Now That We Are Free, We Will Have an Airing of Grievences

"For Sweden" (rallybeetle)
05/21/2015 at 19:49 • Filed to: None

Unshackled from the dungeon of bloggers (seriously, what kind of career is blogging? Edward R. Murrow would bludgeon you from the grave if he could), we now have the liberty of holding an Airing of Grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it!

Gold wheels on Subaru are dumb and you are dumb for liking them

The Ultimate Speed Check story never happened and you all know it

Flipping cars is on par with flipping heroin

Deadspin is the Gawker Media Penis Feelings blog. Take your penis feelings there and stay there

“Rally Chicken” is a duck. You know it, I know it, even Stef knows it but refuses to admit it

McMike is a lobbyist; probably for killing baby ponies, the monster

None of you know who Brt is because Brt is unimportant

The Israelites were right to ban Swine

Rennsport is dying and none of you care shame on you

Australia is an overrated country

If you don’t like bullet points then I don’t like you

“Uh LS swaps are overdone do something interesting” THEN TAKE UP A CUTTING TORCH AND DO IT YOURSELF

Cordell Broadus was right to choose UCLA over USC

I am actually a post-op

If you had any sense of shame you’d realize WRC regulations are far more innovation-destroying than F1 regulations, but you’re dumb and don’t realize it.

If I end up going to prison because I talk on the internet with high school boys I will burn down all the things you love

I’m not going to credit this image because if you don’t know where it came from you probably think the Supreme Court is a pizza joint

DISCUSSION (100)

whoarder is tellurium > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 19:52

SERENITY NOW!!!

TheHondaBro > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 19:52

The S2000 is a Miata for adults.

Mazda is overrated.

Nibbles > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 19:55

GRIEVANCES

Coty > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 19:56

I feel left out.

jkm7680 > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 19:56

Hey yeah, so.... Do you think you can send me that bribe back? Since.... Like we’re free now?

Frank Grimes > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 19:57

i dont understand what is going on with bloggerts.

For Sweden > Frank Grimes
05/21/2015 at 19:58

You’re probably still typing “offtopic” in the address bar.

Dusty Ventures > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 19:58

Kinja'd!!!

Brian Silvestro > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 19:58

serious question: can we get press cars now under oppositelock

yamahog > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 19:59

FEATS OF STRENGTH!!

Your boy, BJR > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 19:59

• I am actually a post-op

How is that a grievance?

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 19:59

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

“Gold wheels on Subaru are dumb and you are dumb for liking them”

I think they look nice on blue Subbies, for some reason.

“If I end up going to prison because I talk on the internet with high school boys I will burn down all the things you love”

What the hell are you saying to those kids that you’re so worries about?

“Supreme Court is a pizza joint”

I will now do my best to open a pizza joint with that name.

I had a spare bullet point laying around. I thought you might want to save it for later.

Tohru > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 19:59

Sweden sucks.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 20:00

I hate diesels, they sound like shit and give me horrible headaches

There’s a few people who I really want to ban, the rest of the mods would probably be fine with it, but I don’t because they haven’t violated the rules enough

I broke the dam

Sidepipes are best pipes

We should be paid for having to deal with some of the shit that goes on here, how’s the unionization going with Denton?

For Sweden > Your boy, BJR
05/21/2015 at 20:00

One of my grievances is the other mods editing my posts. I have many grievances.

For Sweden > Brian Silvestro
05/21/2015 at 20:00

If you can somehow pull that off go for it.

Bret > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 20:02

When are the feats of strength?

Complaining about another person’s project (“LS swaps are lame!”) is dumb.

The Miata is the S2000 for childish adults.

For Sweden > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/21/2015 at 20:03

Am I one of these people

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Brian Silvestro
05/21/2015 at 20:04

I don’t see why not, just tell them that Jaul Pones sent you.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 20:05

No, your not Danish and or Lego.

Fred Smith > Brian Silvestro
05/21/2015 at 20:05

Probably a bad idea. I don’t want to be liable for what you do with them.

LongbowMkII > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 20:06

Gold wheels rule.

For Sweden > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/21/2015 at 20:06

Good.

Remember who gave you authorship, young padawan.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 20:08

Always and forever.

Also this to Lego:

Kinja'd!!!

