On Life

"RallyWrench" (rndlitebmw) 05/20/2020 at 12:47 • Filed to: Life in the time of Covid-19, Thank You

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Hi Oppo. I just started writing on my Instagram last night and this came out. I should have shared it here first, because you are first, closer, older, and more important to me than the facades of the ‘Gram.   I know many of you are enduring hard times, harder than mine by far, and I appreciate the openness this place fosters. I find it hard to talk about such things in real life, s o I offer a small picture of my world in writing , and I hope that being open and talking about how this affects us might help you, too.

“ PPP loan: Approved. Shop: Saved. Weight: Lifted. Beer: Earned.  I don’t like to share much of myself here, just cars and the occasional bicycle. So... hi! This isn’t a fancy good time car picture to catch your eye, because this isn’t a fancy good time car post. This is a pic sent to a few close friends from my desk at about 8pm recently after submitting the loan to save us from bankruptcy.

I’ve been having a hard time recently, as so many have. I’ve tried to keep it positive and stand up to the darkness knocking on the door, and I’ve often failed while putting on a mask, literally and figuratively. It’s been really hard on my wife, who lost her job, and our young kids stuck home staring at screens for school, unable to just be kids. Perhaps you’re enduring similar or worse, and I think of everyone I’ve been lucky to connect with and wonder how you’re doing. I battle depression in the best of times, and this crisis has driven it to new depths. I probably haven’t been available as a husband and father as I should and need to be because of it.

I’ve been fortunate to have an “essential” job, though it doesn’t feel that way. The irony is it’s one I often wish I had a way out of, because I really don’t enjoy or take pride from it. It’s beaten me up, a constant source of stress. When I was a tech full time, I loved it. All I ever wanted was to be a good wrench. I could dance with the cars, heal them, every successful repair a reward and I could sleep at night. But back problems forced a change, and for several years now I’ve run this small repair shop. I started sweeping floors here as a car crazy teenager in 1996, when I met the 911 now tenuously in my garage. As of last week, we’ve been in business 49 years. We dropped 68% in April, when the world ended. I do not own the shop, but I’ll be damned if it dies on my watch. It has been my ship to sail through the worst storm it’s ever faced while supporting my family through the same. I have never been this low and stressed in my life, and I know I’m not alone. Two hours ago I got word that the money is in the bank. Finally a break in the clouds, and I feel a small measure of relief. May it find you as well.”

Thanks for being here, Opponauts and LALDers. Cheers to your health and resilience. 

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > RallyWrench 05/20/2020 at 13:19

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Beer was on me any time I manage to make it out to your shop.

It remains on me.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > RallyWrench 05/20/2020 at 13:41

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Thank you for this. In these trying times you need a place to open up, so we’re here for you and anyone else who needs to vent about the enormous frustration surrounding recent events.

You've earned a reward, so please take this picture:

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > RallyWrench 05/20/2020 at 13:57

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Going for drives here and there in the Accent and looking up car stuff...oh, and the cat...those have been my sanity checks. Sure, the Accent is a crappy ecobox, but it’s my little lifeboat in all this.

Keep on keepin’ on friend...things are starting to improve in a lot of places, hopefully they will do the same for you. :)

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > RallyWrench 05/20/2020 at 14:19

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hang tight mate

i know..easier said than done...pretty much same boat here

but what can you do?.. gotta soldier on right

(my shop was actually down 84 % last month...management is running around like headless chickens... its kinda fun... ive even started reading the notice board to find out what great plan they had 2 days ago and made official has now turned into something else thats made official coz something changed and omg panic!)

RallyWrench > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 05/20/2020 at 14:20

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I very much look forward to that day, thank you. Much bad ideas will be hatched. 

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > RallyWrench 05/20/2020 at 14:22

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RallyWrench > farscythe - makin da cawfee! 05/20/2020 at 15:01

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Glad you’re hanging in as well. All we can do is keep moving, doing our best for those who count on us, and hopefully somewhere in there we can balance ourselves, too.

I am management in this case, I can only hope that our guys see me better than that ;).

