I hear that. My son who’s close to 6 than 5.5, will go into his room and just flop on the ground and say I don’t know what pajamas to put on. I’m like you know where your pajamas are, you know what questions to think about like “Do I want shorts or pants? Do I want long sleeve or short sleeve?”

I will say I was proud of myself this morning, I got everyone out of the house without raising my voice at all. A rarity. But a good one.

functionoverfashion > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
11/02/2018 at 12:25

My son did exactly what you’re describing when it came to getting dressed the other day. I walked away and he figured it out.

I had a pretty good morning but not perfect. I think we’re on a good path.