Fighting junk mail is a neverending battle

Kinja'd!!! "Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
04/08/2015 at 15:50 • Filed to: None

Kinja'd!!!4 Kinja'd!!! 20
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I hate opening my mailbox, because it's always full of a bunch of junk. It's ridiculous. I hate this crap. For the past few years, I've been doing what I can to stem the tide of junk mail. What I've learned is that when you call companies to be taken off their mailing list, the people answering the phone are often genuinely surprised at the question.

It persistently infuriates me when I get automatically added to some company's mailing list. At least with email, I can click the unsubscribe link—which I do religiously—and be done with it.

Between all the car dealers, banks, credit cards, insurance companies, utility companies, and everywhere else I have done business with, they all keep sending me shit. Most recently I started getting service reminder post cards for the 4Runner I !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . You guys took the thing back from me. No I don't want an oil change! Fuck off with your filling up my mailbox!

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Sirius XM, after the 1 free year that came with my BMW expired, just carpet bombed me with letters to sign back up. A local jewelry store sends me sale post cards twice a month, because I bought 1 relatively cheap pearl bracelet for my gf there one time.

There's also all the companies that got my name and address somehow and keep bombarding me with the same damn offer over and over again. DirecTV, AT&T, etc. I never once have had an account with them but they sure want me to. I hate junk mail, bitches. The more junk mail you send me, the more I'm not signing up for your services.

Fuck these companies. I don't want your shit.

My savior in the fight against junk mail has come in the form of an app: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . You take pictures of junk mail, and they send opt-out requests to the companies sending that mail. It works often, but not always. The mail has to be addressed to you by name (so it doesn't work on shit addressed like "Current Resident" or "To Our Friends At") and typically you get the best results when dealing with large national businesses.

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Even with PaperKarma, I still get too much junk mail. So I've taken to calling places and telling them to get me off their mailing lists. Sometimes they respond immediately. Other times they act like they're going to but it never happens. Today, I called a couple places, and both of them had to put me on hold so they could figure out how to have me taken off the mailing list. But they eventually complied. You'd think that with the amount of junk mail these places send out, more people would call asking to be taken off the mailing list. But I suppose not, if they don't even know how to handle a mailing opt-out request.

So take this as a lesson people: stand up to the junk mail! Use PaperKarma. Call businesses that send you junk mail and ask to be taken off their mailing lists. It works! Because a day with nothing new in my mailbox, is a very good day indeed.

Now if only I could get one of those handy dandy mailbox lizards.

Kinja'd!!!

DISCUSSION (20)


Kinja'd!!! Sn210 > Textured Soy Protein
04/08/2015 at 15:54

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I may or may not rip up junk mail and return it to the sender via the prepaid envelop they included.


Kinja'd!!! Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Sn210
04/08/2015 at 15:59

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Oh my god that is genius!


Kinja'd!!! Boxer_4 > Sn210
04/08/2015 at 16:02

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I knew someone who attached bricks to prepaid postage postcards and would mail them back. That might have been a bit more than getting even, but they did get their point across.


Kinja'd!!! Racescort666 > Textured Soy Protein
04/08/2015 at 16:03

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I was having a problem with Red Plum distributed by the Chicago Tribune because it's this giant fucking packet of coupons and I'm always subscribed to it. So I called them to unsubscribe, the guy actually said on the phone "are you sure? It's free." How about a kick to the testicles asshole, that'll be free too?


Kinja'd!!! Sn210 > Boxer_4
04/08/2015 at 16:06

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my favorite are the Anerican Express solicitations. They always come in a bigass envelope with thick booklets printed on heavy cardstock. If it doesn't have my name on it or a bullshit "customer locator" bar code on the envelope, it goes back.


Kinja'd!!! Sn210 > Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again.
04/08/2015 at 16:07

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just doing my part to keep the post office alive


Kinja'd!!! HammerheadFistpunch > Textured Soy Protein
04/08/2015 at 16:10

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my preferred method of sticking it to junk mail is is to use their prepaid envelopes to stuff them full of other people's junk mail. theyou are prepaid envelopes but there's no cost asigned until they're Weighed so the heavier the better. Sometimes it's cereal in them


Kinja'd!!! Stef Schrader > Sn210
04/08/2015 at 16:21

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I would add glitter.


Kinja'd!!! Stef Schrader > Racescort666
04/08/2015 at 16:23

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UGH! I hate RedPlum.

I figured out how to unsubscribe myself, but sometimes my mailman can't read and wads that in my box anyway. Um, how about no? DIAF, RedPlum.

I think they have an unsubscribe thing on their website, IIRC.


Kinja'd!!! Stef Schrader > Boxer_4
04/08/2015 at 16:23

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That's awesome. I wish I had a good source for free bricks.


Kinja'd!!! Racescort666 > Stef Schrader
04/08/2015 at 16:30

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I've had to call them in the past. At my current place of residence they have finally stopped sending it to me. At my old place the mailman got sick of trying to cram them into my mailbox and they stopped delivering mail to me over Christmas.


Kinja'd!!! You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > HammerheadFistpunch
04/08/2015 at 16:42

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Glitterbomb them with their own envelopes! Justice is best served with the herpes of craft supplies.


Kinja'd!!! Destructive Tester > Textured Soy Protein
04/08/2015 at 17:11

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I'd literally poop...


Kinja'd!!! Sn210 > Stef Schrader
04/08/2015 at 17:19

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GENIUS!


Kinja'd!!! Textured Soy Protein > HammerheadFistpunch
04/08/2015 at 23:00

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But...then you're still on the mailing list.


Kinja'd!!! Textured Soy Protein > Racescort666
04/08/2015 at 23:05

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I had the same problem, but with Shopper Stopper from Capitol Newspapers, the company that publishes the Wisconsin State Journal. It would come twice a fucking week, this giant pile of coupons for a bunch of places I never go to. It wasn't even addressed to me by name.

They're sly about it, because they don't actually put Wisconsin State Journal or Capitol Newspapers anywhere on it. I had to google how to get rid of the damn thing, and someone out there had discovered it's a product of Capitol Newspapers, and if you call their customer service you can get them to take you off the mailing list.


Kinja'd!!! Textured Soy Protein > Sn210
04/08/2015 at 23:06

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But that doesn't get you off the mailing list. The best revenge against junk mail is not getting any more junk mail.


Kinja'd!!! Racescort666 > Textured Soy Protein
04/08/2015 at 23:07

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I told them if they didn't take me off the list I'd be sending it back to them. I would liked to have sent it back to them on fire.


Kinja'd!!! HammerheadFistpunch > Textured Soy Protein
04/08/2015 at 23:14

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maybe, maybe not. I think they would get the message and if not then there is a fun activity that keeps coming in the mail.


Kinja'd!!! NoneOfYourBiz > HammerheadFistpunch
04/09/2015 at 15:32

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My 95 year old grandmother got fed up with companies that wouldn't stop as requested.

She took to mailing back rotting deli meat in their pre-paid envelopes. The mail stopped.