RallyWrench > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 05/20/2020 at 15:02

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Thanks, appreciate that. And smiling doggos are always good. 

RallyWrench > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars 05/20/2020 at 15:07

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A drive is a drive, no matter the wheels. Glad you’ve been getting out! I haven’t even started my car in two months, just commuting in my little truck . My lifeboat has been the bicycle, I beat the shit out of it several nights a week after the kids are asleep. Helps keep the mind off things, if only for an hour or so. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, things do seem to be improving somewhat so I’ll try to maintain hope that we’ve seen the worst of it. Hope the same for you. Thanks. 

Svend > RallyWrench 05/20/2020 at 15:22

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You’ve got to keep on keeping on mate not just for your family’s sake but for your own.

W ork can be soul destroying at the best of times but right now it’ s a means to an end so keep in there mate.

I wish there was more I could say or do.

Make sure you have an out, a form of stress relief but when at work, just remember, ‘there is no cure for stupid’ so when you come across stupid people, try and let it wash over your head. 

RallyWrench > Svend 05/20/2020 at 16:01

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Thanks Svend, hope you’re able to do the same. All we can do is take a cue from you lot, Keep Calm and Carry On ;) Appreciate the thought.

My out has been cycling. After the kids are asleep and my wife can relax as well, I hop on the bike and beat the shit out of it a few nights a week, just pedal hard enough to keep my mind off anything else. It’s as much a mental exercise as physical. If not bikes , just closing my eyes and listening to music before bed helps, too. Hope you have some form of stress relief, as well?  

I haven’t felt like playing with cars is justifiable in these times, they’re merely my job for now so I’ve tried to distance from them when not at work.  I haven’t started my car in two months, just commuting in my little truck. If only the stupid would turn down, it’s been out in force and it’s hard to let it wash over sometimes . Whether it’s idiots at the store, or selfish, demanding clients, n ot everyone has an “in it together” mindset, unfortunately. But you learn a lot about people in times of crisis. Gotta keep pedaling.

Svend > RallyWrench 05/20/2020 at 20:53

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Thanks mate.

I’ve had depression since I was 13. I still have times when I want to sit on the floor and cry for no reason. I stopped cutting myself and taking too many pills, which is a good start I guess. I’m socially awkward as I was never socialised as a kid being a forces child along with me and my sister being ceoliac.

But I found cleaning cars to be my therapy. It’s me and the car and how to remove dirt from it in the safest way so as not to do any damage to the paint, fabric, etc... I also love to see the owners face when they come back and see their car looking it’s best.

You've got to keep in there, in the belief it'll get better because the alternative, well, let's not think about it. 

DipodomysDeserti > RallyWrench 05/20/2020 at 21:58

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Hang in there, it’ll get better. Seems like it has already started to. Have some desert.

RallyWrench > DipodomysDeserti 05/21/2020 at 13:34

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Thank you man. It does seem to be looking up slightly, hope that trend continues. Been a little rough and my wife and I need a break. So do the kids. Thanks   for the pic, always inspirational. Need some desert or mountain time to feed the soul, hopefully soon . Bikes have been my savior through this. A pic for a pic, this was last night’s gravel ride :

How’s things your way? Getting by ok with online work? Getting out much?

DipodomysDeserti > RallyWrench 05/21/2020 at 15:22

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Beautiful.

My workload increased significantly the last two months. Ended up taking on a third job after a school I used to work at asked me for some help, and took over four more classes at the two schools I was already working at. My grad school came back from Spring break as if nothing had happened, and didn’t really modify the workload at all.

Over Spring break I took a road trip with just my dog out to the Salton Sea and Slab City. Drove through some of the State desert and mountain parks on my way to the coast. I met the family in Carlsbad where they were camping. It was a weird drive that I think re-wired me a bit.

Went on a couple of other trips over the-last  few months. Camped in the Catalinas on the other side of Mt. Lemmon from Tucson which was nice. Hadn’t been out there in a while.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > RallyWrench 06/09/2020 at 18:03

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Sorry I’m just now seeing this - hoping things have continued to improve. All the best, my friend.