Sorry Jalopnik, you've lost me. I'm just a drone now

"Stupidru" (Schm1an)
10/06/2014 at 16:05 • Filed to: None

I no longer lust for a hot hatchback, nor a stick shift, nor the most track-prepped suspension setup. Yes, station wagons are still great, but I need something that's actually practical. By the time I can buy a new car in 3 years we'll have kids and I'll hate myself for driving anything that resembles my old Subaru. I want something that I can take kids in and out of with ease and without increasing the world's demand of chiropractors. Sure, I can cut my commute time down by about 3 minutes if I had something really fast, but I know my ass will certainly appreciate 3 minutes of extra comfort and my boss will appreciate me not getting all sweaty from race-mode. Not to mention I won't be tempted to buy a 3" exhaust and wake the neighbors in the morning. Gas mileage is important to me and with the new diesels that Jeep offers, you can get 25 mpg from a Grand Cherokee... my 13 year old Subaru that could fit in the backseat of said Jeep can only muster 25 mpg. Yes yes yes, car payments suck. I hear you loud and clear, but when my car dies I'll be that guy everybody on this site criticizes for driving a big SUV instead of a V70R.

Jalopnik, you've lost me. Call me a drone, call me a sellout, but maybe when I have the discretionary income for a sunday driver I'll come back to my sensibilities and get a little 2-seater. But for now I need practicality. My flamesuit is on, but I'm out.

DISCUSSION (54)

Textured Soy Protein > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:07

I have a Grand Cherokee. It's an old '99 V8 Limited that's my winter/practical car to go with my BMW 135is. It gets shit mileage, but then again it only cost 4 grand.

For Sweden > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:09

Yes, station wagons are still great, but I need something that's actually practical.

wut

duurtlang > For Sweden
10/06/2014 at 16:10

He lost me for a while there.

mcseanerson > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:10

Kinja'd!!!

I criticize you for not being practical enough.

Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:11

Get an SRT-8. That way you can have all the practicality of the Jeep but also the speed and wallet draining repairs of a real Jalop vehicle.

GhostZ > For Sweden
10/06/2014 at 16:11

Considering that many sedans have as much storage space as a crossover, I can't imagine a crossover having more storage space than a wagon.

Bytemite > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:11

Wait so, station wagons are not practical but you got what is basically a station wagon that is on a lift kit...and the only offroading you will do is a gravel driveway. Marketing really does work.

Stupidru > mcseanerson
10/06/2014 at 16:14

Never!

duurtlang > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:15

There's nothing wrong with practicality and I doubt anyone past their teens will criticize you for wanting to buy a vehicle that does what you need. That your vehicle of choice isn't what I'd pick myself is utterly irrelevant, to each their own.

Stupidru > Bytemite
10/06/2014 at 16:15

You must have missed the part where I said I don't want to be taking kids in and out of something that low to the ground

GhostZ > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:16

It's not a dichotomy between "Fun" and "Practical", it's about caring to make sure you buy good cars.

The guy who buys a Jaguar F-Type just to look cool and doesn't know how to drive it, nor does he appreciate it or even keep it clean, is as much of "not a Jalop" as the guy who buys a brand new Camry without thinking about it because "It's a car".

Although personally, I would never, ever, have children before I was financially stable enough to not have it impact my standard of living (including having a fun car) negatively.

mcseanerson > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:16

Really? I would honestly prefer this to the Grand Cherokee. More seats and cargo capacity, better gas mileage, and it's basically a taller/longer Mazda 3. Can even be had with manual.

jlmounce > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:16

The wife and I have a 2013 GC Altitude. It's a great all around vehicle. It goes anywhere, seats ourselves and our pest comfortably, gets resonably mileage with the 6er (22 combined, 25-27 highway) and is nice to look at to boot. I still have my classic Firebird for my oppo-ness, but sometimes in life you just need something that won't require a metering rod change every 3 months or 50 miles, whichever comes first.

Stupidru > For Sweden
10/06/2014 at 16:17

Kids. I don't want to be taking them in and out of something with a lower ground clearance, and I just want a super plush comfy ride. Personal preference.

Bytemite > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:17

When did marketing beat that idea into our heads...that regular cars are now "too low to the ground"? Cars haven't been as stupidly tall as they are now. And they have existed for commoners for generations.

Stupidru > duurtlang
10/06/2014 at 16:17

May I inquire what you would pick?

cabarne4 > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:18

Actually the Mazda5 sits fairly high — it's like a mini-minivan. It'll get nearly 30mpg highway, and can be had with a row-your-own gearbox. Pop the seats down, and you've got useful cargo room or days. Flipped up, captains chairs for 6.

Plus, it's cheaper than the Jeep.

Ninja edit: not to discredit your choice of the Jeep, though. Just pointing out the perks of the 5. I honestly don't give 2 shits what anybody on here drives. What you drive doesn't dictate whether or not you're a "car guy", and I'm sure you'll still have loads to contribute here if you choose to stick around. Besides, the Grand Cherokee is a diesel wagon... get it in brown, and you'll really only lose a few Jalop-points.

mcseanerson > GhostZ
10/06/2014 at 16:18

Yeah, being Jalop is about knowing your car and it being "The Car" for you.

