The '66 Thunderbird's greatest feature: THE FART VENT!

"Jim Spanfeller" (awesomeaustinv) 04/01/2020 at 14:51 • Filed to: The april fools joke is that this is real.

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See that thing just below the rear window? That’s the fourth-gen Th underbird’s greatest yet most under-appreciated feature: The fart vent.

Th e way this brilliant system works is that there’s a vent in the front of the car that lets air into the cabin and a vent just below the rear window that lets air out of the cabin, with a switch on the center console to electrically open or close both vents.

In Thunderbird literature, this is advertised as a way to filter “stale air” from the cabin. But we all know that they really mean farts. This system is there so that if somebody passes prodigious gas in the car but you don’t want to roll the windows down, you can simply flick the fart-be-gone switch (as I like to call it), and that so-called “stale air” will be gently whisked away by a steady stream of Earth’s atmosphere.

Surely, this is among the greatest achievements in all of automotive history. The fart vent is a simple but brilliant device, and nothing says luxury like revoking your passengers’ ability to affect what smells enter your precious nostrils. None need be concerned with who delt it, for none shall have smelt it! Just try to make me sniff a fart in my Th underbird, you can’t! BWAHAHAHAHA!

The only flaw with this otherwise fabulous feature, at least in my experience, is that with age the electronics tend to... not be electronic anymore. By which I mean my Thunderbird’s fart vent is now stuck open. But it’s all good, it provides a nice breeze anyway. And it’s only mildly inconvenient in the winter, when the heater takes a while to warm up and in the meantime it... gets....... . soooo co ld.

But that’s a small price to pay for the decimation of farts, right?

Chariotoflove > Jim Spanfeller 04/01/2020 at 14:59

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Honestly, it’s brilliant.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Jim Spanfeller 04/01/2020 at 15:11

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The breezeway window in some Continentals and Mercurys is better, as the warm flatus rises to the top (point of initial open) and the reverse-canted glass helps draw out the stench even when not fully open. To say nothing of the choice of exhaust volume.

fintail > Jim Spanfeller 04/01/2020 at 15:18

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Does your car have power wing/door vent windows, or the baby winder?

The rear vent reminds me of the side vents on W111 fintails (like mine, pictured). The “flying” chrome decoration isn’t just a frill:

It hides vents, designed for air to flow through the cabin at roughly head height, and keep the windows clear. No power action though:

ranwhenparked > Jim Spanfeller 04/01/2020 at 15:23

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Given the era, cigarette smoke was probably the main concern. 

Jim Spanfeller > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 04/01/2020 at 15:24

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I dunno, I can honestly say I’ve never been bothered by fart smells in my T-bird.

Jim Spanfeller > fintail 04/01/2020 at 15:27

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It has power windows (W ell, window. O ne of them works. ), but the vent windows are manually operated. Those vents on the W111 are really cool, btw.

Jim Spanfeller > ranwhenparked 04/01/2020 at 15:30

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You’re not wrong. Heck, my T-bird even has an ashtray for the rear passengers. But I prefer to call it a fart vent ;)

My bird IS the word > Jim Spanfeller 04/01/2020 at 15:31

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Isnt that because old cars always smell like farts? Have you gone nose blind?

fintail > Jim Spanfeller 04/01/2020 at 15:32

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I remember the 66 Galaxie I drove a bit as a teen had small “baby” winders for the wing/vent windows (something that could use a comeback). 70s and 80s Lincolns had optional power vent windows:

I don’t know of those fintail vents have a huge impact on air circulation, but they might do something, and  the chrome is a nice touch.

PyroHoltz f@h Oppo 261120 > Jim Spanfeller 04/01/2020 at 15:34

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That’s a great looking rear-e nd you posted there .

Also fart vent, they should have just admitted it and called it that in literature.

Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom > fintail 04/01/2020 at 15:46

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One of my pals in hs had a ‘66 Galaxie 7 Litre. A cool car I wish I had right now. 

Jim Spanfeller > My bird IS the word 04/01/2020 at 15:46

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But it doesn’t smell like farts... It smells like vinyl and stuff. Are you saying that your  old car smells like farts?

