Saw my ex today 

"Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2" (pompei426) 08/31/2015 at 23:09 • Filed to: None

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for the first time in 2 months. We’re back at college and I knew I would see her eventually. She broke my heart and made me feel like shit. I want nothing todo with her, but unfortunately we have the same friend group. I think she wants to still be friends, but fuck that. I was in my car at a stop sign and she was right in front of me. Smiles and waves. I just want her out of my life. If you’re curious. We were together, she went to Australia for 5 months last semester, then comes back and says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I did everything for her and tried so hard to keep the relationship going. She let it fall apart and ended up breaking up with me. Still miss her, but I wish I didn’t have to see her ever again.

I’m just sitting on my patio crying and drinking shitty beer. I never have any luck with relationships.

She just texted me asking how my first day was and saying that we should talk. Just stop.

I know half of you will think I’m being dramatic and I should take it somewhere else, but the other half are great people. I’m writing on here because you guys have never let me down.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:15

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Can i come over to drink with you? Please..i know that feel too well

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:15

5

Would share a round with ya brother don’t let your grow too hard and cold, when the time is right you will find what makes you happy and more fulfilled. At that point the pain of lost love will be a dying flickering candle of a bygone era.

MLGCarGuy > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:16

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Jokes on her, she’s missing out on a 2002.

lone_liberal > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:21

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I was never been able to be friends with an ex for just the reason you mention, seeing them just brings the hurt back, so I fully understand. Being in an atmosphere that almost forces you to see each other sucks. I don’t know that I can say anything other that I’m sorry you’re in that situation and hopefully the hurt will lessen as time passes.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:21

3

Hah, nah, you’re not being dramatic. I think all of us have felt at some point you feel now. And especially how you felt when she stomped your soul. Hang tough, don’t let her back in, even as a “friend.”

SVTyler > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:24

8

It sounds like she doesn’t know you took it as hard as you did. Maybe text her back and tell her as diplomatically as you can that you need some distance, she could just be oblivious. That, or this is her way of coping and trying to make it not awkward between you two.

Lekker > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:25

1

God do I know that feeling.. I’ve given all for someone, just to be told its not working. I still haven’t found the bottom of the bottle... just a new bottle. Play your favorite song. Watch your favorite movies. They’re you. And we’re here for you. There’s always another day, and you’re better off without someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

Spridget > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:26

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Sometimes when you’re driving you’re car down the road, someone runs a red light and smashes up the front end. You look at the damage, and you freak out. You’re going to need to replace at least the front fenders, maybe the whole front, and who knows what frame work is needed. You want to blame the other person; they were to careless and incondsiderate, and now you have to pay the price. But there’s nothing you can do. Take your insurance money, repair your car, and make it better. Maybe just new paint, or maybe full- on engines mods, or maybe you just make it like it was. But whatever you do, don’t stress it. One day, you’re car will be back on the road, and it’ll be better than ever.

Brickman > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:29

1

Knew a few like that, others are just nuts or want money (me too). Love the single life :D

Maybe talk to her, but nothing relationship like. Maybe bore her into she ignores you.

smobgirl > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:32

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Some people say it gets easier as you get more used to relationships ending. It doesn’t. Or it shouldn’t, anyway. If it was easy to get dumped you weren’t fully invested to begin with. But it does get a little easier as you get older to see when you’re more invested than they are, and I’m going to say she didn’t deserve you if she couldn’t appreciate what you had to offer. Asking you to talk and wanting to be friends is just selfish of her.

But on the other side, you've also learned how much it hurts when someone isn't honest, so make a promise to yourself to be honest with future relationships. Sometimes the truth hurts but it always hurts less than a lie in the long run.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:34

2

I got dumped by my GF of 5 years 2 months ago, she said she didn’t feel the same as she used to, still wanted to be friends blah blah.

I realised I’d spent the last year pushing shit up a hill to make things work out all for her to give up.. but you know what? if she hadn’t broken up with me I’d probably still be pushing shit up a hill for another year or two.

