Awe man, they fucked it up

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko) 09/03/2020 at 09:07 • Filed to: None

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It’s like, what if a Jeep Compass got really horny for a Suburban.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:09

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for a moment i thought it was a new Lincoln. 

Nibby > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:10

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wonder if this will kill the durango

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:10

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I don’t mind it

i86hotdogs > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:13

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I don’t hate this. I was expecting the Jeep looking headlights that are on most of their products. I do like the massive windows. It infuriates me when SUVs have tiny windows and terrible visiblity.

Just Jeepin' > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:14

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Clearly this is a losing battle but millennials must not be allowed to fuck this up too.

“Awe” is what you feel in the presence of your deity of personal preference.

“Aww” is the time-honored way of expressing yourself feeling that something is painfully adorable, like a kitten that has yet to grow up to become a mass murderer.

“Aw” is how you express elevated emotions  as in “aw man this English nerd is lit”.

ttyymmnn > pip bip - choose Corrour 09/03/2020 at 09:15

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That was my first thought. 

This is what we'll show whenever you publish anything on Kinja: > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:16

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Strange Rover

Where. Is. The. Wood???

Just Jeepin' > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:17

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Anyway, back to the matter at hand: no rhino grille no sale.

The Ghost of Oppo > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:19

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It looks like they just shrunk the Grand Cherokee’s grill vertically and gave it a unibrow 

My bird IS the word > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:22

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Looks fine, not that interesting.

LimitedTimeOnly @ opposite-lock.com > pip bip - choose Corrour 09/03/2020 at 09:28

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Me, too.

ShrimpHappens, née WJalopy > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:29

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My first thought was Jeep Tahoe

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:30

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Introducing...the new BMW X1500

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:31

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So 2021 Jeep Commander. Cool I guess. 

Carbon Fiber Sasquatch > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:33

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The new Jeep Yukon Denali looks great! Can’t wait for the Grand Wagoneer!

Wait, I thought the Tahoe equivalent was going to be the Wagoneer and the Suburban equivalent the Grand Wagoneer but it looks like “Grand” is more of a trim level than a body change.

Urambo Tauro > i86hotdogs 09/03/2020 at 09:34

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Looking at the rear hatch got me thinking the same thing. But I fear it’s just an illusion. Sure, t he body-colored strip next to the rear window looks nice and slender, but there’s a thick portion of window right next to it that you can’t see through.. . I suspect that window frit is hiding the rest of the thick hatch frame, and when you c ombine that with the rest of the D-pillar, there’s probably a good foot or so of visual obstruction between windows to frustrate the driver’s view .

Spanfeller is a twat > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:37

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It would probably look better with thr white roof.

But yikes

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:39

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Even the spacing of the letters on the hatch make it look like a Land Rover ripoff

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:40

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I like the front. The back is just wrong

412GTI > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:41

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People are going to be upset whatever way they make it..that’s the problem with bringing back legendary nameplates.

And I can’t believe people actually thought it would have wood in 2021. It’s not my favorite design but it’s does have a luxury look in my eyes. They’ll sell for sure. 

HoustonRunner > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:41

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I’m not interested until they show me the long wheelbase version. And honestly by the time this is out and on the used market, I’ll be past the point in my life where I need the Suburban size....wait....my twins are only 10 now....

Crap. There went my morning. 8 more years until I kick the cretins out.

[Yes, I love my kids.  Yes, they have been a pain in the a** this week, and pretty much most of this stay at home mess.]

Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:42

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You can only modify the Durango shell so much without having to make structural changes...

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Just Jeepin' 09/03/2020 at 09:47

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Awe go fuck yourself

/s

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) 09/03/2020 at 09:48

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This isn’t Durango based, that’s the Grand Cherokee. This is Ram based.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Nibby 09/03/2020 at 09:48

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Different class

Nibby > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:51

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i know but

i just want my ford tempo

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:53

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Acceptable.

Milky > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:55

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Looks like that little black piece on the fender isnt on the passenger side. Phev charging door? Not a good looking detail either way.

Overall looks good enough imo, not too bland.  

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 09:59

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Nice suburban!

Ssfancyfresh > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 10:00

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Heart emoji

Otto-the-Croatian-'Whoops my Volvo is a sedan' > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 10:01

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Not a fan of this german car-magazine render, the proportions are kinda off as usual, but I’m still excited to see the real thing.

Can’t wait, fingers crossed that it’ll look great!

