Am I the bad one for wearing a mask?

"Captain of the Enterprise" (justanotherdayinparadise) 05/24/2020 at 20:34 • Filed to: None

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I live in Michigan with my dad and stepmother. Without asking me if I was okay with it they invited my brother, his girlfriend, my stepsister, her husband and one of their friends who is visiting over to our house as this is the first weekend that you could have up to 10 people over as long as you follow   social distancing. They were over for about 6 hours.

I have asthma and am being tested for more things that could make me vulnerable so I wore a mask I made (I’m waiting for some made by people on Etsy). My dad has MS which is autoimmune so he’s high risk too.

My dad and stepmom got themselves masks from one of my aunts neighbors but left me out of that entire process so I used an old n95 I had and now this homemade one. Anyway they have masks and everyone who came over have them.

But I’m the only one who wore one and tried to follow good social distancing. Everyone else acted like nothing is going on despite talking about the pandemic and being critical of other people who don’t follow the rules.

Am I the bad one? I’m the only one who wore a mask. I know some of the people who came over haven’t been social distancing and have been traveling. I think I’m in the right, I’m trying to protect myself. I’m a bit frustrated by this whole thing because if anyone gets it, it’s likely to spread through the house with everyone getting it. If it was my place I wouldn’t have anyone over especially with high risk people living there.

I don’t know, I get confused sometimes because of how I grew up with my dad and mom and the childhood trauma I’ve lived through. I think they didn’t like me wearing a mask. Which I know doesn’t automatically make what I did wrong but my head goes there automatically still.

ttyymmnn > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 20:56

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No, you are not the bad one. You do what makes you feel safe. 

VincentMalamute-Kim > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 20:58

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You are in the right. Do what you need to do to keep yourself safe. You’re high risk. Ignore what the others think or say. Ideally, you would not be in that house at all .

SirDrivesAlot (now with hybrid powerrrr) > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 20:59

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I would say you were the only smart person there. My niece has lupus, if we get together we wear masks to protect her, not us.....

Captain of the Enterprise > ttyymmnn 05/24/2020 at 20:59

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Thanks, it made me feel more safe. 

Captain of the Enterprise > SirDrivesAlot (now with hybrid powerrrr) 05/24/2020 at 21:00

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Thank you, that’s the point of wearing them is to protect others 

Captain of the Enterprise > VincentMalamute-Kim 05/24/2020 at 21:00

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Thank you, I’m really looking forward to not living here.

smobgirl > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:03

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I think that sounds totally fine. It’s absolutely your right to try and protect yourself the best way you can. It sucks that it has such an effect on families now :(

Dead_Elvis, Inc. > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:03

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You’re definitely not bad for wearing a mask.

And contrary to what some say, choices that others make which put you at risk aren’t choices that deserve respect.

Exage03040 @ opposite-lock.com > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:05

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No.

If you have a health condition that Covid will likely exacerbate you should do what you feel is necessary to protect yourself. 

Captain of the Enterprise > Dead_Elvis, Inc. 05/24/2020 at 21:05

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Thank you

Captain of the Enterprise > Exage03040 @ opposite-lock.com 05/24/2020 at 21:06

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Thank you, I’m trying to prevent that. 

Spanfeller is a twat > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:06

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Its not a controversial decision, don't let your mind play tricks on you.

CRider > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:06

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I wish your family was as concerned for your safety as you are for theirs. Good luck, and don't let them pressure you into taking that mask off. 

Captain of the Enterprise > Spanfeller is a twat 05/24/2020 at 21:07

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Thank you, I’m trying not to.

A Boy and His Longtail > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:08

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You absolute monster. How could you do something so thoughtless as wearing a mask?

/s

In all seriousness, I’d say it was a wise decision to wear a mask, even if it probably would have been fine. It’s not a bad habit to be in.

Svend > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:08

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You did right mate.

People are so critical of others for not social distancing, while they are right up in your face. They don’t get it.

But there is no cure for stupid, thankfully it's not contagious like Covid19. 

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:08

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The unfortunate part is that the mask doesnt protect you in that situation at all really. Its the others that should wear one to protect you. I wouldnt even consider you bad for telling all guests to wear a mask or not enter at all. Its such a simple thing to wear a mask. I absolutely hate wearing one but if I am in a building with people or in a crowded outdoor area, I will wear one every time until I can get away from people. Just the new reality now and you should never be shamed for it.

facw > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:08

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CDC recommends wearing cloth face coverings in public settings where other social distancing measures are difficult to maintain (e.g., grocery stores and pharmacies) especially in areas of significant community-based transmission.

