What Have I Become?

"for Michigan" (formichigan) 09/10/2015 at 01:52 • Filed to: hipsters, existential crisis, random

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Tonight as I left the grocery store in my pop-culture-parody tee, black fitted pants, and flip flops, I got into my my manual-transmission wagon and drove off to the sound of indie rock playing over the local college radio station and promptly had an existential crisis. Have I unwittingly adopted the hipsterism that I so despise?

Please send help.

Leon711 > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 02:27

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Put in some shoes, change your shirt and you’ll be fine. It is reversible, unless you already despise people for liking the things you liked before they did.

DipodomysDeserti > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 04:07

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You’re wearing black fitted pants and flip flops listening to “indie rock”. You're a fucking hipster.

for Michigan > DipodomysDeserti 09/10/2015 at 04:58

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I think you just repeated what I said back to me in different words?

spanfucker retire bitch > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 06:54

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We have vaccines for all kinds of conditions and diseases, but Hipsterism isn’t one of them.

You’re fucked.

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 07:01

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A mark of the hipster is also attitude. As long as you’re not sarcastic to people who don’t drive manual wagons with their moustaches, you’re OK for now

jkm7680 > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 07:40

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Indie rock is the greatest.

boxrocket > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 07:43

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The problem is the pants.

Unless you’re wearing formal attire, or rich enough to have everything hand-tailored, “fitted” should never enter your lexicon for adjectives about your garments.

Oh, and flip flops. It’s hard to properly heel-and-toe in flip flips. Sandals themselves are OK if they have straps around your feet and ankle. Flip flops should, at most, be worn just outside a pool or inside a locker room.

TL;DR: if you look like a barista, you’re doing it wrong.

Then again, I might be hypocritically hipster about clothes.

Funktheduck > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 07:54

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If you grow a handlebar mustache you're dead to me

cazzyodo > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 08:15

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Nope, same words.

Hipster.

DipodomysDeserti > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 08:26

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Yeah, but a I thought you were a hipster before everyone else started doing it.

wkiernan > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 08:36

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The car is good, music is always a matter of personal taste so if you like it it’s good, and what is this, 1965? clothes are merely clothes. You haven’t adopted “hipsterism,” whatever that is, unless you identify yourself as a “hipster.” If you have, and you don’t like it, then either change your “hipsteresque” habits (onerous and pointless) or simply stop identifying yourself like that (easy as pie).

Richtofen, Baron von Pickup > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 08:47

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The only help I can send you is a Quietus suicide kit from Children of Men.

wiffleballtony > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 10:39

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Depends, what is your current mustache/beard status?

wiffleballtony > boxrocket 09/10/2015 at 10:40

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Sandals with ankle straps make you look like a German tourist.

for Michigan > DipodomysDeserti 09/10/2015 at 13:04

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Definitely not. When hipsters first became a thing I had no sense of style whatsoever. I’ve just appropriated some of their common traits because I like those things.

for Michigan > boxrocket 09/10/2015 at 13:06

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Oh, I would never, ever drive in flip flops. When I do wear them, which is very rare, I just take them off when I’m in the car. I love driving barefoot.

for Michigan > Santiago of Escuderia Boricua 09/10/2015 at 13:08

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True. I think I’m safe there.

for Michigan > wiffleballtony 09/10/2015 at 13:09

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Clean shaven. I’m not really a facial hair kind of person.

for Michigan > jkm7680 09/10/2015 at 13:13

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It is. Around here the only other stations I enjoy are classic rock and NPR (classical and jazz).

wiffleballtony > for Michigan 09/10/2015 at 13:42

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Well then the hipsters won’t accept you as one of their own.