Worst 5 Bond Girls

"Steve in Manhattan" (blogenfreude01) 01/15/2015 at 19:46 • Filed to: None

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I've been getting a lot of enjoyment lately from the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! podcast - two Bond nerds who, with a guest or two, dissect each of the 23 Bond films. They're almost done (and they just did !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! with !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ? that was fantastic). This got me thinking about the best and worst of the series.

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5) !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! (Agent XXX/Major Anya Amasova, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ) - Mrs. Ringo Starr does not acquit herself well in what is otherwise a pretty good movie. Google "wooden acting" - her photo will pop up. She sells none of the action she's in, pouts through most of the movie, and doesn't even register emotion when, at the end of the movie, she decides to sleep with Bond instead of kill him. Why they wanted to bring her back for !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! I'll never know, but thankfully she turned them down.

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4) !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! (Stacey Sutton, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ) - with Christopher Walken as the villain, you'd think this would be a hit, but it's arguably one of the worst Bond movies. Roberts does nothing to help; her acting is stilted, her timing is poor, and her chemistry with Roger Moore is nonexistent. The script doesn't help, nor does the fact that Moore was 57 when this (his last) Bond film was made. He looks like her father.

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3) !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! (Dr. Christmas Jones, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ) - her character's name is a setup for the worst line in a James Bond movie (you can probably guess). She plays a nuclear physicist. I will repeat that. She plays a nuclear physicist. She sounds as though she's reading off cue cards, and she doesn't seem to know there's a camera in the room or even that she's in a movie. She doesn't realize that she's supposed to be on Bond's side (Pierce Brosnan, my least favorite Bond). Many have speculated that she didn't read the entire script, only her scenes. I believe them.

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2) !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! (Tiffany Case, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ) - she shoots a machine gun and falls off an oil rig people. Her overacting is the very definition of the term. She is not helped by Sean Connery, who in his last outing as Bond, and after fighting with the producers over money, phoned it in from a very long distance. If you really want to see how bad St. John is, watch the scene in the amusement park and the scene where she fills up her car with gas. Execreble.

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1) !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! (Jinx, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ) - you thought !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! was bad? You thought !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! was bad? This movie is arguably the worst Bond movie of them all. And Halle Berry is the worst Bond girl of all time. She has no chemistry with Pierce Brosnan. She delivers her lines as though English is her second language, and far too slowly. Her body language is horrible (OK, except when she !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ). Even !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! can't save this movie.

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JustWaitingForAMate > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 19:50

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Die Another Day was so bad I walked out of the cinema, the only time I've ever done that.

Scary__goongala! > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 19:52

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I completely agree with this list. Especially Denise and Halle.

That's Engineering? > JustWaitingForAMate 01/15/2015 at 19:56

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It was rough, but the Aston and Rosamund Pike helped. Quantum of Solace, on the other hand, had no redeeming qualities.

Saracen > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 19:56

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Pretty good list, though I would swap Halle and Denise.

And I'd have to put Octopussy at the bottom of the barrel. Die Another Day is pretty far down there, though. I loved GoldenEye , but thought Brosnan's next three movies were just atrocious.

Steve in Manhattan > Scary__goongala! 01/15/2015 at 19:59

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Going to have to think more carefully before I do the best. Default is Vesper Lynd ( Eva Green ) but there have been other really good ones. But Casino Royale is such a good movie. Craig has 2 more movies to do, then I'm hoping for Ydris Elba.

rb1971 ARGQF+CayenneTurbo+E9+328GTS+R90S > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 19:59

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Righteous list. None of these women could act their way out of a paper sack with a flashlight and directions. I don't know why people think Halle Berry is a good actress (nice to look at sure) - what has she ever done a great job in?

Also, Christmas can in fact come twice a year if you fly (or maybe sail) across the international date line on the 25th of December. (I think that line was about the best thing about that movie but that bar was terribly low.)

