Beige Is the New Black™

"brian1321" (brian1321) 04/09/2015 at 14:04 • Filed to: None

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I bought a black 2015 Corolla. It's quiet, it's comfortable, it's great on gas, and it has a CVT. There is plenty of trunk space for transporting my collection of vintage driving gloves, it has a stylish look, and nice looking interior. The only problem is the color...beige.

I've been on Jalopnik for a long time and I know that beige is bad. Beige is the war on fun, the assault on driving dynamics, and the onslaught of numbness. Beige is the 30-something professional, driving in trafffic to the job they hate, listening to Kenny G and drinking a venti iced caramel macchiato with double espresso. I have also been on Jalopnik long enough to know that everyone is full of shit and/or a professional commute-racecar driver.

I like beige. Beige is comfortable and safe. Beige is easy maintenance and peace of mind at the pump. I don't have to worry about a rival street racing club slashing my tires or stealing my domo pendant while I'm at Chipotle. I don't have to worry about a single thing, except other drivers and traffic patterns. You know, the usual stuff drivers have to pay attention to. I haven't given up on life and I certainly haven't lost my love of the automotive world. They are two distinct parts of my life that must remain so. I can't daily drive a race car and I can't take my daily driver to the track. Driving a manual is fun but it was the single worst part of my commute. I made the adult decision and bought the Corolla.

Sure, I could've traded in my Wrangler for a Miata, or a Panther, or any of the other circle-jerk vehicles beloved by so many here. That would have been a terrible decision made my a man-child. I could only afford one car, DD to get to work or a zoom zoom race car. I made the tough decision to put my career, my girl friend, and my family in front of my pipe dreams of "apexing exit ramps and heel toe shifting in 15mph traffic." We can touch on how ridiculous it is how people do those things on public roads in their daily drivers but its not worth the time (justification > realization).

Do not judge me for being beige. Judge me for talking down to you in this write up.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:08

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Do not judge me for being beige. Judge me for talking down to you in this write up.

Are those the only choices?

Party-vi > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:08

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YOU HAVEN'T CALLED OR WRITTEN IN MONTHS I WAS WORRIED SICK!!!

Sweet car. Good on you.

Textured Soy Protein > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:09

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Here, I'll sum up every possible reply:

But but but you could have gotten something else less beige that also is cheap, brand new, good on gas, reliable and comfortable. At least get a Mazda 3, for the love of all that is a holy brown diesel manual wagon!

BrtStlnd > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:09

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As someone whose vehicle choices have gotten beiger as I age, I commend your beige choice. I am also full of shit and a commute race car driver.

EL_ULY > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:09

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nice ride! Any more pictures of it?

Tohru > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:12

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I'm not going to give you shit for having a Corolla or an automatic. I *am* going to give you shit for buying a CVT.

Klaus Schmoll > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:12

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First prove that this is really you, let's do the secret handshake!

Kate's Dirty Sister > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:13

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Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:14

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There are literally a dozen of us that understand the purpose of buying a Corolla or Camry!

Kate's Dirty Sister > Tohru 04/09/2015 at 14:15

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CVT's are fine as long as they're not Nissan CVT's

Nibby > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:15

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BRIAN! I missed you.

brian1321 > Klaus Schmoll 04/09/2015 at 14:16

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My penis is now out. Your move.

Blake Noble > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:16

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I agree.

I'm the ripe old age of 24 and I've owned almost one car for every year I've been alive. I've owned everything from V8, rear-drive American dinosaurs, to four-banger compact cars, to V6 pony cars and four-wheel drive covered wagons. Out of all them, I like my lowly Dodge Dart the best. It's seriously no less fun to drive than any of the rear-drive 'Murrica-mobiles I've owned, and it's less wasteful. It has all of the crap I like and nothing I don't.

However, I'm sure I fucked up by not buying a goddamn Mazda 3. Know what? I think the Dart looks better than the Mazda 3. The Mazda 3 has a huge frickin' schnoz and it looks awkward. There. I said it. It might drive just a little bit nicer, but it also looks like a clown shoe.

brian1321 > Tohru 04/09/2015 at 14:16

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Its a solid box, no issues or concerns on my end.

brian1321 > Textured Soy Protein 04/09/2015 at 14:17

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I've never had a good experience in a Mazda. I looked at the Cruze, Civic, Accord, Elantra, and Sonata. This made the most sense for me.

brian1321 > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 04/09/2015 at 14:17

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Option C is, as usual, sex.