Stupidru > GhostZ
10/06/2014 at 16:21

Potato Potatoe. I understand I guess I'll always be a "jalop" at heart since I care about my cars more than most, but I guess I just have a faded interest in setting land speed records.

We've figured out our financial situation, so no worries there. I just have to wait until the wife's car is paid off before I embark on another car loan

Stupidru > jlmounce
10/06/2014 at 16:22

I'm with you there. The GC seems to tick all the boxes I want it to. I'm sure I'll get a cheap little car in a few years (Miata just for autocrossing) but for my daily I don't want sacrifices.

duurtlang > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:23

If I were to have kids today? Probably an Alfa 159 or a second gen Citroën C5, both as a wagon. Or maybe something a segment smaller. Disclaimer: I do live in Europe.

Stupidru > Bytemite
10/06/2014 at 16:25

I'm not sure either, but I'm buying it.

T5Killer > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:26

Having kids means you need to sell your fun car? HUH?? BTW putting my sons baby seat in my Cobra is easier vs putting it in my Wifes Diamante which is a Full size 4door.

Kinja'd!!!

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:27

I'm with you.

Even if you have received some harsh feedback.

Let's be honest, the GC is a great vehicle. I'm not a big fan of diesels so I would personally recommend the new Expedition because it too gets better-than-mini-van MPG's. (most minivans anyhow)

I'm also not a big wagon person. A lot of times their hatch/rear area slopes pretty sharply and you end up with less cargo space than an SUV.

When we were preparing to have our first kid i sold my blazer and bought a Mercury Milan, great gas mileage, reliable, safe. I have a cheap old muscle car for fun, this is my DD it doesn't have to be a super car.

GhostZ > mcseanerson
10/06/2014 at 16:28

The heart of enthusiasm is the desire to seek knowledge and try new things without limit. That desire, made real by our actions, changes the way we own and use cars, because it means for us ignorance or complacency is not an excuse. Most of the cars we hate are bought because of ignorance (of better vehicles out there) or complacency (for not using them to their full extent). Most of the cars we love are the type of cars you can't own without enlightening or invigorating yourself.

I think it's more about mutual respect for why you or other people buy a particular car, gained through acquiring knowledge or experience about things you didn't understand before, and the constant agreement to accept that knowledge. A true jalop could sit back and have someone explain to them why a Murano Cross Cabriolet is a good car, and they would understand why. They may not agree with the statements or feel the same passion, but they understand, and through that they respect, the decision.

Stupidru > cabarne4
10/06/2014 at 16:30

The Mazda5 really does tick all the boxes, but I just can't get over driving a minivan. I hate to admit it but minivans really are the most practical vehicles on the road.

I guess that "car guy" instinct will always stick with me. I'm always tinkering with my cars just to make them that much better. Eventually I'll come back around to owning something fun, but for the next few years of my life I'll need something a little more dad-friendly

dogisbadob > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:30

Why? It's a Mazda 3 in a slightly different body, just a taller 3. It even has the same shocks/struts, so there's plenty of aftermarket support, including Koni FSD shocks (awesome handling, reasonably compliant ride, they launched at the same time as the Gallardo, the first OE FSD fitment).

Diesel > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:31

I drive a Chevy Tahoe. NO FUCKS GIVEN.

It's comfy, I can sleep in the back and my dog loves it.

Stupidru > duurtlang
10/06/2014 at 16:31

Not bad choices at all. If I also lived in Europe there's no way I'd be looking at an SUV for fuel costs and for the lack of fear that some soccer mom texting could kill me at any winter stoplight

Stupidru > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
10/06/2014 at 16:36

See I love wagons, but they only cut the mustard about 75% of the time. Our Forester does the job 90% of the time. The other 10% I have to call my friend who has a Trailblazer to help me load drywall from Home Depot. In a few years I'll have my fun car, but until I can afford 3 cars (mostly the parts for the 3rd car) I'll sacrifice driving a stick shift for a comfy battle tank

Stupidru > Diesel
10/06/2014 at 16:37

Took my wife's Forester our to Colorado last year and slept in it for 2 nights on the way back home. After that I've been a huge fan of SUVs for their ride comfort and ability to sleep 2 full grown humans comfortably at the blink of an eye... granted the Forester is not a real SUV

Stupidru > T5Killer
10/06/2014 at 16:40

Well for me, I sold my fun car when I got a dog. (Sold my LGT so the wife could drive a Forester and put the dog in the back, now I drive her old wagon). Now I'm just opting for something that's less terrible than my current car. Not to mention drywall doesn't fit very well inside either of our cars

Diesel > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:42

I can fold the seats down and fit at least a queen size air mattress in the back. Who needs a tent when you have that. Also, bear protection. It's almost the time of year that I will go, find a remote camping spot somewhere and enjoy nature.