For Sweden > Fred Smith
05/21/2015 at 20:09

Just hide in the Arco Arena no one will find you there because no one goes there

For Sweden > yamahog
05/21/2015 at 20:14

If we’re having feats of strength why are you here

TheHondaBro > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/21/2015 at 20:14

Jaul Pones pwns.

Dusty Ventures > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/21/2015 at 20:18

There’s a few people who I really want to ban

Namely, everyone

nobody > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/21/2015 at 20:18

There’s a few people who I really want to ban, the rest of the mods would probably be fine with it, but I don’t because they haven’t violated the rules enough

That’s a funny way to say “everyone”

For Sweden > nobody
05/21/2015 at 20:22

Wants to ban everyone

Hopes people don’t realize everyone is the opposite of nobody

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > nobody
05/21/2015 at 20:24

HUEHUEHUEHUE

Kinja'd!!!

Brian Silvestro > Fred Smith
05/21/2015 at 20:35

Finally someone with a serious answer !

yamahog > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 20:40

bro do u even lift

BorkBorkBjork > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 20:41

I hate all Japanese cars, especially Z’s, irrationally.

And I despise lackadaisical enforcement of dress codes in fine establishments.

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 20:41

Guy fieri can lift more than you and beat you up

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 20:42

Too much Miata

Not enough 86

Need more rally

Your boy, BJR > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/21/2015 at 20:47

Is Ben Rolland one of them?

I'm not him, I'm just curious.

nermal > Fred Smith
05/21/2015 at 20:50

What, are you worried that some n00b will overcook a turn and slam a pre-production Camero into a wall?

That doesn’t sound very likely to happen.

Scorpio GTX1 > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 20:50

The Israelites were right to ban Swine

What did I miss?

nermal > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 20:58

1) My made-in-Mexico, automatic transmission GM vehicle is really, really good. Much better than the made-in-America, manual Jeep it replaced.

2) I’m normally not on here at this time.

3) I star the greys on the front page because it makes me giddy to have the power to, not because I care what they have to say.

4) Quad pipes are awesome:

Kinja'd!!!

Branden J -Reading the Manual > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 20:59

What happened? Why are we free now? Is this some sick joke? I’m afraid to ask but I need to know. HOW DID WE BECOME FREE?

Tom McParland > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 21:01

I miss having Oppo fun sometimes.

Big Bubba Ray > BorkBorkBjork
05/21/2015 at 21:06

Even Datsun Z’s? Them’s fightin words, boy!

PushToStart > nermal
05/21/2015 at 21:06

Kinja'd!!!

OH SHIT, BURNNNNN

Nobi > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 21:10

“Australia is an overrated country“

Aaron Brown > Brian Silvestro
05/21/2015 at 21:15

BorkBorkBjork > Big Bubba Ray
05/21/2015 at 21:16

And I hate Volvo.

BrentOwen > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 21:18

The Jeep Compass is a good vehicle. Holds all my crap and cleans up easy.

Stef Schrader > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 21:18

I GOT A PROBLEM WITH YOUUUUUUU.

Also, you’re wrong. Rally Chicken is a chicken, LS swaps are boooooooring, Rennsport needs a comeback, and gold wheels are good on stuff—not just Subarus—but stuff in general.

ALSO, FOR SWEDEN IS WRONG.

Hooker > Tom McParland
05/21/2015 at 21:22

Come back to the lighter side of things.

Note: I say that, however, I also understand the massive opportunity you’ve had writing here. Also, that you enjoy it. Also also, that you rock at it.

Stef Schrader > yamahog
05/21/2015 at 21:26

Kinja'd!!!

YOLO!

(You only lift once.)

Bill"TheStig"Murray > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 21:30

I have a grievance

Kinja'd!!!

Sweet Trav > Santiago of Escuderia Boricua
05/21/2015 at 21:32

It’s true. She beats me.

Stef Schrader > Brian Silvestro
05/21/2015 at 21:32

Only if you can find a manual Mahogany Metallic GT3 RS in Parsh’s press fleet.

Stef Schrader > Tom McParland
05/21/2015 at 21:32

Still doable. This is where I post all my burrito rants on my days off.

Dusty Ventures > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 21:35

I’d put my money on Yamahog in a feat of strength

For Sweden > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 21:35

Does the boss-man keep you down during the work day?

For Sweden > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 21:37

Dusty edited the post to add the duck part

For Sweden > yamahog
05/21/2015 at 21:37

If you need to lift you need more suspension setup.