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/prevent-getting-sick/cloth-face-cover.html

Wearing a mask keeps you and everyone else you encounter a bit safer. I don’t know how bad things are where you are, but in areas where it’s spreading, not wearing one is selfish (and foolish).

Cash Rewards > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:09

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Nope, you were right

Captain of the Enterprise > CRider 05/24/2020 at 21:09

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Thank you, me too. They’ve ignored me being suicidal too so I’m not really surprised at this point. I’m not taking it off around everyone. 

Captain of the Enterprise > A Boy and His Longtail 05/24/2020 at 21:10

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Thanks

415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:11

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Nobody should be having dinner parties, nobody is coming to my house I can tell you that! 

Captain of the Enterprise > Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) 05/24/2020 at 21:11

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Thank you, I’m hoping to be modeling this behavior for others as well. 

Captain of the Enterprise > facw 05/24/2020 at 21:11

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Thank you I agree.

Captain of the Enterprise > Cash Rewards 05/24/2020 at 21:11

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Thank you. 

Captain of the Enterprise > 415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) 05/24/2020 at 21:12

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Thanks, if it was my place no one would be coming over either. 

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:15

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You did nothing wrong and you could even have distanced yourself from them if you felt unsafe.

I hope you were not criticised for your choice.

gettingoldercarguy > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:20

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You’re in the clear and I think this is one area where shaming is ok.

zipfuel > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:21

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You’re not wrong

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TheRealBicycleBuck > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:23

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There is nothing wrong with trying to protect yourself. In the few times I’ve had to go out, half or fewer of the people I see are wearing masks. I understand that they either feel like they won’t catch it or it won’t be bad if they do, but they are unthinking boobs who don’t consider that they might be spreading the virus even if they aren’t experiencing symptoms. As I’ve said in other threads, we are likely to see a big spike in new cases in the next few weeks.

jminer > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:27

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You’re the sane one. Last Monday most of the restrictions were lifted here but you’re still supposed to wear a mask and avoid close contact with others. I went out to pick up something (curbside pickup still) on Friday and people were absolutely everywhere with few masks and a ton of people in close contact.

This behavior makes me very much worry about what this will look like in another month.

PyramidHat > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:49

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No, you’re in the right.  Also, know that anything other than an N95 protects others from you, not you from the others.  I. Sorry you were subjected to this.  

wafflesnfalafel > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 21:52

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That’s one of those you can’t win situations...

My current rule of thumb - if i’m outside where I can distance then no mask.  If I’m inside with anybody other than my current household, (grocery shopping, gas station, drugstore, etc) then I have always been wearing a mask simply out of respect for others.  I have run into some folks that basically wear masks all the time, (in their cars, houses, etc) which I think is overkill and on the flip side, folks that never wear them even in close social situations.  I figure there is a balance point in there - maximize the ROI of wearing a mask.  

Duck Duck Grey Duck FTMFW! > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 22:01

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You are totally in the right. It drives me crazy all the people I see not taking this seriously. At least they wore  masks but still. Keep taking care of yourself.

MiniGTI - now with XJ6 > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 22:02

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I know how you feel. We’re in northern Chicagoland and my wife’s sister’s family is in PA. They want to come visit sometime to see our adorable 3-year old but my nephew has become quite the Trumper and refuses to take any precautions despite working in a nursing home. 

Nick Has an Exocet > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 22:17

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You’re not bad unless you’re mask shaming other people. If you demanded that other people mask up and made a big issue of it, then you’re bad. It’s shocking to me how the news networks suddenly make everyone an expert.

When you take all of the various and compounding percentages into account (percentage of population who are healthy, percentage of population that is sick, percentage of sick people that get symptoms , percentage of people who get sick enough for hospitalization, percentage of people who die), the risk from being near a family member is quite low.

If you take into account the percentage of people without any symptoms (call it 50%), then if your family members are smart enough to not come by if they don’t feel well, then your risk got cut in half. Of course, if you take into account your risk of mishandling your own mask, your odds go up again - assuming you’ve been near someone who is sick.

In a funny, at least to me, turn of events: it turns out that the whole “wear a mask to protect someone else” isn’t true if the mask has an exhaust valve. In that case, breathing out isn’t filtered anyways. So at that point, it’s pointless. 

The saddest thing about Coronavirus, outside of the people who have died, is how closely COVID-19, the masks and contact tracing mirror MccArthyism . A real threat spurs an emotional reaction spurs country+ wide outcry , spurs laws limiting freedom, spurs individual state laws limiting freedom , spurs people being jailed for their ideas. An actual threat of soviet spies lead to jailing people on the left & people suspected of being on the left . In this case, an actual threat of a virus is leading to oppression of people on the right.

