I Used To Be A Hotel Valet, Ask Me Anything

"Jacques L' Autre" (jacklauterdale) 07/01/2015 at 00:27 • Filed to: stuff

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For a few months last year I was a valet at a semi-nice chain hotel located in the downtown of an up and coming Southern city. I got it as a second job after hearing that they made decent money and got to drive some cool cars from friends who were in the valet business. It’s a fun job, and I did make decent, but not great, money, and you do get some interesting experiences.

Anyways, if you’re curious what it’s like, or about what happens, ask me anything. I don’t have anything too scandalous to tell, but I do have some time to burn tonight so fire away.

Tinfoil Hat in a thunderstorm, now with added diecast > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:33

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What's zero divided by zero?

For Sweden > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:33

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Did you get to sleep in the rooms for free

Panther Brown Tdi Volvo Shooting Brake Manual Miata RWD Wagon Stole HondaBro's Accord. > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:34

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How many camrys did you drive

Jacques L' Autre > For Sweden 07/01/2015 at 00:35

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Unfortunately no. We were technically contractors from another company that pretty much was the valet mafia for the downtown area. However if you were cool with the employees at the hotel you could get their rate on a room. Or, just start flirting with a drunk bridesmaid.

DrJohannVegas > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:36

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If you were a valet and don’t have a single scandalous story, I don’t believe you had the true valet experience.

Signed,

Some dude who parked cars for a nightclub outside Staten Island and who thus has many stories...

Jacques L' Autre > Panther Brown Tdi Volvo Shooting Brake Manual Miata RWD Wagon Stole HondaBro's Accord. 07/01/2015 at 00:37

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Not as many as you’d think, but still too many. There was actually a lot of Chevy fleet cars that came through as opposed to Toyotas.

Panther Brown Tdi Volvo Shooting Brake Manual Miata RWD Wagon Stole HondaBro's Accord. > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:39

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Did a vehicle with a stick ever come

Nibby > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:40

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What was the most memorable car you parked?

Jacques L' Autre > DrJohannVegas 07/01/2015 at 00:40

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Do tell, but I’ve got nothing really too, too bad. I did have one regular that was clearly having an affair, and would always valet his, and his mistress’s car for the night. He drove an Avalon, so maybe Avalon’s have more scandalous owners than we’ve previously thought.

Jacques L' Autre > Panther Brown Tdi Volvo Shooting Brake Manual Miata RWD Wagon Stole HondaBro's Accord. 07/01/2015 at 00:44

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Rare enough that I can probably remember most of them:

-Lifted Wrangler

-Mustang GT

-Hyundai Genesis

-Fiat 500

-A lot of VWs. I think they probably sell more manuals than any other car company in America.

There’s a few others that slip my mind, but yeah, not a ton.

Jacques L' Autre > Tinfoil Hat in a thunderstorm, now with added diecast 07/01/2015 at 00:45

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I’d ask Siri, but then I’d have to buy an iPhone.

Toyota Sucks Lots Of Sausages > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:45

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Have you driven a Corvette with the Valet-mode on? If so, does it still accelerate fast despite the speed-cap?

Jacques L' Autre > Nibby 07/01/2015 at 00:49

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You’ll like this answer, Nibby.

The guy who owned this looked like he was cousins with the Unibomber, but he tipped really well, and that’s a sweet Bronco.

Jacques L' Autre > Toyota Sucks Lots Of Sausages 07/01/2015 at 00:53

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You know, I think every single Corvette owner that came through self-parked. Not a trusting bunch, but I always got my hopes up if one rolled through, although they usually kept on going by to a restaurant down the street.

Tinfoil Hat in a thunderstorm, now with added diecast > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:53

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Ha ha! Don't bother, she has no idea and is not that nice about it.

Tinfoil Hat in a thunderstorm, now with added diecast > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:55

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Gif selection is perfect!

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:55

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Do you really believe it’s not butter?

XJDano > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:56

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Shittyest car you ever parked, & most under kept trashed out car you parked?

The Opponaut formerly known as MattP123 > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:57

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Something about the skyline seems off. I can’t figure out which way that is looking/where it was shot and the around noon shadows don’t shed any light on the situation.

Birddog > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:58

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Ah. You’re “that guy”.

I’m the guy that usually “manages” guys like you. AMA..

(I have to let you go is part of my vocabulary)

Toyota Sucks Lots Of Sausages > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 00:59

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Can’t really blame them, but then again typical Corvette owners are not really the elites, otherwise they’d probably drive something faster and more expensive with even more status - a Tesla P85D

My citroen won't start > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 01:02

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Have you ever damaged a car in any form?

and

Odd things found in cars by accident?

Jacques L' Autre > XJDano 07/01/2015 at 01:02

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There was a really, really shitty older Jag XJ that used to come through. It had Florida plates, and the couple that drove it looked like cocaine, and smelled like cigarettes. Seriously it felt like you’d get tuberculosis driving that thing. However the most trashed out car ever had to have been a brand red M-B GLK. Just disgusting inside, cigarettes everywhere, open drinks and food. It was gross.

