But what about the children?

"D" (danjee)
08/18/2013 at 22:56 • Filed to: craigslist, festiva

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! will watch out for them.

It begins as a normal Festiva ad:

1993 Ford FESTIVA 5-speed manual

125k miles / 5-speed manual / No AC / New brakes / clear title in hand / tags till Oct 2013 / 40 city 50 frwy

No problems with engine or tranny / no stalling / no overheating / always starts up and goes

Incredible GAS SAVER!! About $25 fills the tank and it goes forever.

Please see the San Diego and Los Angeles sections and you will see that Festivas
are going for about $1800 and up.

****** Please EMAIL ME with questions or to make an appointment to see the car in Roseville. *****

All of the sudden, a wild guardian angel appears:

NOTE: I am not selling this street legal go kart to young people who are starting out in life because I don't want to open the newspaper and find that you killed yourself in it. I would advise safety first and getting the largest car possible. Saving money on gas is not everything. So think of safety first. I am pretty much looking to sell my Festiva to a balding and fat 50 year old man who is on social security and is kind of good with a wrench or likes to tinker with Festivas, and who only drives it around town to do errands, and if he winds up dead in the car on account of it being a death trap, well then he knew better and heck he is 50 years old anyways and his life is coming to an end probably soon anyways... so..... No young adults for this Festy, sorry!!

And I know who you are!! If I don't reply to your email that's why, cuz I know. Yes, I care, I am a caring person. The world needs more wonderful people like me.

DISCUSSION (11)

XJDano > D
08/18/2013 at 23:00

I put both my kids in the back seat of my metro... Bad parent? According to this guy.

Why are you looking at festivas?

GhostZ > D
08/18/2013 at 23:07

1. Go find someone fat, balding, and who likes to tinker with Festivas.

2. Purchase!

3. Gut it and put in a V8 drivetrain from a Fox Body, RWD and all, cramming it in by moving the dash and firewall (along with the seat) very far back.

4. ???

5. Profit!

JasonStern911 > XJDano
08/18/2013 at 23:15

Are you balding, fat, 50, and good with a wrench? If so, then good parent.

JasonStern911 > D
08/18/2013 at 23:19

Kinja'd!!!

I have to agree with the craigslist post. I effectively had a Ford Festiva as my first car, and while it was a great car, it is a terrible first car for a teenager. By no means is the car a "street legal go-kart". I had that thing on three wheels several times without knowing, which means I probably damn near rolled the thing when I was aware that a wheel was up. And one time, I tried to give three fat friends a ride home. Needless to say, the brakes are useless going down a hill with ~700+ lbs. of passengers...

XJDano > JasonStern911
08/18/2013 at 23:20

not fat and only 33,

50%

JasonStern911 > XJDano
08/18/2013 at 23:22

Then clearly the ad would state WORST PARENT EVER!

But 17 years from now.... :)

D > JasonStern911
08/19/2013 at 00:46

Haha. I'm attracted to minimalist cars so I idolize the thing.

JasonStern911 > D
08/19/2013 at 01:00

Again, great cars - just not great first cars. If nothing else, in 2013, you can get a car with airbags for the same price. Better gas mileage and less horsepower makes sense until an accident actually happens and the lack of safety features causes harm. But now I sound all negative. I'm too old to understand hipsters so if they like a Festiva ironically or something, hats off to them. The motor in them is solid, the chassis is light, and the fuel economy is respectable.

Sparf > D
08/19/2013 at 04:59

I would advise safety first and getting the largest car possible

So much stupidity in one sentence.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > D
08/19/2013 at 09:01

I'd offer him $500 and then send him the video of me hooning the ever loving shit out of it at a Lemons 24 hour.

D > Sparf
08/19/2013 at 12:49

Yeah, this is a very 1950's mindset.