If you have to try hard for a relationship it’s not worth it. It sucks right now, but there really are better people out there. Just tell her to politely fuck off and not to talk to you.

Otherwise you end up with their cat and a bunch of random shit in your garage while they go off to Japan for half a year.

JGrabowMSt > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:35

4

Nope. Been there, and youre in the green as far as Im concerned. I had my heart completely smashed to pieces by a girl who let her friends tell her how she feels. I use that wording quite specifically. Girl. She was easily the least mature girlfriend Ive ever had, not that its a long list or anything...

In short, if thats how you feel, I would simply reply, out of courtesy, as we are all adults here and must act like it accordingly, and just tell her that you need both space and time still. It doesnt have to go any further than that, I wouldnt let myself get dragged into conversation beyond that, but prove that youre able to articulate your emotional needs.

I was told that my ex girlfriend wasnt happy with me anymore. Except, my ex girlfriend just repeated what her friends spent the day telling her. I spoke to someone else who was close to the situation about it nearly a year afterwards, and I was told more than I wanted to know, but in the end, it was over and Im glad I made it to where I am now.

So 1) no need to feel sorry for yourself. You dont have to he over it so soon, you dont have to become friends again, youre allowed to need space. 2) be the adult you are, and simply admit those things. My current relationship has been a roller coaster, but good communication has been the key, even if its hard to say. I just took my girlfriend to the ER on saturday, and am making sure she will make it to all of her follow up appointments despite having a full time job 50 miles from her house. From what I remember, you put similar devotion into your relationship with her and didnt see much return. Its okay to feel hurt by that, and perfectly normal. Just dont relive everything again. Move along your life, but be honest with yourself. I have left people and have no intention of ever opening up future contact, but I wouldnt dare say its the best thing to do.

Relationships are really hard work and not everyone can get it right the first time. Or the second, third or fourth in most cases. Anyone who tries to say youre being dramatic simply hasnt been in a relationship quite the same. I know when things are over dramatic, and honestly, I dont think youre there. I think you just need your time, and she should respect that. Just dont burn any bridges. Thats a mistake you will certainly regret, and only when its too late.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:43

2

Fuck relationships. Better off with cars anyway. More reliable and funner. IMO

But as I’m sure everyone else will say, take my words with a grain of salt. I’m young and bitter and mad at life and the world.

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 08/31/2015 at 23:45

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That’s rough man. Just know there’s plenty of other ladies out there.

coqui70 > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/01/2015 at 00:02

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Chicks man ... they crash your ride, fuck your best friend and steal your money and then want to be all palsy-walsy. Fuck that get your bros together hit a strip club get drunk and wake up with a tattoed pole dancer. Then get back to your school and/or work, kick ass, become extremely successful and then meet one you were really meant to be with.

Just know that someday you’ll be driving your fusion-powered BMW roadster, top down with your smoking hot wifey next to you and she will pull up behind you. She’ll be divorced, disheveled, working two jobs and with a crappy old van full of screaming kids. She will see the two of you and try to look away in shame ... only to see you smile and wave as your 4D holographic license plate reads “UmizzedOut”

Baeromez > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/01/2015 at 00:05

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I think she wants to still be friends, but fuck that.

Good on ya. Self respect is much more valuable than shitty fake friendship.

Here’s the part you aren’t going to like; if one half of a relationship wants to break it off, well, that’s how it’s gotta be. It’s not about working at it. It’s not about trying. It’s about compatibility and attraction in equal amounts between both parties. “Love” isn’t about work or commitment. It’s about fun, sharing, and intimacy. If she doesn’t want to be with you, then take your time, work through the rejection and move on. You will be happier in the long run.

Svart Smart, traded in his Smart > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/01/2015 at 00:09

2

Trust your gut. If you don’t want to be around her, then don’t. If she perists, maybe try to find a civil way to explain how you feel so she’ll learn to give you some space.

Baeromez > coqui70 09/01/2015 at 00:10

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This guy right here. He’d make a good friend.

Birddog > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/01/2015 at 00:12

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The “friend group” sucks.

