What are the "douchiest" cars out there? (FEQ #2)

"JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7" (jayzayeighty)
12/06/2013 at 19:31 • Filed to: friday evening question

There is an article on the FP that made me think of posting this second Friday Evening Question. It seems that your typical asshat or boy racers will flock to the same cars—they are usually cheap, but not econo-misers. Take the BMW driver on the FP, for example; the E36 is driven by so many brainless wannabes (I can't even count the number of times some 328/325 has flown by at some point blaring some stupid music with a $50 eBay muffler) and will someday be rare as result. Sadly, it detracts from the fact that it is a fantastic car that is owned by many capable and tasteful drivers. So, there's one—what are some others?

Aforementioned video/article link:

http://jalopnik.com/bmw-driver-cas…

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

DISCUSSION (84)

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 19:33

"the E36 is driven by so many brainless wannabes"

Kinja'd!!!

Sn210 > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 19:37

Around where I live, the douchiest cars tend to be Lexus IS/ES's and Mustangs from the "douch-stang" generation. Ricers round out the top three.

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 19:42

My pick is probably particular to Brazil, but...

Kinja'd!!!

Down here, the Fiat 500 is the automotive equivalent to a fashion statement. Forget all the capable sporty versions, 99% of the ones sold here are tiny engined, slushbox cars with fashion brand tie ins. Typical Fiat 500 owners are people who are much better than you because they can pay big bucks for a small car for style alone and won't hesitate to demonstrate it...

thebigbossyboss > Sn210
12/06/2013 at 19:42

I am a ricer. I must therefore be a douche.

Kinja'd!!!

JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
12/06/2013 at 19:43

Ha! One of my 5 favorite cars is a Euro E36M 3.2 coupe, and I am looking for a 328 or 325is among other cars. I thought I'd redeemed myself by complimenting discerning E36 drivers such as yourself! It pains me to see such badly-treated, boy racer E36s treated as Evos and Civics.

BKRM3 > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 19:44

This is a recipe for disaster. I'm preemptively preparing myself to be offended, like, a hundred times. Wait, lemme just do it: HEY GUYS - EVERY 3 SERIES, AM I RIGHT!?

Sn210 > thebigbossyboss
12/06/2013 at 19:45

Yeah but only third douchiest...

I'm sure if you're on Oppo your not a douche

thebigbossyboss > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 19:47

I dunno man. Probably mine. It's really loud and I leave the house at 6am.

One of it's headlights is badly adjusted because the other one won't adjust. I suck.

Kinja'd!!!

thebigbossyboss > Sn210
12/06/2013 at 19:49

Thanks! I actually find the worst drivers to be infiniti G35's. I almost rear ended one because he changed 3 lanes and then stopped right in front of me. I also almost got run over by one in a crosswalk.

Sn210 > thebigbossyboss
12/06/2013 at 19:51

Yeah! I've definitely encountered some douchy G35's/G37's.

A3R0 > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 19:51

He literally just cooked his engine. :(

thebigbossyboss > Sn210
12/06/2013 at 19:52

I used to drive in an area where the road would split, one lane goes right, the other left. The right lane was always jammed and the left never was. It was always G35's and hummers, trying to get in the right lane at the last second.

JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 > BKRM3
12/06/2013 at 19:53

I love the 3-series a great deal, but the label really does ring true where I live :(

The sad part is that every E36 seems to be getting beaten to a pile of parts, and the E36 is one of my favorite, if not my favorite, 3er.

