l watched San Andreas yesterday.

"MLGCarGuy" (thejdmguy)
06/06/2015 at 10:24 • Filed to: None

Some car criticism of the film after the jump. (SPOILERS, DON’T CLICK IF YOU WANT TO WATCH IT LATER)

So at one scene when the mom’s boyfriend and her daughter are in a parking garage and an earthquake starts, they get their limo driver to go as fast as possible. Now, going as fast as possible in a Lincoln Town Car with a V8 should sound great. But no. They dubbed in a V6 sound. This made me so disappointed.

Another scene is when the dad and the mom steal a car from a parking lot to get to SF after the dad’s helicopter dies. So they steal an F-150. Now, this looks like a normal parking lot. But no. In the background, there is a Toyota Auris. And this had no fancy alloys like a Scion iM.

A Scion iM looks like this. The car in the movie did not have the body kit and 17” alloys. So what the heck is a Toyota Auris doing in the US?

During some scenes where maximum destruction occurs, they clearly CGI’d cars in. The cars look real...and then you notice some generic white filler cars that look like Toyota has run out of ideas and hope black headlights and grilles will sell. They also had no visible interior, while other cars in the same scenes do.

This movie also was one of your stereotypical hero films in that all vehicles the dad touched magically had full tanks of gas.

So what is good about this movie car-wise?

If you aren’t sold by the fact that part of a building falls on a Versa then you aren’t a gearhead.

A GLA falls to its death in the Hoover Dam.

There is a Volvo 240 in green.

For some reason it satisfied me that when the mom and dad needed to get out of their F-150 to look at the fault line I heard the Ford signature seatbelt chime.

A building falls on a Chevy Sonic and it catches on fire. What’s good about that, you Sonic owning Opponauts ask? IT WAS A BASE SEDAN...

*shudders*

I don’t know about you but Sonic sedans look terrible. The hatch is so much better.

I could write a whole list of what’s wrong with the movie but I’m sure you don’t want that. So that’s the end.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

DISCUSSION (11)

fhrblig > MLGCarGuy
06/06/2015 at 10:54

This movie should have been called “Worst Fire Rescue Guy Ever”.

“Oh, the city’s been leveled by earthquakes? Imma go save only my family kthxbye!”

MLGCarGuy > fhrblig
06/06/2015 at 11:39

I know right? Everything goes terribly for everyone except for this guy’s family.

TheHondaBro > MLGCarGuy
06/06/2015 at 11:43

That movie was the worst portrayal of an earthquake I’ve ever seen.

MLGCarGuy > TheHondaBro
06/06/2015 at 11:45

7.1 magnitude? Let’s have the whole Hoover Dam fall down because f*ck physics.

PS9 > MLGCarGuy
06/06/2015 at 12:06

Is it even possible to spoil this kind of movie? Without reading the body of the article, I bet I can guess how it goes...

Act 1: Everyman doing his everyday everyman thing with everyone else in a normal not-destroyed city/planet/whatever. Maybe there’s a faultering (heh heh) relationship with the romantic interest, or problems with the (always teenage) kids at home, or problems dealing with the divorce, custody and visitation, new (and almost always a total asshole) boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever. Either way, everyman, trouble at home, you get it.

Act 2: Science dude who monitors things that might cause film-worthy globe spanning disasters notices that there is a thing coming that will soon cause a film-worthy globe spanning disaster. He runs off to warn the bureaucrat who represents the government. The Government either already had some kind of contingency to deal with the disaster, or is caught with it’s pants down and has no plan at all. If the former, the plan will always come up short somehow leaving the Bureaucrat with difficult decisions to make(re: 2012). If the later, the government save for a few key officials and the Bureaucrat will be completely destroyed during this act (re: Independence Day)

Act 3: If the Bureaucrat is a tough-as-nails, take no shit from no one, take your momma off life support to charge his phone type of character, he and the government will be the antagonist to the everyman and the science dude while the disaster happens, and the movie will end with the bureaucrat either getting killed, demoted or some combo of the two for comeuppance effect. If the bureaucrat is a ‘work with everyone to get things done’ character (and if he is, that’s because he’s usually the President or other similar powerful figurehead) He, science dude and everyman will have to stand together and try to save as many as they can from being eliminated. One of them might have to make a sacrifice to protect everyone else (re: Armageddon). If the government has been totally destroyed and the science dude and bureaucrat die in act 2, the everyman usually has a family with him he is trying to save from the constant threat of certain destruction; he’s as much an audience member to the goings on of the movie as we are.

MLGCarGuy > PS9
06/06/2015 at 12:13

Are you sure you’re guessing? You haven’t seen the movie?

Because what you said is exactly how the movie goes.

Why are all movies these days so predictable? There needs to be one with an actually creative plot.

marshknute > MLGCarGuy
06/06/2015 at 12:20

It was also incredible how the inflatable motor dingy was able to power its way through the flooded debris of SF without getting punctured. Even ramming it through a glass window (twice!) didn’t pop the pontoons!

Of course, she never had to ram the boat into the window in the first place. All she had to do was shoot out the glass with the gun that The Rock stole from a looter in an earlier scene. Considering Ollie was able to signal Blake’s parents with a waterlogged laser pointer, there’s really no excuse for not using the gun.

MLGCarGuy > marshknute
06/06/2015 at 12:24

And infinite gas for that dinghy.

Probably didn’t use a gun because of all the anti-gun people in the world who are going to watch this movie and protest the depiction of “putting the children’s lives in danger.”

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > MLGCarGuy
06/06/2015 at 19:18

Kind of like World War Z. Pitt’s character was only concerned for his family. He refused to help at all at first. He basically saved the world just for his family.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > MLGCarGuy
06/06/2015 at 19:19

We had a 6.8 quake here 13 years ago. Honestly, I barely felt it. Apparently only one death, a old person had a heart attack from the shock.

MLGCarGuy > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
06/06/2015 at 19:20

We had a 7.3 quake about 5 years ago and nothing happened. Nobody was injured. And yet a 7.0 in this movie causes all the deaths.