Formula Oppo: The Banko DeBernie Grand Prix of Pain

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
05/07/2015 at 21:12 • Filed to: FO

Welcome one and all to the 5th round of the greatest fantasy race game in the history of the world, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! This week we head back to the old world from the colonies so that we can pay our taxes! Hooray! Now gib clay or gib gold, actually just please gib gold, because Banko DeBernie requires it so people can drive around our racing track. Yes, the economy is still in shambles, but we’re having a race, unlike the worthless shit-rectangle to the west...

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!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , Lewis Hamilton won an exciting race ahead of Kimi, who might have won the race had it gone on for another 3 laps. Rosberg suffered brake issues and finished 3rd after Kimi hunted his ass down and took him out for betraying his Finnish ancestry. Vettel had his own set backs to finish 4th, followed by the Williams. Team Lettuce scored consecutive points with Romaine Lettuce doing work, son. On the slow front, both Manor cars finished, Button was cursed, Alonso finished just out of the points and the Red Bulls are continuing to suffer engine failures.

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This week of course begins the old world swing of the F1 calendar and a whole host of improved performance promises. Lotus promises big things and Pastor claims that Pastor has big balls, which is why Pastor crashes a lot, because having the balls to go beyond your own limits is what wins races. Balls. Rosberg has finally called the help line to get over his, “depression,” yes, his depression of being a stupidly rich, having the best job in the world, and living in Monaco. What a biggity, biggity bitch. Hamilton’s rap album has promising potential of being the worst album ever recorded. Three drivers are Spanish and all would love to win their home race, but being that they drive for McLaren, Torro Rosso, and Manor-Marussia, it aint gonna happen. Kimi and Vettel should be going strong and the Williams cars are solidly reliable.

Your drivers:

Lewis Hamilton- Mercedes

Nico Rosberg- Mercedes

Daniel Ricciardo- Red Bull

Daniil Kvyat- Red Bull

Felipe Massa- Williams

Valtteri Bottas- Williams

Sebastian Vettel- Ferrari

Kimi Raikkonen- Ferrai

Kevin Magnussen Fernando Alonso- McLaren

Jenson Button- McLaren

Nico Hulkenberg- Force India

Sergio Perez- Force India

The Wee Baby Max Verstappen- Torro Rosso

Carlos Sainz, Jr.- Torro Rosso

Pastor Maldonado- Lotus

Romain Grosjean- Lotus

Felipe Nasr- Sauber

Marcus Ericsson- Sauber

Will Stevens- Manor

Roberto Merhi- Manor

My picks for glory?

Q. Lewis Hamilton

1. Lewis Hamilton

2. Kimi Raikkonen

3. Nico Rosberg

Curse: No curse from me this week.

The rest of you have until q1 to make your picks por favor. No changing them, don’t be late, and no more new entries this season. If you missed the boat, too bad and better luck being on time next year.

DISCUSSION (51)

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/02/2015 at 13:24

Q: Seb

1. Seb

2. Kimi

3. Ham

No curse, new parts for Euro season should help reliability.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/02/2015 at 19:20

Q. Ros

1. Ham

2. Seb

3. Ros

curse Alonso

Nibby > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/03/2015 at 11:45

FERNANCEPTION

Kinja'd!!!

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Nibby
05/03/2015 at 11:49

here

Nibby > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/03/2015 at 11:52

Knew that I did something like that before... thanks!

jariten1781 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/03/2015 at 12:17

Q: Ham

1: Ham

2: Ros

3: Vet

LongbowMkII > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/03/2015 at 12:24

Q: Rosberg

1: Hamilton

2: Rosberg

3: Bottas

Agrajag > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/03/2015 at 13:58

q. Rosberg

1. Rosberg

2. Kimi

3. Hamilton

Viggen > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/03/2015 at 14:09

Q. Ham

1. Seb

2. Ham

3. Kimi

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/03/2015 at 16:54

Q: ham

1: ham

2: rai

3: vet

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/04/2015 at 15:31

Q: Hamilton

1: Hamilton

2: Rosberg

3: Raikkonen

StingrayJake > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/04/2015 at 16:47

Kinja'd!!!

This. This is amazing timing.

Verdog ~ manual Bro, Bro - HellHawk Equipped > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/04/2015 at 16:51

Q: Ros

1: Ham

2. Vet

3. Kimi

StingrayJake > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/04/2015 at 16:54

Since I’m convinced that waiting for practice doesn’t actually improve my picks, I’m just going to go with what’s happened half of the year so far.

Q: Hamilton

1. Hamilton

2. Rosberg

3. Vettel

Unrelated banter to follow:

Everybody will get a boost from the usual round of upgrades, but so will Mercedes, which will still win. Red Bull and McLaren have the most to gain at the moment. Will these upgrades finally put McLaren in points-scoring territory? Will Red Bull and Williams Martini get together to form a delicious gross alcoholic beverage? Will Renault just say fuck it and leave? Does any of this actually matter?

Branden J -Reading the Manual > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/04/2015 at 17:13

Q. Vettel

1. Hamilton

2.Vettel

3.Raikkonen

RTeeJay > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/05/2015 at 18:24

Q. Hamilton

1. Hamilton

2. Rosberg

3. Raikkonen

Curse. Maldonado

Bobololo23 is waiting for the FT86 to come > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/05/2015 at 20:35

Q. Ham

1. Ham

2. Ros

3. Mas

jvirgs drives a Subaru > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/05/2015 at 20:53

Q: ROS

1: VET

2: ROS

3:HAM

Curse: NONE

Wheelerguy > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/05/2015 at 21:58

Kinja'd!!!

Did they just name this turn Repsol? If they did, where’s the Castrol?

Wheelerguy > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/05/2015 at 22:05

Three drivers are Spanish and all would love to win their home race, but being that they drive for McLaren, Torro Rosso, and Manor-Marussia, it ain’t gonna happen.

With that out of the way...

Kinja'd!!!

My pick for both Q and win is above.

2. Seb (Oh, this better work)

3. Kimi (Oh, this better work)

No curse.

ncasolowork2 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/06/2015 at 10:46

Q Hamilton

1 Hamilton

2 Raikkonen

3 Vettel

I’m not going to curse Rosberg but he’s going to fail and fall apart. Might finish the race though.

Zerofret > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/06/2015 at 12:15

Kinja'd!!!

dirty soap > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/06/2015 at 12:26

Q. Ham

1. Ham

2. Vet

3. Rai

Blubya > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/06/2015 at 15:18

Q. Ham

1. Ham

2. Lettuce

3. Seb V.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/06/2015 at 15:19

Q: Ros

1 Hamilton

2 Rosberg

3. Vettel

TxBrumski > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/06/2015 at 17:17

Q. Lewis Hamilton

1. Nico Rosberg

2. Lewis Hamilton

3. Jenson Button (a man can dream)

Roadkill > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/07/2015 at 11:11

Q: Kimi

1: Kimi

2: Hamilton

3: Merhi

Curse: Maldonado... This week I’m hoping he gets tied up and hidden in the creepy old haunted Caterham garage until the end of the race, whilst someone I like takes his place, like Mark Webber, or David Coulthard (it’s my fantasy, I can chose who I please), or Kamui Kobayashi, or even Giedo Van Der Garde... because I woul like to see what he could’ve one in a decent car...

Blubya > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
05/07/2015 at 16:07

Q. Ham

1. Ham

2. Grosjean

3. Vettel

Curse, grid boys!