Going shopping with your lady friend?

"EL_ULY" (uly) 06/19/2014 at 13:41 • Filed to: Thought sauce

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I HAVE THE BEST SOLUTION TO BEING BORED EVER!!!!!! but it will not work :(

The image above paints the scene pretty well. But usually, you are not as fortunate to find "The Seat". Yes, the one seat where a dude can wait and semi relax. What usually happens is you stand there or walk around taking the tiniest of steps inside the store while your girlfriend/wife is looking at and trying out EVERY ITEM!!! Don't fear dudes, I have come up with the greatest solution that in EL_ULY's world, will be mandatory at every store in the mall.

The Wrench Room!

The Wrench Room will be inside the store where the boyfriends/husbands will wait while their ladies are shopping. In that room, there will be some seats, a sink with plenty of Gojo, a tool box, a duty/job monitor, and a junkyard car right in the middle. You walk into the room and up on the monitor there will be a task. Example, it might say "Remove master cylinder, bench bleed, and re install" So you get to work and kill some time wrenching on a car indoors and in the a/c. Once your lovely lady is done looking at every detail of every item in the store lol, wash up and off to the next store that yes, sells the exact same clothes :]

Why it will not work

Sounds pretty rad right. Yes! To the average/normal dude. But lets be honest, have you been to a mall in the last 15 years? The dudes...well, they are not very dude like. If anything, they are at the mall with fellow dudebros shopping for clothes, shoes, jewelry, accessories, and hair products as much and as detailed obsession as well. Have they ever seen one of these...?

I mean really dude, you would probably see the smoke coming out of their ears if you ask them to pass you a security T-25 on a swivel adapter for a 3/8th wrench. " Where is it at? " Second drawer on the left next to the rivet gun by the cam gear holder!!!! F*#K!!!

Yup, that will happen lol :]

That or you'll have some 17 year old in there with at least some interest wanting to get his hands dirty..... but will probably not shut up about the Bugatti Veyron, import vs. domestic, NASCAR vs F1... you know, "youtube comments section" type crap while cross threading bolts.

ly2v8-Brian > EL_ULY 06/19/2014 at 13:43

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Good idea. My real life solution is the tool section at sears, the book store, or the lego store.

HammerheadFistpunch > EL_ULY 06/19/2014 at 13:44

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For typical "mall dudes" you might need to start a little simpler

RazoE > EL_ULY 06/19/2014 at 13:45

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What we need is an indoor electric Go Kart track to race on while the ladies are out shopping, and helmets with augmented reality built in, so we can pretend we're throwing green/red shells. If one of these "shells" hits a cart, it momentarily stops. The winner of each race gets a $5 credit applied to whatever store your chick (or dude, I don't judge) is currently shopping at. You get to have fun, your partner cheers you on because they get free money. Win win.

ddavidn > ly2v8-Brian 06/19/2014 at 13:45

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Lego store FTW.

yamahog > EL_ULY 06/19/2014 at 13:45

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I will never understand why people want to drag others to things they're not interested in... We're adults, I can leave him alone for a few hours while he does whatever.

HammerheadFistpunch > HammerheadFistpunch 06/19/2014 at 13:46

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guh...kinjad

vorspringing > EL_ULY 06/19/2014 at 13:47

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As long as it's open to all - because I've given up the will to live more than once while waiting for the hubby to buy dress pants. ;)

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > EL_ULY 06/19/2014 at 13:48

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Avoiding shopping is why I continue to encourage the girlfriend to keep in touch with her friends. Then she has someone to go with that actually gives a crap.

ly2v8-Brian > ddavidn 06/19/2014 at 13:49

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I feel I spend way too much on lego considering i'm in my twenties, but it's fun to just build whatever. I just bought this but it is on backorder.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > EL_ULY 06/19/2014 at 13:49

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There is a safe haven for wrenchheads at malls these days - Sears' hardware section

Bonus - some of them have "display garages" to shgow off toolchest sets as well as advertise how to combine things like a shop fridge + workbench to make a nice garage space. I think if I had my way, you'd be able to wrench on small parts and engines you bring inside in the display area for a rental fee. You know, to "test drive" the area. Hell, use some of the Auto Center bays for something similar "Going shoe shopping? Okay honey, I'll just replace the brake pads while you do that!"