RiceRocketeer Extraordinaire > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 22:47

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but if you wear a mask how do they know it’s not some bad person pretending to be you?

Thisismydisplayname > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 22:50

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The problem is, the masks are meant to protect others more than you from their germs.  Unless it’s a respirator, then it filters the air for you to stay germ free.  That’s the biggest struggle is getting people to understand it’s not about them as much as everyone around them.  You did fine though.  

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Captain of the Enterprise 05/24/2020 at 23:52

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No, you are being a model citizen and your parents and their friends were taking an unnecessary risk. It is indicative of the deeper problems at play here that you think they resent you wearing one. If that is the case, then I’m not sure what you should do but clearly this is a delicate and one sided dynamic here. Especially the part about them getting their own masks and then not wearing them while you wear a makeshift one.

I’m also using paper and old N9 5 masks until my Etsy one comes in the mail. I wish they would hurry up it’s been so long.

You can vent here anytime you like. 

Stef Schrader > facw 05/25/2020 at 01:06

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Came here to say this. 

UserNotFound > Captain of the Enterprise 05/25/2020 at 02:18

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In my opinion, it is super fucking weird to criticize somebody for wearing a mask. It’s like “hey man why tf is there a cast on your arm you dont need that” yeah, uhhhh, that’s not up to you, chief.

That being said, I still feel awkward around some people who I know will be judgy, even if they have no right to be.

Ninja edit - if somebody DOES say something, I’ll usually explain that my wife is a paramedic and, since, asymptomatic transmission is a thing, I’m wearing the mask to protect them, not me.

gettingoldercarguy > Nick Has an Exocet 05/25/2020 at 03:35

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“It’s shocking to me how the news networks suddenly make everyone an expert”

Kinda like the laypeople now becoming experts on epidemiology.

jimz > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 05/25/2020 at 09:16

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the deeper problems are:

1) everything has to be politicized; we think everything has to have two sides and those sides have to line up with what the two political parties say

2) everyone wants to stomp around and demand their “Freedoms,” but they refuse to accept the responsibilities which come along with them.

3) we steadfastly believe the constitution gives us “rights” which don’t exist .

Like that shitlord recording himself being an ass in Costco last week, screaming about how they’re “violating his constitutional rights” because they told him to leave for making a scene about not wearing a mask (TL;DR, he goes in with mask, fires up camera, takes it off, they tell him to leave, he starts throwing a tantrum, they take the cart back, he whines about how they’re “taking his stuff” which he hadn’t paid for yet.) You don’t have any constitutional right to shop at Costco, they can tell you to leave for whatever reason they want (except for a very, very narrow set of circumstances) and whining like a giant toddler isn’t going to change that.

I’ve said in the past that in e.g. Japan when you go out when sick (even with a cold) you put on a face mask. if there’s a bug going around like now, everyone wears one. Why? They know what common courtesy is. They don’t stomp around like grabby 3-year-old screaming “MY RIGHTS! MY RIGHTS!” nor do they get all wishy-washy with “well it’s my decision what’s right or wrong for me.” They do it because it’s the right thing , period. there is no “other side” to it.

this situation has shown me what we really are as a country, and it ain’t much. all the talk about making/keeping America great, and the people saying it don’t even know what it means. they point back to an era (~WWII) as when it was great, but they don’t understand that greatness came from sacrifice and a hell of a lot of hard (actual) work. We’ve taken that greatness our grandparents and great grandparents showed and pissed all over it by being a bunch of spoiled, soft, whiny pissbabies who can’t even set aside leisure activities  for a few weeks without screaming about “dictators.”  

jimz > UserNotFound 05/25/2020 at 09:17

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because the loud screaming voices in their political bubble (stoked by disinformation campaigns and bots on FB and Twitter) told them wearing a mask makes them a liberal sheep.  

jimz > Dead_Elvis, Inc. 05/25/2020 at 09:17

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everyone wants rights but no one accepts the responsibilities that come along with them.  

jimz > jminer 05/25/2020 at 09:19

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This behavior makes me very much worry about what this wi ll look like in another month.

hopefully not as bad, but if it does, you know these people will be looking to blame someone else.  Because it’s always “someone else’s fault.”  

Nick Has an Exocet > gettingoldercarguy 05/25/2020 at 10:41

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I made no such claims.
If you’re waiting for an academic to make a decision, prepare to wait until you’re long since dead.

gettingoldercarguy > Nick Has an Exocet 05/25/2020 at 11:31

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Nah, I know several and the OP is fine with asking /shaming others to wear a mask.

