The great crimes of craigslist terms

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
03/06/2016 at 17:36 • Filed to: Sunday

In no particular order:

1. “Not in a hurry to sell, just testing waters”

A roundabout way of saying no lowballers, but also, if you really aren’t motivated to sell it, then I suggest you not list it for sale.

2. “Mechanic owned”

This is not necessarily a good thing.

3. “Easy fix”

No explanation necessary on my part.

4. “If I don’t sell it I fix it and the price will go up”

I’ll take that bet.

5. “Perfect car, just needs [lists 15 things]”

6. “I am not a mechanic”

The car is fucked but I’m claiming plausible deniability.

7. Always at the very bottom of the ad: “Price is without the wheels, wheels will cost an extra thousand. Canopy also not included. Or seat covers. Or cup holders.”

Either list the car with pictures of the actual state of the car for sale, or, make the price reflect the upper bound, instead of listing a low price on a photo that shows capper, wheels, etc.

8. “Senior owned!”

In high school?

DISCUSSION (28)

zachaput > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/06/2016 at 17:45

“Ran when parked”

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > zachaput
03/06/2016 at 17:46

Of course.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/06/2016 at 18:01

Female driven as well

Does that really matter? I’ve seen some girls drive the Hell out of their cars...

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/06/2016 at 18:07

The one I saw yesterday “knocked up my old lady, have to sell”

Frenchlicker > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/06/2016 at 18:07

Just needs AC recharged

And...

Low miles, just to church/grocery stote(where it hit everything in sight)

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
03/06/2016 at 18:10

Yeah that’s a weird one. I drive 30k miles annually for my job and I can safely say that female owned has no additional appeal to me.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Spaceball-Two
03/06/2016 at 18:11

Basically anything involving divorce or deployment are fraudulent. Stuff about kids is probably not good odds either.

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/06/2016 at 18:14

Basically any listing in Tacoma or Lakewood starts with “getting deployed” or “moving soon must sell”

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Spaceball-Two
03/06/2016 at 18:15

Call me a lazy prick, but I only buy and sell locally now. That way, when I waste my time, I’m but a short skip away from my favorite watering hole.

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/06/2016 at 18:22

My searches are limited to Bothell, Lynnwood, Sno, Everett and maaaaybe Marysville.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/06/2016 at 18:23

Then there are the people who text me at 5 AM:

“kindly text me on saraher7@gmail.com if Specialized Hotrock kids bike is still available for sale. Thanks God bless.”

1. If bike is listed, it is still available

2. I don’t believe in god so I am offended.

3. I don’t know how to kindly text, is like nice text?

Sovereign, Purveyor of Coupes > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/06/2016 at 18:25

I agree with all except the first. I can see a few situations where you like your car and wouldn’t mind keeping it, but also want to put it out there to see the kinds of offers you might get.

The “If it doesn’t sell this weekend I’m fixing ___” line always makes me laugh. Yeah, right.

One I don’t get is blatantly fake ads using multiple cars pictures.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
03/06/2016 at 18:25

Any mention of “God” is auto scam for me.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Sovereign, Purveyor of Coupes
03/06/2016 at 18:26

Or ones using stock photos.

Sovereign, Purveyor of Coupes > Frenchlicker
03/06/2016 at 18:26

And never ran long enough to fully warm up the engine.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/06/2016 at 18:26

or starts with: kind sir...

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Spaceball-Two
03/06/2016 at 18:33

First vehicle I ever bought was 2 miles from my apartment. That was probably the best purchase I made, and I knew nothing about cars... I guess the lesson is that I still know nothing about cars.

jasmits > zachaput
03/06/2016 at 18:39

“It ran at some point”

WhiskeyGolf > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/06/2016 at 18:42

I was inspired to browse local AutoTrader for shitboxes and found this, verbatim:

Parked it to fix the wheel bearing went to start it and had to boost then went to move and it died and wouldn’t even boost. So will need to be towed. Things to fix would be wheel bearing, alternator, and driver rear dogleg bushing. Runs mint!

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/06/2016 at 18:43

You know enough not to buy an Allroad!

Frenchlicker > Sovereign, Purveyor of Coupes
03/06/2016 at 18:46

I've never seen that, that's a thing? Modern cars take what, 10 minutes max?

Frenchlicker > Sovereign, Purveyor of Coupes
03/06/2016 at 18:47

I’m almost did that one recently. I was po’ed and didn't want to work on it but knew I would eventually have to.

Sovereign, Purveyor of Coupes > Frenchlicker
03/06/2016 at 18:53

Not so sure about modern cars actually. I’m mostly into things Obd2 or older.

Frenchlicker > Sovereign, Purveyor of Coupes
03/06/2016 at 18:57

That makes sense then.

TractorPillow > Spaceball-Two
03/06/2016 at 19:02

Haha I lived in Steilacoom for three years and can confirm.

That was my legitimate reason for selling my mazdaspeed 3. Had three cars and didn't want to ship 2 (wife demanded we drive across the country together).

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
03/06/2016 at 20:24

I don’t get this one either.

My wife is a complete slob with her car to the point that I won’t drive it unless she cleans it out first or I absolutely have to. Food wrappers and crumbs everywhere. There is a brown stain on the headliner that is apparently chocolate milk. She gets in the car after workouts covered in sweat. The car stinks like hell. I have no idea what the weird haze on half of the windshield is.

And my mother drives like a complete maniac. I’ve never met anyone else who goes through brakes every 15k and clutches every 30k and just considers it normal wear and tear.

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/07/2016 at 00:03

That’s pretty much just a general life rule.

smb > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
04/18/2016 at 14:47

This ‘person’, saraher7@gmail.com “Sarah Shelley” just emailed me with a lengthy email saying they would send me a cashier’s check then have a shipper pick up the item.. and pay $50 extra to remove the ad... Riiigghht