Stupid Hypotheticals - Ultimate Opparty

"Lets Just Drive" (lets-just-drive) 02/21/2014 at 20:37 • Filed to: None

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You're, like, stupid rich. Like, you're so rich that when people as you how rich you are you say that you don't know because you can't count beyond eleventy-billions. You're so rich that you buy disposable banks. You're so rich, but you're also not an asswad and you, like, are all charitable and shit. So you're throwing this big event for people who're Opponauts and even some Jalops too, and there's virtually no limit to what you can make happen save the boundaries of like, you know, reasonable logic - I don't think any amount of money is going to let you, like, abuse basic human rights or compromise, like, national security or what... but yeah. What's your party look like?

Brian Silvestro > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 20:41

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Cars and very expensive prostitutes for everyone!

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 20:41

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Buy Nürburgring.

Hold drunken golfcart race.

Dukie - Jalopnik Emergency Management Asshole > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 20:42

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New Years Eve, bring a Concorde out of retirement and up to standards. Charter it starting in Sydney, Australia. Previously flown everyone coming to the party out to Sydney. We all meet at a hanger at the airport, top hats & tails, all that jazz. We celebrate midnight and then hop on the Concorde. We've filed a flight plan around the world. Stopping at destinations that will allow us to beat midnight and celebrate New Years over and over.

puddler > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 20:43

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i wouldn't remember, but this is probably what i'd wake up to.

wouldn't be my house or my car.

Corey CC97, MAZDA DPI IS STILL BAE JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV VISIT FLORIDA RACING LIVES FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 20:43

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This.

Cynical > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 20:44

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288 GTOs for everybody. Run them until they inevitably break on a custom track/compound with exact copies of every famous track, even ones that no longer exist. Have a factory creating robot mechanics to fix the broken Ferraris, and a Ferrari parts warehouse with tooling and manufacturing capabilities that only produces original parts for the 288 GTO. Continue to do this until I run out of money or die of too many orgasms.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > puddler 02/21/2014 at 20:45

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Orlove was there.

Tom McParland > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 02/21/2014 at 20:45

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This! I am so there.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Tom McParland 02/21/2014 at 20:47

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Could you imagine the insanity? Beer, blood(from slight scrapes and minor cuts), vomit and awesomeness

NotUnlessRoundIsFunny > Dukie - Jalopnik Emergency Management Asshole 02/21/2014 at 20:48

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Wow. This.

I need to get a better imagination!

anonsagainstanonymous > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 20:48

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Private racetrack in everyone's back garden! Manual McLaren P1 Diesel Wagons for all!

Bad Idea Hat > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 20:48

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Rent Circuit de la Sarthe for a week.

LeMans 24 Hours of Lemons.

MtrRider > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 20:56

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I would build a racetrack to rival the Nurburgring and keep it open to the public, for free, and have loaner cars for people to use including Nissan GTRs and Dodge Vipers. I will also start a racing series in the spirit of Can Am, and will pay to let any Opponaut form a team and compete if they can prove that they deserve it. It will be a real race series, broadcast on my major network channel, with LeMons style penalties.

PRBot II > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:01

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This would be a week-long endeavor.

All Oppostles would be flown on my new airline, Oppositelock Airways (the whole plane is first class) to England.

h/t to pushtostart for the image!

...where we would attend our own filming of Top Gear.

Yes, that would be all of us in that crowd.

And since I bought Top Gear itself, they'd have to do another installment of The Cool Wall. And no more overly-scripted segments. More Stig laps in good weather. Celebrity guest would be Jason Torchinsky.

Then, we'd fly to Germany and spend a few days at the 'ring.

Yes, I bought the 'ring. It's all ours. I'll sell it back after we're done. What cars are we driving? ANY CAR YOU WANT. I'm buying. Want your car from home? I just had it shipped over.

Afterwards, we enjoy fine German beers with the coolest Oktoberfest girls.

Then we retire to a huge five star hotel, were I purchased every room.

Everyone gets their own room, and room service is on me.

After that?

Everyone gets a huge pile of money!! Each. Call it a parting gift ;)

And what else?

