It's 30 Years in the Future. . . (Day One Part Two)

"Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available" (whoistheleader2)
06/19/2020 at 10:01 • Filed to: festival of the unexceptional

. . . so let’s take a stroll through the isles of the new American division of the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

It’s 2050 and nostalgia for the 2000s and even the 2010s is strong. We all know not to talk about 2020 and heaven forbid you mention the Lithium Wars that devastated the world in 2029, but the economy has since bounced back. Money is pouring in, people have jobs, and wages have seen meaningful increases after the Glover Bill was passed 8 years ago today.

Most importantly, people have money to buy the dream cars of their youth. However, this is not a normal show. The 2050 edition of the American Festival of the Unexceptional celebrates the formerly mundane turned incredibly rare cars of 2000-2020. Part one, if you missed it.

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Okay, here’s my favorite cars of this evening.

Let’s start with the immaculately restored 2009 Kia Borrego brought by the world’s foremost authority on these obscure SUVs, Borgado “The Borrego” Jamison. This car was actually never sold to the public but was briefly used as a dealer loaner before accidentally being left in an area of the workshop that was being subdivided for more sales offices. The car was left in front of a window from the waiting room into the shop so until the dealer folded last year, customers could see a salesman’s desk hilariously shoved into a corner because the massive SUV was taking up most of his office. When the new tenant didn’t like the idea of a 40 year old Kia being in the way, the car was cut out and sold at auction.

And here we find a nearly perfect condition 2001 Isuzu Rodeo Sport in rare stock condition. Most of these have long since been lifted, sended, and junked. The story behind this one is fascinating. The little known Concrete Road Association of America (CRAA) began lobbying the government in 2003 to implement a program to aid rural communities by providing jobs paving dirt roads. . . in concrete. They advocated on the platform that it would lessen the need for gas guzzling 4x4s and bought this Rodeo new as an example of how much worse they were than traditional passenger cars. When their funding dried up in early 2004 after no progress was made, their headquarters was abandoned with the car still inside, where it was discovered by workers in 2041 demolishing the building where it was sent to auction. It now has just 1,903 miles on the odometer.

Here we have a 2014 Hyundai Elantra Coupe so rare that many proclaim it never existed at all. One of 29 left known to exist, this was shoddily repaired sometime in the 2020s before its owner became a monk and took a vow of silence. He forgot to sell the car beforehand so it remained parked at the monastery while he couldn’t communicate with any prospective buyers. After his death in 2038, the car was acquired by the Lane Motor Museum, who brought several other viscerally mundane yet incredibly uncommon cars to this event.

Next is the mythical Suzuki Equator. Only fourteen are known to exist, ten of which form the base of the belief system of the equally mysterious French cult “Le Equator.” This particular truck was once the private car of the leader of the organization but was sent to auction after it racked up too many parking tickets. The current owner outbid the supreme leader of “Le Equator” to a price of one trillion Francs, or US $69,021.

The only Kia K900 present, a 2018 model, was actually bought new by David Houghton, who, as we all know, went on to star in the hit TV series Mr. D’s Big Fit debuting in 2041. The car, then with 12,304 miles on it, was won in 2046 in an ambitious gamble by Frito Lay’s then chairman Isabelle McKystvnt on the number of rooms in Houghton’s Caribbean vacation home before being sold to the current owner for $3,000, or $230.05 in 2018 dollars.

If you would like more posts from the 2050 American Festival of the Unexceptional, let me know. They will be announcing the winners tomorrow and I will be sure to cover the judge’s picks for best in show. Until next time, memorize the number of rooms in your Caribbean vacation home.

DISCUSSION (24)

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/19/2020 at 10:04

I have actually seen a Suzuki Equator. Once.