Stupidru > Diesel
10/06/2014 at 16:50

I still love setting up my hammock from time to time, but when there are bears nearby, screw that. I'm high-tailing it back to the car

Diesel > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:54

Agreed, I don't want to be part of a Bear burrito. It's a shame Texas is so damn hot year round. I would like to go camping more.

T5Killer > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 16:57

Good point on the drywall. I really want a small truck to haul home improvement stuff.

Stupidru > T5Killer
10/06/2014 at 17:06

Yeah, it's either get a fun DD like a V70R to haul the kids around and a smaller truck like a Tacoma or a Ranger (which would have to sit in the garage because we'd have 2 larger vehicles) or get one large DD and get a small fun car in a couple years and keep both cars in the garage.

Stupidru > Diesel
10/06/2014 at 17:08

Cheers! My wife is a native Texan. She almost convinced me to pack up and move down there, but I vetoed for the single fact that it's hotter than haites for half of the year. My argument was that you can always add layers up here in Wisconsin. When it's hot you can only get so naked before it's illegal

Diesel > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 17:10

I agree, in principle. I couldn't live here without AC. I am originally from Montana. But, it's not as bad as it seems. I spend nothing on heating in the winter. I do miss mountains and clean water.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 17:12

It's so much easier to climb into something than bend down. I'm only 20 and I've already got that figured out. Plus, you can't pull a decent camper with a Mazda or Subaru.

bobkustofawitshz > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 17:19

Hell, if I were in your situation I'd probably go with a GC too. One of those diesel Overland Summit models (used, of course)

Dat interior...

Kinja'd!!!

Trevor Slattery, ACTOR > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 17:31

I got two kids. I have a minivan for family stuff and a sporty 4-door (Jetta GLI) to split the difference between sporty and practicality. The lower ingress actually means that they will be able to crawl into the car sooner. So while the height of the Jeep is a boon in the beginning, it bites you in the ass later. That is how my car salesman friend would sell minivans to families. He would just let the kids get in both types of vehicles and let the parents watch.

jkm7680 > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 17:33

How about a manual Tiguan?

KoenigSTIGg > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 18:26

Can I ask why the lower ground clearance? Most parents I know don't want their kids to fall/drop out of a higher vehicle.

Vicente Esteve > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 18:26

There is no problem in what you drive. Anyone can drive what ever they want, and it should never affect their gear-headness or not. In my opinion, a Grand Cherokee is a very cool truck, because it is tough but only seats 5. I know, its cool because its less practical than an Acadia or an Explorer, but if that all you need (seating-wise) I think its perfect.

I would also recommend, I know its a bit tight, but you can get a Volkswagen Tiguan with a stick. You get the raised hight, 2.0 Turbo, 6 speed manual, and some practicality. If space of the GC is important, id get a TDI Touareg which I'd recommend you to check out. The interiors and attention to detail is gorgeous.

Stupidru > jkm7680
10/06/2014 at 21:58

We have a Forester and we've already maxed out that in terms of cargo capacity. If anything I'd get a V6 TDI Touareg if 100k examples weren't the price of a 1-yr-old diesel GC

Stupidru > KoenigSTIGg
10/06/2014 at 22:02

I've never heard of people dropping their kids while loading them in and out of cars, so that's never been a concern of mine. If that ever becomes an issue, the GC has an air suspension that drops the vehicle 1.5" when parked, if you so choose.

Stupidru > Vicente Esteve
10/06/2014 at 22:04

I've been gushing over a V6 TDI Touareg for the past few weeks until realizing that a 2011 model with 100k miles is the same cost as a 1-yr old example of a diesel GC. If money weren't an issue I'd get the Touareg all day long but I have a feeling that the GC may be the more feasible option.

My wife drives an 09 Forester which we've already maxed out the cargo capacity of, which is part of the prompt to get something larger

Stupidru > bobkustofawitshz
10/06/2014 at 22:05

The GC and the Touareg have two of the best interiors on the market at the moment

Vicente Esteve > Stupidru
10/06/2014 at 22:34

Got it. And yes, for the price, Jeep is giving a hell of a lot of car. Other 5 seat SUVs cooler than crossovers and 7 seaters? Well, theres the Edge sport with a Mustang V6, a Murano (Just no), and yes get the Jeep.

Stupidru > Vicente Esteve
10/07/2014 at 08:21

The Edge is pretty cool but I haven't looked them too closely to have an educated opinion on them yet. My wife and I got a rental Murano when we were on vacation earlier this year. Never... again...

KoenigSTIGg > Stupidru
10/07/2014 at 10:36

I meant more like the kids falling out themselves. Is it a crash safety thing why you want a higher car?

Stupidru > KoenigSTIGg
10/07/2014 at 12:41

I want something a little higher so I don't have to crane over as far and wreck my back everytime I have to buckle the kids in.

Vicente Esteve > Stupidru
10/07/2014 at 14:45

Haha, yeah, it doesn't make sense now that the model is about to change.