So, the times right for Kalaka's PSA

"Jeremy H formerly Kalakaboooom" (jeremyhampson) 03/02/2014 at 01:08 • Filed to: Help

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So, I had a very long talk with a fellow Oppo during a Horizon cruise today, talked about a lot of things but the biggest thing to me, was taking ones own life, suicide, and struggling with ones own self worth.

I'll be honest with you all, this is the first community (including the Army) I have felt totally and fully accepted into. Nobody gives a shit what I do, what I drive, what I have to offer even. Since I took the initiative to say hey I want to write shit on oppo, they just assume that I am someone who gives a shit about cars, and someone who can hold his own, and that is awesome. I like to think I can hold my own, and through my replies and my posts, I have found that for the most part I can. And when I cannot? I simply ask, and nobody berates me for not knowing, they simply tell me, that is awesome.

But, I want to the take that opportunity and share something that is very dear to me, and something I think everyone should be aware of, and keep a look out for, suicide. NOTHING is worth taking your life, and this is something I have struggled with for my entire life, suicide, depression, alcoholism, it's all been mine baby, I'm putting my cards on the table to show everyone that I am serious, and I would like everyone to take a serious look at the topic I am talking about as well, and I'll start it off with a story.

When I was in basic training, during formation, there was a man that stood in front of me, his name was Fraser. When we went to zero our weapons to our personal preferences, about half of our platoon (60 of us) zeroed, the other half, including Fraser, did not. The next day the people that did no zero went out to zero again. I spent the day doing the usual private things in basic, figuring out how to go to sleep without a Drill Sergeant knowing. Then before I knew it, a Drill Sergeant from 3rd platoon came in (I was 2nd platoon, for anyone that has ever served you know this is HIGHLY unusual), and asked us one simple question, "Who was number 204?", "That was Private Fraser Drill Sergeant." "Private Fraser killed himself at the range today privates." And he walked out, just like that. One of my own had killed himself.

At his funeral, I saw multiple high ranking people walk up to his boots, put down their coins, and salute, and at the time I was angry, you did not know Fraser, almost none of us did. He never talked to anyone. Little did I know, that should have been a warning sign to me. It took one of my brothers killing themselves for me to realize that suicide is a very real and serious thing, and I know for a fact at least one person reading this right now, is contemplating suicide. And even if it is only one person, I have a message for that person, and that message is, you are not alone. I know from personal experience, that it is hard, you may already have a plan, hell, you may have already have that weapon in your hand. I know, I have been there. But guess what, it DOES get better.

I have served in war, I have gone through the war that is the newlywed marriage, I have gone through the first years of a new born. Guess what, it is fucking worth it. War sucked, but it brought me closer to my brothers and sisters, the trials of marriage made me trust my wife more then ever, and the agony of a new born made me love my daughter even more. Why am I telling you all this? Because going through trials, agony, and just general unpleasantness, gives you a better aspect on life, it makes you appreciate life, even more. I can't tell you how much getting shot at makes me love agonizing over 1 bolt on a car even more, or that last kiss at night for my daughter, or staying up late just listening to music writing something you are passionate about to help others.

Want to know why? Because if you take your life, you cannot ever tell YOUR story, no one can tell it for you. You have too much to offer the world, whether you think, or like it or not, you are too important. Everyone is important to somebody, and you don't get rid of the pain, all you do, is pass it on to somebody else. If you are on oppo reading this right now, and you have doubts, get rid of them. You have the strength. If you doubt your strength, make ONE, please, just make ONE post on oppo, saying your true feelings, and see how many people will come to your aid. No matter where you live I will drive to your home, and I will talk you off that ledge. And see how many others of your oppo brothers and sisters will do the same, at least willing to talk to you for as long as it takes, I bet you as many that read this.

Link

I don't know how to link videos. But either way, I don't care who you are, ask me for help, put out a post, just ask, ask anyone, if they won't help, keep asking. NO ONE deserves to feel like they are alone. And I promise you, you are not. If you need help we will find you, as long as you ask for it.

My name is Jeremy, I have recovered from suicidal thoughts, I am recovering from PTSD, I have conquered my anger, and I refuse to let one more person hurt themselves that I love, and I love all you assholes on Oppo.

Want to know the truth? NO hearts die, hearts only give out. Don't let your heart give out, because that would be boring, god damnit.

Everybody raise your hands and say, NOT ONE MORE. We are all brothers and sisters here, we cannot give up, we cannot stop, we give the strength to those who have run out. We are in this together. Do not give up.

You will know, when the time is right to go. And when that time is right, it won't be by your own hand. Until then, just keep going, just keep driving.

