The new M4's optional carbon fiber seats are coming to crush your balls

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 09/23/2020 at 08:14 • Filed to: None

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Being a mildly disgruntled 2-time former BMW owner, one of the things that drew me to BMWs in the first place was that for a long time their optional sport seats included extendable thigh bolsters. They’re a great feature!

I left my though bolsters somewhat extended all the time, and on long trips, extending them out all the way made for excellent relaxation and comfort.

But now, the new -nosed, Hofmeister kink-free M4 has arrived, and its optional carbon fiber seats have a carbon fiber-topped wart in the middle of the bottom cushion. Presumably this is to provide specific channels in which to set each of your legs, but I can’t for the life of me understand why anyone in their right mind would spring for these optional seats on a street-driven car. Which, ultimately, the vast majority of these super complex, heavy, expensive cars will be.

I’m sure 68% of all new M4s delivered to dealers will of course be equipped with these carbon fiber nut impalers, which undoubtedly add a couple grand worth of profit margin to the car.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 08:19

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you only expecting 68%?

my bet is 85 - 90%

E90M3 > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 08:23

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Fingers crossed the fix the styling during the LCI. That or maybe the looks will grow on me. 

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 08:26

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If your balls extend that far, consult a doctor.

SiennaMan > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 08:27

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I think they're assuming that if you’re buying an M4 that you are fashionably smaller than the average American and also wears tight enough pants that everything is "contained" well out of the way..

Sovande > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 08:27

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It’s almost like a plug cover for a 5 point harness.

Sovande > E90M3 09/23/2020 at 08:28

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Sometimes even your heroes make ass-ugly cars.

Textured Soy Protein > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/23/2020 at 08:33

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Textured Soy Protein > pip bip - choose Corrour 09/23/2020 at 08:34

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68% is the minimum option split. Subject to increase if BMW needs to goose their numbers for an upcoming quarterly investor report. 

pip bip - choose Corrour > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 08:38

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gotcha

benn454 > SiennaMan 09/23/2020 at 08:39

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 That's quite the assumption. 

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Sovande 09/23/2020 at 08:44

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The way I feel about bmw now is the same way I felt about Honda in 2005 with the 8th gen Civic And again in 2007 when the third gen CRV came out.

I feel betrayed. 

Tapas > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 08:44

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I think it's meant to do something else

nerd_racing > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 08:44

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It has to be more comfortable than a wheelbarrow though.

hillrat > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 08:47

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My reaction to 90% of new car “features”:

Nom De Plume > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/23/2020 at 08:49

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I see a central trough not two rain drop shaped cavities. On a BMW.

Exquisitely aspirational.

I’ve had fun deciding what BMW stood for before. G oing to get too raw for this site pretty quick if I attempt it here.

E90M3 > Sovande 09/23/2020 at 08:50

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I will say, I did not like the E9X when they came out. Today I have two. 

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 08:51

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Also

Sovande > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 09/23/2020 at 08:54

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Honda went completely off the rails. The new Civic (apologies to TSP) is not a good looking vehicle. There is not a pleasing angle. My girlfriend drives a 2013 CRV and it is fine. It’s a square box and the seats are easy to fold down. It would be a good road trip vehicle if the passenger seat had a FUCKING ARMREST, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I don’t know how that little detail got past designers but it makes riding in the car for any length of time uncomfortable. But fortunately we can take my car on long trips. The main reason I don’t like it is that the repair costs at the local dealership (I know, I know), are higher than the same services on my Volvo at the dealership , which blows my mind. The brake and transmission flush services were both $100 more each for the Honda.

Sovande > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 08:56

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At least the seats aren’t BMW Gray, the most depressing interior color in the entire car world.  It’s even worse than Mercedes Gray interior.

Sovande > E90M3 09/23/2020 at 08:57

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Oh, we know.

Textured Soy Protein > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/23/2020 at 09:02

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Fair point but at least those thigh separators aren’t rigid. 

Textured Soy Protein > Sovande 09/23/2020 at 09:05

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I have no illusions that my car is traditionally beautiful, but once I’m back on my feet (literally) I’m going to be doing a few things to clean it up and at least look optimized for what it is. Maybe even kinda cool!

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 09/23/2020 at 09:12

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7th gen was worse because it looked like the friendly, tossable 6th gen we knew and love but under the skin had been molested heavily by the bean counters.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > E90M3 09/23/2020 at 09:14

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Yeah, but the E9x looks great, irrespective of your change of opinion.

ttyymmnn > Sovande 09/23/2020 at 09:19

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FUCKING ARMREST

We were looking to replace our 03 Odyssey and went looking at the new ones. In the base trim, the middle row buckets have no armrests. That’s a travesty. We’ve put more than 220k miles on our van, and driven it all over the US. And the seats are one of the things that make it a pleasure to tour in. The new seats are a joke. 

Sovande > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 09:19

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God, I read about your injury, and after the nausea passed, I had nothing but sympathy. I have not had your kind of injury, but I am a year into a knee problem and it sucks. Bad. I hope your recovery is quick, and most importantly, complete. 