EL_ULY > ly2v8-Brian 06/19/2014 at 13:50

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LEGO's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RazoE > yamahog 06/19/2014 at 13:50

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Cause someone's gotta pay for it. Plus anything that makes my wife's delicious big Latina booty look even better is a plus. I just hate that she can't go to just one store, it has to be the entire mall.

Audi-os, Amigos! > ly2v8-Brian 06/19/2014 at 13:51

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Whatever, dude. Everything is awesome.

EL_ULY > RazoE 06/19/2014 at 13:51

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HELLZ YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yamahog > vorspringing 06/19/2014 at 13:52

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Seriously, the last time I was at a mall was because *someone* needed new Pumas.... which are now sitting in their box under my couch next to ALL HIS OTHER PUMAS.

ly2v8-Brian > Audi-os, Amigos! 06/19/2014 at 13:53

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Quite

EL_ULY > vorspringing 06/19/2014 at 13:57

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agreed, I hate buying dress pants...each one is different by a lot!!!lol :]

EL_ULY > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. 06/19/2014 at 13:58

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lol, one can only pretend for so long huh :]

yamahog > RazoE 06/19/2014 at 13:58

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Errrr.... thanks for the back ground, (lol) but I'm pretty sure cash and joint credit cards work just as well. I pay for my own everything so it's not an issue.

ddavidn > ly2v8-Brian 06/19/2014 at 13:58

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I can't afford to buy Legos (that's why I buy Hot Wheels) but I did just get this for my birthday, which I have wanted since before it came out. So cool.

EL_ULY > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 06/19/2014 at 13:59

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heck yeah!!!

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > EL_ULY 06/19/2014 at 14:02

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Yeah haha

ly2v8-Brian > ddavidn 06/19/2014 at 14:02

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That set is cool. I got one too. My favorite detail (among many) is the OUTATIME license plate. Next set I'm after is the Ghostbusters ECTO-1.

ddavidn > ly2v8-Brian 06/19/2014 at 14:04

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Yeah I want that one as well. But I try not to look at Legos. Because I want tons of them.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > EL_ULY 06/19/2014 at 14:07

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Lol, I'm good if there's a mens section to whatever store we go to, or a mens store next to the womens. I don't mind rifling through clothes and/or picking up some t-shirts or shoes here and there.

Shit, make it really interesting and make her promise you you'll mess around in the dressing rooms, it's the only way I'll go dear!

mcseanerson > RazoE 06/19/2014 at 14:20

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Make it run through the mall like a street course! Monaco!

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > yamahog 06/19/2014 at 14:24

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Hate to break it to you - you're with a basic bitch. Let's check the facts. Drives a blue miata. Loves to take pictures of everything he sees when he goes out on the weekends. He has pairs of shoes of a very common/popular brand he doesn't wear. He is a basic bitch.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > vorspringing 06/19/2014 at 14:28

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Step 1) Buy pants that are pretty close to my size.
Step 2) Buy matching jackets of roughly the correct size (if needed for a suit)
Step 3) Buy dress shirts/ties to complete outfits
Step 4) LET A TAILOR DO THE REST!!!!!

Seriously, they measure you, find your exact size, and then make everything fit. You only need like 30 minutes to get a couple formal outfits together and then you can often get a good rate if you bring them a lot of clothes at once (especially when they're slow)

yamahog > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 06/19/2014 at 14:30

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I don't know what that means, but I laughed.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > yamahog 06/19/2014 at 14:37

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Basic bitch = stereotypical woman in the 18-35 bracket who loves things like Pumpkin Spice Lattes, instagramming her starbucks half-caff, wearing common brands (ugg boots being a popular warning sign), and quoting marylin monroe quotes that she never actually said.

yamahog > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 06/19/2014 at 14:46

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Ooooh, I feel the need to create a description of basic bro so they can live happily ever after together, after instagramming their engagement announcement of her halo-set diamond.

vorspringing > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 06/19/2014 at 14:49

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Oddly, I had no problem whatsoever talking him into getting shirts tailored, but pants were a completely different issue. Never understood it.