EL_ULY > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 19:58

new Audi's

The other day me and my brother were coming back from taking my nephew to the Children's Museum. While we were driving towards downtown, a 2013 Audi A4 cabriolet (yellow, top down) pulled up in front of us. Inside were two white dudes with basketball jersey's, both with a du rangs and flat bill baseball hats on top them. On their radio, old school Swishahouse (Houston rap) blasting loud. We were coming up to a red light and at that intersection were about 5 homeless (black) dudes with signs wanting money and stuff. Spot on as always, my brother said, "I bet they'll shut the top down". On cue, they started to shut the roof LOL. Not too "gansta" now huh boys. Oh it gets better, while the roof was half way closing, the light turns green LOL!!! They proceed on driving about half a mile to a mile with the top sticking up in the air. Oh man, many laughs were had :]

During last year's Auto Show at the Audi section, one word became fundamental with the crowd. "Bro". The bro dudes were concentrated at Audi. "Bro, that's an RS7 bro omg! bro" Then the ladies showed up. Speaking to their obvious sugar daddies "ohh I want this one, ____ has one like this" (pointing at a A5 2.0t) "I want it in this exact red". I'm probably assuming too much, but I doubt she knows a single thing about that vehicle besides that, as she said, "oh I like dem LED's" and the fact that it's a red coupe. Seem's to be the general reason for non car people to want Audi's... "the LED's" Could be a FWD 3 cyl, doesn't matter,"dem LED's!!!"

Still, I don't care much for any single car or brand really. Yes a 430 Scudaria driving by will catch my eye but fundamentally forever in my eyes a car cannot have a soul or passion. Bolts, nuts, parts, and fluids is all they all are. In my screwed up head, Audi's take the cake right up there with bro truck as the douchiest cars out there. C5 Avant Allroads are nice, RS7 (which you all worship) just doesn't tickle my fancy one bit.

*hands jalop card, walks away chunking dues* ahuevo cabrones :]

EL_ULY > EL_ULY
12/06/2013 at 19:58

-in before, "nice story bro" :]

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 19:58

These, at least in a college town

Kinja'd!!!

Also poorly-modded Brobalt SS's. There's a ton of them around here too.

Hugh Jazz Can no longer Kinja > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 20:03

...

Kinja'd!!!

thebigbossyboss > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
12/06/2013 at 20:03

There is a quite a few cobalt SS's around oppo as well. I dunno. I like them. My dad wants one for his "midlife crisis" or so he says.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > thebigbossyboss
12/06/2013 at 20:08

I don't mind the SS, and obviously no offense to the Opponauts who have one, but it seems any one I've found in the wild is straight-piped and lowered and being driven by an asshat who cuts people off and doesn't shift until 6k rpm. Of course, college town, so everyone here kind of drives like an asshat.

thebigbossyboss > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
12/06/2013 at 20:09

HAHAHa. Got to impress them ladies am I rite? I drive a Cavalier, so it's like an SS, but worse in every way.

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Sn210
12/06/2013 at 20:12

Hey, I drive an IS....

Übel > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 20:12

Kinja'd!!!

Came pre-riced straight from the factory, and is now solely owned by high schoolers who want to show every one and their grandma that their car is capable of hitting Mach $wag

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > thebigbossyboss
12/06/2013 at 20:14

They're not exactly performance-oriented cars, are they haha. I test-drove a 2002 while car hunting a few years ago, and almost bought it before I found my stupid little Focus. They're nice little first cars, though not exactly spirited performers. Is yours stock or have you done anything to it? It seemed like with some suspension work it could be a bit of fun.

EDIT: Your sins have been recorded for all of time :)

Kinja'd!!!

MDP310 > EL_ULY
12/06/2013 at 20:15

RS7 isn't the psycho German musclewagon we deserve, but it's the one we have right now.

Fookin' Prawns > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 20:15

Kinja'd!!!

Grrrrrrr.

Clown Shoe Pilot > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 20:16

the car driven by the guy that pops into my head when you say "douchiest driver ever" was an acura hatch of some kind w/ an E36 front clip grafted onto the front. In the rear view mirror, the illusion was very good.

MDP310 > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 20:17

BRODOZERS BRODOZERS BRODOZERS BRODOZERS

Jacked up a half-mile into the air, but still on the original axles so there's only like 6 inches of ground clearance. Never seen dirt in their lives, the whole front end covered in more lights than a 747 landing at night. Rolling coal harder than a dump truck, shitting out so much soot that I can't goddamn see anything.

thebigbossyboss > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
12/06/2013 at 20:17

My car is far from stock. Racing clutch, racing seats, aftermarket wheels, cold air intake, used to have racing belts (took those off cause girls hated them, and guys just didnt wear their seatbelts), stiffened suspension, and of course, the ubiquitous fart cannon almighty.

