Sunburn, frizzy hair and missing my old Honda: My vacation driving experience.

"Rory" (Roraldfarrellsmith) 07/18/2014 at 22:09 • Filed to: florida, gmc, envoy, rimz, rimmmmmzzzzz, ireland, irish, my poor hair

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I am currently visiting my mother in Florida, which means I am pooteling about in her 2005 Envoy. Which has been interesting .
Last year I got a text from mother dearest in full caps, explaining that she bought a vacation car. Now this is a Lady whom has had her fair share of Japanese and European superminis. So I initially expected a Yaris, Fiesta or maybe a Versa. Nope. She wanted to go all out Floridian and get an low milage Envoy on rimz. My small Irish mammy has Rimz. Jesus.
So far I have been driving it for a week and I have noticed a few things which concern me. Firstly this thing loves to wander. No matter what the road surface may be like or what the speed may be, this things sways across the road like a drunk. Let go of the steering wheel and you may wander into the opposite lane or into the Gulf of Mexico. So very vague. Although it is no where near as vague as the Mitsubishi Pajero JR I had a while back, that thing was fear inducing....yet adorable.

The gearbox is a tad annoying also. There are two modes: REV LOUDLY SHIFT ABRUPTLY and nope. Nope saves the most fuel I have noticed. Other then the tasteless additions, Vague driving experience and a radio I just can't fathom; It is a car. It does the Job. It Holds Luggage, it is cheap to run and it is comfortable. It has so far brought me to where ever I needed to go without a fuss.

Other then the tasteless additions, Vague driving experience and a radio I just can't fathom; It is a car. It does the Job. It Holds Luggage, It is cheap to run and It is comfortable. I just miss my 17 year old Honda. It is slow but its just so charming.

Also Fuck Humidity
My hair is ruined. Fuck this shit.

Your boy, BJR > Rory 07/18/2014 at 22:12

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YES.

Your boy, BJR > Rory 07/18/2014 at 22:16

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Your mom is so money lol. You gotta wear a dropkick murphys t shirt and doc martens when driving this and make everyone think you're an irish gangster lol.

dogisbadob > Rory 07/18/2014 at 22:16

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do they spin? :p

Rory > Your boy, BJR 07/18/2014 at 22:16

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They are top quality unknown brand rims bro. Genuine chrome.. plated? Maybe?

jkm7680 > Your boy, BJR 07/18/2014 at 22:16

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Well, she went full Homie-G didn't she?

dogisbadob > Rory 07/18/2014 at 22:17

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Of course you miss your Honda. It has VTEC :)

No really though, too bad GM stopped making the Atlas I6. I wish it was available on the Silverado, Colorado, Tahoe, Camaro, and Commodore/G8/Caprice and maybe some Cadillacs, too.

Rory > dogisbadob 07/18/2014 at 22:17

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OH GOD I WISH THEY DID

Your boy, BJR > Rory 07/18/2014 at 22:17

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Your mom picked the singe most perfect vehicle for florida. Like, this is TOP GEAR CHEAP CAR CHALLENGE territory.

Rory > Your boy, BJR 07/18/2014 at 22:21

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She is the baddest (palest) mother in the Starbucks Drive thru. Everyone better respect her in the Macy's parking lot.
I need a full addidas shell suit to be an Irish Gangster! Time for a trip to the mall.

Rory > Your boy, BJR 07/18/2014 at 22:23

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A early 00's GM SUV with dark tint and chrome wheels should be on the state flag along with a F Body Camaro with a bodykit.

Your boy, BJR > Rory 07/18/2014 at 22:25

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That, a fighting irish neck tattoo, and one of these

You know you want to.

Also, now i wanna come down and chill with your mom in the same manner i would with Ice Cube. (drinkin' 40s, smoking blunts, cappin' disrespectful muthafuckas in drive bys)

Rory > dogisbadob 07/18/2014 at 22:26

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I miss all dem Vtex yo :( I think I mainly miss the handling and gearbox. I miss being in control and giggling like the little school girl many people here confuse me for.
That is another story.
The I6 sounds wonderful , I honestly love the sound and it feels torquey. Its just the bloody gearbox. It is abrupt and awkward.

Your boy, BJR > Rory 07/18/2014 at 22:27

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Brian, The Life of > Rory 07/18/2014 at 22:28

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Fabulous! Lost it at "nope"

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > Rory 07/18/2014 at 22:30

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I always was fascinated by the envoy's back door, which opened in many different ways. Left, up down, right

Rory > CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) 07/18/2014 at 22:39

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I think the XUV has the Magical Fun door of dreams (my name for it)
Mom's has a basic tailgate. It also has a separated window which opens too.
Funny thing is though , I never knew it had a separate window until I parked beside another Envoy.
Guy pressed the button , Lifts up the glass and throws in his groceries. I stare wide eyed, Jaw to the floor. I then press the button and lift the glass and shout loudly AHHHHHHHHMAZING.
The future is here

Rory > Your boy, BJR 07/18/2014 at 22:41

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Absolutely Perfect!!!

sellphones2493 > Rory 07/18/2014 at 22:58

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I used to own a 2002 GMC Envoy SLT. It got like 12-14MPG on Mid Grade and ate transmissions like it was it's job. I sold it to Carmax with a cracked radiator, a rusted frame, and no A/C for $3,000 back in 2012 with 246,000 Miles!

Aside from my current Volvo S60R, I have never felt so connected to a car (connected as in the mental feeling - not the driving experience).

Things worth noting through my 50,000+ Miles driving it (it was a family hand-me-down):

- It was actually pretty quick. The 4-Speed Auto shifts loudly and abruptly, but the V6 can actually haul ass.
-It was somewhat dangerous in the rain - the back would swing out around turns. Sometimes it was fun, other times it was downright terrifying.
-The latch holding the center console closed can and will break soon, and become quite possible the most annoying thing ever.
-Granted, my A/C didn't work in the end, but this thing GM Air Conditioning at it's finest.
-I take it your's has cloth, but the leather offered on these resembles the skin of seals - put armour-all on them and you will be on the floor immediately after you tap the brakes.

Back in the days, GMC Envoy Days.

Rory > sellphones2493 07/18/2014 at 23:12

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It is weird to drive but It does feel sturdy. I noticed it was a little bit skittish when I had to break quite suddenly at a Junction ( Someone decided that they wanted to see what driving without headlamps was like)
It feels a little Jiggly but I really don't want to try anything stupid. I am not used to something this size.
The centre Console feels like its on its last legs. The padding is shit and it doesn't close "right". The sun visor mount is fucked too.

Hello there, I like to fall down sometimes. Don't mind me.
Oh it has that nice soft GM beige cloth. Just waiting to be stained.
It has 70,000 miles and seems to be in relatively good condition for a florida car. Not the worst car for a vacation home.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Rory 07/18/2014 at 23:31

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Stock stereo or aftermarket?

Rory > Logansteno: Bought a VW? 07/18/2014 at 23:38

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It has a Pioneer headunit