Top 5 Liveries That People Recommend I Put On My Van That I Cannot Stand

"i86hotdogs" (i86hotdogs) 07/15/2020 at 12:20 • Filed to: None

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Everyone loves to have opinions. Some are good, others are not. It seems that the ones with bad opinions love voicing them without any thought. While this take may extend to bigger issues, I am talking about how people suggest what I should do with my van. Here is a countdown of suggestions I frequently hear that make me want to bang my head against the wall.

5. Racing Stripes

To be clear, I am not against racing vans. I am in full support in pushing your van to its limits against all odds. Hearing the phrase, “you need racing stripes” sends shiver down my spine. It’s the Summit Racing bumper sticker of decals and liveries. Not original. N ot creative. And majority of the time, it is off centered. If you’re going with center racing stripes, you have to go all out with the rest of the body. Runner stripes, hood stripes. It’s the mohawk you wanted to rock as a kid, and you now regret doing looking at old photos of you.

4. The A-Team

The only good thing to come out of the TV show The A-Team was the van they drove. Apparently, it wasn’t that iconic because the van was hardly featured in the mediocre movie remake released in 2010 (they literally killed it off in the opener, then brought it back towards the end. I was irate to say the least) . Another un-original take on styling your own van, the all black with red stripe is a great representation of the mail-it-in outcome of both the vehicle’s show and movie. This would have been higher, but I love the wing and the front end of the van.

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I love this movie. It’s dumb, it’s easy to laugh at, and the dumb lines stick in your head for years to come. The only reason you should upfit your van to look like a dog is if you are solely making a replica of said vehicle. Otherwise, this is a very difficult set-up to keep clean and intact.

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Another case of “this should only occur if you are making a replica”. I legitimately do not like the look of the Mystery Machine. It’s not my cup of tea. And it should shouldn’t be yours; no matter how many Scooby snacks are offered .

1. “Free Candy”

Ha! I’ve never heard that one before. If I had a dollar every time someone made a “free candy” joke to me I’d have enough money to fulfill my !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! The joke was funny for about a month. You can offer me millions of dollars, and I still wouldn’t tease the idea of putting that phrase on the side of my van.

Cash Rewards > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 12:31

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Ok, but what if you did mutt cuts, but shaved racing stripes into it like a mohawk?

Just Jeepin' > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 12:34

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The only good thing to come out of the TV show The A-Team was the van they drove.

I refuse to accept that Mr. T entering our cultural zeitgeist is a bad thing. 

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 12:36

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I concur. Your van’s look is already fun, original, and not overdone. It brings me joy to look at it and I don’t want that to change.

nermal > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 12:40

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So..... pirate booty theme it is then. Sweet!

feather-throttle-not-hair > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 12:41

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What kind of van is it?

If people suggested racing stripes to the point of annoyance, i think i’d start trying to convince the next person who suggested it, that I thought racing stripes were supposed to be horizontal, stretching from door to door.

“i dunno man, i just feel like racing stripes will make it look fat”

Anyway, pink pig or JPS if you’re trying to be a classy gentleman.

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 12:42

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I mean, it’s a Ford, so...

Gone > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 12:45

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Stripes, no. But factory livery ...yes!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 12:53

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How dare anyone want you to change what you have!

TheRealBicycleBuck > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 12:55

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Didn’t you ask people on the internet to give input? You should know better.

Gone > Gone 07/15/2020 at 13:06

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I like the 90s vibe with the teal the van is already rocking though.

i86hotdogs > I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker 07/15/2020 at 13:11

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That’s a much better looking upfit than two stripes down the middle.

this showed up on eBay a while ago. I want it badly

i86hotdogs > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 07/15/2020 at 13:11

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I’m all for change! These 5 changes are a no-go

i86hotdogs > TheRealBicycleBuck 07/15/2020 at 13:12

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Most of the time it wasn’t asked for. “Nice van, you should paint it like the A-Team van.”

i86hotdogs > feather-throttle-not-hair 07/15/2020 at 13:14

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This is my van. I went with the retro brush strokes because A. retro is cool. and B. the kit cost $20 on eBay

i86hotdogs > nermal 07/15/2020 at 13:14

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I am all for airbrushed murals. ALL vehicles can improve with murals

i86hotdogs > Just Jeepin' 07/15/2020 at 13:16

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TECHNICALL Y, his first big role was Clubber Lang in Rocky III (1982) before his tv debut in A-Team (1983)

i86hotdogs > Gone 07/15/2020 at 13:16

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If I ever ST or RS swap the powertrain, I am converting to this SuperVan livery.

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 13:17

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Both are pretty tasteless IMO. The paint codes on the older van look more true to the OG livery than those in the pic I posted. I think it’d be sick.