I'd buy Gawker Media. New new Kinja would be made null and void. And all Oppostles would be followed by Jalopnik, and thus un-greyed.

That's about it.

JustWaitingForAMate > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:04

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Fly everyone to moon.

Bring extra buggies.

Call it : Hoon on the Moon.

Lets Just Drive > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 02/21/2014 at 21:05

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This... this, this just sounds, it sounds so... awesome!

Full cages and helmets?

Lets Just Drive > Dukie - Jalopnik Emergency Management Asshole 02/21/2014 at 21:06

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A race against time.

I don't know that I would pass this up if I were lying in bed, dying of super-death-plague.

Lets Just Drive > PRBot II 02/21/2014 at 21:08

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This was like sex or something. It just kept getting better and at the end I was thinking, "I need a smoke."

Lets Just Drive > MtrRider 02/21/2014 at 21:09

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So your "party" would be a never ending enterprise? I approve of this strategy.

Lets Just Drive > anonsagainstanonymous 02/21/2014 at 21:09

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My brain just es'ploded.

Lets Just Drive > Cynical 02/21/2014 at 21:10

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So, in summary: Live In Forza/GT. Is that about right?

Lets Just Drive > JustWaitingForAMate 02/21/2014 at 21:11

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This must happen.

I don't even care if Red Bull and Monster co-sponsor the event and rebrand Mars "Planet Energy!!!" with three exclamation points.

Lets Just Drive > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 02/21/2014 at 21:11

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The house needs to be upside down also.

PRBot II > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:12

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I need a smoke after all that too! What a wonderful Opparty it would be!!

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:12

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Beer helmets.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:12

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I'd buy Nürburgring and build a village on the in field. Opponaughts would live in said village and staff Nürburgring. Every 3rd weekend of the month I'd close the ring to the public and we'd have a opponaught only 6hr lemons race. There'd also be blackjack... And hookers.

Lets Just Drive > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 02/21/2014 at 21:14

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Can I get mine with a nice single malt? And hookers.

Lets Just Drive > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 02/21/2014 at 21:14

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You could just buy the castle that lies within the circuit?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:15

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I'm stupid rich, you get what you want!

Lets Just Drive > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 02/21/2014 at 21:15

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Lap of Nurburgring in a Concord jetliner!

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:18

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Son, that would be our mother fucking club house.

Cynical > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:18

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YEAH, BUT FOR REAL!!!

Formula4speed > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:21

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I'd start by buying a state. One that could be really nice if it weren't for the people, like South Carolina. Then I'd remove all of said pesky people (kindly! I'm talking offering every single person a million bucks to leave), have every road repaved to perfection and refitted with adequate safety/runoff precautions, remove all speed limits, impose an incredibly strict driver's license requirement, subsidize all maintenance/wear and tear/repair automobile costs, and invite every automotive enthusiast in the world to come and live in one place where every road is a racetrack, every driver is a pro, and all the costs of hoonage are eliminated. Then, once a week, I'd host a race around the statehouse, and the top 100 times of the week would govern the state as my advisors.

Dusty Ventures > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:21

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A week long celebration of automotive beauty and speed in the Pacific Northwest. Rent out Portland International Raceway for a car show and "dream car rides/drives." Movies and ridiculous dirt track racing at Portland Downs on the other side of the road. Trophy kart racing on PIR's infield motocross track. Beers from the local microbreweries, wines from the Columbia River vineyards. And of course rally rides/races on the stages of the Oregon Trail Rally. Free transportation and lodging will be provided for all Oppo regulars.

Oh, and totally rent out Multnomah Falls for at least one day (about 4x the height of Niagra)

EDIT: Repeat the party a year later, but in Nevada. Add in some trophy truck rides.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:27

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And that's where the village would be built with a car lift in every garage and a machine shop in every back yard. Housing would be free so you could spend all your money on cars and every house would come with a NA Miata.

Lets Just Drive > Dusty Ventures 02/21/2014 at 21:31

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I just died and went to your dream.

