Heavy Sorrow Rant: Pick-Me-Ups Requested

"04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches." (04sneaky)
07/20/2014 at 04:53 • Filed to: None

Oppo, I need some help.....

My girlfriend of almost three years is leaving me I believe. We've been fighting on and off for the past few weeks, and it seems like no matter how I act or what I do she just pushes me away. She just started a second job here lately, and ever since then I feel like we've slowly fallen apart. I tried to make sure that ,given the little free time that we have now, I make the best of it by spending time with her, but she always seems distant and almost as if she doesn't want to be there anyways. I, of course, tried to mention this two her and even told her just to go back to working the single job but she's telling me now that she did it so she could get away.

I really don't know what else to do. As of tonight, I think we may officially be done, and I'm at a complete loss. She's telling me now that we need to be looking for our own places, as we currently live together, so I think that's a pretty definite close-out. My heads in a bad place and being that it's 3AM here I have no one to talk to, so I felt the need to come here. I've been in quite a few serious relationships, and I know 100% that she's the girl that I want to be with, but I can't get her to understand that no matter what I say. I hate reaching to other people for help, but honestly I'm so distraught right now that I have no idea what to do.

Anyone have any advice? I've pleaded my case and it seems to be futile. Do I let her go and hope she comes back? I don't think I could stand to wake-up everyday waiting for that to happen. But, I can't simply pretend that I no longer want to be with her. This is seriously not what I need right now, I'm already stressing over losing my family and a lot of my friends, but I really think this would be the last shot to the heart for me.

Once again, I apologize for posting this here, but I really just need to vent and talk to someone right now.

EDIT: Cover photo of a friend's GTO added for your trouble..

DISCUSSION (7)

Henry Diesel > 04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches.
07/20/2014 at 05:08

That sucks man! But oppo is here anytime you want to vent!

04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches. > Henry Diesel
07/20/2014 at 05:29

Thanks man. Trying to stay hopeful, but she's about the last person I have. Both my parents have passed, and I don't have too many friends. Its not that I don't want to be alone, I just don't want to be without her.

But, I appreciate the kind words.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > 04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches.
07/20/2014 at 05:52

As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news...... you wanting to be with her has no bearing on her wanting to be with you. If you let her go without her telling you she's done, assume she will NOT come back. This relationship sounds like it has hit its toxic point where it will most likely end badly. My question to you is how long you will let it do damage to you before you seek treatment? Take a break apart for a while. Focus on your own hobbies and on meeting new friends. Not love interests, but just people with similar likes and dislikes and a way to interact with others.

I just got out of a serious relationship myself due to lack of communication and visitations. It sucked. Hard. But after going to a few autoX events and spending time with my friends, I had some perspective that I was miserable at the end because I was sacrificing what I loved to be with her and yet she would often disregard me like an unknown caller on her phone. I freed up my 4th of July weekend and paid vacation time to be with her only to be ignored for three days straight. Then I knew - I wasn't important to her. So I left that relationship and I've been feeling a lot better about myself......Well in that regard anyways. Other areas in my life are currently either war torn or under construction but I have a few things going for me so let's just look away from the dust right now.....

04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches. > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
07/20/2014 at 06:32

Sorry to hear of your troubles. Regardless of the situation, its always hard to let go of something you love or at least have once loved. But I applaud you for being that strong and fighting through it all.

The difference in my situation is that it hasn't been toxic. Just in the past month we've discussed buying a house and she was perfectly fine before starting the second job. We had minor fights over very minute things, but never anything like this. I just don't understand why this has come up out of the blue like this. I almost feel as if there is some external influence causing all the issues. Either another guy or a friend, or something along those lines. I just don't see how you go from head over heels to nothing in a few weeks.

Just yesterday she was complaining to my buddy at work that she isn't engaged yet, as he and his wife got married after a few years. She was serious about it too, and she's not the gold digger type. So I'm confused as to how things can change so instantaneously. I know my love can keep her loving me, but I feel as if she's just misguided or going on a serious fritz.

I've been in serious long term relationships before, and I know how things start to go when they're about to end and this just isn't the same. I hope that tomorrow she'll be calm and will at least talk about it, but I'm preparing myself otherwise.

GhostZ > 04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches.
07/20/2014 at 07:04

I'll be a bit of a devil's advocate here:

You ever meet someone who is such a workaholic that they are absolutely convinced that they want to be working at their job for the rest of their life? These people spend tons of time at the office, they go to every office party, they enthusiastically work to impress their boss, and often times do it at the risk of their other relationships, friends, family, and peace of mind? However, everyone else knows that their boss just thinks they're a 'good employee', and if the cutbacks had to be made, he would get fired just as soon as anyone else?

Well, usually the advice to them is "You are not your job!". These people hang their entire meaning in life on the pleasure they get out of a job.

So, my advice to you is, "You are not your girlfriend."

As much as you want to spend your life with this person, if she doesn't want to spend it with you, she is a negative impact on your wellbeing right now. There are a lot of guys I know who are so afraid of being 'single' or 'weak' that they try to piece together a relationship and force it to work for years and years (some long into marriage) because they believe that if they just try really hard, the girl will love them (again). But that's because they've been in love with the idea of a person, an 'identity' they get by being in this relationship, than by the person itself. So it's no surprise that once they've broken up or divorced, they feel like they have nothing left, because they forgot how to be themselves, outside a relationship.

You are yourself. Improve yourself to become the best you can be, and don't let anyone, including your girlfriend, break you down. Just be glad that you're being given the chance to end it before you get married, because that will only make things worse. Having friends and family to support you can be a good thing, but at the end of the day, you life and die by your own hand, and if you can't hold yourself up when something like this happens, you're going to be emotionally dependent on other people for the rest of your life.

Henry Diesel > 04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches.
07/20/2014 at 09:08

keep us updated on what happens.

catkam623 misses his 944 > 04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches.
07/20/2014 at 13:30

Like someone else said oppo is aways here for you and her being the last person you have isn't true either oppo is a family and you're part of ours. She may be over it she may not. It's definitely wierd this all started once she got a second job and that she could change so quickly. I hope you get a chance to talk to her about it but if it doesn't work out it's not all lost. You're only 23 and that means you have most of your life to find someone who will truly care about you and not change so quickly. Best of luck and keep us posted.