QCGoose > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 10:03

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Looks like a Chinese- knockoff Suburban with a Navigator rear and Jeep-style grille. Yuck.

sony1492 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 10:06

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Its not too bad, wheels are too large but they didnt fill the bodywork with 1000 tension lines and creases plus the grille isn't a gaping maw

and 100 more > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 09/03/2020 at 10:20

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That’s the target demo, I’m assuming.

and 100 more > pip bip - choose Corrour 09/03/2020 at 10:21

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Better as a Lincoln that a Jeep, honestly.

ranwhenparked > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 10:24

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I mean, it doesn’t appeal to me, but I’m not in the target demo for really any SUV; since I don’t live on a dirt road in a remote, rural area, don’t tow trailers, and am not employed in either construction or agriculture. I assume it will be a big hit with  the people it is supposed to appeal to, though.

and 100 more > QCGoose 09/03/2020 at 10:24

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Not yuck... Yuntu.

hillrat > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 10:24

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EWWWWW, I thought this was a new Lincoln Navigator or something.

PyroHoltz f@h Oppo 261120 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 10:27

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Well played

Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 10:27

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Huh, neat

ClassicDatsunDebate > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 10:28

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I’m weirdly ok with this.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 10:38

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its like they heard everyone giving BMW shit for the supersized grills so they went in the other direct.  it also looks like it was shitily photoshopped on.

WasGTIthenGTOthenNOVAnowbacktoGTI > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 10:45

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I don’t hate it, but I know for a fact, FCA (or whatever they’re called now) will screw this up. It’ll either be super unreliable, or crazy expensive, or something.

To be honest the more I look at it, the better it looks. When I first saw it, I thought it was horrible, but now, not so bad. It’s immediately recognizable as a Jeep, which I think is smart.

The tech inside looks pretty sweet too (again, assuming it works). The 3 screen thing is a great gimmick to get people to opt for the top trims.

It does look very Tahoe/Suburban from the side, and Navigator from the back, but when you make a vehicle of these proportions, that’s kinda unavoidable.

Anyway, rambling  over. Probably a good lease, not a great buy.

Screens lo ok cool:

Discerning > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 10:58

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The face i just made in reaction to this photo is not one I would want taken a picture of.

It looks like they were trying to be different in some ways. It did not work IMO.

i86hotdogs > Urambo Tauro 09/03/2020 at 11:02

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Dangit you’re right. I was being too opti mistic

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 11:09

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The lower grille is too high up and the upper grille is half as tall as it should be. Everything from the doors back looks nice though.

Also is it just me or does that rear glass look like it rolls down?

i86hotdogs > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 11:10

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I’m sure they have it figured out, but what happens with the screen on t he passenger side dash when an accident occurs and the airbags deploy?

MUSASHI66 > ranwhenparked 09/03/2020 at 11:27

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This has nothing to do with people from remote rural areas who tow trailers and are in construction or agriculture.

This is for rich suburbia soccer moms and dads with a few kids and a perceived need for this much space. 

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 11:36

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Why are the b and c pillars so prominent, why dint the d pillar window link up at the back when the rest of the design language is level? Why is this even being made with a huge economic downturn ahead of us?    

For Sweden > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 11:37

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It’s a good Jeep

ranwhenparked > MUSASHI66 09/03/2020 at 11:41

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Ah, I always just assumed that's what SUVs were for. Makes sense, otherwise I guess there would be an awful lot of farmers driving around in the middle of the day.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 09/03/2020 at 11:42

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Why is this even being made with a huge economic downturn ahead of us?

Because 7 years ago everything was looking bright

HammerheadFistpunch > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 11:50

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Its really REALLY terrible looking. Its like a Cerberus design.

Goggles Pizzano > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 12:29

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It’s the Commander all over again. Yes, they fucked it up.

19JRC99 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 12:39

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It’s absolutely hideous.

Tapas > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 13:00

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I mean, the original Wagoneer was a jacked up wagon and a people carrier.

That’s what this is too.

Soft roader SUV with a macho jeep-bus look.

Sure you can option in off road stuff. But most SUVs sold today are don’t go off road. So yeah.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Tapas 09/03/2020 at 13:05

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I’m just talking about the looks, and this has, in no way, “macho jeep-bus looks”

Tapas > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 13:07

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I mean, I think that’s at least what they were going for.

Just like Honda was going for a masculine SUV with the Pilot when it first came out.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Tapas 09/03/2020 at 13:11

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But they fucked that up. Hard

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 09/03/2020 at 13:13

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It can’t, too wide to roll down into the tailgate

Tapas > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 13:19

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Yeah. These will still sell though.

Its for the well off macho husbands who will buy this for their soccer mom wives. Or people who think the Escalade is too played out and wouldn’t be caught dead in a   foreign car .

shop-teacher > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 13:48

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*woof*

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 14:28

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The why is it not flush with the tailgate. That's dumb.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 09/03/2020 at 14:33

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To match the rest of the windows

Spasoje > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/03/2020 at 14:59

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Damn, that's ugly. They had a chance to make an irresistible-looking truck and they threw it away.

SpeedSix > nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul 09/03/2020 at 15:33

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There’s already a 2020 Jeep Commander, and Grand Commander.

Only sold in China though, and it’s a crossover like the Cadillac XT6. The Commander is two-row, the Grand Commander is three-row, and both are available as PHEVs, since the market for electrics in China is huge.