"My citroen won't start" (lucasboechat)
02/26/2015 at 15:31 • Filed to: None
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"My citroen won't start" (lucasboechat)
02/26/2015 at 15:31 • Filed to: None | 2
| 11 |
I'll make this a pseudo-regular (random) series about (not very good) Brazilian Market cars. Today we have a Chinese one sold here in single model spec, the JAC J5.
JAC stands for JUST AWFULL CRAP Jianghuai Automobile Co and it is one of the most successful Chinese attempts at conquering the Brazilian market. With cheap prices, plenty (not good, just many) standard features and a 6 year warranty they sold quite a few of them. In this post I'm going to ramble about their mid-size offering, the J5.
It was designed by Giugiaro so it doesn't look bad, just bland, very bland. JAC J5 sounds like a generic Funk band from the 80's.
Unlike most cars there isn't a single optional equipment available for it (maybe dealer floor mats), you get LED day-lights, electrically regulated headlights, folding mirrors and rear parking sensors. The wheels look like sofa casters.
Groovy.
Inside you can expect shitty plastics, poor fitment and awful chrome plastic and as an extra bonus you also get road noise. The seats are terrible, especially in the rear (that means only 2 stars for you Uber Black driver, I was expecting something classy, like an Azera)
Sat-Nav and dual-zone AC are also standard (everything is) but they feel cheap. The only gearbox available is a (not very good) 5 speed manual.
The only engine available (I feel like I'm being repetitive) is a 1.5 VVT petrol I4 producing 125HP and 112 lb-ft of torque. 0-60 time is quoted at a mind bogging 11.8 seconds.
You can't get one because it is only available in third-world countries for the cheap price of $19,000 because it is utter shit.
Mercedes Streeter
> My citroen won't start
02/26/2015 at 15:42 |
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This is what happens when you turn GTA V cars into real cars.
SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O)
> My citroen won't start
02/26/2015 at 15:42 |
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It honestly looks a Hyundai with a Dodge Dart profile and a VW Jetta rear end... And a strange Mercedes Benz knockoff emblem
0-60 time is quoted at a mind bogging 11.8 seconds.
Holy shit. That's barely faster to 60 than my 2002. For shame, China. For shame.
PS9
> My citroen won't start
02/26/2015 at 15:55 |
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People think it's Chinese, but it's actually Caribbean. A long long time ago, an ancestor of the company founder went on an epic (about three movie's worth) adventure to get his ship back. After recovering it, he discovered a cave loaded with a zillion pieces of eight, which made his family line rich for generations.
His great-great-great-great grandson used his inheritance to try his hand at heavy manufacturing, founding the JAC car company. A few years from now, they hope to create their first supercar; the Sparrow.
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PS9
> SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O)
02/26/2015 at 16:02 |
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VP: People are complaining that our products look too much like this or that car. I...kinda agree with them actually...
CEO: That's why we're done ripping off one car at a time. For 2015...we'll create a car that rips them all off at once.
VP: Sir...that's pure evil...
CEO: Well you don't get to run a company that uses orphan labor to build things by being nice.
VP: Ehh. Got me there.
Schaefft
> My citroen won't start
02/26/2015 at 19:00 |
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If you are adding a step like this to the silhouette of your taillight design, atleast make it more noticeable so it doesn't look like the trunklid is misaligned.
Good idea btw, would love to read more articles like this.
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My citroen won't start
> SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O)
02/26/2015 at 21:33 |
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But it was designed by Giugiaro, do you there is a memo in some italian town from JAC to the designers telling them to make it as generic as possible?
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My citroen won't start
> Mercedes Streeter
02/26/2015 at 21:36 |
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It really looks like some generic comically named GTA V car like "Peniston"
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My citroen won't start
> Schaefft
02/26/2015 at 21:37 |
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I actually was a lot of fun to write this, our car market is really weird. Engines choices are fucked up and people don't care about quality.
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My citroen won't start
> PS9
02/26/2015 at 21:39 |
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I think that is how all of the Chinese companies started.
Picture: The JAC Sparrow booty-wagon
ranwhenparked
> PS9
02/26/2015 at 21:43 |
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Do you write the catalogs for Steinhausen/Steiner/Stauer watches?
Jon-o
> My citroen won't start
02/27/2015 at 01:59 |
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it looks like a Kia, a Dodge Dart and a Camry melted together