You've got to be kidding me.

"Jim Spanfeller" (awesomeaustinv) 03/11/2020 at 10:23 • Filed to: I don't like Coronavirus

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Right now there is an actual toilet paper shortage in my area because hordes of people panicking about the coronavirus bought ALL OF IT. You can’t buy toilet paper anymore where I live; it’s all gone. Not a single store has any left in stock, the shelves are empty. Of course, we only went to buy toilet paper after all of this occurred, so now WE have a toilet paper shortage. So the first actual effect the coronavirus has had on my life is that it has given me anxiety when I poop, for our toilet paper is now more precious than gold.

Toyota Corona for your time:

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Brighammer > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 10:30

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Can Amazon help? That's where I started buying my Kirkland Signature toilet paper(because it's the kind my backside prefers) after I cancelled my Costco membership.

Jim Spanfeller > Brighammer 03/11/2020 at 10:32

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Possibly, but it’ll  still take a few days to arrive, so we’ll still have to be very careful with what we have left.

WilliamsSW > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 10:35

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gin-san - shitpost specialist > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 10:39

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The panic buying is really sad.

I blame those in the media who try to make people panic and for creating the hysteria that leads to hoarding TP and bottled water. I t also creates another group of people who are incredibly cynical about anything the media reports. The former is dangerous because you don’t need to hoard, the latter is dangerous because they may underestimate the severity of the situation.

boredalways > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 10:39

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I just checked to see if my toilet paper on Amazon was available and of course, it’s not. Might have to consider a bidet.

Veken Non-Electric Bidet Self-Cleaning Dual Nozzle (Frontal /Feminine Wash), Fresh Water Spray Bidet for Toilet with Adjustable Water Pressure Switch https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07H2DWVMK/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apa_i_MDpAEb19J8K10

ttyymmnn > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 10:43

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I was fortunate enough to have been at Costco when the panic buying of poo paper began, so I went ahead and grabbed a package (not four or five like everybody else). So we’re okay for now. However, if this BS keeps on, we’ll be out just like you. 

Jim Spanfeller > gin-san - shitpost specialist 03/11/2020 at 10:44

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Well, the thing is, the media is a business, and widespread panic is good for business because it makes people cling to the media. That’s why the news (at least in America) tends to try and make things seem as scary as possible. Of course, now is really not the time for that crap. It’s only making the situation worse.

fhrblig > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 10:47

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Do people think toilet paper cures the coronavirus or something? It's so stupid.

user314 > WilliamsSW 03/11/2020 at 10:48

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Damn, that’s so blunt I question it’s authenticity. 

user314 > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 10:51

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Jim Spanfeller > user314 03/11/2020 at 10:55

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I think I’ll just not recycle my newspapers if you know what I mean...

WilliamsSW > user314 03/11/2020 at 10:56

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A co worker texted it to me yesterday. I haven’t had a chance to ask him if it’s something he saw in person or online but with stuff like that I always assume it’s fake until proven otherwise.

Highly appropriate regardless.

user314 > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 11:01

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N ews paper ? What’s that? ;-)

Ash78, voting early and often > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 11:10

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F*cking America. Seriously.

I get it with hand sanitizer, or even facemasks. Those have some semblance of practicality, at least in theory. But TP and bottled water is nuts. Do people really expect to run out of all paper products due to a citywide shutdown? Or that water will stop running from the faucet?

Bottled water is like driving an F650 as a DD to me. I’m not an enviro-wacko, but there are some things that are just too easy not to change.

JustAnotherG6 > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 11:11

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Time to buy a bidet.

Jesus Arias > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 11:21

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Oh dang I just realized my area might have a shortage too (because California). Welp I hope you can get some TP.

ranwhenparked > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 11:21

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This is like that Johnny Carson thing all over again, except not funny this time.

Jim Spanfeller > user314 03/11/2020 at 11:27

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Nowadays, they mostly serve purposes such as padding boxes, absorbing puppy urine, collecting dust in large stacks in old people’s attics, wrapping broken dishes to be thrown away, blowing across streets among garbage to let you know that a place is old and decrepit in movies, letting movie characters know what day it is when they find them in the trash, getting folded into paper hats by children, and serving as kindling for starting campfires. Some say you can also read the news on them, but you have to get a new one every day to stay up-to-date. Also, some of them have comics.

Jason Spears > gin-san - shitpost specialist 03/11/2020 at 11:33

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I blame those i n the media

The media is really stupid and annoying , but also I call bullshit. People are capable of self-control. I blame people. What we’re seeing begin to play out is a larger , slow-motion version of one of those stampedes you read about that kills a bunch of people.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 11:35

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Where are you located? I’ll front you a roll.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 11:36

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I visited with my pal from church, a 93-year-old man who has been retired damn near as long as I’ve been alive, and he was reading the actual newspaper.

lone_liberal > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 11:44

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I grew up poor and out in the country. I know what you mean. Where’s the Sears catalog when you really need it?  