Nibby > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/19/2020 at 10:05

the 2050 american festival of perfect cars will feature the 1 996-2005 ford tauruses

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
06/19/2020 at 10:07

There is a black one I tend to see every few months. It always nearly knocks me over with surprise though. I can’t be sure it is the same one but considering it is a black double cab every time I think it is a safe bet.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Nibby
06/19/2020 at 10:09

Yes, the last one ever made was actually (yes, really) sold to Truett Cathy, founder of Chic-Fil-A, through Ford’s fleet sales. Miraculously, the car survived all these years, albeit in rough condition, and sits parked next to the 4 other Taurusi.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Nibby
06/19/2020 at 10:37

I have a slightly herp-derp uncle who owned one. I can still remember the “uh, it’s leaking and I don’t know where” that was where one of the plastic tees made into a coolant line fractured.

I’d still own one in a hot minute over the late u-body vans in a hot minute, though. Radiator below the height of the heads on the 3.4... shudder.

and 100 more > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/19/2020 at 10:39

I love that the Kia Borrego existed. I would love to test drive one. When I was in the market for the car I currently have, I was honestly tempted to focus i n on a Borrego as my go-to option. The only thing that dissuaded me was that the prices were too much for me to pay cash, and too low for me to finance.

I’d also love to get my hands on a Rodeo Sport someday!

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/19/2020 at 10:49

2050, wow, I’ll still probably be driving shitty VWs from the 80s-90s then

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > and 100 more
06/19/2020 at 10:57

And it was a real body on frame truck based SUV. . . that came out at exactly the wrong time. I’d love to modify one for offroading but try to keep the exterior as stock as possible just to annoy the Jeep people.

I also really wonder about that photo I used for the Rodeo Sport. There is a neon sign advertising the Oasis in the background.

and 100 more > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/19/2020 at 11:12

The 1st-gen Kia Sorento was also BoF, live-axle RWD/4WD, and you can find many used ones optioned with 4WD for pretty cheap right now. I’ve watched some clips on YT, and they actually have some decent off-road chops; not much in the way for an aftermarket, however.

Ah, the Isuzu Oasis! Part of the Isuzu/Honda team-up that saw the Rodeo rebadged as a Passport, and the 1st-gen Odyssey rebadged as an Oasis. As far as I know, the only changes were cosmetic, and minimal at that. It wasn’t nearly as well-sold as the Odyssey; it’s kind of a shame that they even went as far to commission a custom neon sign for such an unpopular vehicle.

https://www.autotrader.com/car-news/isuzu-oasis-rebadged-honda-odyssey-time-forgot-257622

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > and 100 more
06/19/2020 at 11:21

“must have made several Japanese businessmen very happy until the sake wore off. Isuzu agreed to sell the Rodeo and Trooper SUVs to Honda so they could be rebadged as the Honda Odyssey and the Acura SLX ”

No, that’s not right. The Rodeo was not rebadged as an Odyssey. However, I’ve seen a few Oasises around, but strangely enough my local taxi company uses the first gen Honda version instead. Perhaps even stranger, I don’t see nearly as many passports as Rodeos.

I feel bad for the dealer. As if selling Isuzus wasn’t hard enough, they went and sunk money into an “Oasis” sign.

I think it would be fun to have an unlikely offroader showdown. Borrego v Sorento v CRV v Tracker v Rav4.

and 100 more > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/19/2020 at 11:25

Yeah, you caught the mistake in their article. Rodeo = Passport, not Odyssey.

The 1st-gen Tracker is another hidden gem for offroaders (in the same way as a Suzuki Samurai).

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > and 100 more
06/19/2020 at 11:28

Yes. What other cars would you bring to the fight? Early S portage could be promising and Jeep Patriots are more capable than you might expect.

and 100 more > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/19/2020 at 11:37

LOL! I owned a Patriot for about 7 years and 150k miles... mine was a FWD manual, which was surprisingly fun to drive, if you could ignore the Playskool interior. But i was connected with a group that would regularly offroad their AWD models, and yes, they did much better at it than most non-owners would ever imagine.