Vicente Esteve > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:18

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Good choice, did you consider the green?

brian1321 > BrtStlnd 04/09/2015 at 14:18

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X5M or gtfac

cletus44 aka Clayton Seams > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:18

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You caved, dude

brian1321 > Party-vi 04/09/2015 at 14:19

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You didnt get the notes I left stuck to your toilet seat?

brian1321 > EL_ULY 04/09/2015 at 14:19

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brian1321 > cletus44 aka Clayton Seams 04/09/2015 at 14:19

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My wrangler exploded.

Party-vi > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:21

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I specifically don't lift the seat 1) to avoid notes from bros and 2) because it's funny when my fiance complains about pee all over the seat. I'm an animal.

rb1971 ARGQF+CayenneTurbo+E9+328GTS+R90S > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:22

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Who would judge? One of the most awesome things about the car market since the late 80s, more interesting to me (a lover of performance cars) than how great the high-end cars have gotten, is how much better the lower-end and appliance-like cars have gotten.

I remember driving Hyundais back in the 80s. The were shitboxes, unrepentant shitboxes. I had friends with Yugos. Total suckitude. My aunt had an original Corolla, maybe neat now with nostalgia glasses but not a great place to be every day.

The current Corolla? Is very nice indeed. Probably faster than my 1990 RX7, and definitely nicer on the inside. And safer. With better electronic goodies. All for what, $20k? Less? That RX7 cost $27k in 1990 dollars. If I had to commute in my cars - well, I might have a Tesla, but I might also just get a Corolla or a Focus or something to put miles on.

Salut!

Nonster > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:22

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While I don't appreciate the condescending tone I understand where it's coming from since plenty 'round these parts (myself included) are quick to call beige bad. Also I applaud you for not shying away from your sensible and grown up car choice.

That said, I heel-toe in 15mph traffic cause its fun and I like my domo pendant thank you very much

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:24

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Judgey hatefucks are the best kind.

Klaus Schmoll > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:25

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The OTHER secret handshake!

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:26

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On the one hand, this car isn't bad enough to hate nor good enough to praise which is why I dislike it since it stirs up zero emotions.....but on the other hand this is a website where if you don't explain why you bought a car (especially a new one) you get shunned for not buying a used miata.

BrtStlnd > Tohru 04/09/2015 at 14:26

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There's nothing inherently wrong with CVTs for a car like this, or any vehicle really.

BrtStlnd > Kate's Dirty Sister 04/09/2015 at 14:28

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** pictured - man who hasn't owned a car since leasing a Jeep Liberty **

Kate's Dirty Sister > BrtStlnd 04/09/2015 at 14:29

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I thought it was his mom's ?

Louros > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:29

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You need two of these. The big ones.

brian1321 > Klaus Schmoll 04/09/2015 at 14:29

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...My other penis is now out?

HONDAD > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:33

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I'm confused. Are we actually debating the color or the car itself (or both!) are boring? Because I agree.

BrtStlnd > Kate's Dirty Sister 04/09/2015 at 14:33

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I think his mom got an SRX IIRC.

HONDAD > Vicente Esteve 04/09/2015 at 14:35

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Oh, I do like that color!

brian1321 > Party-vi 04/09/2015 at 14:35

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How do you think I was able to stick them

Party-vi > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:36

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Because you sit down to pee.

brian1321 > Nibby 04/09/2015 at 14:36

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You missed the idea of me

EL_ULY > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:44

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NIICE! Clean layout

Klaus Schmoll > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:47

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All 3 you twit! You can leave the dildos in your bag, your trunk, your glovebox, your pockets... you know just leave them where they are.