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 20:00

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I actually really love Barbara Bach as Anya Amasova. She is easily my second favorite Bond girl. Second only to Maud Adams as Octopussy. Other than that, I agree with the rest of the list.

JustWaitingForAMate > That's Engineering? 01/15/2015 at 20:00

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That red head wasn't bad. Same for Olga Kurlelrerilrlerenko.

Steve in Manhattan > rb1971 ARGQF+CayenneTurbo+E9+328GTS+R90S 01/15/2015 at 20:01

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She was good in Monster's Ball.

Steve in Manhattan > That's Engineering? 01/15/2015 at 20:07

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I will suggest the following, which the podcast recommended. I plan to do it this weekend. Watch Casino Royale followed immediately by Quantum of Solace . The latter picks up pretty much the day after the former ends, and Quantum apparently makes a lot more sense when it's put in this context.

Scary__goongala! > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 20:12

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Notice the two worse Bond Girls were in Pierce Brosnan movies, and he is the worse Bond not counting that random dude who was in a Bond film whose name I can't even remember. Im not sure how I feel about Ydris Elba being Bond in the future. Okay yes he is black, I couldn't care less. But I do think the James Bond persona has a very defined personality and character. I don't know if he fits that role.

Steve in Manhattan > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 01/15/2015 at 20:13

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Maud Adams is one the best - you'll get no quarrel from me.

T5Killer > JustWaitingForAMate 01/15/2015 at 20:22

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I saw it on DVD years after it came out. I am so glad I didn't go see in a theater.

rb1971 ARGQF+CayenneTurbo+E9+328GTS+R90S > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 20:24

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Never saw it, but I believe you. So, like, 1 movie?

Steve in Manhattan > Scary__goongala! 01/15/2015 at 20:26

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George Lazenby. And watch On Her Majesty's Secret Service again. It's a lot better than they give it credit for, and the Aston is gorgeous. Not to mention Diana Rigg.

Scary__goongala! > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 20:30

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I will give props to the Aston

Steve in Manhattan > rb1971 ARGQF+CayenneTurbo+E9+328GTS+R90S 01/15/2015 at 20:32

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There is another horrible line in a Brosnan Bond - forget which one:

Brosnan: So what is your name?

Bad Guy: Mr. Kill!

Brosnan: Now there's a name to die for ...

Did no one read the script once it was finished? Why wasn't that scene taken out? Why did Brosnan not refuse to say the line? GARGHHHH.

crowmolly > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 20:39

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Tanya Roberts is brutal in that movie. BRUTAL.

Axial > That's Engineering? 01/15/2015 at 20:50

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Sure it did. The pacing was a hell of a lot better than in the train-wreck that was Batman: The Dark Knight Rises Skyfall.

aquila121 > That's Engineering? 01/15/2015 at 21:02

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I own "Quantum of Solace" solely for the chase sequence at the beginning. I remember thinking to myself in the theater, This will only go downhill from here. [/sadface]

Steve in Manhattan > Scary__goongala! 01/15/2015 at 21:05

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Here it is :

Steve in Manhattan > rb1971 ARGQF+CayenneTurbo+E9+328GTS+R90S 01/15/2015 at 21:42

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Watching MI5, but I'll look at her IMDB later - recall that she was OK as Storm in the X-Men movies, nothing outstanding. Some have suggested that her Bond Girl performance coupled with Catwoman should require her to give her Oscar back. But I'm not that harsh.

FromCanadaWithLove > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 22:07

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Honorable mention to Gloria Hendry (Rosie in Live And Let Die). Awful, awful.

FromCanadaWithLove > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 22:08

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I liked Lazenby and I adore the DBS. That movie had a stellar cast.