Another obscure-yet-surprisingly-gifted offroader is the Suzuki Grand V itara. Early versions were built of a frame shared w/ the Chevy/Geo Tracker, later versions had their own Suzuki platform that was a hybrid unibody/ladder frame, specifically to add stiffness for offroading . RWD/AWD, and V6 was standard on the last generation, iirc.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > and 100 more
06/19/2020 at 12:00

My friend has a 2014 Patriot without a single solitary option. FWD, manual transmission, manual door locks, manual windows. Not sure if the mirrors are powered but my goodness what a basic car with a very basic interior. That was the no frills wagon we all claim to want but don’t buy.

Grand Vitara was interesting but I only ever see the last generation ones that were a bit too beige.

I wonder if the Isuzu Axiom was any good.

Bylan - Hoarder of LS400's > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/19/2020 at 12:24

I kind of have no idea what I just read, but I want moar!

Jim Spanfeller > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/19/2020 at 12:30

Kinja'd!!!

Saturn Ion Redline. One of the most overlooked yet surprisingly not terrible performance compact cars of the 2000's. It even featured a 5-speed manual and RX8-style doors! Unexceptionally brilliant.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller
06/19/2020 at 12:43

Yes, unexceptionally brilliant. An interesting niche at an interesting time. I remember in 2020 you could still snap them up for fairly cheap. That is, before most were burned in protest of Vice President Musk’s colonization of Saturn using convicts in 2026 (after the Ghosn wars of 2022 led to surprising advances in space travel of course). The fact that the ship was named "The Thin Red Line" didn't help either.

Jim Spanfeller > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/19/2020 at 12:57

I remember when, in protest of those protests, GM brought back the Saturn brand with an Ion Blueline, which everyone thought was weird so only 5 people bought one. One of them (sans fluids for political reasons) was lost at sea in a shipping accident and was last seen supporting new coral reef growth, another was gifted to a Nigerian prince’s pet tiger and subsequently torn to pieces, and two of them got in a head-on collision with each other while racing on an aircraft carrier, totaling the cars but making for an excellent story at parties. The last one is rumored to be owned by a little old lady in the state of CalifornYork, who uses it on a monthly basis to take her cats to the dentist because of a superstition. In some circles, it is considered good luck to see the car signaling left but bad luck if it signals right, and emergency flashers just means you will be gifted a coconut. Strangely, this tends to actually be the case.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller
06/19/2020 at 13:10

I’ve only been to the Island Republic of SoCal and that was for some personal reasons but I’ve heard that people have been utterly baffled by a sudden influx of coconuts there. It does rain there a lot now and she puts the flashers on.

The Ghosn wars were a whole other story. Remember how Mitsubishi, Isuzu, and Suzuki were forced to merge into the single commercial vehicle company we know today as Allnights? The shambles of the Japanese car industry claimed Nissan, of course, and Honda headquarters were moved to Lebanon. During the wars, Nissan Jukes were also burned in the street to protest Ghosn’s second escape, that time outrunning a pursuing Japanese diplomat and hiding in a laundry basket.

Kiltedpadre > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/19/2020 at 14:30

I actually saw a Suzuki Equator and Kia Borrego while I was at work today. There’s also at least one Mitsubishi Raider, and a Suzuki Kizashi running around too.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Kiltedpadre
06/19/2020 at 14:56

Wow, that’s quite a haul for one day. There is one Borrego I usually see parked outside a home but other than that they are quite scarce.

There used to be an absolutely thrashed Raider used for junk removal that had a chassis sagging in the middle. Other than that I rarely see them. And then there’s that one Equator I have occasionally spotted. There isn’t any one Kizashi I usually see but the brand was pretty popular here so I’ll see one every once in a while. Surprisingly few Aerios though.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
06/19/2020 at 17:46

U bodies. Don't get me started. I remember always getting trapped in one that belonged to my friend's dad because the power door was only openable from the exterior about a quarter of the time and the rest of the time it just got stuck.

jminer > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/20/2020 at 00:49

This my favorite oppo series now!

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > jminer
06/20/2020 at 00:53

Thank you. Since I don't do many personal automotive adventures I always try to discover new and interesting things to write about. So I decided to build a time machine and travel to COVID free future. . . to write about the present. Hmmm.