"macanamera" (macanamera)
04/01/2015 at 11:25 • Filed to: None
4
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"macanamera" (macanamera)
04/01/2015 at 11:25 • Filed to: None | 4
| 2 |
Uber CEO Travis Kalanick announced a number of long-awaited changes for Uber in order to improve on reliability and customer satisfaction. Details after the jump.
Since the start, Uber has been both popular and controversial. Now, everyone's favorite crime-on-demand service is getting even better:
"We really listen to our customers", stated Uber CEO Travis Kalanick.
"Consumers hate two things: uncertainty, and a lack of reliability. One of the complaints that we get most often is that customers didn't know if/when they were going to get beaten, stabbed, or robbed. Now, that problem is in the past. Our app will now clearly state whether or not your driver will stab you, beat you, or simply rob you. Furthermore, we have added a drop down menu in the app where you can choose! Simply select a crime, and a weapon, and your driver will happily oblige. For example, if I choose "stabbing", I am then presented with three options: "Knife", "Screwdriver", or "Icepick". Once I choose, I receive a confirmation text immediately! Or let's say I choose "beating", then my options are "Fists", "Hammer", or "Baseball Bat". Or maybe for some reason, I'm not in the mood to be stabbed or beaten, then I can simply select "Robbery", and then input a dollar amount. My driver will then happily take that much money from me at gunpoint! Of course, Uber's "Surge Pricing" is still in effect here, and if you request the "Robbery" option during peak times, you may be asked for more money than you originally wanted to be robbed for. If you choose to be beaten or stabbed, during surge pricing, you may be given a few more hits to the kidney or stabbed once or twice more in the thigh."
"Furthermore, if you enjoy the thrill of a surprise, we will of course still offer our standard "random" crime service, where you won't know whether you will be beaten, stabbed, or robbed, until it actually happens! This has, of course, been our most popular service to date and we expect it to remain so."
"If the widespread availability of these features proves to be popular, we have ideas for some other new features. We plan to offer options that request the driver to be "Creepy As Fuck", for a more emotional experience. Furthermore, for a slightly higher price, we will guarantee that your driver is an ex-convict (violent crimes only), so you can be assured that your crime is performed by a professional. We are also considering allowing you more customization when being assaulted, and may include an adjustable sliding scale ranging from "Light Beating" to "Within An Inch Of My Life". The timing of these more advanced features is not yet set, but we hope to roll these features out by Q3 2015, at the latest."
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"We have already been rolling out these new services in many markets, and customers really love it. No matter how many people we beat, stab, or rob, customers keep coming back for more! We really want our customers to know that we care, and that we strive to provide full satisfaction for every customer, every ride. Uber will continue to listen to your feedback and improve our services."
We will, of course, be following these new features as they become available in more markets, and will report more information as we get it. For now, however, it seems clear that Uber is ready to leave it's controversial past behind it, and embrace the future.
My citroen won't start
> macanamera
04/01/2015 at 11:44 |
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I don't know why people hate Uber that much, it is miles ahead of taxi services and I get free coconut water and candy (and Lindt Chocolate now, because easter).
Tobytoby
> macanamera
04/01/2015 at 22:46 |
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"We really listen to our customers", safety is our number one priority " stated Uber CEO Travis I never ever heard anyone lie as much as, Travis Kalanick .