The smile and wave like nothing ever happened thing? Way worse. I still don’t understand that.

At least you didn’t say “I Do”.

911e46z06 > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/01/2015 at 00:17

2

Ive been there bro. You’re in college. Throw that D at everything that moves. I know it sounds crass and everything, but seriously, it helps.

911e46z06 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/01/2015 at 00:21

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Cheaper too

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/01/2015 at 00:21

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Nah... You’re not being “dramatic”. You just have feelings (which she didn’t share)and the consequence of that is you will feel pain from time to time.

I suggest keeping things cordial and contact to a minimum.

I also suggest focussing on moving on. And that may include forcing yourself to look for someone new.

Sidenote: it's my view that the idea that women are more caring and better communicators than men is pure myth. Women are just as likely as men to be uncaring and unemotional.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > JGrabowMSt 09/01/2015 at 00:28

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“Relationships are really hard work “

In my view, a good relationship should feel like hard work. If it does, it's time to stop and think if it's worth continuing. In my case, I've had some relationships like that... But it was okay since the sex was still good and I didn't live with her. BUT ... The things she did that made it harder than it needed to me resulted in me not wanting to take things to the next level (living together, possibly having kids).

Your boy, BJR > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/01/2015 at 00:32

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You should date someone awesome and not shitty. That's what I'm doing.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Birddog 09/01/2015 at 00:33

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+1

I’ve been married and divorced once... And once was enough.

The upsides of marriage are greatly outweighed by the downsides and potential downsides... Especially for men.

For men in Canada and the U.S., marriage should be avoided at all costs.

CallMeTURBO > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/01/2015 at 00:35

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I had my heart crushed by the girl I was best friends with throughout high school, I was crazy for her, after we had decided to try and make long distance work for college, she broke up with me 2 days before we went to school 2 hours away from each other.

Fast forward through freshman year we start casually talking at the end of school (initiated by her), end up hanging out a bit because we were good friends anyways, both telling each other and ourselves to not let it go anywhere cause there was still the distance thing. Not possible, started dating the summer after freshman year.

Well 5 years later we made it through school, both studied abroad together in London, and we’re moving in together in Boston tomorrow.

I’m not saying it’s right for you, or that you have to forgive her right away. But sometimes girls will be girls and not realize what they had till its gone.

At least give her the chance to talk to you man, or don’t, you don’t owe her anything. But you definitely shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.

maybe something happens maybe it doesn’t, but people make mistakes. If you had something real i think it’s worth it, cause I’m going to marry this chick, and that was after laughing at her “hey what’s up” text during finals week freshman year and ignoring it for 3 days.

Edit: I realize I’m probably in the minority here, but I don’t think you’re stupid for having mixed feelings or being dramatic. I hated her and barely wanted to see her when she first texted me again. But she’s already done the worst she can do to you, so what’s the harm in giving her the option to say what she wants, and then if you aren’t satisfied with the “lets just be friends” you can turn her ass down

Birddog > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 09/01/2015 at 01:43

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Right on.

I learn from every mistake I make and that’s one I won’t ever make again.

E92M3 > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/01/2015 at 07:58

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Maybe she wants to get back together? She may have met someone who she liked in Australia and that changed her feelings for you. Now that she is back she’s had time to realize that isn’t going to workout, and wants to talk.

JGrabowMSt > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 09/01/2015 at 08:24

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See, I really just can’t agree with that. I mean, sure, if it works for you, great, do what you want. For me, work is just how things are. An easy relationship doesn’t teach you about yourself or the other person. I’ve been through a lot with my girlfriend, things that I never thought I would be involved with, things I never would have wanted to ever really know about, in a sense. But knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t go back. She needs to have something positive and familiar and rock steady to lean on. It’s not for everyone, but it’s 100% necessary for some. But being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD is not for anyone who wants the easy way out. Waking up to see her do something she enjoys or go somewhere she likes to be, or even do something new together, you couldn’t replace it with anything else in the world.