Costco is right.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > jimz 05/25/2020 at 12:04

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Thank you for making this apolitical and pouting out the actual social problems. I generally agree with much of what you said about the culture becoming so shallow and people so deluded that they can’t wrap their brains around anything more important than a Tik Tok video. Blaming boomers isn’t the solution. They weren’t the ones who fought the war but life has never and never will be easy. If anything we are the privileged ones enjoying that economic bubble with very little thought for the future.

One thing though, we really shouldn't look to Japan's legal system for inspiration. Can you imagine our crime rate with their incarceration (guilty until proven innocent) incarceration rate? Every country has more problems than it can handle, especially right now, but getting citizens to realize that actual lives are on the line is not one we should have to deal with but we do.

jimz > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 05/25/2020 at 12:12

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Japan’s legal system is immaterial to my point. they wear masks because it’s considered good to do the right thing in their culture. They think about the concept of “we/us ” a lot more than Americans do.

too many Americans think “freedom” means “You can’t tell me what to do, but I can tell everyone else what to do.” yes, it started with the generation after WWII but it’s gotten worse. the less and less hardship we have to deal with, the more trivial the things we bitch about are. like I said- WWII- 4-5 years of food rationing, no cars and trucks being built, men being drafted, families watching their loved ones go off to fight and possibly never come back. Today, with a potentially deadly virus going around? “HOW DARE YOU TELL ME I CAN’T GO TO THE HAIRDRESSER YOU NAZI!”

part of me wants my grandparents/great grandparents’ generations to rise from the dead and give us all a good punch in the throat. 

Captain of the Enterprise > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 05/25/2020 at 12:21

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Thank you, there’s definitely severe issues. I talk to my therapist about our relationship a lot and I should be out within the year as I’ll graduate college in the fall. 

Captain of the Enterprise > Thisismydisplayname 05/25/2020 at 12:22

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Thank you, I know that part too but I figured wearing one would be better than nothing.

Captain of the Enterprise > MiniGTI - now with XJ6 05/25/2020 at 12:23

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Thank you

Captain of the Enterprise > Duck Duck Grey Duck FTMFW! 05/25/2020 at 12:24

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Thank you.

Captain of the Enterprise > PyramidHat 05/25/2020 at 12:25

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Thank you, I have a heavily used n95 but the straps keep breaking and it’s been my primary mask and it’s getting pretty old.

Captain of the Enterprise > jminer 05/25/2020 at 12:29

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Thanks and I agree, I think people are missing the point that the levels are going down in some places  because of social distancing and wearing masks. Some people may be getting it and becoming immune too but we don’t know if that’s how it works yet. So if you reverse all the protective behavior it would make sense to me that it would get worse but we won’t see the effect for a few weeks.

Captain of the Enterprise > TheRealBicycleBuck 05/25/2020 at 12:30

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Thanks, I agree I think they’ll be a spike too unfortunately.

Captain of the Enterprise > gettingoldercarguy 05/25/2020 at 12:30

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Thank you

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Captain of the Enterprise 05/25/2020 at 12:37

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That's good. Take care of yourself, now more than ever.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > jimz 05/25/2020 at 12:39

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If this isn't our wake up call then what worse catastrophe would it take? I'm worried we're missing the last call and may never wake up until it's too late.

Captain of the Enterprise > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 05/25/2020 at 12:43

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Thank you I will

jimz > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 05/25/2020 at 12:49

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I don’t know. modern medicine means we’ve successfully kept this thing from being anywhere near as bad as it could have been (see the 1918 flu pandemic.) I don’t think there’s going to be a cut-and-dried catastrophe, but we’re going to be mired in shit for however long it is we insist on disagreeing on what reality is.

i.e. we are going to have to get back to letting reality define politics, not vice versa. for a dumb example, if Trump says it’s a bright, warm, sunny day, and Biden says it’s gray skies and rain, we as a people need to look out the damn window instead of sitting on FB and Twitter screaming at each other about whether it’s sunny or raining and how stupid you are if you believe the “wrong” one . ‘cos it’s quite possible they’re both full of it, and it’s actually the middle of the night and snowing.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > jimz 05/25/2020 at 12:55

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I like that example. You have a good point.

By catastrophe I just mean what would it take to get people to look out the metaphorical window when this crisis hasn’t.

fintail > gettingoldercarguy 05/25/2020 at 13:14

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But he’s being oppressed! This is just like McCarthyism! Won’t someone think of the poor victimized deplorables!

