The Oppositelock Declaration Of Independence

"TheHondaBro" (wwaveform) 05/21/2015 at 15:20 • Filed to: None

22

59

When in the Course of gearhead events, it becomes necessary for one Gearhead to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the track, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of hoon and of Nature’s Miata entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Gearheads are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Hoosiers, that among these are JDM, gasoline and the pursuit of tire smoke.—That to secure these rights, Kinjas are instituted among Gearheads, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, —That whenever any Form of Kinja becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Gearheads to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Kinja, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their rollcage and VTEC . Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Kinjas long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of frame rust and apex seals, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Kinja, and to provide new mudflaps for their future security.—Such has been the patient sufferance of these blogs; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Kinja. The history of the present Overlord of Jalopnik is a history of repeated injuries and Torchinsky’s shenanigans, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these blogs. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid track day.

(omitted because I’m lazy)

Sn210 > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 15:24

6

I’ll sign first

John Hellcat

HammerheadFistpunch > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 15:30

12

I’m not sure we’ve thrown off anything. I think we were thrown off.

Wheelerguy > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 15:33

1

Signature:

Wheelerguy .

TheHondaBro > HammerheadFistpunch 05/21/2015 at 15:35

4

IT WAS MUTUAL okay??

Osiris - I can haz Euro spec? > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 15:39

1

Here’s my signature:

Osiris aka Brosiris

RallyWrench > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 15:39

1

Signed,

John Jay Turn

Andrew T. Maness > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 15:41

0

The gentleman from California will stand with the gentleman from...wait, where are you from?

TheHondaBro > Andrew T. Maness 05/21/2015 at 15:42

0

Washington.

Andrew T. Maness > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 15:43

2

THE GENTLEMAN FROM CALIFORNIA WILL STAND WITH THE GENTLEMAN FROM WASHINGTON!

Transit > HammerheadFistpunch 05/21/2015 at 15:48

2

Sent away in Ark B like a bunch of Golgafrinchan telephone sanitizers...

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 15:51

1

Oh well, I’ll sign it I guess.

Daily Drives a Dragon

RockThrillz89 > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 15:51

4

And may the power of Clutch guide you, for ever and ever.

In nomine Petrol et Forced-induction et Shooting brakes ;

Amen.

...Wait. Sorry. Wrong gathering. Thought this was the Church of Manual Transmission of Latter Day Gearheads.

TheHondaBro > RockThrillz89 05/21/2015 at 15:53

0

Same thing.

John_Harbinson > Andrew T. Maness 05/21/2015 at 15:55

1

THE GENTLEMAN FROM CONNECTICUT WOULD STAND WITH THE GENTLEMEN FROM WASHINGTON AND CALIFORNIA BUT I DON’T RECOGNIZE EITHER OF THOSE NAMES ON MY LIST OF COLONIES REBELLING AGAINST THE JALOPNIAN ROYAL EMPIRE...

BorkBorkBjork > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 16:00

1

May we ride eternal, shiny, and chrome!

Goatboy

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 16:04

2

This reads like the most awesome of madlibs.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Sn210 05/21/2015 at 16:07

1

John 707hp Hellcock.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 16:08

1

Signed,

Ursa Minor

Dsscats > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 17:15

4

May your locks be many and of the opposite variety.

David Canyon Fairlady

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Andrew T. Maness 05/21/2015 at 17:33

1

The Gentleman from Tennessee will stand with the Gentlemen from Washington and California, respectively.

RockThrillz89 > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 05/21/2015 at 17:37

2

The Gentleman from South Carolina will stand with the Gentlemen from Tennessee, Washington and California.

jkm7680 > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 19:00

1

Insert philosophical nonsense here,

-Jkm7680

CaptDale - is secretly British > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 19:25

1

signed ,

CaptDale

THE GENTLEMAN FROM THE GEARHEAD REPUBLIC OF CALIFORNIA WILL STAND WITH THE GENTLEMAN FROM CALIFORNIA, WASHINGTON, CONNECTICUT, AND TENNESSEE RESPECTIVELY.

Andrew T. Maness > RockThrillz89 05/21/2015 at 19:50

2

I like where this is going. I think G.O.A.T. comment thread status will be awarded if we can get all 50 states.

PatBateman > RockThrillz89 05/21/2015 at 20:05

1

The “Gentleman” from Texas stands with the Gentlemen from South Carolina, Tennessee, Connecticut, Washington, and California.