However, it is much faster than my previous car, a 1992 Ford Tempo with a 3 speed slush box. Cavalier is a veyron compared to that.

JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 > Fookin' Prawns
12/06/2013 at 20:20

Damn, that's a pretty car. It's your vert, right? To be clear, I only was talking about how many E36 drivers are asshats—I love the E36 (one of my all-time favorite cars) and acknowledge the fact that most owners are not boy racer douches. It is really such a good looking car IMO, and that angle is really striking.

JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 > Clown Shoe Pilot
12/06/2013 at 20:21

That sounds really interesting to me. Anyways, that does sound like a pretty likely candidate.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > thebigbossyboss
12/06/2013 at 20:24

It'd be hard to downgrade from a Tempo haha. At least you're making your Cavalier better. I'd do stuff to my Focus if it wasn't breaking down all the time :|

thebigbossyboss > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
12/06/2013 at 20:26

For the tempo the only upgrade I invested in was spinner hub caps. If you want to have fun, get spinner hub caps. They are hilarious. Endless hours of entertainment for $60.

Kinja'd!!!

Clown Shoe Pilot > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 20:28

it was def interesting. it seemed to be well done too. it's just that the guy who drove it was a total douche.

JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 > Clown Shoe Pilot
12/06/2013 at 20:29

Huh, that's too bad. I would love to see something like that in real life, especially if driven by a cool person.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > thebigbossyboss
12/06/2013 at 20:30

Oh my God I'm dying. That's the best mod I've ever seen on a Tempo. Should've added an off-color hood scoop and portholes to complete the proper Autozone look haha.

Sn210 > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur
12/06/2013 at 20:42

Do you drive it like a douche?

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Sn210
12/06/2013 at 20:43

Depends what you mean by that. In my opinion, no I do not.

Sn210 > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur
12/06/2013 at 20:44

Then you're not a douche!

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Sn210
12/06/2013 at 20:49

Well okay then!

JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 > thebigbossyboss
12/06/2013 at 20:50

Not at all. A good car is a car you like, and you can't really suck if you post to Oppo! At least that's what I try to tell myself, haha

Spaceball-Two > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 21:01

There are a ton, and I mean metric ass load tons of Scion tc drivers in my area with fart cans and bad wheels and tires racing from stop light to stop light.

scoob > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 21:03

Kinja'd!!!

The Transporter > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 21:42

The answer isn't always Miata.

Kinja'd!!!

Fookin' Prawns > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/06/2013 at 21:50

Just busting your balls :P and yeah! You saw through my name change, haha.

And I agree with your original post. Someone on the FP compared it to the Fox-body Mustang, and I really think it fits. Cheap level of entry (hence why I have mine) but tons of go-fast stuff of dubious quality available-so for every clean and tasteful one there are four with awful rims, drooping fiberglass spoilers, and other horrible Pep Boys crap all over it.

It's a shame, but that's how it goes. Everything is co-opted by morons eventually.

JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 > Fookin' Prawns
12/06/2013 at 21:55

Unfortunately that is bang-on. While the E36 is undoubtedly an attractive, cheap fun car and the Fox 'stang is more just cheap and fun, I still agreed a great deal with that comment; a car's image is greatly determined by its following. It really does stink that we lose so many great cars to tasteless, young hooligans!

DoktorZombie > Spaceball-Two
12/06/2013 at 22:03

This x infinity.

d00mZ > scoob
12/06/2013 at 23:21

Wait how? I drive this as a daily with no mods whatsoever. RELIABLE DD!! Maybe it depends where you live in general.

scoob > d00mZ
12/06/2013 at 23:49

Every one of these I see is riced to hell with a fartcan with a diameter comparable to a bucket, ugly Walmart hubcaps, picnic table wing, ridiculous vinyls, bullet hole stickers, 200 stickers of aftermarket brands the car most likely has no relation to, and most definitely porthole decals with flames coming out of them.