For Sweden > Scorpio GTX1
05/21/2015 at 21:38

I think Swine went the way of 87

Sweet Trav > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 21:40

My Grievances:

People with no experience in the auto industry who say “Why dont they just do X” listen, there’s a reason asshole, you might not have the information, training or brains to understand it, but there’s a reason

Rotary engines and those who like them. They are awful engines for everything except purpose built race cars. The best RX-7’s have V8’s in them.

The entire GM high feature V6 family of engines

An engineer from a customer who I cannot name

The cost of fuel rails - fucking highway robbery!

Mowing the Lawn

Forgetting to scoop dog poop before you mow the lawn

Carburetor float adjustment

Dusty Ventures > whoarder is tellurium
05/21/2015 at 21:43

Kinja'd!!!

Tom McParland > Hooker
05/21/2015 at 21:46

Thanks for the kind words... I lurk a bit on Oppo, just don’t have much time to post.

Brian Silvestro > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 21:47

that means I’ll be driving it and you won’t

yamahog > Sweet Trav
05/21/2015 at 21:55

I do not beat you :(

DrJohannVegas > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 21:59

Kinja'd!!!

HEY GUYS! WHAT’D I MISS?

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > Sweet Trav
05/21/2015 at 22:12

She beats you in every way but one...

Autocross :P

Sweet Trav > Santiago of Escuderia Boricua
05/21/2015 at 22:15

Kinja'd!!!

dr861 > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 22:32

What is all this free talk? What has occurred?

Stef Schrader > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 22:38

You call those GRIEVANCES?! HA!

LET ME SHOW YOU GRIEVANCES.

Avocados taste like paste. They do. Chalky paste. I can only assume that you all decided they were edible to punk anyone who’s not in the loop.

Nobody knows what a dadgummed Puffalump chicken looks like anymore! RALLY CHICKEN FTW.

People who add “friends” they don’t know on Facebook/LinkedIn. That’s not how that works. That’s not how any of that works, ever.

WHY IS THERE NO STAGE RALLY IN TEXAS?! This is the biggest load of elephant dung in the world.

That lady who tried creeping out in front of me ( oncoming traffic me) in a sweet brown Grand Marquis...seriously? You’re going to destrooooooy a big brown Brougham. YOU ARE NOT WORTHY.

Kinja keeps hiding my post edit toolbar and I can’t even.

TIPTRONICCCCCCCCCCC .

No Tim Hortons in Austin.

I DO NOT CURRENTLY POSSESS A MAHOGANY METALLIC CAYENNE DIESEL WITH THE TOW PACKAGE (OR A RACECAR TRAILER). THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM.

Mommies have ruined the crossover. I’m takin’ it back. Well, the the crossovers that can tow a Porsche, anyway. Y’all can keep the crossovers that can’t tow other cars and coat them in as many layers of spilled Froot Loops and drool as you want. We’re taking over the cushy tow-things, and adding more grease than kid-vomit. Taking. Them. Back.

Q7 interiors != A7 interiors. Audi, what the crap? I would need your towthing if it didn’t look like a Teutonic Town & Country inside.

People who can’t even deal with anything critical ever posted about their driver/team/whatever (or in some cases, who can’t deal with stuff that isn’t critical enough with their nemeses). Sit in the corner, and think about your fanboism.

NOT ENOUGH WEIRD TRACK BUILDS. Drop a 928 engine in the trunk of your Miata, then I’m interested. Yeah, yeah, LS whatever. Too common. Been done before. Still fun, but yawn.

Bacon. It doesn’t taste good. It’s played out. Sausage is better.

Spec 944 gets no respect, I’m tellin’ ya. No respect. Let’s not make it as cutthroat and expensive to compete as Spec Miata, but ah, please—more Spec 944, everywhere. Thanks in advance.

I still need an SP1 944 for PCA LOL.

I ALSO NEED A 911 GT3 CUP! zomg I neeeeeeeeeed a GT3 Cup.

Aggies.

BURRITOS AND TEA. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.

Non-”Turbo” 911s should never be turbo.

M-cars should never be turbo.

Your mom should never be turbo.

Tomatoes are larval grossness. They’re only good when they no longer have the gross texture and bland taste of a plain, sliced tomato.

It’s May and I’m cold.

This cold also sucks. I’m sick. I can’t breathe out of my face.

CVTs > traditional automatics. COME AT ME BRO.

