"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
08/05/2015 at 16:50 • Filed to: Car sales
7
11|
"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
08/05/2015 at 16:50 • Filed to: Car sales | 7
| 11 |
My mom got an email from the local dealer that she forwarded to me asking “is this a good deal?”. I get these letters a lot, you know, the ones about “buying back your car at top dollar!” because “We need the inventory!” or some other nonsense? Now I’m no car sales person expert or anything but I’ve taken the liberty of translating this one for you like i did for my mom, enjoy. Details changed to be more funny (seriously...Suzuki. HA!)
Joey Jo Jr. Shabadoo,
We often receive requests for pre-owned vehicle models similar to yours. According to our records, it appears you paid cash for your 2007 SUZUKI FORENZA WAGON, which means you’re in a position to take advantage of 100% of the equity.
Being able to acquire vehicles that we have either sold, serviced or both that we can add to our Pre-Owned inventory is the best possible scenario. In a search of our customer records, I identified your car as a perfect match for us. As compensation to you, if we could upgrade you to a newer Suzuki somethingorother or equivalent keeping your balance as low as possible, would you consider letting us purchase your car?
Best regards,
Jim Jimerson
Professional Online Car Sales Guy
Superbest Suzuki best funtime of the greater Panguitch area
And now, for a translation.
Joey Jo Jr. Shabadoo,
We often receive requests for pre-owned vehicle models similar to yours
We want to offer you a low value for your car that you own so we can sell it again for an easy profit. According to our records, it appears you paid cash for your 2007 SUZUKI FORENZA WAGON, which means
you’re in a position to take advantage of 100% of the equity
you aren’t paying our loan department any interest right now.
Being able to
acquire vehicles that we have either sold, serviced or both that we can add to our Pre-Owned inventory
low ball you on your trade in and get you into a new loan is the best possible scenario for us. In a search of our customer records,
I
the computer identified your car as a perfect match for us.
As compensation to you, if we could upgrade you to a newer Suzuki Somethingorother or equivalent keeping your balance as low as possible
, as compensation to...us...we would really like to offer you a new car at new car prices with accompanying loan payments and hopefully extended warranty.
Would you consider letting us purchase your car?
We have a pool going to see if you are dumb enough to fall for this.
Best regards,
Jim Jimerson
Professional Online Car Sales Guy
Superbest Suzuki best funtime of the greater Panguitch area
p.s. be sure to ask about our award winning popcorn.
Brian, The Life of
> HammerheadFistpunch
08/05/2015 at 17:01 |
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I’m sorry, this is all my fault. Ok, my company’s fault. This is called “equity mining” and more sophisticated dealers use equity mining tools (usually an option to their CRM system) that “watches” the maturity of the deals done with customers until they get to the point where the customer is “equity positive” on their car (once they’ve paid enough to overcome Depreciation’s wretched stench). These notices are part of a “campaign” your mum has been entered into since she now falls into this category. If she is not on the national DNC directory, she’ll get phone calls, too.
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HammerheadFistpunch
> Brian, The Life of
08/05/2015 at 17:04 |
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I don’t blame you. I mean i DO, but its okay. I think these are fun, but who really falls for these? I mean you might as well just send out a letter that says: “Hey, looks like your car is old...want a new one? We sell cars.”
smobgirl
> HammerheadFistpunch
08/05/2015 at 17:05 |
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I’ve spent most of my life getting “We Buy Junk Cars” flyers on my windshield. I finally received a vehicle buyback letter in the mail a few days ago and it made my day.
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HammerheadFistpunch
> smobgirl
08/05/2015 at 17:06 |
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VALIDATION! its not junk!
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Brian, The Life of
> HammerheadFistpunch
08/05/2015 at 17:13 |
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You’d be surprised by how many new vehicle buyers focus ONLY on the monthly payment. It makes this possible:
“Howdy Mr. Customer from a few years back! You’ve been paying $350/mo on your 5 year car loan for several years now. You’re probably still covered by that extended warranty our F&I guy scurred you into buying but, did you know I can get you into a BRAND NEW car for the same payment ... or even less? IT’S TRUE! Just pop on down and we’ll get you into your same model that all new and updatey (just please ignore the fact that you’ll be signing a new 72-month note)!” It’s also how they get screwed by the damnable “four square” selling technique in the first place.
I love my industry!
LongbowMkII
> HammerheadFistpunch
08/05/2015 at 17:14 |
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Not that there’s nothing wrong with that.
Best one I got was for a 2007 Corolla we owned. They “offered” $7700 for it right after it hit a deer (only cosmetic damage) and was close to 190k miles. I was almost tempted to park it in front of the dealership doors and ask for their full offer. I think mine had lines about being under no obligation to buy too.
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HammerheadFistpunch
> LongbowMkII
08/05/2015 at 17:16 |
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we will pay you the maximum value for you car!*
*Maximum value to be determined by the value of the car, minus miles, minus condition, minus our bias against you personally...
Svend
> HammerheadFistpunch
08/05/2015 at 17:31 |
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Skoda did something similar yet quite different to this a year or so ago. Used Roomsters, Yetis and Superbs were in high commodity and finding good ones was the holy grail so dealers were approaching owners of one and two year old vehicles with a ‘come in when possible to discuss swapping your one-two year old vehicle for a brand new order vehicle for £2,000’. A few people took them up and go a new build identical vehicle for their one/two year old vehicle plus £2,000. Now I know Skoda would of benefitted the most but still a pretty good deal.
Though the one you posted is just to generate 'foot fall' inside the dealerships, even if ten people go and then only two people do it, it's still generated two sales.
Future next gen S2000 owner
> HammerheadFistpunch
08/05/2015 at 17:38 |
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Translation is spot on.
Bytemite
> smobgirl
08/07/2015 at 11:43 |
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What do you drive? A VW bug?
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smobgirl
> Bytemite
08/07/2015 at 17:08 |
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Hah. No. I’ve just had a series of 16 years of barely running crap cars with obvious issues, culminating in a Civic that I drove for a year after hitting an elk at 70mph. I finally have a car that required a dealer and a loan.
Now I get “We Buy Ugly Houses” flyers instead.