BMW M4: The JalOpposite Schlock Quick Look

Kinja'd!!! "RallyWrench" (rndlitebmw)
03/17/2015 at 13:10 • Filed to: BMW M4

Kinja'd!!!3 Kinja'd!!! 5

A friend of the shop just picked this up, Sakhir Orange with all the trimmings. Much better in person than in the pictures & video I've seen so far. Too overwrought for my Luddite tastes in Ultimate Driving Machines, but a hell of a car nonetheless:

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Lovely color, looks very restrained, almost brown until sun hits it just right, then POP! Like a good red ale in the light. Mmm, Ale... Not sure how I feel about blacked out grilles. I'm not a fan of chrome on BMWs, but if anything should be, it's the grille surrounds. I'm still not a fan of the headlamps blending into the grilles, but again, this is a matter of personal taste. For as overtly beefed up as the press pics made the bodywork frippery look, I found it to look downright normal. Even the extractor vents in the fenders, which look stupid (to me) on the base 4-series, look perfectly judged here. This may be helped by the color, as I haven't seen one in LSD Smurf Blue or Cosmic Lime Arg Me Bloody Eyes Yellow yet. I like the subtle hood contours, not as overtly "COME AT ME BRO" as the power dome on the E90 cars:

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Best part of the whole car, dem Carbon-Orgasmic brakes! Note the side camera lens just ahead of the wheel. Done? Good, F that thing. LOOK AT THESE BRAKES!! GAZE UPON THEIR MAGNIFICENCE!! Unf Unf:

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The exhaust sounds quiet & tame in Comfort, but hitting Sport gives it a respectable bark, which the following image will now not demonstrate. Imagine, if you will, Barry White strangling Robert Plant, while Janis Joplin mumbles about in the background. Possibly. It might just sound like an all alloy, twin cam, twin turbo 6 with flippy flaps in the exhaust:

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Remember when 19's were clown wheels? No? Get off my lawn, kid. Why, in my day, boy, we had 15s, 15s!! 17s were a hotshot upgrade, sonny! Anyway, 19s now look small. Gotta clear dem brakes though. Did I mention the brakes? You should see the brakes. Oh... oh... I just saw the brakes a little bit:

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No cows Several Umpa Lumpa cows were harmed in the making of this interior. Doors, dash, steering wheel, with contrasting stitching no doubt done by lovely German wenches in dirndls, or strapping young lads in lederhosen, after a hearty breakfast of strudel and cold meat. Note the strange lever in the console, also trimmed in leather. This is the manifestation of the latest technology in driving pleasure, a "manual transmission." It is engaged via a "hydraulic clutch" which is operated by the leftmost pedal in the drivers' footwell. Strange stuff:

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Speaking of cold meat, I'm not looking forward to working on these when they come off dealer service programs. Note the Playskool plastic induction heat soaker that will in no way leak air/water intercooler dominating the engine compartment:

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And a better pic of the carbon boomerang fresh from the wilds of Australia. Probably. Maybe. Bet she flies true, she does. U wot m8:

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That's all for now, until something else more or less interesting shows up and I'm allowed to break the chains of my $*&%##!!*& desk to take some pictures for the next installment of...

(heroic horn music here) (maybe Sportscenter ditty?)

THE JALOPPOSITE SCHLOCK QUICK LOOK!!ONE111one11!!!


DISCUSSION (5)


Kinja'd!!! jjhats > RallyWrench
03/17/2015 at 13:54

Kinja'd!!!0

why does it have 3 pedals?


Kinja'd!!! RallyWrench > jjhats
03/17/2015 at 13:56

Kinja'd!!!1

Can't believe I forgot to point that out. New transmission technology, with manual gear selection via a hydraulically actuated clutch. The latest thing in driving enjoyment.


Kinja'd!!! jjhats > RallyWrench
03/17/2015 at 14:00

Kinja'd!!!1

how do you use 3 pedals with 2 feet? is this like an n64 controller?


Kinja'd!!! RallyWrench > jjhats
03/17/2015 at 14:21

Kinja'd!!!0

Very similar in concept, yes. Imagine, if you will, switching to grenade launcher from your PP7 whilst running forward & rotating to line up a ricochet shot through an upper portal in the Temple to vanquish your enemy, all with but a few fingers. The enemy of course being clinical computerized dominance of an otherwise fully involved & joyful driving experience. It's an acquired skill, but one well worth having.


Kinja'd!!! davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > RallyWrench
03/23/2015 at 10:52

Kinja'd!!!0

Bless your friend for choosing this.