"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
07/15/2020 at 11:02 • Filed to: satire, Taketheoutsideline
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"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
07/15/2020 at 11:02 • Filed to: satire, Taketheoutsideline | 24
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America’s nationwide groundswell towards racial and social justice has found a new front line – this time, spanning from Tulsa, Oklahoma to Southern Appalachia, with its ultimate crosshairs on Auburn Hills, Michigan.
So many reasons to be upset
Fiat-Chrysler Automobiles, owner of the historic and venerated Jeep brand, is under fire from numerous Native American groups over its use of “Cherokee,” which dates back to 1974 for the brand’s iconic SUV.
Over 300 members of the loosely-affiliated Muscogee group of tribes, including over 100 Cherokee, marched into an Atlanta-area Chrysler Jeep Dodge Ram dealership and purchased a brand new Jeep Cherokee Trailhawk, immediately setting it ablaze in the parking lot. The vehicle was symbolically purchased entirely with $20 bills featuring Andrew Jackson.
Daryl Johnson, a 1bhp Cherokee
Daryl Johnson, a local elder of the Chickasaw Nation, produced a megaphone and riled up the assembled crowd up with statements like “We are the original Trail Rated!” referencing the Trail of Tears relocation of Native Americans to Oklahoma in the early and mid-19 th century. “They think we’re nothing but casinos now – but if you want to talk about gambling, buy an FCA product! That’s like hitting on 17 in blackjack!” he shouted to cheers of encouragement.
FCA and Jeep already anticipated this backlash and created a contingency plan, announcing the Cherokee’s new name as the
Jeep Giuletta CrossMax SportCross Cross Max
. The Grand Cherokee will become the
Jeep Grand Durango PremLuxe SWB.
Joining in the fight are also tens of thousands of Jeep Gladiator owners, many of who are pushing to have their SUV/Pickups renamed to something more socially acceptable.
Gladiator — the Jeffrey Dahmer Story
“Over 90% of Roman gladiators were slaves, taken against their will and forced to fight to the death for the entertainment of citizens around the Empire,” explains historian David Tracy of
Uphill Battle LLC
, a Michigan-based Jeep Preservation Society. “At the very least, Jeep could go back to using the Comanche name until somebody starts bitching about that, too.”
Comanche was the name of Jeep’s original pickup truck, but also a tribe from the lower Great Plains with a relatively small activist presence so far.
Descendants of actual Roman gladiators have mixed opinions on the controversy. Gladiators who survived multiple fights were often elevated to celebrity status, living in peace and fathering children. Losing fighters, however were typically buried in unmarked, mass graves. These outcomes have created a bias in the sample, with many claiming that descendants of gladiators should be happy to be alive, while others saying this constitutes an abhorrent form of revisionist history that ignores the victims.
Don’t tase me, bro
“They even have a Gladiator model called the ‘Rubicon’ – if ‘Gladiator Rubicon’ isn’t a nod to Roman slave history, then I don’t know what is,” explains Mr. Tracy. “I can appreciate the Russell Crowian imagery that Jeep was aiming for, but I can also empathize with people who say it’s a celebration of hatred and oppression. Maybe just call it Spartacus? ”
Jeep’s iconic Toledo, Ohio, factory has also seen its share of protests. The city was named in homage to the Spanish town that famously produced high-grade steel for swords, many of which were used by the Conquistadors and other imperialists to subjugate native populations in the Americas over several centuries. Protesters at the factory believe the city’s association with European imperialism and oppressive political theocracies is a relic of the past and should be renamed immediately.
In related news, Indian Motorcycles are preemptively holding discussions with Tata Motors over a potential sale in order to avoid a company name change.
For Sweden
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 11:16 |
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Just Jeepin'
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 11:17 |
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Comanche was the name of Jeep’s original pickup truck
Now you’ve done it. Back to remedial Jeep history for you!
https://oppositelock.kinja.com/tag/history-of-jeep-trucks
Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 11:18 |
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You nailed it. Yes, Indian motorcycles would totally not be named after American Indians anymore if they were purchased by an Indian company.
In other news, people are burning Jeep Patriots in the street for associating politics and consumerism. No one has yet complained, instead thanking their insurance overlords.
Future next gen S2000 owner
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 11:21 |
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Are we talking a soft 17 or no?
ClassicDatsunDebate
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 11:24 |
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So 10% of Gladiators got into it for fun?
davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 11:28 |
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You never disappoint.
Will be very interesting to see what effects the recent SCOTUS decision will have on Oklahoma, especially re: property taxes, mineral rights, etc.
The Cherokee Nation is a sovereign tribal government. Upon settling in Indian Territory (present-day Oklahoma) after the Indian Removal Act, the Cherokee people established a new government in what is now the city of Tahlequah, Oklahoma. A constitution was adopted on September 6, 1839, 68 years prior to Oklahoma’s statehood.
