Heinously Unreliable Used Car Battle of the Week: American Muscle

"Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez" (apidaonline) 03/27/2014 at 23:37 • Filed to: None

3

18

Welcome to the latest installment of HUUCBOTW, where the cars are actually more reliable than CNN's reporting. This week, we turn our attention to the greatest country in the world: this one! (Results may vary).

Is there anything more American than squeezing ridiculously pitiful amounts of horsepower out of oversized, lethargic engines? If you answered no, then you're wrong! The answer was "over-optimistic misguided patriotism." However, seeing as this is a car-related website, let's just pretend the first answer was correct.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

*This is an article from !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , written by our resident 90s Domestic antagonizer and !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! contributor Brian Leon. If you'd like to see more of these types of articles, check us out !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! *

The story's original article can be found !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

This is not the first time we've revisited the late 80s and early 90s, and while our friends in Japan were starting to get things right again with their cars, America was still getting things horribly, disastrously wrong. But amongst all of the angular turds we were churning out, there are still some cars from this era that are loved by both enthusiasts and dudebros alike. And today, we get to look at two of them! Yee haw!

So fire up your walkman, turn on some Full House or Family Matters, and take the poll at the end to pick your favorite American "muscle" car!

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

1991 Chevrolet Camaro Z28 - $4,995

The all-knowing Jeremy Clarkson once dubbed this generation of Camaro "a murderer's car" when he purchased one to drive through the Southern US, and I don't think a more fitting description has been devised for anything else ever. But with every dark cloud, there is a silver lining: the Z28 is a fast murderer's car!

Of course, when I say "fast" I mean "faster than the RS version" which was about as quick as getting a bill through Congress. This 1991 Z28 comes with a 4-speed automatic (booooo) and a 5.0L V8 pushing out 230 horses when new. Bearing in mind annual horsepower depreciation and many murderous miles, it probably puts out the equivalent of one horse's leg today.

23 years ago it hustled to 60 miles per hour in 9.5 seconds, which leads me to believe that many previous owners are now behind bars for unsuccessfully attempting to flee from the law.

Being an American car from any time in, oh I don't know, the past 100 years, it has a lot of rust issues. But thankfully, parts are easy to come by and a few simple upgrades can turn this Z from sleepy to sleeper without breaking the bank.

To see the Cars.com ad for this car, click !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

Check out more Chevy Camaro listings on Ebay Motors here!

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

1993 Ford Mustang LX 5.0 - $5,700

I've always been a Mustang guy, but I've got a bit of an issue with the Fox Body. Fanboys will go on and on about how it's light, cheap, relatively powerful, and "comparatively good looking" for the time period. But they're all wrong... it's downright hideous. I mean, it looks like they completely forgot to integrate headlights into the design, and when it came time to present the prototype to their bosses, they said "dammit Jerry, get me a saw and the headlights from that Taurus over there!"

But despite its complete lack of show, the 5.0 had a decent amount of go for its time, pushing out 205 horses. And best of all, it's a liftback! So much more room for activities!

Fanbros are quick to mention that they're cheap to maintain and upgrade and are capable of putting out irresponsible amounts of horsepower and noise. Nothing quite like giving some pensioner a heart attack as you peel out of the Walmart parking lot, is there?

What they won't tell you, however, is that upon cornering the Fox experienced about as much body roll as Bring It On: All or Nothing. Don't ask me how I know this, it's not important.

To see the Craigslist ad for this car, click !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

Check out more Ford Mustang listings on Ebay Motors here!

Which one would you have? Take the poll and let us know!

P.S. I'm just now realizing that "American Muscle" is a play on American Hustle. You're welcome.

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

The story's original article can be found !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

Follow Common Gearhead on Twitter at !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

Follow APiDA Online on Twitter at !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

And like us on Facebook at !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

Lets Just Drive > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 03/27/2014 at 23:40

5

Always the Ferd. Ferd also because my ferst car was a Ferd Mersterng - also a Ferxbody.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 03/27/2014 at 23:46

1

Camaro because GM fanboy. And more easy to LS swap.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Lets Just Drive 03/27/2014 at 23:47

1

Ermergerd

Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 03/27/2014 at 23:47

1

As horrible as the interior is I think I will have to go with the Camaro. That being said I think the 93 is the best looking of all the Foxbody mustangs.

Sir-Loinington > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 03/28/2014 at 00:03

0

Ferd. Actually, Miata.

Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez > Sir-Loinington 03/28/2014 at 00:04

0

We don't take kindly to yer kind 'round here.

Jay Lauer > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 03/28/2014 at 00:04

3

I'm a big fan of the FoxBody actually. My dad driven an 84 SVO every day with at least 25ok by now. It's not very sophisticated or quiet or anything, but it does damn well at what its meant to do.

We'll disagree, but I quite like the design. The LX Hatches with clean paint and wheels look really good. And its a shame that Ford never made the Mustang as a hatch again. The fox has SOOO MUCH trunk space.

You can fit an entire Chevy Traverse hood in there. I've done it.

Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez > Jay Lauer 03/28/2014 at 00:05

1

I'd have to agree.

JGrabowMSt > Lets Just Drive 03/28/2014 at 00:05

1

You only win this round because of the proper trans, sir.

Those boxy Camaros just make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. But sweet baby jesus the power output is just a sad situation.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 03/28/2014 at 00:06

1

If it were a '93 Camaro I would have gone with that, but I'll take the Mustang; The Foxbody is something you can really make your own with it's platform. And I think it looks better too. And liftback=practicality every day! Though I think that the '83-86 Mustangs look better; the headlights actually don't look like an afterthought and the front end looks nice IMO

The Common Gearhead > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 03/28/2014 at 00:12

0

The more I look at the Fox bodies the more I like them. But having an unexplained attraction to a certain car doesn't make for very interesting writing in this case so I digress.

Makoyouidiot > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 03/28/2014 at 00:25

1

Take Foxbody, insert 3.5 Ecoboost. Stiffen body. Hoon.

NinetyQ > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 03/28/2014 at 01:52

0

Are you sure you're quoting stats for the '91 Z28? Because... you seem to be way off. From Wikipedia (backed up by other places): "Power rating on the 305 TPI motor were as follows; 230 hp (172 kW) at 4200 rpm and 300 lbft (407 Nm) @3200 rpm. Rumors say that these numbers were slightly underrated by GM, but this has not been investigated." Also, the 0-60 time is more accurately around 6.6 seconds.

Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez > NinetyQ 03/28/2014 at 02:11

0

You're right! The power output was 170 in '88, not '91.

The WB > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 03/28/2014 at 05:17

0

The Camaro appeals to my inner boy who never quit wanting to play with Tonka trucks, but the Foxbody speaks sensibly small, yet fun. Since I am more sensible than boyish, I would pick the Fox.

I'm not a brand loyalist, though I typically choose Ford products based on evaluation. But the 90's Camaro's just scream "cocaine" way more than I'm comfortable being associated with.

highmodulus > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 03/28/2014 at 09:51

0

Camaro, but take the time to find the manual version which was good fun. I had a 1984 Z28 with the V8 and 5 speed. Its was really fun. And as the title noted, horrifically unreliable. Worth it.

Chase > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 03/28/2014 at 13:48

1

As a mustang guy who has never quite been sure about the fox bodies, i recently discovered the answer. Mercury Capri

fixes the grill/headlight issue, plus flares

colorfulyawn > Freddy "Tavarish" Hernandez 04/01/2014 at 14:03

0

Wow, I didn't know you could get a Fox Body in decent shape for such a modest sum these days. The last few I looked at were all $8,500 and up.

Yeah, I'd take the Mustang.