Nom De Plume > ranwhenparked 04/01/2020 at 15:47

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Actively burning cigarette in near proximity with off-gassing pomade or whatever that given individual’s hair product(s) of choice happened to be.  Beehives were a fire hazard.

fintail > Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom 04/01/2020 at 15:49

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The car I drove was a normal 2 door HT with a 390, temperamental carbs, but it looked and sounded good.  This was in the early 90s.  Underrated cars, could be found for little money then and are still relatively cheap, although the nicely trimmed 7 Litre cars seem to carry a little value.

Chariotoflove > fintail 04/01/2020 at 15:52

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Also brilliant.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Jim Spanfeller 04/01/2020 at 15:57

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Added bonus... the front seat passengers can punish the rear seat passengers with their farts, but the back seat passengers can’t do the same to the front seat passengers!

Chariotoflove > Jim Spanfeller 04/01/2020 at 16:01

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Okay, story time. When I was in high school sum mer marching band , one of the guys in my trombone section was being a prick. I decided to play a prank. His car window was cracked, and so I poured in a few ml of beta-mercaptoethanol that I had poached from the lab at work* . For those who don’t know, that is equivalent to the stench of a thousand truly rotten eggs all cracked open at once on your car’s carpet .

Couple years later we were walking to the 7-eleven on Daytona Beach, and I fessed up. He said “that was you? I had to drive twice around I 465 ( the beltway) with my windows open to air that out!” He was impressed.

*this is so against OSEH rules and is illegal enough to have put me in so much deep shit, but teenagers are stupid.

ranwhenparked > Nom De Plume 04/01/2020 at 16:13

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Come to think of it, Brylcreem and Vitalis isn't the best smelling combo, either.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > fintail 04/01/2020 at 16:55

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Wouldn’t that power vent window do a much worse job of filtering air into the cabin without wind noise and buffeting?

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller 04/01/2020 at 17:04

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One of the greatest things about pickup trucks is the sliding or wind down rear glass. Especially in single or extended cabs, you can reach right back from the driver’s seat and eliminate almost all buffeting and/or farts. And the exhaust is too far away to get sucked into the cabin. 

Jim Spanfeller > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 04/01/2020 at 17:09

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Plus, it lets the people in the bed talk to the people in the cab!

fintail > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 04/01/2020 at 17:13

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I suspect it would definitely have a bit of both, noise and potential water leaks maybe being big issues.  But it would provide a higher volume of air, although maybe not important.  Modern efficient AC systems made vent windows moot for most, I think.

My bird IS the word > Jim Spanfeller 04/01/2020 at 19:31

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The t/a smells like mildew and a fart-esque pervasive burning smell

Jim Spanfeller > My bird IS the word 04/01/2020 at 20:06

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I think that’s just some residual 70's smell. 

My bird IS the word > Jim Spanfeller 04/01/2020 at 23:01

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Ahh so its the 70s that smells like farts. That makes sense.

Old-Busted-Hotness > Jim Spanfeller 04/02/2020 at 07:26

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Years ago when I worked at an Audi dealer, I thought about how ze Germans would handle in-car flatulence. Since ventilated seats were beginning to be a thing, it was an easy mental exercise using existing hardware.

Vacuum line from the seat to a fart reservoir, which is then dumped into the evap system. But rather than sucking all the time, the system relied on knock sensors (re-tuned) in each cushion to trigger the vacuum via a solenoid valve. That d oesn’t protect against SBD’s, though, so my second-gen system used a methane sensor instead. Obviously some sort of computer would be required to handle the logic. A methane sensor would make the system more efficient as it would be able to discern large room-clearing farts from little squeakers and purge accordingly.

Of course it had an acronym: Flatulence Aroma Recovery Termination System.

Jim Spanfeller > Old-Busted-Hotness 04/02/2020 at 12:27

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I’m sorry, but there’s no way I could possibly handle the existence of a car with a part called a “fart reser voir”. Can you imagine walking into an auto parts store and asking for a fart reservoir? Or the technician telling you you need to replace your fart reservoir? Can you imagine what your friends and family would think if they overheard you saying, “Y eah, my fart reservoir is acting up. I better get a new one”? And if it’s German, you know it’s going to need to be replaced. You may even have to ask if leaking fart reservoirs are covered under warranty!

A flatulence receptacle is simply not acceptable.