Today, the Cherokee Nation is the largest tribe in the United States with more than 380,000 tribal citizens worldwide. More than 141,000 Cherokee Nation citizens reside within the 14-county tribal jurisdictional area that covers most of northeastern Oklahoma. Services provided include health and human services, education, employment, housing, economic and infrastructure development, environmental protection and more. With approximately 11,000 employees, Cherokee Nation and its subsidiaries are one of the largest employers in northeastern Oklahoma. The tribe had a more than $2.16 billion economic impact on the Oklahoma economy in fiscal year 2018.
Roadkilled
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 11:38 |
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Don’t forget the Cherokee Pioneer. I guess we shouldn’t have been surprised by that oxymoron from the same company that gave us the Dodge Ram.
Michael
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 11:44 |
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“ In related news, Indian Motorcycles are preemptively holding discussions with Tata Motors over a potential sale in order to avoid a company name change.”
As someone that works there, gave me a good laugh
Chariotoflove
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 11:54 |
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Nice.
Cash Rewards
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 11:55 |
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This is satire, but I wonder.
On a related note, I saw a comment on the Redskins name change that blew my mind : “Good. Time to stop celebrating those savages”. Like, holy shit. Of all the reasons to support a Redskins name change, even more overt racism was not what I expected. Who says racism can’t unite u s, after all.
A Boy and His Longtail
> Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
07/15/2020 at 12:44 |
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You say that like you need a reason to burn Jeep Patriots
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A Boy and His Longtail
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 12:45 |
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This is the quality Oppo I come here for
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Ash78, voting early and often
> davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
07/15/2020 at 12:53 |
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I’ve been studying a lot of Native American history lately and keep being amazing at how eastern Oklahoma was basically a miniaturized version of AL/GA/TN/NC. The really interesting part is how many stayed behind, through either eascape (many Cherokees of NC) or conceding to US citizenship to avoid relocation ( Poarch Creeks of Southeast AL). It’s all closely tied to our area’s history, including SO many place names. Waterways, creeks, towns, mountains, etc.
And then you have the Seminoles, who were basically refugees from the rest of the tribes but ended up creating their own identities. Growing up in FL and AL it’s been all around me for my entire life, but rarely does anyone know much about the stories. Andrew Jackson is still revered while we’re tearing down monuments to CSA generals. Priorities, folks.
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davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 13:53 |
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It is very interesting history, and just as shameful as anything our country did related to slavery...
If you haven’t read “Killers of the Flower Moon”, you should. Just shows the depth to which Native Americans were cheated out of everything promised to them, even well after the Trail of Tears.
I’ve been reading this book (linked below), and it’s fascinating. A compilation of firsthand accounts
by people who were captured by Native Americans and at some point returned to colonist society. It’s absolutely brutal (actions by both
white forces and by Indian war parties that are inconceivable in modern western society
), but then there are stories of whites being adopting by the tribes completely
as one of their own, treated no differently
than a brother. The spectrum of human behavior, throughout time, has ranged from the most noble & peaceful to the most depraved & violent. We remain
who we have been
, sadly (we just use autonomous drones to do our dirty work now).
https://www.amazon.com/Captured-Indians-Firsthand-Accounts-1750-1870/dp/0486249018
facw
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 22:46 |
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Trump took some flak for calling Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas at an event honoring Navajo code talkers, but honestly I found the choice of back drop far more problematic:
Jim Spanfeller
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/15/2020 at 23:31 |
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RIP Indian motorcycles...
SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/16/2020 at 00:18 |
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This recent escapade in revisionist nomenclature is making Mazda look like a bunch of outright geniuses.
Personally, I look forward to the Peugeot 4008 version of this controversial Jeep.
415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°)
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/16/2020 at 01:44 |
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Wow...
Did any mall rated, maskless Republicans show up to protest against them?
1bhp , nice.
gettingoldercarguy
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/16/2020 at 02:27 |
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This was exactly what I needed lately. Very well done.
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Thisismydisplayname
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/16/2020 at 08:20 |
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This is excellent, my favorite so far. Sad thing is though, if this got posted up on Facebook i think it would spread like wildfire and people would be all pissed off at Jeep for giving up their heritage or history, or whatever the hell they’re all getting peeved at today.
ranwhenparked
> Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
09/08/2020 at 21:09 |
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It would be like renaming George Washington schools after George Washington Carver so they only need to buy 6 new letters for the sign
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Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
> ranwhenparked
09/08/2020 at 21:56 |
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Wow, you must be on a binge and a half to be reading this. Clearly very sarcastic there.
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ranwhenparked
> Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
09/08/2020 at 22:15 |
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no, just bad at dates
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Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
> ranwhenparked
09/08/2020 at 22:24 |
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I mean I don’t usually comment on posts more than a day old but I don’t mind it. I also see how sidebar posts sometimes are older than you realize.