EL_ULY > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 06/19/2014 at 14:50

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LOL!!!

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > yamahog 06/19/2014 at 15:05

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Basic bro = stereotypical male in the 18-35 bracket who loves things like bud light in an aluminum bottle, distressed tees with band logos or food item logos on them, The Wall album, and a silver chain necklace. Can often be seen trying to text-flirt with women and then calling them stuck up bitches when he acts like an ass and they don't respond.

WARNING!!!! If a basic bro text-flirts a basic bitch, there is a danger of achieving the basic singularity a.k.a. "Peak Basic". Peak basic is reached once fulfilling three criteria. 1) They must BOTH change their facebook relationship statuses. 2) They must BOTH make a status about how in love they are within the first month. 3) One or both must be secretly flirting/seeing someone on the side without the other's knowledge. If this does happen, the resulting flood of crappy instagram shots of the couple combined with the elevating amount of "white noise" followed by drama will trigger the hipster breeding season. Prepare for some snobby, somewhat kinda local bands to come to your area and play really crappy music while the volvo wagon train of knit cap wearing baristas with art degrees descend upon your area. I recommend you avoid the farmer's markets and starbucks until the season is over. Safe zones can be found, but may vary by location.

PushToStart > EL_ULY 06/19/2014 at 16:02

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It also won't work because they always "want our opinion"

Her: "Hey, do you like this [necklace, shirt, etc]"

Me: "Yeah, looks great"

Her: "You're just saying that, you aren't even paying attention!"

Me: :/

So basically, you've got to sit and pay attention or you get in trouble for "not caring" and all of that. :P

EL_ULY > PushToStart 06/19/2014 at 16:04

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FACT it is a ZERO win situation lol

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > RazoE 06/19/2014 at 22:19

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BRILLIANT!

thebigbossyboss > EL_ULY 06/20/2014 at 09:38

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God I hate the mall.

thebigbossyboss > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. 06/20/2014 at 09:39

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Boy do I ever hate shopping. Once I was in the car with my dad and brother. We determined that we would each rather write a math exam than go to the mall.

EL_ULY > thebigbossyboss 06/20/2014 at 10:03

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ditto, I loath it

thebigbossyboss > EL_ULY 06/20/2014 at 10:07

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If I go, I usually prefer to go by myself. I park far away from everyone in a super secret location...in and out yo.

EL_ULY > thebigbossyboss 06/20/2014 at 10:10

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agreed. It takes me longer to walk to my car than the actually finding the thing and buying the thing.

thebigbossyboss > EL_ULY 06/20/2014 at 10:15

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Yup. Usually if I go to the mall I have a very specific plan. "Go to this store, and buy this thing".

thebigbossyboss > yamahog 06/20/2014 at 10:17

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I agree Yamahog. My fiancee complains I don't go shopping with her enough. I hate shopping. Why she wants me to come with her just to be miserable, I will never know. Victoria's secret is the worst, it takes for f^%&%^ EVER and I feel like a creep just being in the store.

yamahog > thebigbossyboss 06/20/2014 at 10:29

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Tangent here: Victoria's Secret IS the worst. Overpriced, incorrectly sized crap that falls apart after a year or less. Not to be the boob evangelist here, but getting sized at an independent store changed my life.... if you get sized at VS and you don't fall into their narrow size offerings, they start bumping you through sister sizes at the expense of your comfort.

Example: If you're actually a 30DD/32D, VS doesn't carry those sizes in stores, so they'll put you in a 34C/36B because the "add 4inches to your band size" BS and you have to tighten the shoulder straps to compensate for lack of band support. Never again.

EL_ULY > thebigbossyboss 06/20/2014 at 10:44

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exactly sir. Ex-fuckin-actly