Lets Just Drive > Formula4speed 02/21/2014 at 21:33

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We've had a reply that was basically Forza or GT, so why not Horizon or Test Drive?

Nice.

Formula4speed > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:41

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Oh fuck I did just make horizon real, didn't I? Haha now that you mention it, Colorado would be a more fun choice than South Carolina for the drugs and snow driving.

MtrRider > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 21:48

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When your that rich the party never ends.

Justino6969 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 02/21/2014 at 21:59

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Beat me to it.

Lets Just Drive > Formula4speed 02/21/2014 at 22:06

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Wrong drug, but snow also.

Meh.

Justino6969 > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 22:14

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Buy thousands of acres, build a Leguna Seca inside of LaSarthe inside of the Ring (with other tracks that would fit in-between) with a dedicated autocross track and drift track in the middle, with Leno, Seinfeld, GT6, and Fourza collections all in one giant hangar. Closed to the public except dedicated days, but all OPPOs get lifetime passes and free transportation from anywhere at anytime. Tracks open 24-7. Free pit-style garages open with limitless parts that you may take with you (that means wheels, tires, engine swaps, use your imagination). There is also an ordering station where OPPOs can take whatever car they want home after they order another copy and it is delivered (so the collection is always full). Also I like Duke's idea of drunken golf cart races on the ring. Fell free to add as you wish.

DeltawingGothamDeserves > Lets Just Drive 02/21/2014 at 22:15

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Build a track, with input from all Opponauts.

Leadbull > Formula4speed 02/22/2014 at 00:22

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Buy Wyoming. Nice mountain roads, and it's not like people live there anyway.

I've been to SC. It's humid and most of the roads are pretty flat and uneventful.

Leadbull > Dusty Ventures 02/22/2014 at 00:27

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The Pacific Northwest just seems like the most beautiful place, ever. I've never been, but I'd really like to fly out there, rent a car and drive around for a couple of weeks sometime.

Leadbull > Lets Just Drive 02/22/2014 at 00:33

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Buy Toronto, because it's a nice, generic city in Canada that no one cares about (Yes, I know you're a Canadian. Your country is inferior)

Kick everyone out

Buy a bunch of awesome cars/helicopters/planes/boats

Invite oppo to Toronto

Make oppo sign waivers

Let chaos ensue

Lets Just Drive > Leadbull 02/22/2014 at 00:36

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GTA GTA, eh?

The last GTA standing for Greater Toronto Area.

Leadbull > Lets Just Drive 02/22/2014 at 00:37

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Yeah, pretty much.

GTA, but without the murder.

Lets Just Drive > Leadbull 02/22/2014 at 00:39

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There's murder in GTA?

Leadbull > Lets Just Drive 02/22/2014 at 00:41

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You're right, it's probably just ketchup.

Lets Just Drive > Leadbull 02/22/2014 at 00:46

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Pixels, man... and you know when they are dead.

Dusty Ventures > Leadbull 02/22/2014 at 01:01

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I've been lucky enough to go out there twice and I love it. Weather can be a bit of a lottery and there's always the risk of finding yourself there during a full week of rain, but it's still one of my favorite areas. And driving the length of the gorge is breathtaking.

Leadbull > Dusty Ventures 02/22/2014 at 01:18

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I love rain, so that's not a huge problem for me. And the summers are apparently very pleasant and dry.

I don't know if I could live out there, though. It's just so far from all my family and friends.

Dusty Ventures > Leadbull 02/22/2014 at 01:32

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I can't speak to the summers, I went in early May, when it rained, and late October, when it didn't. Ironically it's probably the traffic that would keep me from living there more than anything else. I-5 is terribad. Even so, sometimes I'm tempted...

Leadbull > Dusty Ventures 02/22/2014 at 01:41

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I'm also tempted to apply out there once I get a degree.

Maybe just for a couple of years. If the transcontinental flights become too much, I can always move back east.

Maxima Speed > PRBot II 02/22/2014 at 20:19

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Dont forget, when you buy TG to fire jeremy ( for blatant hating on german perfection) and make James May lead. Oh one other thing, more Porsches to keep me and Hammond happy.