It’s one thing when the person simply isn’t mature enough, or you can tell they aren’t putting any effort towards the relationship, but it’s something completely different to know that it’s very difficult for them. In the end, you either can live with it or you can’t, and you have to make that decision and come hell or high water stand by that. Good on you for making yourself happy, I’m just in a very different situation entirely.

MuchWagon > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/01/2015 at 08:44

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Rise above.

X37.9XXS > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/01/2015 at 09:34

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No friends needed/required at this time

Remember, living well is the best revenge

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > JGrabowMSt 09/01/2015 at 10:09

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I just realized that I missed the word ‘not’... as in I meant to say “a good relationship should not feel like hard work”.

My mind got ahead of my fingers.

Also consider that there are other ways to learn about yourself and other people. It doesn’t have to be through a difficult relationship.

Is she the one with PTSD or you?

JGrabowMSt > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 09/01/2015 at 10:34

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She has PTSD.

I don’t mean to say a relationship should be difficult, but the reason it’s difficult should certainly affect whether or not you put the effort in or not. For me, the answer is absolutely put the effort in. If it’s difficult because someone just gets kicks out of starting fights or thinks they always need to wear the pants, that’s a different story.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > JGrabowMSt 09/01/2015 at 12:24

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After some of the relationship-BS I’ve put up with in the past, these days I might still date a woman with PTSD, but I wouldn’t ever live with her... let alone marry her.

These days, I really don’t care about the ‘why’. If a woman tries to make my life needlessly and irrationally difficult, I’ll just withdraw, leave and/or refuse to take the relationship ‘to the next level’.

There are quite a few people out there who try to turn their partners into perpetual therapists.

And the thing I’ve observed is that many people with “issues” often have no real interest in overcoming those issues.

Some people work to overcome their problems... other people *define* themselves by their problems.

The former will just resolve shit on their own... usually without other people’s help.

The latter will constantly need help... yet somehow will perpectually need help with one thing after another.

The former is an adult. The latter is an adult-child.

JGrabowMSt > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 09/01/2015 at 12:41

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Well, the good thing about life is that we can all be different.

For me, I’ve seen the deep dark ugly side of what PTSD does to people. Whether it’s from military service or something else. It’s certainly not for everyone to be able to be a support system, but I’ll be doing it for my girlfriend for a long time because I love her, and it’s something that she needs in life. I’ve met plenty of people who have turned their lives around entirely, and plenty more who have lost it all. My girlfriend deserves to have tomorrow just as much as anyone else, and if I can help that happen, I did good today.

As far as going back to the OPs situation, he’s doing what he should. I couldn’t compare my relationship directly to anyone elses, so I believe that when people find the right person, you know and things work. There’s always give and take, you can’t be in a relationship without having a flexible mindset to new and different things. From the sounds of that, it was very one sided for him, and that’s really no good. Everything has to be a two way thing in all relationships.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > Lekker 09/11/2015 at 13:50

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Thanks for this, I’m still having a hard time and went back to read these again.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > Your boy, BJR 09/11/2015 at 13:53

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You know what would make your life even more awesomer, get a 2002.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras 09/11/2015 at 13:55

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I’m in MD, definitely down for some brews and car talk.

Your boy, BJR > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/11/2015 at 16:57

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Yeah crushing mine was super fun. I'd like to do it again sometime.

Lekker > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 09/14/2015 at 12:45

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Let time do its magic, we can’t rush a wound just like you can’t rush a broken bone. Some wounds just take a bit longer... mine is a year in the healing. Still dream about her, the worst part is I don’t want her back. She couldn’t convince me to get with her even if she paid me... but you can’t get rid of 5 years of memories. So make new ones. Meet people. Try new things. I for example ventured into new foods and places - so far turns out sea food isn’t so bad after all. And Whiskey and Bourbon are rather tasty too (wow I ventured into something other than Tequila)! You’ll find you may reinvent yourself, and that is what allows you to move on. :) If you ever need an ear or shoulder feel free to hit me up. I’d say hit me up for some brews but I’m in KC so kinda far from you lol