That guy at work

"Master Cylinder" (mastercylinder28)
09/11/2015 at 08:13 • Filed to: None

There’s this guy at work who I just can’t stand. He is apparently paid according to the number and volume of words that come out of his mouth in a given day, and he earns his pay by telling everyone how great he is. Usually, he talks about work things - how he made that one really good deal that one time, or that one negotiation where he really came out on top, and so on.

But he is, in his own mind of course, an expert on literally everything. Today, his topic was cars. He got started talking about how he doesn’t trust Ford because he had a Taurus where the “alternator sprocket” went bad and caused him to lose power while driving. Fortunately, though, his Taurus still had hydraulic brakes unlike those new-fangled German automobiles with their electric brakes, so he was still able to stop. Fortunate, also, that his throttle was similarly hydraulic and so he was able to continue home despite the shoddy Ford alternator sprocket.

Now, he wants to get a new car with one of those 12-speedtransmissions, like a Tesla has.

Ugh. Now, I’m not the type to hate on someone for being ignorant of cars. It’s not everyone’s deal, I get it. But the only people this guy is fooling with this crap are the ones who have no interest in cars at all to begin with. It’d be like someone attempting to impress me with their knowledge of antique porcelain dolls. I have no idea whether you’re making shit up, and I couldn’t care less even if you were.

Sorry for the rant, but the bit about the hydraulic throttle just took it over the top. For your time, here’s a picture of a motorcycle in a place I’d much rather be than work:

DISCUSSION (15)

McMike > Master Cylinder
09/11/2015 at 08:17

I dream of being in a room with someone like that, full of other people.

Personalities like that are so used to talking instead of listening, you can creativly mock them in front of everyone and they have no idea what’s happening. Getting a high five after every slam is what I call “expert mode”

I love an audience.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Master Cylinder
09/11/2015 at 08:18

The key is to not get too angry or confrontational. Just calmly go “Actually, throttles on older cars are worked by a cable mechanism, no power assistance at all. New cars are throttle by wire. You probably mean that.” and then for tesla, just go “Electric cars don’t have transmissions. If they do, they’re a 2 speed. Haven’t you ever used one of those litle remote controlled toy cars?”

Master Cylinder > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
09/11/2015 at 08:31

Thankfully, I wasn’t actually a part of the conversation. I’ve never even talked to the guy. He’s just so loud and talks so much I’ve kind of gotten to know him vicariously. No one ever really seems to happy to talk to him, I’ve noticed. Somehow, he’s a pretty high-level manager, though.

Master Cylinder > McMike
09/11/2015 at 08:32

I would enjoy that as well, sadly he is upper management and I don’t think it would end well for me.

Berang > Master Cylinder
09/11/2015 at 08:36

Hillman Imps had a pneumatic throttle. But it didn’t work well so they replaced it with a cable.

I don’t think they ever used a sprocket alternator though.

ttyymmnn > Master Cylinder
09/11/2015 at 08:48

It’s called “insecurity.” And, since he’s in upper management, it’s another example of people rising to the level of their own incompetence. (see Peter Principle )

McMike > Master Cylinder
09/11/2015 at 08:50

Oh, you didn’t mention that part. I just thought he was the office loudmouth.

That’s too bad.

In that case, I would just ask him for details about the statements he made, to see what else you could get out of him.

“I didn’t know the Tesla had a 12 speed transmission. Is that on both models of them, or just the turbo?”

“Hydraulic throttle? I didn’t know Ford was using those. Did that take brake fluid, or throttle fluid?”

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > Master Cylinder
09/11/2015 at 08:53

You don’t get to be in upper-management by doing actual work, son. You take credit for everyone else’s effort, and always be sure to sound successful.

This is Business 101. Clearly, you do not have an MBA, plebe.

Read with one of those huge Cat mining truck filled with sarcasm. Though, insults aside, I’m not really that far off. Yay Corporate America!

Master Cylinder > ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable)
09/11/2015 at 08:57

Sad but true. The thing is, I had up to this point assumed he was at least somewhat competent, though obnoxious. So I guess it works as long as people don’t see through the bullshit. Now I won’t be able to believe anything he says unless I alreadt know it to be true. Which kind of makes him redundant.

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > Master Cylinder
09/11/2015 at 09:03

Most people can probably see through the BS, but don’t care because he either doesn’t have to make many decisions, or those decisions don’t affect their jobs much or at all.

And this asshats boss likes him in that position because he makes the people above him feel better about themselves because he is so stupid.

Good managers have people around them who are actually smarter than they are. This is not how most of Corporate America works though. Smart people are a threat to be neutralized.

Have I mentioned how much I love the way BUSINESS! works in this country?

wkiernan > McMike
09/11/2015 at 09:37

Well, the older ones used ordinary brake fluid but the post-facelift versions use special throttle fluid. And the two are not inter-compatible; brake fluid will dissolve the gaskets for throttle fluid and vice-versa . To keep mechanics from making this easy but potentially costly mistake, the accumulators in the newer Teslas are painted green.

I’m not really a car specialist; the reason I know this is because I was talking to my friend Elon a while back, and he told me about all that.

McMike > wkiernan
09/11/2015 at 09:52

How did Elon say he would deal with the customers who mixed the fluids up? Even the most attentive person could put the wrong throttle fluid in their car, since the facelift was mid-year. Did it void their warranty, or did Tesla cover it?

Also, my friend the astronaut read that the new DOT P silicone parking brake fluid can be used for all these applicaions if you flush the old stuff out first.

Funktheduck > Master Cylinder
09/11/2015 at 10:20

This is when I’m glad I work for myself. Even if I get a client that way they’re not in charge of me so I can laugh it off.

If it’s someone I can’t/don’t want to offend I just feign ignorance and interest in what there saying.

If it's someone I can offend or call out I do what mcmike said.

wkiernan > McMike
09/11/2015 at 10:32

He was kind of aggravated, really. He told me “You know, Bill, customers really shouldn’t be messing with the fluids themselves, it’s exactly the sort of thing you want the factory-trained mechanics to deal with, at least while the car is in warranty. But I neither want to disappoint my high-paying early adopters, nor seal the engine compartment on the newer models, so I guess I’ll just have to eat the loss...” and then he muttered something I couldn’t make out completely about “...thermonuclear weapons.”

wiffleballtony > Master Cylinder
09/11/2015 at 11:29

Damn aftermarket Ford sprockets, damn them.