I’m sure the Civic is awesome. It certainly ticks the right boxes for a lot of folks. The interior looks pretty nice too. Loads better than the old Civic with the weird offset digital speedometer thing.  My problem is that I am a real snob.  When I was in high school I would say that 50% of the people I knew drove a Honda of some sort.  Mostly clapped out Civics from the early 80's and I can’t get that tin can feeling off my mind or the low seating position which at this point would require that I roll out of the car.  I know that the newer ones are light years better and that I should probably revisit my hangups.

Sovande > ttyymmnn 09/23/2020 at 09:22

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It is such and odd omission. Hers is the lower spec AWD variant with cloth interior.  

E90M3 > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 09/23/2020 at 09:22

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You can’t tell me you liked the mustache grill or the tail lights. 

ttyymmnn > Sovande 09/23/2020 at 09:24

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I think it’s entirely intentional . It’s a way to force you into a higher priced trim.

Shift24 > E90M3 09/23/2020 at 09:32

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maybe the looks will grow on me

Seriously though that is one ugly ass car

AestheticsInMotion > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 09:32

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What a missed opportunity. That carbon fiber section could have contained an air vent linked up to the HVAC system

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > E90M3 09/23/2020 at 09:32

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I really never had a problem with the grill, but yeah, had to come around on the OG tail lights (and still think they’re bad on dark colors).

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Sovande 09/23/2020 at 09:33

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One thing that drives me a bit nuts in the crz.

The current civic isn’t bad, but if i won the lotto I’d get a type R and graft the base bumpers on to it. 

E90M3 > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 09/23/2020 at 09:36

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I thought the E90 was horrid with the grill, it took until the LCI for me to like the grill. The E9X M3 never had the problem, because they all use the coupe grills. It’s taken me to about now to come around on the tail lights, which is why I didn’t want an 08 E90 M3.

Kiltedpadre > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 09:36

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They could’ve done much better with contouring the seat if they wanted everything supported and secure.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > E90M3 09/23/2020 at 09:40

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Oh, you’re right! The first iteration of the grill was terrible - forgot about that.

I won’t come around on the G80 grille; just not in the cards. Hoping for a good aftermarket solution from IND or other.

ihm96 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/23/2020 at 10:08

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I always hated the fixed steering wheel in my Z3. I plan on buying an S52 Estoril coupe in the next few years though because regardless, that car is perfect. I love clown shoes so much

Textured Soy Protein > Sovande 09/23/2020 at 10:09

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Thanks for the sympathy, I’m hopeful it’ll be alright. My surgeon said it’ll be about 6 months before I can resume normal athletic activities but there will be plenty of leg function regained before then. Luckily I have a high baseline fitness level and that’s already proved very helpful. I’ll at least be able to resume upper body strength training a couple weeks after surgery and then when I have the ability to put some weight in the bad leg I’ll be able to do things with my good leg like pistol squats or bulgarian split squats. Cardio is definitely going to fall off though.

I used to love that seating position. My first car was my dad’s ’90 Legend coupe which was the last year of the 1st gen for that extra low 80s Honda seating position. Then when I was in college I bought a ’92 Integra GSR which was similarly a late 80s design. The cowls started getting higher in the early 90s with dual airbags and nowadays that seating position is long gone.

The Si sedans with the goofy double decker dashes were kinda weird on the inside but good cars overall. I feel like Honda somewhat lost their way in the 00s but those Si’s were some of the few remaining good cars at the time. They did however have some weirdness and those couple gens of Civic did have some cheapness to them .

Honda’s current Mr. Roboto styling theme is definitely weird, but the cars themselves have gotten consistently good across the lineup. They’ve done a much better job at bringing back the inherent sportiness that made so many of their 80s & 90s cars desirable, plus have banished a lot of the chintziness. 

Textured Soy Protein > AestheticsInMotion 09/23/2020 at 10:10

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But these are the racy “LOOK HOW MUCH WEIGHT SAVINGS!” option lol.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Sovande 09/23/2020 at 10:11

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Honda dealerships ain’t cheap. They wanted to charge me 2-400 dollars to fix a sticky hatch handle. I did it myself. Turned out the handle itself had rusted so the wimpy return spring Couldn’t push it back. I bought a replacement for 40 bucks and did the job in under and hour. And experienced tech could have had it done in 30 minutes or less 

onlytwowheels > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 10:42

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I am sure that in five years, the extra couple grand for these seats will add zero dollars to resale value.

Tripper > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 12:03

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Hey M4, cool penis tray.

Sovande > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 09/23/2020 at 12:13

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I went to the Volvo dealership yesterday after noticing the fuel lines for my V60 are hanging under the car. I asked the service guy to take a look but he was too busy. I asked him if a tech could spare a few seconds. He said no. I asked the parts guy for the part number and he gave me the wrong number with a markup of $50 over what every dealership that ships parts charges. Fucking dealership. I have to take it there for maintenance in case my engine decides to start drinking oil (a known problem with early 4 cylinder Volvo engines). If it’s dealer maintained they will help with replacement, if not you are on your own.

I still can’t seem to find the part number. It’s driving me nuts. In the meantime I have the fuel lines held in place with industrial strength stick on velcro. Absurd.

404 - User No Longer Available > Textured Soy Protein 09/23/2020 at 12:50

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Remember the saying about owners of tacky, flashy and shouty cars? I doubt this ball-crushing thing would be an issue for the said owners.