Twinkies, The Oppositelock Review

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko) 01/30/2014 at 21:41 • Filed to: Opporeviews

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Since the dawn of man, people have wondered, "What doth life?" So many have tried to answer that question. It has been pondered and debated to know end. One great thinker, named James Alexander Dewer, sat down in 1930 and the answer came to him.

The answer, however, was not to that question.

James's answer was to what to do with the strawberry shortcake machines when the strawberries were out of season. He decided upon banana cream filling. Then World War II happened, so out went the bananas and in came vanilla. Thus, what we know as the Twinkie was born.

Hostess just came back from bankruptcy, so let's see how these Twinkies are.

Exterior:

Golden brown and soft to the touch.

The trademark three white dots of filling on the bottom

Interior:

Ah, now there's the cream filling! That familiar white stuff is still there.

Acceleration:

Goes down fast.

Brakes:

Doesn't expire until February 25, 2014.

Taste:

Like sponge and cream, you know, a Twinkie.

Toys:

The noise of opening the plastic wrapper can be used to summon dogs.

Verdict:

These are still the same Twinkies. Quite possibly the same Twinkies. Would eat again.

Brian Silvestro > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 01/30/2014 at 21:45

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FOODLOPNIK REVIEW SSSSS !!!!

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

PushToStart > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 01/30/2014 at 21:45

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Damn, if those expire in 2014 they've probably been sitting in a warehouse for 20 years hahaha

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > PushToStart 01/30/2014 at 21:46

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I don't doubt it.

YSI-what can brown do for you > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 01/30/2014 at 21:49

3

Twinkies taste good, until you actually eat them. Then you are left disappointed.

N/A POWAAAHH > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 01/30/2014 at 21:49

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Is it actual cream in the states? I'm pretty sure in canada, it's vegetable shortening..

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > YSI-what can brown do for you 01/30/2014 at 21:52

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I've never not liked them.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > N/A POWAAAHH 01/30/2014 at 21:54

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Shortening based, because we can't have fat. The flavors are derived from petroleum, so this is car related.

YSI-what can brown do for you > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 01/30/2014 at 21:57

1

Neither have I, but it still leaves something to be desired.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > YSI-what can brown do for you 01/30/2014 at 22:00

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More Twinkies?

YSI-what can brown do for you > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 01/30/2014 at 22:03

1

No, I just usually have a Cupcake. That usually fills the hole in my heart that Twinkies leave.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > PushToStart 01/30/2014 at 22:09

3

New old stock...

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 01/30/2014 at 22:26

1

you win Oppo today.

I will buy u a lap dance if we ever meet...Note it

ttyymmnn > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 01/30/2014 at 22:40

1

9/10. Would DD. Though I prefer Ding Dongs.

twinturbobmw > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 01/30/2014 at 22:41

1

I've only eaten half a twinkie in my life, and it wasn't as good as I was expecting. It was decent, but not great.

vdub_nut: scooter snob > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 01/30/2014 at 22:51

1

There's now Hurricane all over my screen.

You owe me $3

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > twinturbobmw 01/30/2014 at 23:12

0

It's a Twinkie, you don't have to love them, but you can't not like them.