Keep Oppo fuckin' weird you loons. (This picture goes to PS9, he posted it WAAAY long ago, can't find the link, Ps9 help me out here)

ddavidn > Jeremy H formerly Kalakaboooom 03/02/2014 at 01:11

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Thanks for the inspiring message. I struggle daily to keep up my drive to be a better person and rise above my situation (cause really, it isn't bad. I just get depressed and frustrated over things)

Jeremy H formerly Kalakaboooom > ddavidn 03/02/2014 at 01:17

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It's alright to get pissed and depressed, hell, I get depressed daily at how long the brakes on my 944 are taking. Just keep it up brother, all joking aside, the main thing that I am getting at is, no matter how much strength you think you lack, you have much more then you give yourself credit for, and for the rest, that strength is in your friends. I'll hold your lazy ass up by myself if I have to, but please don't, I did muscle failure 3 days in a row and my arms are REALLY sore.

ddavidn > Jeremy H formerly Kalakaboooom 03/02/2014 at 01:23

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I mean, my ass isn't THAT big...

Jeremy H formerly Kalakaboooom > ddavidn 03/02/2014 at 01:29

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Oh shut your mouth, it's moderately huge

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Jeremy H formerly Kalakaboooom 03/02/2014 at 01:30

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If you are contemplating this don't do it you have no clue how hard it is on family members and others around you I know from experience

Jeremy H formerly Kalakaboooom > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 03/02/2014 at 01:32

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Strength in numbers is the name of the game when you have suicidal thoughts. Seeking help is a sign of strength, even if it's only a whimper, someone will hear it.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Jeremy H formerly Kalakaboooom 03/02/2014 at 01:35

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Ya I just assure people if they say they are thinking about it that someone cares about them and it will be horrible to that person and that they should stop thinking about it and live a happy life

Jeremy H formerly Kalakaboooom > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 03/02/2014 at 01:41

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Just reassure their strength, and let them know you will never leave them alone, theres enough things to be depressed about these days. Don't need another death.

NotUnlessRoundIsFunny > Jeremy H formerly Kalakaboooom 03/02/2014 at 04:09

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All I can say is, "Wow."

Thanks for this. Beautifully written and heartfelt.

The Dummy Gummy > Jeremy H formerly Kalakaboooom 03/02/2014 at 10:31

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Thank you for serving our fine nation. Also thank you for trying to help people in need. That is very admirable.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Jeremy H formerly Kalakaboooom 03/02/2014 at 15:05

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Thank you for posting this. A lot of people don't understand that there are many levels of mental illness and that depression — clinical, chronic depression — affects a great many people in this country.

Suicidal thoughts are just a symptom of greater problems in coping and the best thing you can do for someone who is contemplating suicide is to let them know they're not alone. Sometimes, that's enough to get that person on a better mental track. Often, however, it will take more help. If you know someone who is feeling depressed, get them to get help. Whether it's just a conversation with a friend, some therapy with a professional, or whether they need pharmacological assistance, you can make the difference by simply being present in their lives and supportive of them.

The worst things you can do for someone who is living with depression is to downplay or dismiss their symptoms or get angry with them. This only makes things harder for the person who is already suffering.

Not to hijack things with my own personal experiences, but that's what surrounded me. I was the kid who was constantly bullied throughout elementary and middle school. I was bright but saw no future because I got shit from kids at school and then more shit from my drunken father at home. My mom tried to help but she was ill-equipped to really be of any help. I went to the therapists at school but they ended up being pretty worthless because, honestly, if you've got an MSW and are willing to work for $18,000 a year, you're probably not the best at your job.

Combine that with my father and grandfather saying things like, "You're just lazy," and "quit feeling sorry for yourself," throughout my life, and I felt lost and alone. I barely graduated high school and tendered friendships with abusive dickheads who were just analogues of my father.

I ended up dropping out of college because I was ill-prepared emotionally for the responsibility. I wound up self-medicating with promiscuous sex, alcohol, marijuana, and mushrooms for most of my 20s, and languished away in meaningless jobs that only fed my stress, self-loathing, and depression.

But then I found my wife. Besides being an unconditional cheerleader almost no matter what I would do, she also understood the ins and outs of mental illness and was able to guide me — although reluctantly at first — to get some professional help.

Depression sucks — and it's a chronic disease with no real cure. However, I have a great psychiatrist that I see once a month. I have a good therapist to whom I speak once a week. In the past two and a half years I've cut back significantly on my alcohol consumption — I had three beers last night and it was the first time in about three months since I had had any alcohol — and eliminated all other drug use altogether.

So yes. Get help. If you know someone who needs help, guide them to the help they need.

That's all.