I guess it is just where you live.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to have any Si DD. It's just that they're associated with contenders for the Darwin award here.

d00mZ > scoob
12/07/2013 at 00:30

I hear ya. I'm not racist at all, just pointing out that here in the Bay Area, majority I see and heard are Mexicans that ruined this car's rep. I've seen a lot of great mods for this car and they're Asian. They keep it JDM. No fart cans, no Walmart hubcaps, just clean.
It's already a problem for me to drive without getting harassed until they notice that I'm just a normal guy driving a stock EJ8.

Andrew-in-Brooklyn > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/07/2013 at 00:34

Range Rovers. Simply because of the way they are driven (or who they are driven by). At least in the New York tri-state area.

feather-throttle-not-hair > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/07/2013 at 00:39

I nominate my car. Nissan 350z, because every bad guy in Tokyo drift drove one and holy crap ownership group reflects that.

Great car. Classless owners for the most part.

Andrew-in-Brooklyn > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/07/2013 at 00:42

There is also a separate category of cars that are chosen by douches and often driven in a douche way.

Range Rovers, Maximas, Escalades, and Infiniti G coupes are always being driven in an aggressive and obnoxious way.

Priuses and Volvo wagons are always driven in an overly cautious and oblivious way.

YSI-what can brown do for you > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
12/07/2013 at 01:02

Wait, what color is this car?

YSI-what can brown do for you > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/07/2013 at 01:03

Lot of FRS/BRZ owners seem like douches. It doesn't help they know nothing about cars. I may not know much about modding a car, but I am trying to learn. These just do what seems right, and then they blow their car up.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > YSI-what can brown do for you
12/07/2013 at 01:22

If you're referencing the SRT-4 Neon pic above- looks red. They made orange too but it was orange , like that burnt rust color that all mid-2000's cars had.

If you're talking about the Brobalts- red, black, there's an orange one too I think. They all drive like douchebags.

YSI-what can brown do for you > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
12/07/2013 at 02:50

I have seen both the red and black one. The black one has halos, which generally don't look good on cars. The red one seems to be quite high in the RPM range, like all the time. . .

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/07/2013 at 02:55

Kinja'd!!!

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > YSI-what can brown do for you
12/07/2013 at 03:26

Yep. The dude in the black doesn't have them properly adjusted either, which is awesome when he's behind you. I don't think the red one ever shifts past second gear just so he can ride around ruining everyone's day with his massive exhaust. It doesn't even sound good either; at least that cat-backed blue Maserati GT MC Stradale sounds good. The red Cobalt is just obnoxious.

YSI-what can brown do for you > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
12/07/2013 at 03:28

I find the owner of the blue Maserati hilarious! He is a big Indian man. . . and he looks so out of place in that car.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > YSI-what can brown do for you
12/07/2013 at 03:45

He does look quite funny driving that car haha. At least he drives it like someone who enjoys it, I've seen him pull away from the light at Northwestern and Grant quite briskly to say the least. The other Maseratis around town appear to be driven by old women.

YSI-what can brown do for you > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
12/07/2013 at 03:48

There was a black one by my apartments, he exited in quite a nice fashion, sounded amazing!

I however must classify the Indian guy as an asshat. I have seen him double parked in a handicap spot!! Plus he seemed kind of like a bouche at a car show at Purdue, then again I only heard him talk for 5 minutes or so.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > YSI-what can brown do for you
12/07/2013 at 03:54

Well, let's be honest, if you're driving a Maserati at our age you probably have some sense of entitlement haha. Plus he can afford all the tickets he can, well his parents can at least. Was the one outside your apartment the matte black one with the custom emblem instead of the trident? Cuz that dude can't drive at all! I was behind him pulling out of a parking garage and in about 45 seconds he had cut off two people and rolled a stop sign.

YSI-what can brown do for you > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
12/07/2013 at 03:57

It was not that one. He was just the standard black one with black wheels. The car is fairly loud, but not overly loud.