He whines about shaming, he should be ashamed for voting for what is effectively the wrong side of history, no doubt just to save a few bucks in tax liability or preserve some kind of undeserved inheritance.

gettingoldercarguy > fintail 05/25/2020 at 13:31

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I hope everybody advocates for a similar level of critical analysis post school lockdown when there’s a potential shooter. If you look at the odds, they’re way overblown. Y et somehow people still find it ok to keep their children at home, erring on the side of caution just to keep then safe.

Weird

fintail > gettingoldercarguy 05/25/2020 at 13:50

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We’ll only get that analysis if the most unpresidented president ever tweet s about the shooting being a “hoax”. Then again, the so-called right, who is being oppressed just like back in the day when the so-called right accused people of being evil commies, was deep into conspiracy theories about “crisis actors”. But even they know better than to second guess what Todd and Karen do with their entitled devilspawn .

jimz > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 05/25/2020 at 14:46

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honestly?  that’s going to take a huge shift in the American mindset.  

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > jimz 05/25/2020 at 15:54

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Exactly my point. And what could cause such a shift I don't want to know or live through because it would have to be pretty disastrous.

Nick Has an Exocet > Captain of the Enterprise 05/25/2020 at 17:32

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You’re wrong and you’re a passive aggressive dick . Not that anyone telling you that will change your mind.

Nick Has an Exocet > fintail 05/25/2020 at 17:34

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It’s interesting how you assume that I'm a Republican who voted for Trump. I'm not a Republican and didn't vote for Trump. Perhaps you're also wrong about history and should check yourself, dick.

Captain of the Enterprise > Nick Has an Exocet 05/25/2020 at 17:48

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Okay you’re entitled to that opinion of me. 

fintail > Nick Has an Exocet 05/25/2020 at 17:56

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Oppression of people on the right. McCarthyism.

People who make such claims shouldn’t lecture others about history, when in fact virtually every cause du jour of the American so-called right since it embraced the southern strategy has in fact been on the wrong side of history.

Where did I say anything about republicans or Trump?  Care to ante up a quote?  Put up or shut up.  Dick.

LAMO

Nick Has an Exocet > fintail 05/25/2020 at 19:50

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He whines about shaming, he should be ashamed for voting for what is effectively the wrong side of history, no doubt just to save a few bucks in tax liability or preserve some kind of undeserved inheritance.

Did you actually watch the video on McCarthyism? 

fintail > Nick Has an Exocet 05/25/2020 at 20:27

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There’s more to voting than just 45, and you know it. Stop being disingenuous (or deceptive).  At least you refrained from a name calling tantrum this time, kudos.

Yes, I saw the video, and it has no parallels to the poor victimized innocents of the American so-called right who have such a rough go of it these days.

Can you explain how “people on the right” in the USA are facing “oppression”? How are they being “oppressed”? There has never been a better time in American history to wave loser flags and hang governors in effigy.

Nick Has an Exocet > fintail 05/25/2020 at 22:21

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You “accused” me of voting for someone. Do you have any idea how insulting that is? In a single statement, you offer up a backhanded dismissal by associating me with a group of people that you disagree with and act as if there can be no other opinion than that of your own party. Do you also believe in voting for the lesser of two evils?

Frankly, you’re not asking for a explanation so you can understand better, you’re asking for explanation so you can find and twist some tiny detail to attack. Go read up on McCarthyism yourself and figure it out if you’re as smart as you think you are.

fintail > Nick Has an Exocet 05/25/2020 at 22:37

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You identify as the “right”. Even if you didn’t vote for the corrupt shitstorm the WH right now, one can guess about other ballot selections. When you claim these people are being “oppressed” and compare their supposed plight to McCarthyism without having the stones to ante up any objective details about such flamboyant hyperbole (and then trying to turn it back on me, lo l) , well, it speaks volumes and leads to valid assumptions. I can’t think of a time in the past century when the “right” has had it easier than  today. It smacks of someone crying about witch hunts, while having a pile of straw brooms in his closet.

Neither of us will agree here, so perhaps we should agree to disagree. When it comes down to it, neither of us will change anything.

Good day, good luck.

Nick Has an Exocet > fintail 05/25/2020 at 23:45

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I don’t identify as right. I identify as north of center. If you want to know where I stand, you should ask. You act like those people who get angry about their neighbor parking too close and wait until the it’s been parked 1 day too long and gets it towed rather than just being upfront and asking them to move their car. Typical p assive aggressive douchebaggery.

You outright dismissed the entire premise and flung backhanded insults and assumptions but now act like I owed you some kind of explanation. I’m perfectly capable of changing my mind and having my mind changed but you weren’t one bit interested in actual conversation, you were interested in providing some “fuck trump” commentary at my expense. Go ahead and b ugger off.