El Rivinado > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 20:06

1

Time to sign

El Rivinado

PatBateman > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 20:08

1

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Nibbles > RockThrillz89 05/21/2015 at 20:08

1

The Gentleman from Colorado will stand with the Gentlemen from California, Connecticut, South Carolina and Tennessee, but does not currently recognize the Gentleman status of the person from Washington.

Tohru > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 20:13

1

Hereby signed this, the 21st day of May, 2015:

Tohru Rokuno

TheHondaBro > Nibbles 05/21/2015 at 20:13

0

Hey now. Just because we destroyed you guys at the Superbowl doesn’t mean we don’t exist.

BTW we embarrassed the Broncos.

Hot Takes Salesman > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 20:26

2

Signed:

James R Fuck Kinja

macanamera > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 20:29

2

The distinguished gentleman from Maryland supports and seconds this declaration, here signed on the twenty-first of May:

Macanamera

Nibbles > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 20:29

0

just pullin yer yank, I’ll stand with you

(I loathe you)

Nah, I’m just kiddin’! You’re an alright guy

TheHondaBro > Nibbles 05/21/2015 at 20:32

1

Nibbles > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 20:33

1

I will never question your Gentlemanly status again. I tip my hat to you, good sir

TheHondaBro > Nibbles 05/21/2015 at 20:35

1

Branden J -Reading the Manual > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 20:43

2

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

(Someone had to pull a John Hancock, right?)

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 20:44

1

Signed.

Thebloody, purveyor of fine Land Rover hooning.

TheHondaBro > Branden J -Reading the Manual 05/21/2015 at 20:46

2

We got a John Hellcat.

Branden J -Reading the Manual > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 20:48

1

But he didn’t write it all big and such

Slant6 > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 20:52

1

Slant6 of the Central North Carolina delegation signs.

whoarder is tellurium > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 20:56

1

From the great Minnesnowta territory

Signed,

J. G. Whoarder I

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 21:01

1

The Puerto Rican delegation chooses... The Wu Tang Clan!

Wait, wrong show.

Puerto Rico stands with California, Washington, Tennessee, and Connecticut! Even if we don’t really get a vote!

Bozi Tatarevic > Slant6 05/21/2015 at 21:38

0

Wait, we have a delegation? Do we get to ride in a blacked out Escalade?

Slant6 > Bozi Tatarevic 05/21/2015 at 22:18

1

My dad’s company has a red Eddie Bauer Escalade that I could borrow if I wanted to.

JR1 > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 22:21

1

The gentlemen from Central Ohio seconds this deceleration.

Long live the new Oppositelock. God bless this sight!

Jarod Rose

Sn210 > Branden J -Reading the Manual 05/21/2015 at 23:04

0

Italics is about as fancy as I get on Oppo mobile

TheHondaBro > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 05/21/2015 at 23:05

1

They call me... Hellcock.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > TheHondaBro 05/21/2015 at 23:24

1

Here’s my signature:

TheHondaBro > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 05/21/2015 at 23:27

1

10/10 would eat signature.

pip bip - choose Corrour > TheHondaBro 05/22/2015 at 04:20

1

signed ,

Pip Bip

Alex B > TheHondaBro 05/22/2015 at 07:16

1

From Pennsylvanina, signed,

Alex B

Branden J -Reading the Manual > Sn210 05/22/2015 at 07:30

0

By some miracle mine let me write big, so I took advantage of it.

StndIbnz, Drives a MSRT8 > TheHondaBro 05/22/2015 at 08:45

1

Signed,

StndIbnz!

iNvDrZiM > TheHondaBro 05/22/2015 at 09:21

1

Didn’t read it, but I’ll sign:

invdrzim

Jellopicnic Editor In Chief

64C10 > TheHondaBro 05/22/2015 at 09:34

1

Signed,

64C10

MrPseudonym > TheHondaBro 05/22/2015 at 12:47

1

Signed,

Dixon R. Butts,

AKA MrPseudonym

Baeromez > BorkBorkBjork 05/23/2015 at 21:09

0

Witness me!

Baeromez

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > TheHondaBro 05/27/2015 at 10:22

0

As it doesn’t appear there is a representative from the great state of Michigan, by way of Metro-Detroit I sign while hoping there will be an Amendment to include a line item in support of all things Muscle Car, V8, and preferably Mercury.

(because you guys don’t know how to pull a real John Hancock)