Also, there is a Bentley rolling around town with Italia plates. . . if that makes any sense. I snapped a picture the other day.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > YSI-what can brown do for you
12/07/2013 at 04:04

I have seen the Bentley too! It was being driven by some tiny Asian girl who looked afraid for her life haha. Speaking of Italia, there's apparently a 458 rolling around campus somewhere. Supposedly he parks in the Northwestern parking garage but I've never seen it yet.

YSI-what can brown do for you > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
12/07/2013 at 04:08

It was here last year too. Pretty sad what goes on with that car. It is always dirty and it is left out in all sorts of weather conditions like snow. I have heard it as well, WOT into 4th gear. He was going FAST

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > YSI-what can brown do for you
12/07/2013 at 04:13

I don't get how people can treat cars like that so poorly. If I had a $300,000 Ferrari I wouldn't drive it anywhere on a college campus, let alone let it sit out over the winter. Then again I'm not loaded (or more accurately my parents aren't), so I have a concept of money. Can't really blame him for wanting to drive it fast, though, cars like that use maybe 5% of their potential around town. It's sad to see all the S4/5 Audis and M3's and Maseratis and GT-R's being driven so slowly. They deserve so much better. And it's not like there's any country roads you can take those cars out on, it's all farmland.

YSI-what can brown do for you > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
12/07/2013 at 04:32

There are a few roads out here, but those cars will have trouble driving on them since they are so narrow. That is why small cars are so much fun! I also wouldn't mind if their parents bought them their cars(and lets be honest if we were in the same spot we would do the same thing) if they actually cared about them, or even used them properly. Apparently, some of the GTR guys do some track time. . . apparently.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > YSI-what can brown do for you
12/07/2013 at 04:38

Small cars represent! And I didn't mean to sound like a dick with the 'concept of money' thing, it's just how they were brought up, nothing against them. Good to hear some of the guys in supercars take them out for a walk. Purdue's car club does autocrosses every once in a while, maybe that's where they go.

Krieger (@FSKrieger22) > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/07/2013 at 05:06

Here in Malaysia it's this:

Kinja'd!!!

A "modified" Proton Waja, busy deafening every other commuter.

Fookin' Prawns > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard
12/07/2013 at 05:14

Those rims are criminal.

Stupidru > EL_ULY
12/07/2013 at 08:50

At least in my part of the country (Southeastern WI), BMWs are still the douchiest of them all.

My best friend just bought an A5 2.0T. I secretely hate him for it because he's 25 and just bought a $35k car- he will definitely rub your nose into the fact that he makes more money than you. Though, in his defense, his Trailblazer SS was getting 16mpg and cost him over $10k in repairs in 3 years. His A5 gets 35mpg average and has AudiCare until some ridiculous amount of miles

i am kllot duh!! > Krieger (@FSKrieger22)
12/07/2013 at 10:44

nope.

hands down,fake ///m cars!

Kinja'd!!!

and there's also honda vtec fanboy..

kbasa > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/07/2013 at 11:52

Any car piloted by a flatbiller with white framed sunglasses gets a nomination. Extra points for a Metal Mulisha, brass knuckles, Volcom or hand grenade sticker.

911e46z06 > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/09/2013 at 04:55

Basically all of mine. E46 M3, Corvette, 911, and 3/4 ton truck.

evilfacelessturtle (Hooning a Ford is Domestic Abuse) > kbasa
12/09/2013 at 23:51

You're describing my brother. He also wants to stance his Jetta...

So yea, he's a total douche.

Kevin B. > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/10/2013 at 08:34

kbasa > evilfacelessturtle (Hooning a Ford is Domestic Abuse)
12/10/2013 at 14:01

lolz. There ya go, I guess. :D

merkyg > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/27/2013 at 20:58

Audi TT or new Range Rovers...

DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully > JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
12/27/2013 at 22:54

Depends... The bro-trucks, or, when I'm feeling peppy, my unmuffled (though still emissions-compliant) Mazda3 hatch with short-ram intake... It sounds like it's going to devour children, adults, wildlife, etc. above 3k.