Funktheduck > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 14:48

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While I obviously prefer my 3, since I bought it instead of a Corolla, it's a really good car. Mine lasted 250k before I traded it in. Great commuter

Margin Of Error > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:02

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L

A

M

E

brian1321 > Margin Of Error 04/09/2015 at 15:03

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Moezee yourself off a cliff

Margin Of Error > Textured Soy Protein 04/09/2015 at 15:06

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I really don't understand why someone would pick a Corolla over a 3

Margin Of Error > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:08

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Doe you want me to list all the cars you could have bought for TWENTY THOUSANDS DOLLARS ?

brian1321 > Margin Of Error 04/09/2015 at 15:11

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Yes, ordered by resale value, ease of repair, then total cost to own, THEN color, then wheel size

BmanUltima's car still hasn't been fixed yet, he'll get on it tomorrow, honest. > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:13

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You're in the denial stage right now. You'll soon realize you made a mistake.

B/Xmrrmvr > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:15

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You're not talking down, you're defending your purchase.

RallyWrench > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:17

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I see you opted for the darker shade, Midnight Beige Metallic.

" I made the tough decision to put my career, my girl friend, and my family in front of my pipe dreams of "apexing exit ramps and heel toe shifting in 15mph traffic."

You can still do this. Driving a slow car fast is much funner than driving a fast car slowly.

CalzoneGolem > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:18

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I fully support this decision. I even like the way these look. Dat blue tho!

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:18

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.....

Bro. What are you, like, even doing in here? You might receive a warmer reception on another blog that views the automobile as only an appliance.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:20

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Who in the shit buys a car now for the resale value? Cars have become expendable commodities. You would have been better off just leasing something than buying anything right now.

\consumers who buy for resale value are delusional

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:21

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Based on your statement "I like beige, beige is comfortable and safe." you can:

OPPOsaurus WRX > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:22

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did your girlfriend write that for you? (jk) my brother-in-law, single guy, just bought a Corolla S. One of the first things I realized when I got my WRX is how much more the car has to offer than I can use on the streets. But damn when I get the chance it put a smile on my face. (passing, on ramps and such, no street racing)

Viggen > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:23

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I made the tough decision to put my career, my girl friend, and my family in front of my pipe dreams

You're doing the right thing. I'd like to give you shit for buying this car, but for the reasons you posted above, I can't.

However, my inner Jeep is sad you got rid of your Wrangler. What type was it?

BmanUltima's car still hasn't been fixed yet, he'll get on it tomorrow, honest. > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 04/09/2015 at 15:24

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My mom bought a Jeep Cherokee Trailhawk for the resale value. Yeah, I don't get that either.

BrtStlnd > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 04/09/2015 at 15:24

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I have no idea what you are trying to express in this comment.

brian1321 > Viggen 04/09/2015 at 15:25

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TJ 2 door, 6 speed.

It exploded. Control arms cracked from the death wobble, which jacked up the water pump and radiator.

Margin Of Error > EL_ULY 04/09/2015 at 15:25

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LOL

brian1321 > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 04/09/2015 at 15:25

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MOE is a parody account and I was replying in kind. Lighten up Francis

vicali > BrtStlnd 04/09/2015 at 15:25

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I have a 2014 LE as a loaner while the Tacoma gets a new frame.. It seems to be a nice car, a bit of an appliance but that's how Corollas roll. I laughed when the manual says 'S' is for holdback and 'B' is for more holdback.. I just drive around in S all day..

This one has heated seats and a backup camera..

brian1321 > Vicente Esteve 04/09/2015 at 15:26

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No I hadnt, now I kinda wish I did

Margin Of Error > Viggen 04/09/2015 at 15:26

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Sounds more like a bunch of excuses for a terrible impulse buy

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:27

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or any of the other circle-jerk vehicles beloved by so many here.

You mean a v70r or diesel benz with 390k miles would be an impractical idea?!

Viggen > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:27

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Ah good old death wobble. That sucks.

brian1321 > nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul 04/09/2015 at 15:28

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Dont forget a leaky miata with 3 wheels

MrDakka > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:28

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Could've had this

http://www.cargurus.com/Cars/l-Used-Po…

Plus your feet are the most reliable form of transportation. :)

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:32

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Everyone knows the 4th wheel is unnecessary and needs to be ditched for racecarbro weight reduction.

Viggen > Margin Of Error 04/09/2015 at 15:35

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Not really. I could explain the situation behind why I chose a Mazda6 over a sports car or Jeep, but that post would be fairly lengthy.

