These Three Car Films Should Never, Ever Have a Remake

"Blake Noble" (no-bull) 02/24/2014 at 18:14 • Filed to: Dos And Don'ts

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Hollywood — the southern Californian sideshow circus hiding behind a fashionable facade of silicone and Botox — has produced some wonderful films in the 102 years since the motion picture industry first set up shop there. Some of those films have even featured the four-wheeled, many-piston engined object that has united us as automotive enthusiasts, and as a result, warmed our hearts and captured our imaginations.

We sat on the edge of our seats as the Dark Highland Green Mustang fastback driven by Steve McQueen was chased through the streets of San Fransisco by a black second-generation Dodge Charger driven by two hitmen in Bullitt . We cheered on Kowolski in that white '70 Dodge Challenger R/T during his high speed run through the desert in Vanishing Point . And we can watch films like Bullitt or Vanishing Point over and over again and still not be any less captivated.

It's because films like Vanishing Point are so beloved by automotive enthusiasts, some less than savory and unoriginal individuals in So-Cal's plastic-fantastic playland immediately see an opportunity to make an extra buck or two by putting up a fantastically large budget and giving its script to a new cast of actors and a new director. Thus, a remake is born. And rarely does a remake of a movie capture the magic or live up to the reputation of the original. In fact, in the case of the 1997 made-for-TV-movie reboot of Vanishing Point , the remake totally sucked.

Here are three car-centric films that should be spared the fate of having a crappy remake.

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While the movies that comprise the Back to the Future trilogy aren't car films, a car — which we all know is a flying DeLorean (... right?) — is centric to the plot, and is every bit of a star as Michael J. Fox or Christopher Lloyd. If it wasn't for that first Back to the Future film, the DeLorean would probably have been nothing more than an automotive footnote today.

Thankfully, the duo largely responsible for Back to the Future and its two subsequent sequels, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Which is good, considering that it would be very difficult to assemble a new cast that could work together as well as their original counterparts.

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Smokey and the Bandit is a film, in my opinion, that would be even harder to remake than any move in the Back to the Future trilogy. While you could easily source a new DeLorean with relative ease to star in a new BTTF film, what on earth built today could take the place of that black-and-gold Pontiac Firebird Trans Am? (It sure as hell wouldn't be one of those stupid fifth-generation Camaro kit conversions and one of Year One's Trans Am updates just wouldn't be the same.) Even harder, who could take the place of Jerry Reed?

Whatever the answers to those questions might be, I still feel assured that a modern result would probably suck compared to the original. Thankfully, there hasn't been serious talk of a remake to my knowledge. Let's keep it that way.

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Unlike the other two films on this short list, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Fortunately, that project never really got off of the ground.

Maybe its just me, but I liked John Carpenter's take on King's novel. The cast wasn't terrible, and considering that the film — like the first Back to the Future film — is set in the year of its release, I think it's managed to stay fairly timeless. I also fail to see how modern CGI would improve any of the scenes where Christine fixes the damage inflicted upon her fire engine red bodywork by Buddy Repperton's gang of goons, either.

What's your say? Is there a car-related film that should be kept off limits along with these three?

(Main image sourced from !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! )

Blake Noble manages the mess of a car blog known as !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , which you can follow here on Kinja or on Twitter !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Thanks for reading!

theuserformerlyknownasaluminumfoil > Blake Noble 02/24/2014 at 18:17

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I was gonna say Vanishing Point, then you brought up the original.. I was gonna say The Driver, but I guess Drive kinda brought that back a little.

Let's see..
King Of The Mountain - can't do it
Duel
Two Lane Blacktop - is my top vote.

Takuro Spirit > Blake Noble 02/24/2014 at 18:19

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In this day and age of unoriginal fucks remaking shit movies with even shittier remakes, it's a breath of fresh air to hear a voice of reason.

puddler > Blake Noble 02/24/2014 at 18:43

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they shouldn't have remade 'gone in 60 seconds'

the opening bit with ?moby? and go karts was the only bit that wasn't lame.

i haven't seen the remake of speed racer, but i would imagine it would ruin my fond memories of the cartoons. they should have stopped making F&F's after the opening of tokyo drift...

daender > Blake Noble 02/24/2014 at 18:46

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I agree on all points, even liking the film version of Christine before and after reading the novel. Sure, they could work in more of the novel's back story, redone Buddy's death to include the mountain chase, and added in the Detective Rudolph Junkins/Rudy Junkins awesome death scene. Although I prefer how the film handled Christine's death. Good old 'Murica bulldozer'd.

Certainly more awesome than some sewage truck, more fitting since Christine's size/weight was used against its victims...only for something bigger to crush it.

GTCL > Blake Noble 02/24/2014 at 19:45

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Bullitt should never ever ever be remade. No one will ever pull off that much cool.

Blake Noble > daender 02/24/2014 at 20:41

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Agreed about the choice of bulldozer to finish off Christine. One thing that the movie version of Christine has over the novel is that you don't have to put up with King's glaring errors. Don't get me wrong. The man can write, but I can't read that book without wondering how Christine magically grew a back set of doors without anyone noticing, or when ChryCo started using Hydramatic transmissions.

Maxaxle > Blake Noble 02/27/2014 at 23:02

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[insert Ferrari joke here]

Maxaxle > puddler 02/27/2014 at 23:03

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The new Speed Racer is really not a whole lot like the original, but flashy and fun anyway.

Blake Noble > Maxaxle 02/27/2014 at 23:16

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There's a Fiat-Chrysler joke somewhere in your post too, but I can't shake it out.

TwiceAroundTheClock > Blake Noble 02/27/2014 at 23:53

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They're a bit lost to history today, but 20 years ago Smokey and the Bandit was reimagined as a series of made-for-TV movies. The replacement for the Firebird? A Dodge Stealth. A little more about it if anyone is curious: http://www.tv.com/shows/bandit/

Vincent Davidson > Blake Noble 02/28/2014 at 00:40

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1000% agree with all of these. I'd add these as well:

-Bullitt. Because british racing green '68 Mustang. Exploding Charger. And Steve McQueen. Nuff said.

-Cannonball Run. Because the TSA would probably execute someone for participating in a race like that today, as there would undoubtedly be copycats. That and Terry Bradshaw slamming beers while driving just plain wouldn't happen.

-American Graffiti. Because there are too few Tri-Five Chevys and Little Deuce Coupes left to waste filming crash scenes. And, well, no more Wolfman Jack. So a remake would be utterly pointless.

FWIW, i'm 30, not some 'old man' just so ya'll know, so there's that...

The rest worth mentioning have already been shamefully remade. Because Hollywood is OFFICIALLY out of ideas.

Open note to Hollywood: Leave these mentioned alone when dreaming up halfassed remakes. I'd be leading the protests at opening night, and I don't think I'd be alone...

TommyTwinCams > Maxaxle 09/21/2014 at 06:43

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Well, plymouth was owned by Chrysler, who's now owned by Fiat, who also owns Ferrari...

Daniel > Blake Noble 03/02/2016 at 08:58

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I disagree about Christine. The original, while great, suffers from limited effects technology. The reverse film effects of the car restoring itself makes me cringe every time. This is one movie, if cast correctly and written well and made well would be a smash hit.