Not enough hypercars at the racetrack. Too many Miatas at the racetrack. I might be all over the Miata if they weren’t as common as butt-freckles at the track. They’re fun to drive and cheap to maintain, but too common.

Not enough 944s and E30s err’where.

Not enough manual E-dirty in my carport.

Giphy could not match puffalump

Google Fiber started in the WRONG PART OF TOWN! Give fast Internets here now.

Why ESPN News? Why FS2? Why does no one have these things?!

No, really, putting the middle of the 6h of Spa on FS2 at my parents’ house that doesn’t have FS2 was a bad, dirty, evil, rotten trick that should never happen, ever.

Everyone has a different, uniquely confusing press credential application. Why? Can’t there be some kind of standardized “I cover race cars for a job and am not an axe-murderer” form between all the different series and races? Fine, fine—the FIA can add a check-box for “I promise not to stand anywhere dumb and get hit in the head with a tire,” but really, let’s streamline this process so I can get back to the job of writing about race cars.

Dresses. They rarely come in configurations that actually work with a bra. They rarely fit right, ever. And why don’t more of them come with gott dang sleeves? Arms get cold, yo. Especially anywhere where I’d have to wear a stupid dress.

Live PWC stream > TV PWC recaps. This is a fact. (And the live PWC stream could explain things a little better, to be honest.)

The BBC needs to go back to covering all the F1 races.

Flash is bad and terrible and needs to die already. Steve Jobs was right. Put a fork in it.

You know what really grinds my gears? My floppy shifter. That’s what really grinds my gears. Literally. I need to fix that hot mess so I don’t miss a shift and ‘splode the 944.

Per the Googles, my 944 is a full 24-hour drive from where it needs to be to get fixed up for its next adventure. It’s only fun to drive 24 hours on a track . Not towing a borked 944 on public roads full of stupidheads. This is unacceptable.

I suck at racing. WHY DO I SUCK AT RACING? BIGGEST PROBLEM EVER.

I still, at the end of this list, do not possess a 911 GT3 Cup for the racing. This is the biggest biggest problem of the all, out of all the big problems that were ever big. PORSCHERENITY NOW

For Sweden > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 22:42

Solutions:

Wear firesuits instead of dresses

If you need help finding the option to change your byline to a different gray name I can show you

Stef Schrader > Brian Silvestro
05/21/2015 at 22:47

current press fleet

current

991-gen

the gen of sadness and high used 997 RS prices

Stef Schrader > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 22:48

Back dat ‘lump up. You have the edits. You know what you must edit.

Brian Silvestro > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 22:50

i crie everytiem 997 GT3s are the same price as 991 GT3s

Stef Schrader > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 22:51

weirdly, no

Stef Schrader > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 22:51

From now on, I’m only posting as FOR SWEDEN!

For Sweden > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 22:57

Everyone gets mad about the puffalumps and yet not a peep about the penis feelings

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Your boy, BJR
05/21/2015 at 23:07

lol that new name

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Brian Silvestro
05/21/2015 at 23:08

lol exactly

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 23:25

“Flipping cars is on par with flipping heroin”

THEY’RE BOTH FRIGGIN’ AWESOME!!!!

Stef Schrader > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 23:42

Oh! And I almost forgot—I leave the state and it turns into total garbage?!

Biker fights in my old ‘hood. Floods everywhere. You fartknockers. I can’t even turn my back on this place for a minute without it all going to POOP.

Stef Schrader > For Sweden
05/21/2015 at 23:50

Now, now. Everyone (everything?) has feelings.

Wheelerguy > For Sweden
05/22/2015 at 00:05

But I don’t have any grievances. Can you make me some grievances?

The Compromiser > Dusty Ventures
05/22/2015 at 00:33

Umm he said NOW. that was 2 hours before you posted the serenity image. Two hours is not now. Well unless you said now 2 hous later.... the it’s now, not then.... then is then and now would be now. Not then of course... then would be now and now would not be then, now would it?

owwww. Brain hurts. Also #RALLYDUCKFTW.

The Compromiser > Stef Schrader
05/22/2015 at 00:34

#RALLYDUCKSMATTER

Dusty Ventures > The Compromiser
05/22/2015 at 00:41

I do have a life outside Oppo, you know.

#LOLNOTREALLY

Dusty Ventures > Stef Schrader
05/22/2015 at 00:55

Kinja'd!!!