Jacques L' Autre > My citroen won't start 07/01/2015 at 01:05

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Not me, but there was a truck that one of our valets at another hotel downtown dented on a bollard in a parking garage. He was in pretty good standing so they kept him, and had their insurance cover it. I did park a guy’s brand new Panamera Hybrid under a tree one night, and it was covered in sap in the morning when he went to pick it up.

Jacques L' Autre > Birddog 07/01/2015 at 01:08

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Funnily enough they really liked me there, and I even got a glowing letter of recommendation when I left.

Manage on though, dude.

Jacques L' Autre > The Opponaut formerly known as MattP123 07/01/2015 at 01:09

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You need to watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Like now.

Jacques L' Autre > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman 07/01/2015 at 01:11

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Every now and then they get me. Especially if it’s at my Grandma’s house, and it’s not butter, but corn.

Admiral-cb > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 01:14

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I'm curious about the tipping. What would you say the average tip was, wha

Admiral-cb > Admiral-cb 07/01/2015 at 01:16

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What would you consider a good tip and what was the best tip you ever got?

My citroen won't start > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 01:16

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I hope that guy didn’t complain, seeing how much he likes nature.

Jacques L' Autre > Admiral-cb 07/01/2015 at 01:18

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On average? Probably $2-$5 per person. There was a few people that would give you 20s, or 10s, but it was mostly small bills. A good night for me would have been a $80, and a great night if I hit $100, but there were days where I’d make less than $10. Luckily, we were paid $10/hr if we didn’t get enough tips to cover that for our shift.

Jacques L' Autre > My citroen won't start 07/01/2015 at 01:19

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Haha, he sure did. The funny thing is, if he had self-parked it would’ve been in a covered parking garage.

Biggus Dickus (RevsBro) > DrJohannVegas 07/01/2015 at 01:59

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I did Valet in College and our company contracted us out for private events at peoples houses. One event I was working with one other guy was basically a MILF party. I hooked up with the host of the party afterward. . .

Biggus Dickus (RevsBro) > My citroen won't start 07/01/2015 at 02:02

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Reminds me of a story from when I did Valet. A female coworker was on the shorter side, so in order to drive a manual she had to slide the seat up. In this particular car she had to reach under the seat to pul the bar. The bar wasn’t the only thing under the seat. She accidentally pulled up a 9mm handgun.

Now the place we were working at was known from having a somewhat sketchy crowd. As a result, I helped her clean her fingerprints off the gun.

Biggus Dickus (RevsBro) > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 02:04

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Classic Valet question trifecta:

1) Most expensive car?

2) Fastest car?

3) Favorite car?

TylerJ > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 02:21

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Did the feeling of driving the nice cars outweigh the funk you felt after sitting in nasty cars?

orcim > Biggus Dickus (RevsBro) 07/01/2015 at 07:14

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I keep a bottle of isopropyl alcohol in my truck at all times. Usually not for this purpose, ‘natch.

orcim > Tinfoil Hat in a thunderstorm, now with added diecast 07/01/2015 at 07:17

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Sorry if this is old, I just love it.

orcim > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 07:20

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It’s an X theory management thing: Y and Z, nah,

Tinfoil Hat in a thunderstorm, now with added diecast > orcim 07/01/2015 at 07:40

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Ha ha!

Nibby > Jacques L' Autre 07/01/2015 at 07:56

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Awww yes!

Jacques L' Autre > Admiral-cb 07/01/2015 at 20:13

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Just saw this second part. A really good tip would’ve been a 20, but 10s were more common. People usually tipped out that amount if you helped with their luggage, and brought it to their room for them. The best tip I ever got though was $50, and it wasn’t even someone who valeted their car.

Our valet stand was in an area with a lot of foot-traffic, and people would always ask where good places were to eat/ drink. My usual recommendation was to go to Gringos, a taco bar across the street that had a rooftop bar, and one night a very drunk guy asked me where he should go to get some drinks. After I told him to go to Gringos he pulled a 50 out of his money belt for the suggestion. Turns out he was the owner.

Jacques L' Autre > TylerJ 07/01/2015 at 20:15

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Haha, sometimes on slow nights I would just sit in a nice car after parking it and listen to music, or enjoy the cooled seats if it had them.

Jacques L' Autre > Biggus Dickus (RevsBro) 07/01/2015 at 20:20

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1- The most expensive car I ever drove was probably a Panamera Hybrid.

2- The fastest car we had that I ever got was probably a blacked out CLS63 that sounded amazing in the parking garage. I did get a Roush Raptor once that had 650hp, that had some oomph.

3- As I told, Nibby it was probably the OJ era Bronco we used to get. I always liked parking that thing next to all the nicer cars in our lot. There’s just something funny about an old Bronco and a Range Rover Sport side by side.