"N@tedog" (ngrede)
03/18/2014 at 13:05 • Filed to: None
0
4|
"N@tedog" (ngrede)
03/18/2014 at 13:05 • Filed to: None | 0
| 4 |
For the Oppo Jalops:
My midnight attempt at homemade Horchata
Step 1: Acquire ingredients
Milk - Ease of acquisition...1
Ground Cinnamon - Ease of acquisition...3
Vanilla Extract - Ease of acquisition... Ark of the Covenant
Step 2: Search for Vanilla Extract
Open first cabinet. If it is not the first thing you see directly in front of you, seriously consider waking your wife to help you find it. In lieu of waking her, text her asking where it is hoping she sleep-texts you its location. Wait.....
After thirty seconds and because you do not know magic (yet), continue search for Vanilla Extract.
Step 3: Actually Search for Vanilla Extract
After emptying every cabinet and finding last year's final Easter egg but no Vanilla Extract, line up every food item that could possibly substitute Vanilla Extract.
Step 4: Which Item is Least Poisonous?
Peanut Butter, Almond Milk, Mint Extract, White Chocolate Chips, Frosted Mini Wheats, Sriracha
Step 5: Make Icky Face
Taste Almond Milk. Gag. Who drinks this crap?
Step 6: Summon Inner Bear Grylls
Melt White Chocolate Chips in pan. Capture evaporated moisture in chilled pan lid and distill into mug. Taste it.
Step 7: Not Bad
Add to milk and cinnamon mix. Notice complete lack of flavor enhancement. Swear at no one and nothing in particular after looking at mess in kitchen.
Step 8: **** it
Dump melted white chocolate into milk, cinnamon and distilled nothingness.
Step 9: War Cry
Savor your tasty concoction and contemplate putting these instructions on the Internet.
Step 10: You're Reading It
RazoE
> N@tedog
03/18/2014 at 13:15 |
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Just hit up a Wal-Mart parking lot and look for a Green Saturn. You're guaranteed to get tamales, horchata and champurrado.
EL_ULY
> RazoE
03/18/2014 at 13:19 |
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ahuevo!!! Usually next to the van selling pitbull puppies :]
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RazoE
> EL_ULY
03/18/2014 at 13:29 |
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Yeah, and there's always a kid in the back seat trying to do homework while his little sister is in the front seat honking the horn. I've been to 3 Wal-Marts and a marketa where this was the case.
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EL_ULY
> RazoE
03/18/2014 at 13:32 |
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lol yup always. A cold orchata does sound good though, not going to lie