Brighammer > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 11:44

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Good point.

Not to be overly crude, but eliminating directly prior to a sh ower can eliminate some t.p. us age. If you’re willing to take those measures.... You wouldn’t be the first...

BigBlock440 > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 11:44

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HammerheadFistpunch > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 11:45

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Yup. ridiculous  

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 12:12

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user314 > lone_liberal 03/11/2020 at 12:19

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There’s always the Ikea catalog.

fintail > gin-san - shitpost specialist 03/11/2020 at 12:22

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If we blame the media for this, can we also blame it for the political bullshit that now owns the USA?  And the socio-economic devolution?

People have free will and make conscious decisions.  If the media controls them this easily, maybe a much more regulated society is dearly needed, stat.

Chariotoflove > user314 03/11/2020 at 12:23

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That’s just horse sense right there.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > gin-san - shitpost specialist 03/11/2020 at 12:25

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What’s terrifying are the number saying the virus  is all fake

Chariotoflove > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 12:26

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Are you threatening me?

lone_liberal > user314 03/11/2020 at 12:30

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I think I have a few Harbor Freight mailers around too. The Classic Industries catalogs might be good as well .

Xanadu603 > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 13:23

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I have a Japanese toilet, it washes and drys me nethers. 

Jim Spanfeller > Chariotoflove 03/11/2020 at 13:44

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Only if you steal my toilet paper...

Jim Spanfeller > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 03/11/2020 at 13:47

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Idaho. The doomsday preppers  will probably intercept the toilet paper roll as it travels here, thus ensuring that they have enough.

Jim Spanfeller > Xanadu603 03/11/2020 at 13:49

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I never wanted one until now, because I never expected TP to not be available.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 13:51

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Is that where the Preppers all live?

Jim Spanfeller > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 03/11/2020 at 13:55

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I mean, I’ve heard that there are some around here, though I don’t know exactly where (which is probably the idea) and they’re not exactly a social bunch, so I haven’t noticed any. But I’d guess they are probably among the people who cleaned out the  supply of toilet paper.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 14:13

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My god people are stupid.

On the flip side yesterday sone one at the grocery store said “I know it’s a hoax. It’s all made up”

Somewhere between that thought and the people stashing supplies is the truth. 

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 14:21

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This toilet paper thing. I mean, Oppo is all about s**tposting, right? Seriously though. Of all the things that we could be focusing on, and I’m not knocking you at all, but just laughing about the whole thing. What I think is that people buy TP, like daily or weekly, and they’ll probably want to change their TP buying habits moving forward.

So you really can’t find any TP anywhere ?

Textured Soy Protein > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 14:37

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Target has plenty of toilet paper available to ship. Hand sanitizer...not so much. 

Jim Spanfeller > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 16:43

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Update: We finally found some toilet paper, crisis averted.

Xanadu603 > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 18:59

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Act ually once you have one the paper and everything seems barbaric.

Jim Spanfeller > Xanadu603 03/11/2020 at 19:27

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I mostly just can’t believe we’ve made it this far in the comments of a post about lack of toilet paper without any crappy puns.

Xanadu603 > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 19:42

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I'm proud

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Jason Spears 03/11/2020 at 20:04

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U ltimately it falls on each of us to make better decisions, you’re right.

AdverseMartyr > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 03/11/2020 at 20:17

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*for sale is packaging only. You can use this packaging to store and display your authentic brand Wet Ones if you have lost or damaged the original packaging.

AdverseMartyr > Jim Spanfeller 03/11/2020 at 20:20

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This lasted for a week here, and everyone had toilet paper because the neighbors who succeeded in panic buying (or had relatives in the ages above 60) gifted from their stashes.

Now the stores have mostly caught up because everyone has a 6 month stock. I think people moved onto hoarding instant noodles and powdered soup.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Jim Spanfeller 03/12/2020 at 07:06

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no bog roll near me either

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Jim Spanfeller 03/12/2020 at 11:03

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Shoot me an email and I’ll send you this. oliphant.chuckerbutty@gmail.com

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Jim Spanfeller 03/12/2020 at 12:17

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Seriously. All joking aside. I am happy to mail that to you if you need it.

Jim Spanfeller > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 03/12/2020 at 13:35

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It’s alright now. The stores restocked and w e managed to find some, so the crisis has been averted. But thanks for the offer, that’s really nice.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Jim Spanfeller 03/12/2020 at 14:04

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You’re welcome!