Do you daily drive that panel van?

i86hotdogs > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 07/15/2020 at 13:17

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Thank you buddy. The group of internet friends on Oppo are not the ones who motivated me to make this post.

i86hotdogs > I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker 07/15/2020 at 13:18

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Yup, it’s my daily on weekdays; racer on weekends.

i86hotdogs > Cash Rewards 07/15/2020 at 13:20

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I don’t normally say this, but get out.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 13:21

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The worse the opinion, the louder you have to shout to get a response. People. . . . **shakes head**

Darkbrador > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 13:22

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i86hotdogs > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 07/15/2020 at 13:23

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Too soon?

i86hotdogs > Darkbrador 07/15/2020 at 13:24

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Even that looks better than the ones listed above! I am a fan of parody company liveries. Like if they changed FedEx to some sort of pun.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 13:26

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Too soon.

The people with bad opinions are not guaranteed to be the hardest hit.

RallyWrench > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 13:33

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I kind of like when motorhomes get done up as a rolling art piece, like the top picture. Saw a really cool old Toyota Sunrayder or similar the other day that was very tastefully handpainted and covered in positive messages. Beats the typical motorhome beige and graphics with names like “Predator” and “Intruder”.

Dash-doorhandle-6 cyl none the richer > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 13:34

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I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 13:34

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Nice. Eventually I’ll make it to a rallycross....

Darkbrador > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 13:41

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davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 14:01

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A guy in town has an amazing van with a torpedo mounted on top, painted as a tribute to The Tick.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 14:02

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What about Partridge Family bus?   

feather-throttle-not-hair > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 14:03

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Well look at that tall drink of water!

I was reading your other van post about your ideal garage and it made me realize just how many important moments I’ve had with many of those vans in my life.

Some friends and I towed our lemons car down to California with an all-wheel drive Chevy express van. The owner is also a weird van obsessive. He bought that express in Georgia and then had to fly out to drive it back to Seattle. Something about the all-wheel drive V8 combo is apparently rare and special.

My mom had a dodge caravan in burgundy and fake wood when I was a kid. I’ll never forget her spinning it on the freeway in inclement weather (oil slick? We were going in a straight line.) we ended up facing 180 degrees from the rest of traffic but didn’t hit anyone thank god.

My dad and step mom meanwhile had a Ford Aerostar, Eddie Bauer edition. Many road trips in that vehicle. I can’t help but associate them with the smell of stale French fries though.

My best friend and next door neighbor as a child had a dad that was into old hippie VW busses. He had a beautiful pop up camper van that we roadtripped out to Colorado and went camping many times . I didn’t realize what a classic it was at the time, but since then I’ve realized just how rare they are to see in excellent “everything works” spec.

I should appreciate vans more. They are fantastic vehicles and if there were any justice in this world we’d be driving vans instead of SUVS.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > nermal 07/15/2020 at 14:03

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Ah booty 

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 14:51

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Uh, Krieger. Obviously...

i86hotdogs > Dash-doorhandle-6 cyl none the richer 07/15/2020 at 19:06

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100% YES

i86hotdogs > I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker 07/15/2020 at 19:07

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Overnight event at Bitzers farm in greenfield next weekend (25th I think?)

i86hotdogs > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 07/15/2020 at 19:08

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I’ll allow it

Urambo Tauro > i86hotdogs 07/15/2020 at 19:39

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How about “Flowers By Irene”

Taylor Martin > i86hotdogs 07/16/2020 at 20:04

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How about Guinevere?

Just watched Onward. It was pretty good. This van is the best part.

i86hotdogs > Taylor Martin 07/17/2020 at 07:42

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All airbrushed murals are great. All vehicles beyond vans should get airbrushed murals

i86hotdogs > feather-throttle-not-hair 07/17/2020 at 07:45

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Everyone has a van story; most are positive . Which is another reason why they should be more beloved than they are.

I am sure every Aerostar smells like stale fries. Came from the factory that way

shop-teacher > i86hotdogs 07/28/2020 at 09:11

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So now I have the context. I genuinely LOVE the A-Team van, but it would be all kinds of wrong on your van. What chaps my ass , is when someone does the A-Team van livery, and screws it up. Like the one in your picture. The A-Team van is NOT black with a red stripe. It’s two-tone, black on the bottom, charcoal grey on the top, with the stripe dividing them. It makes a big difference.

I was also very very disappointed in  the lack of van in that movie.

i86hotdogs > shop-teacher 07/28/2020 at 09:26

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I love the build, but not the livery. Flared fenders, rally lights, chin spoiler, and flush wing are all great additions to those vans, but come up with your own color scheme.