That's Engineering? > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 22:26

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I have done that, and I do understand it contextually. The problem with that movie is that it really just didn't do anything good. And nothing was truly resolved in the end, unless you make the assumption that MI6 managed to track down all of Quantum based on the singular information of the mid-level operative at the end (not Greene, but Lynd's ex-lover - I forget his name and don't feel like googling.). And, additionally, I found the whole Bolivia water supply sub-plot to be forced. That's just my opinion though.

That's Engineering? > Axial 01/15/2015 at 22:30

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I thought the pacing - and the overall movie- were fine, assuming one can suspend disbelief long enough to believe that Silva had everything planned perfectly (including the train that happened to be passing by when Bond cornered him in the tunnel). QoS was pointless, in my opinion. Even after the movie, Quantum is still very much at large, unless you make the assumption that MI6 got all of them based on the information of a mid-level operative (not Greene but Lynd's ex-lover).

RedPir8Roberts > Steve in Manhattan 01/15/2015 at 22:42

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I find Eva Green slightly annoying in Casino Royale, and she is nothing less than a comedown from Caterina Murino in that dress. Murino is the all-time best Bond girl, at least as far as looks. And she can act, given the screen time. Would much rather have had her and Green swap roles, as long as she got to keep that dress for the casino scene where Vesper is supposed to be distracting. Also, I've watched Casino many times and I still don't understand what happened with Vesper—she was giving the money to the bad guys—and then what did she think was going to happen? M and Mathis try to convince Bond that Vesper died to save him, but she left him the phone message apparently knowing she wasn't coming back—and given that, that her supposedly dead boyfriend wasn't coming back and likely dead, so she would probably be killed. Did she really think he'd just let that go—and even less, if she committed suicide right in front of him—what could that possibly achieve?

Barbara Bach gets a pass as she looks fantastic in the movie. I am assuming you are just not counting Lynn-Holly Johnson as a "Bond Girl," as she was sooo painful to watch

As far as worst Bond movie—Moonraker, hands down. The scene where the gondola hovers over St. Marks, with a clearly roll-back film double take by a pigeon, is the low point of the entire franchise. Or maybe it's the kiss between Jaws and his miniature, buck-toothed and pig-tailed girlfriend.

You can swap Lois Chiles, who was simply forgettable (I had to look her up, and I'm a huge Bond fan) for Bach, and Carole Bouquet for Halle Berry (you think Halle Berry is wooden? Hah! Bouquet is Keanu Reeves level wooden in For Your Eyes Only).

Axial > That's Engineering? 01/15/2015 at 22:48

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It wasn't the Swiss-watch nature of Skyfall that sucked, it was how it went nowhere for three quarters of the movie and just when you thought it was finally getting past exposition, it was over. It had this massive, drawn-out buildup, a brief fight at his house, and then POOF! Finished. Even the bod girl lasted all of 15 minutes of the film, a total bit role.

As for QoS, it was a totally fitting movie considering the movie that came before it. The pacing was great, the plot was pretty sound. They managed to take down another of Quantum's members. It's really the failing of Skyfall to not pursue taking down Quantum itself. That whole movie just doesn't make any sense given the previous two. It came out of nowhere, went nowhere, and leaves us with nothing. It, by itself, is a reboot of a reboot.

Cajun Ginger > Saracen 01/16/2015 at 00:14

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I'm with you. Denise Richards is my least favorite Bond girl.

Rock Bottom > Steve in Manhattan 01/16/2015 at 10:12

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It's a well known fact that EVERY Pierce Brosnan Bond movie was just terrible. Awful. Worst Bond ever. Halle Berry's and Denise Richards performances didn't help. At least they're easy on the eyes.

Steve in Manhattan > RedPir8Roberts 01/16/2015 at 18:35

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Excellent points all. I haven't seen Moonraker since ... the 80s? I'll have to watch it again. And I am going to watch Casino Royale followed directly by Quantum of Solace this weekend, as James Bonding recommends. I'll let you know.

DrScientist > Scary__goongala! 01/17/2015 at 14:51

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ydris elba will forever be stringer bell.