Margin Of Error > Viggen 04/09/2015 at 15:37

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Please do

For Sweden > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:44

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Has Tavarish taught you nothing?

Also, while you may look down on me, you didn't buy a Mazda, so Spiegel looks down on you.

DasWauto > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 15:51

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My car is new and actually beige. I don't judge you for what you drive and the only justification I need for driving what is do is 'I like it, fuck you'.

Sorry about your Wrangler.

brian1321 > For Sweden 04/09/2015 at 15:51

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I dont go on Jalopnik.

(Its also a lease, shh...)

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > BrtStlnd 04/09/2015 at 15:51

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No more wrong than a conventional automatic, I suppose...

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 04/09/2015 at 15:54

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I might not buy a car because I know it's going to depreciate like a rock in the near future, but otherwise, I agree with you.

BrtStlnd > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 04/09/2015 at 15:59

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A conventional automatic is not wrong either.

RiceRocketeer Extraordinaire > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 16:01

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I drive a beige-on-beige Camry, so ...

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > BrtStlnd 04/09/2015 at 16:17

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Yeah, just a little less right.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > BmanUltima's car still hasn't been fixed yet, he'll get on it tomorrow, honest. 04/09/2015 at 16:20

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Consumer circa 2000: "Hey, uh, yeah. I'm here to buy that thing over that so that later on I can sell it for close to what it cost me."

Seller/Creator/Supplier circa 2000: "Sure, whatever man. Just sign here and give me my moneys."

Consumer circa nowskis: "Hey, uh, yeah. I'm here to buy that thing over that so that later on I can sell it for close to what it cost me."

Seller/Creater/Overseas Manufacturer/Supply Chain manager/et al crirca nowskis: "

Viggen > Margin Of Error 04/09/2015 at 16:28

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Ok.

I'm a soldier. I need to be able to carry all of my gear for a field exercise, that is a duffle bag, ruck sack, assault pack, and body armor. Add on to that the fact not everyone in my unit has a car and I'll help my fellow soldiers out, so I need to be able to carry their stuff as well. A sports car cannot do that. I also need to be able to move all my stuff when I move duty stations in one trip. Why not a truck? I don't like trucks. Plus I wanted good gas mileage. Why not a Wagon? I just said I'm a soldier, I can't afford Audi maintenance. Why not a Jeep? Because it'll end up like my Cherokee is right now. Broken.

Don't get me wrong I want a sports car. But I had legit reasons for needed a beigemobile that took priority. Add in a budget of $12,600 and being very picky with what I will and will not drive. I test drove plenty of cars when I was looking around and I found the Mazda6 to be the least beige of the beige.

I could have got a WRX but finding stock ones was damn near impossible. I will not purchase a modified vehicle unless the owner has the full parts list/receipts/service history.

Once my priority was out of the way I bought my first toy, my Cherokee, and now I'm looking for my second; a sports car.

Margin Of Error > Viggen 04/09/2015 at 16:30

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At least you bought a toy

Tohru > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 18:43

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You shouldn't talk about your lady friend like that.

RockRam > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 23:18

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Rock that shit brother. I currently drive a 3rd gen 4Runner and I'm looking to get into a 2007+ Camry and a 2007+ Tundra. If it works, it works.

Vicente Esteve > HONDAD 04/09/2015 at 23:39

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I think it makes the Corolla pop up nicely, even more when you can also choose saddle cloth.

Vicente Esteve > brian1321 04/09/2015 at 23:41

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That exterior with this interior made up of gorgeous saddle cloth go perfectly together

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > brian1321 04/10/2015 at 01:00

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Congrats! I am a guy who owns lots of Toyotas for reasons. FP comments are brutal and as you know, but oppo is only better by comparison for Toyota drivers. Frankly I don't know why people shit themselves over other people's driving choices...

Volvosaurus-Rex > brian1321 04/14/2015 at 15:56

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Did you know VW gives their most fuel friendly Golf a more well tuned suspension than the regular golf? Did you know that jalops prefer the Manuel, but I'm sure many drive cars regularly with an automatic? Just because we all like to envision an enthusiast utopia doesn't mean all jalop-verse is some homogeneous preference.

Also the solution is always Miata.